9. Grayson #2
“I have to make some phone calls today,” I announced between mouthfuls.
If I were lucky, there would be some positive developments to tell her about.
There needed to be. I wasn’t sure what I would do if there weren’t any.
How far could a man’s self-control stretch before it snapped?
A dangerous proposition, one which I didn’t want to test. As it was, I could hardly stand the sight of her opening her mouth to insert the fork.
I was that fucking pathetic, so hard up that the most innocent actions left me yearning.
“Is that your way of telling me to get lost?” She wasn’t sour about it. She could roll with the punches. Yet another thing to appreciate about her.
“I’ll step outside,” I suggested. “I’m not trying to send you to your room like you’re a kid getting punished.
” Oh, damn. Now I had that idea in my head.
Punishing her, tying her to the bed, making her regret…
what? Being so fucking irresistible? It wasn’t her fault I was a weak-willed little bitch.
I had no choice but to shovel the rest of breakfast into my mouth and get up from the table, but her sweet fragrance insisted on following me to the sink. No wonder Dominic couldn’t handle the thought of losing her.
Well, there was one way to kill a hard-on.
The thought of him touching her. Exploring.
It turned my stomach and left me splashing my face with cold water once I’d washed my plate and utensils.
“Thank you for breakfast,” I offered on my way to the front door, which opened onto a deep porch overlooking the surrounding landscape.
Fresh air. That was what I needed most.
Stepping outside, I sucked in one lungful of air after another, willing myself to clear my senses of the effect her light, floral perfume had on my dick.
Slowly, the throbbing in my groin subsided along with the tightness in my chest. It was a beautiful day, but then it usually was beautiful in this part of the world.
A brilliant blue sky almost seemed to mock the darkness swirling in me.
I resented the sunshine, lack of clouds, and birds singing while a soft breeze rustled the trees.
It was a perfect, flawless day. I would have preferred a storm.
Drake answered on the second ring, all business as usual. “Checking in?” he asked.
“As usual. Tell me you’ve got some good news.”
“Come on. You know me.” I did, which was why I relied on him so heavily.
“I talked to my guy. It’ll take some cash, obviously, but building her an entirely new identity is not outside the realm of possibility.
He could have her documents created in a matter of days.
Birth certificate, Social Security number, driver’s license, the whole deal. ”
“Did I ask for good news? That’s great news.” Granted, I hadn’t run the idea past her yet, but beggars were in no position to be choosy. At the moment, this looked like the only option—adopting the identity of someone long dead and making a life for herself somewhere far away.
Otherwise, we would be stuck together indefinitely, unable to return to our lives.
That was not a possibility. I couldn’t get the woman out of my head after only a few days in close quarters.
How the fuck was I going to last the rest of my life without breaking down and forcing her to lie across the kitchen table so I could eat more than scrambled eggs?
“All is well out there?” he asked, pouring ice water over my fantasy, and not a moment too soon since I was already starting to thicken at the idea of eating her pussy.
“Absolutely.” Did I sound convincing? Then again, this wouldn’t be a party under any circumstances. “Looking forward to getting back, though.”
“Life could be worse.” At the moment, I couldn’t imagine how. We made plans for him to get back to me by the end of the day with a timeline on new documents for Scarlet.
She wouldn’t like the idea of starting over, but she wasn’t in a position to make those choices. The safest way to get through this would be to start a new life. Dominic wouldn’t follow her across the country. A girl working in a small town on the East Coast would completely fly under his radar.
The real question was, where would I go from here? There would still be a target on my back. It was one thing for Scarlet to start over, but that possibility did not exist for me. I wouldn’t run.
I had already run away. I turned my back on everyone and everything I ever knew.
There were still times I wondered if Dad would have let me live, knowing what I knew if I hadn’t been his son.
If Mom wasn’t waiting at home. It was bad enough I had cut ties and moved out on my own when I was eighteen, refusing to speak to him again without offering her an explanation beyond me not being able to follow him into his line of work. Her heart had already been broken.
There were still times I wondered if she knew.
Women in that world understood the value of looking the other way, but only a fool would believe they didn’t see, hear, and understand.
It was for her sake he had let me live. It might have been for her own sake that she’d pretended not to understand why I left.
Thinking of her made me give her a call. It had been more than a week since I’d last reached out, and she might worry if I went too long without checking in like I regularly did.
If only she’d known what he was really after. Would she have passed on the message?
Her pleasure at hearing my voice was a spear to my heart.
A part of her had been untouched by the ugliness in which she lived—no matter how nice it looked on the surface, there was rot and disease beneath.
But she had remained loving, sweet, and supportive.
In a way, Scarlet reminded me of her, with her bright smile and eagerness to please after all the shit Dominic put her through.
She hadn’t gone into great detail, but I didn’t need her to.
My imagination could fill in the blanks.
“I was thinking about you this morning. Dominic stopped by yesterday to say hello to me and Dad. He’s looking good.” She paused, then added, “He asked about you. He gave me the idea things didn’t go well with whatever it was he needed help with. You boys couldn’t work it out?”
It would be a miracle if my heart did not burst out of my chest. If I didn’t crack my teeth, clenching them as tightly as I did to hold back a scream while pacing the porch. Motherfucker. Going to my mother. Digging for information.
“No, we couldn’t,” I told her, struggling to sound less murderous than I felt. “It’s nothing to worry about.”
“I hope not. I remember when you two were young.” Fondness hung heavy in her voice. “Thick as thieves, always. More like brothers than friends. It’s a shame what happens over time, isn’t it?”
“People grow up. They change.” Or they thought they did.
I thought I had. I had tried to convince myself for years.
I couldn’t have changed much if the idea of murdering that son of a bitch was still so tempting.
I could see it in my head, clear as anything.
Blowing him away with a smile on my face, knowing I was doing the world a favor.
“Besides,” I grunted, bringing myself back to the present moment. “I have other friends now. Good friends. Life turned out pretty well.”
Yes. Pretty well. Hiding with a woman whose very presence unlocked every dark impulse I used to think was beyond me. My control was at an all-time low and getting worse by the heartbeat.
I needed to hurt something. Someone. I was going to explode if I didn’t.
“I better go,” I announced after another minute of torturous small talk, promising to call soon. “One more thing. Don’t tell Dominic we spoke. Can you do that for me?”
“Of course, honey.” She knew better than to ask why, after more than thirty years married to my father. We ended the call on a somewhat pleasant note.
I then spiked the phone off the wood under my feet, relishing the way the plastic shattered, wishing there was more I could break if it meant venting my rage. I wouldn’t use it anymore, anyway—there were several in the car. It was never safe to use the same phone for long in a situation like this.
I hadn’t known seething, burning rage like this in far too long. I had forgotten what it felt like.
How all-consuming it was.
How good it felt.
How energizing.
If I weren’t careful, all of the work Jack had put into shaping my future would go to shit. Before much longer, the darkness would consume me.