Chapter 13
Harlow
There was something intimate about rose petals and a candle-lit ambiance that made me feel cherished and beautiful.
Caterina knew how to make me feel loved without even trying.
She was tracing gentle circles over my stomach as soft instrumentals played in the dimly-lit bathroom. I was at peace in her arms.
I was finally able to submerge myself in her massive bath and relax without my injuries causing problems. My arm was still in a sling, and I had some mobility, but not a lot.
Caterina knew it, and made sure tonight was special.
I didn’t deserve her, but she made sure I knew how worthy of her I was.
She was the woman of my dreams and the fairytale ending I only dreamt about as a child, never thinking it would be a reality.
Now I felt like I was taking a huge step in our relationship.
“I met a little girl today that reminded me of myself.” I was still thinking about that little girl with her halo of dark curls and sad eyes. I knew children were supposed to leave a mark, but I never felt this kind of connection before.
“What’s her name?”
“Serenity. I think her mom was in a bad relationship. She said her mom kept her safe from the bad man, and it hit home.” I told Caterina more about the little girl that left her mark, and I realized I wanted to give her the same life I was given—a second chance to live and be happy, free. “I think…”
“You want to adopt her?” Caterina took the words from my mouth.
For a moment, we sat in silence. Even if I could adopt that little girl, she wouldn’t have a life until we were free of Vincenzo. There would be no happiness when we were constantly dealing with things. I wanted her, but I wasn’t selfish enough to bring her into this life right now.
“I don’t think it’s a good time to, but I had a connection with her. I can’t explain it, but it felt right.” I felt like I was insane for thinking one day with a little girl meant we would be a perfect fit for her. Serenity deserved a family that didn’t have our everyday stressors or dangers.
“Why don’t we plan a day to meet her?” Caterina suggested, caressing my dark strands from my face. “If you feel a connection, then we can work on something. If it makes you happy, I will do anything I can to see your smile. We can plan after we get back from New York.”
“Do you think I would be a good mom?”
She repositioned us so that I was straddling her hips and facing her.
“Harlow, I think you would be the best mama, and I’m not just saying that because you are my wife.
” Caterina beamed. “You have a heart of pure gold and a desire to heal. And you knowing now wouldn’t be the best time for her to be a part of our family shows how maternal you are. You want her to have a good life.”
“Am I insane? I just met her today.”
She tucked my hair behind my ear, kissing my cheek, her lips lingering on my skin. “Sometimes things happen for a reason.”
“Like you kidnapping me and making me your wife?” I smirked.
“Exactly. We won’t do anything nearly as dramatic, but if you feel like this is right, I will support you and we can move on towards our future. I’ll deal with Vincenzo.”
“I love you, more than you’ll ever know.”
“Not nearly as much as I love you.”
A scream ripped from my lungs, causing pain to radiate up my spine and into my ribs. I couldn’t breathe. My body was tangled in the blankets and I couldn’t get free. I needed to calm down and breathe, but the panic had a firm grip on me.
Breathe, goddamn it.
“Harlow, baby.” Caterina’s voice cut through the panic like a beacon. “Breathe for me. You’re safe.”
The blankets were ripped from my body and my body shot up into Caterina’s embrace.
We didn’t speak for a few moments as she soothed me.
The nightmare felt vivid, real and suffocating.
I just wanted everything to be normal. Why did I have to be retraumatized through dreams?
Sleep was supposed to be a safety net, not a prison. Why did it have to happen now?
“What do you need?”
“S-shower.” Caterina grabbed me bridal style, rushing us into the bathroom. She looked at me as her fingers grabbed the hem of my nightgown. I nodded, giving her consent to take it off. I needed it off so I could get clean. “Want me to keep mine on or off?”
“Off.”
She quickly stripped out of her clothes and turned the water on. When it was a suitable temperature, she pulled me in with her. Caterina was gentle with me, not pulling me into her until I did it myself. I loved how careful she was with me and how she helped me when I had a panic attack.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
My bottom lip trembled. “Y-you never came and X-Xavier killed Lizzy.” I rested my head on her chest and sobbed. “I thought I was okay.”
Trauma was peculiar. It’d been five weeks since Xaver kidnapped us, and I was doing better with nightmares and panic attacks for a while now, but now it decided to show its ugly head.
I knew I wouldn’t be healed magically, but I thought it would be better.
I wanted everything to be better so I could move on with my life.
My trauma no longer dictated my life, and I wouldn’t let it hinder me.
“It was just a dream, bellissima. You are both safe.”
I nodded. “I know. It felt so real. Why did he have to ruin everything? I was okay.”
“Hey, it’s okay. Healing takes time.”
I huffed, leaning into her more. “I’m tired of healing. I want to be okay. You deserve a wife who isn’t scared of everything.”
Caterina put her hand under my chin and lifted my head to meet her eyes. “I love the badass wife that I have. You are my strong warrior queen, and I see how you grow every single day. And if anyone says anything about your healing journey, I’ll shoot them.”
“You’re so romantic.”
“Only for you.”