Chapter 98
Harlow
The room narrowed and the sounds dulled. My breathing went shallow as a hallowed feeling erupted in my chest. I saw Caterina, but I wasn’t here. My vision blurred at the edges, the panic trying to pull me under.
I was here.
She was here.
My gaze found hers.
I was safe. There was no need to escape or cower.
I could choose.
I closed my eyes as reality settled in and she pulled me into her.
My mind checked out a few moments ago, so I didn’t process when she removed the harness and cut the remainder of the rope from my limbs.
Her gentle touch brought me back as she pulled me into her arms. My body was heavy against hers as I listened to the soft beat of her heart.
Everything felt perfect, but chaotic at the same time. Even after the scene, she was still checking in on me. We didn’t speak, just listened to the steady beating of our hearts. My mind was still battling with itself, but I was winning this battle.
This was what healing looked like. I reclaimed a part of myself with the woman I loved. The chains of my past still had me in a bind, but they weren’t holding me down anymore. I was free. I was safe. I had control of my body. He was dead and no longer had power over me.
I knew healing wouldn’t be like a sunrise kissing the horizon, but it was a slow tide taking me in. I was one step closer to finally letting go and moving on. She gave me everything I needed, trusted me enough to do this for me. We would be okay. I would be okay.
I let my shaking hand trace over her chest, leaving small circles on her skin. “Thank you.”
“You never have to thank me, mia vita,” she murmured. “Talk to me. Where’s your head?”
I thought about it for a moment, trying to gather my thoughts. “I’m okay. I know I am safe. It was intense and scary, but I knew you wouldn’t hurt me.”
“Did I do anything that felt like it was too much?”
“No. I mean when you ripped my nightgown, I was scared, but I knew I was safe.” I took a shaky breath. “Be honest with me. Do you think I’m…Do you think it’s wrong that I wanted this?”
She tucked my hair behind my ear. “Never.” Her voice was firm. “What you wanted wasn’t about pain or experiencing trauma. It was about control. You wanted to reclaim your body, your choice. And I am forever grateful you trusted me enough to do this together.”
A tear slipped down my face, and she wiped it away. “You are my safety net. I was scared of your reaction.”
“My reaction was fear for me hurting you, but I see how it can help you. So I’m here for whatever you need,” she whispered, cupping my cheek. “Come on. Let’s go shower and then we can sleep.”
She helped me to the bathroom. As the water got hot, she held me in her arms, kissing my head. The adrenaline from the scene was wearing off as my legs gave out, but Caterina kept me on my feet. I leaned on her as she guided me into the shower.
My hands braced against the tile as the water ran down my back.
My skin felt hypersensitive, like every nerve was ignited, buzzing from what we just did.
I needed a moment to process my emotions.
My legs felt weak, but Caterina’s body kept me steady.
There was an odd sensation in my chest, like I was declining at a rapid speed.
Maybe the scene was too intense and I didn’t realize it until now?
Did I betray myself?
I rested my head on the tiles, feeling Caterina’s embrace, but she didn’t engulf me fully. She was giving me the space to process and when I was ready, she would be there for me. I loved her so much.
I focused on my breathing and on the way the water hit my skin. There was a moment in the scene when I felt scared and almost pulled into the dark recesses of my mind, but I knew I was safe.
Caterina took care of me, running her hands over my skin in an intimate way that made my skin sing.
She grabbed her shampoo and gently worked a generous amount into my hair.
After an intense scene, she was showing me care and love in a different form.
Her fingers were magnificent in more ways than one, and I arched my back against her.
I was learning to love myself again and trust my body and my thoughts. Vincenzo didn’t take everything, and Caterina was piecing my broken parts back together one day at a time. I would continue surviving. My trauma wouldn’t disappear, but I would live and heal without my past holding me back.
I had power.
My life was mine and no one else’s.
The control Vincenzo thought he took was still mine.
“Thank you.”
“You don’t have to keep thanking me, mia vita.”
“I know, but you saved me. Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. I just…I can’t believe this is my life. I can’t believe you are my wife, that I can safely heal my trauma.”
She turned me in her arms, tipping my head back to rinse my hair. “I am forever grateful I saved you and I wish I could have done it sooner, but we have now, and we have our future.”
I pulled her into me, wiping the water away from my face. “You have me forever.”
I woke up tangled in Caterina’s arms. The events of last night hit me like a ton of bricks, and I felt like I could breathe. Caterina helped heal the final piece of myself, and while I knew I still had a long way to go, I knew I would be okay. We would be okay.
She slept peacefully, like it was the first time she was able to sleep in years, I watched the slow rise of her chest and thought about our life as she held me close.
Even in her sleep, she held me close. To think, I used to be scared of intimacy, of being touched, and now Caterina’s touch made me come alive.
She gave me love, control, and intimacy in more forms than just sexual.
I traced my fingers across her jawline and down her chest, mapping her scars. We both carried our own scars because of Vincenzo, but now he was no longer a problem, and our scars would fade like the memories. We were the victors. We finally had this peace neither of us thought would happen.
“I can hear you thinking, mia vita,” Caterina muttered sleepily as she draped her arm around my hip. I leaned forward and kissed the scar over her heart.
“I’m thinking about the gorgeous woman who swept me off my feet and rescued me.”
She smiled, her gorgeous eyes fluttering open. “Mmm, my favorite love story.”
I brushed her hair away from her face, my fingers caressing her soft skin as I held her gaze. “An epic love story. You know our kids will know you kidnapped me to kill me, right?”
She laughed, pulling me on top of her. “You’re going to scar them. Why don’t we tweak the story and tell them I saved you, we slayed the beast together, and then we lived happily ever after?”
I beamed. “Happiness is ours forever.”
Her hands slid around my hips. “You know, I just realized.” I arched my brow. “I get to love you forever until my last breath, and then I can love you in the stars.”
I laughed, leaning forward, my lips hovering over hers. “Careful, il mio cuore. If you keep talking like that, people might confuse you as a poet and forget that you’re a scary crime boss who kidnapped me.”
Her lips curved into a devastatingly gorgeous smile. “Mmm, I like the idea of being able to rewrite the stars just to give you a happy ending.”
I laughed, my nose rubbing against hers. “You gave me everything, Caterina, and I can’t wait to marry you again and seal the deal forever once more.”
She kissed me slow and deep, our lips painting a galaxy. When she pulled back, her voice was a soft whisper. “Good, because forever with you is everything I desire.”