2. Mila
2
MILA
I woke up with a startled gasp and sat up, taking in my surroundings.
Everything was dark and silent except for the winds blowing outside. I shivered, even if it was hot in the room, and pulled the blanket up to my shoulders.
I hadn’t slept well since the day I left the club. Left the brothers. And I hated to think of the reason that was.
I missed them.
I shouldn’t. They crossed lines—boundaries—that shouldn’t have been crossed. They tracked me and gave me a placebo in place of my birth control.
I could still feel the stinging in my back from the cut Zoe had given me. It became more pronounced the more I thought about it. I had thought it wouldn’t sting so much after a couple of days.
And this wound was the least of my worries.
I grimaced as my thoughts turned.
I only had sex a handful of times, but all of them had been unprotected. I didn’t fucking know why. Shouldn’t men like them want to not get someone pregnant?
I shook my head. My period was due in one week. I shouldn’t worry over things so soon, especially things I had very little control over, but what if?—
I couldn’t even bring myself to think about that. I couldn’t be a mom. What kind of mom would I be, if not a bad one? It wasn’t like I had great role models to look up to growing up.
Tears stung my eyes, and I quickly wiped them away.
God, I hated them for even putting me in this situation. Hated them for making me feel like this.
Hated them for making me miss them.
I made the right decision to leave, didn’t I?
Why the hell did it feel like I might have made a big mistake then?
I didn’t fucking know.
What I did know was I had been nothing but a mess since I left. I was skittish and felt unsteady on my feet.
I was…
I was scared.
I hadn’t thought of myself as such a scaredy-cat, but I was that.
I was also so damn exhausted.
I hadn’t realized how much freedom there was in them taking my freedom away.
It was a messed-up way of thinking, but in their cage, I didn’t have to think. I didn’t have to worry. Whatever they chose for me was that, and I had been safe from everyone else—from any of the former members of my dad’s club and from any horrible people who wanted to harm me.
That wasn’t the case anymore.
My run-in with Lenny stayed fully present in my mind. Silas had said he was locked up in prison, though now that I knew who the brothers were, I guessed Lenny wasn’t locked up but buried somewhere in New Orleans.
I shuddered from the thought.
I was in a crappy motel somewhere in Chicago. Three days had passed since I ran away, and I didn’t know what my next step was.
It wasn’t like I was running from ordinary men with no connections or resources to find me.
Any move I make would have to be thoroughly scrutinized. And I was stuck. At this point, I wondered if it would be better to let them find me. They weren’t going to hurt me. Physically. That was the one thing I was sure of. They had never hurt me, and at this point, I didn’t think they were capable of it. But there were no boundaries set for me. They just didn’t care what line they crossed, and I might be paying for that sooner rather than later.
My hand moved down and cupped my stomach.
Was I pregnant?
I shook my head and lay back down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
What if I was pregnant? I could barely support myself. The jewelry that Killian had put on me before we left for the club was gone. I sold them at the nearest pawnshop, and I barely got seven grand, and though that wasn’t a small amount, I knew for a fact it was worth so much more than that. That money wouldn’t last forever. Then what would I do? About me… about a baby who might exist? The thought of getting rid of a baby who was half Maverick or half Silas or half Killian…
I knew I wouldn’t be able to do it.
Things had gone to shit.
I shifted on the bed and winced when I put pressure on the wound in the middle of my back from where Zoe had removed the tracker. I shouldn’t have trusted her, especially since she seemed almost eager to help me escape the brothers. I could guess why. She loved them. The ugly green monster of my jealousy perked its head out from where it had been hiding. I shouldn’t be jealous of women who want them.
Besides, my jealousy should be the least of my concerns. Zoe could have easily stabbed me in the back and killed me. I was just thankful I didn’t get an infection. I should have been more careful, but I wasn’t really thinking clearly that day.
And now that I have had some time to think, I was…
I was questioning everything.
I shook my head. The brothers had definitely won the psychological war games if I was doubting myself and my decisions now.
I needed to sleep. Tomorrow was another day in which I didn’t know what I should do.
Head out and travel somewhere?
I didn’t even have a car, and buying a bus ticket seemed too risky. Any mode of transportation was since that was what the brothers would look into first.
I shut my eyes tightly, trying to chase sleep. There was no point thinking and stressing out about it now.
I just needed to sleep.
Just sleep.
I kept my eyes closed. I didn’t know when I eventually fell asleep, but when I did, it was anything but peaceful.
I dreamed of them.