10. Mila
10
MILA
I woke up with a start and looked around the room, wondering why it suddenly felt so strange.
Not in a bad way, but not in a good way either. Just… strange.
And I had the weirdest dream.
I closed my eyes, and it almost felt… real. Too real.
I dreamed of Killian holding me in this bed. I took in a shuddering breath. I could almost smell him on my bed sheets.
My eyes sprang open, and I let out a small gasp when I realized I could actually smell him.
What the hell?
I looked around the bed, as if I could find traces of him left behind, when I knew I wouldn’t be able to. He wasn’t careless.
Fuck, had they found me?
My heart beat wildly inside my chest, and I tried to think about what it would mean.
Did I actually think I could successfully run away from them?
That first day, I did believe it. Somehow, in my panicked and hurt-filled mind, I had thought the best decision was to leave, and arrogantly, I thought being one of the millions of people in the state, I might actually succeed. But now… I felt stupid for even thinking it.
What was worse was that I didn’t feel fear or disappointment for having been found, but…
I shook my head.
I wasn’t going to try to dissect my own messed-up feelings when it came to the brothers.
Slowly, I got out of the bed and waited for the morning sickness to hit. When I didn’t feel anything, I walked over to the bathroom and got ready for my day. That was another thing I would have to worry about.
Telling the brothers I was pregnant. I could just imagine how the conversation would go. How they would react. If they were restrictive now, how much worse would it be when they found out I was carrying the possible Tiernan heir?
Fuck, but I didn’t want the cage to get smaller.
I panicked a little and briefly entertained the thought of running away again, but I knew now they would find me. They would always find me, and I was tired of fighting.
I didn’t want to do it anymore.
I just… I just wanted to feel safe.
I quickly washed my face and brushed my teeth. Then, I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked a little better. Whatever bug I had caught last night seemed to have gone away after one night of rest. Or perhaps it was just my body adjusting to the pregnancy.
I pinched my cheeks to give myself some color, and after dressing, I left the room in search of some breakfast. If they found me, I didn’t need to concern myself too much with my dwindling funds. It wasn’t like money would be my biggest issue. A small weight lifted, and I felt a little better from the thought. I tried not to think about how comfortable I was getting over the idea of being caged once more.
I got out of the motel room and looked around. Now that I knew they were here—or at least 95 percent sure they found me—I couldn’t help but look at my surroundings differently.
Were they watching me? Where were they staying?
My eyes automatically moved to the two rooms on either side of me. I had neighbors when I first rented out the room. Loud ones. That all stopped about two days ago. I assumed they all moved out. But at the same time? I went left to one of the rooms and stood in front of the door, hesitating. What would I do if one of the brothers showed up in front of me right now? Was I ready to face them?
I swallowed nervously and rubbed my sweaty hands down the sides of my thrift store jeans. They didn’t fit me well. In fact, none of my clothes fit me. I looked… frumpy.
Stupid.
I shouldn’t care what they think.
I brought my hand up and knocked on the door. The first knock was weak and pathetic, showing my uncertainty. The second was a little louder, and the third was much better. My knocks were out of rhythm, and I wasn’t even sure if my guess was correct.
I held my breath while waiting, but when my lungs started to hurt and I was forced to take a deep breath, I realized no one was coming to the door.
Relief mixed in with my disappointment. I walked away, trying to shake off the conflicting feelings. My stomach grumbled as I walked off the steps and into the parking lot. I was eating for two now, so I should probably eat. My hand curved around my stomach, trying to see how I felt, but other than being more tired than usual and the occasional morning sickness, I didn’t feel pregnant. The concept still didn’t feel real to me.
How was I supposed to be a mother?
The question plagued me for most of the morning, especially when I got into town and started to notice just how many… mothers there were. How had I not noticed this before? Or was today just special, as if God was reminding me of my situation .
I turned away when a little girl with a daisy in her hand ran toward her mother, a bright smile on her face. My heart hurt from the sight, and I walked to the same diner I had been in before. I liked their breakfast selection, though it really wasn’t anything special compared to Rachel’s cooking.
And now I was missing the Tiernan’s home.
Just as I was about to open the door, the glass on it reflected from the sun. I pulled up short when a familiar face came into my line of vision. Blood roared in my ears, and I was slow to react. It took a moment for my brain to comprehend what I saw, but when it did, I gasped and turned back. But he was gone.
Silas.
I was sure I just saw Silas.
My heart beat frantically as I looked around for any sight of him, but it was crowded and…
A voice cleared beside me. I looked up to see a strange man standing by the door, looking at me expectantly. Wordlessly, I moved aside and let him enter the diner, my eyes moving back to the crowded street once more before I walked inside. So they really had found me. I wasn’t entirely sure before, thinking Killian’s scent on my bed could be nothing more than my imagination because I’d missed him. But no, he really did spend the night with me.
The same waitress who had served me before smiled and indicated to the restaurant. “Pick any seat you want, sweetheart.”
I nodded and found a booth in the corner that looked out the window. My eyes took in all the unfamiliar faces, knowing I wouldn’t see him unless he wanted me to. I didn’t know what they were waiting for.
Playing with me?
No, I didn't think that was the case. They might be bad men who had done some horrible things, but they weren’t that cruel to me.
Perhaps they were giving me time to adjust to the idea of them being close by.
Maybe.
The waitress came by, taking me out of my musing. I ordered a breakfast platter and a glass of orange juice, trying and failing to get them out of my mind.
I spent most of the day in the motel room with the TV on, though I wasn’t really paying attention.
I was waiting for one of them to show up, which I was sure would happen soon. But until then, I was nothing more than a nervous thing with limbs, jumping at even the slightest sound. Anticipation strummed in my veins, but the more time passed, the more I convinced myself it wasn’t happening.
Disappointment followed me around when I finally turned off the TV at nine o’clock at night, and I could feel myself wanting to nod off.
I got ready for bed, barely paying attention as I brushed my teeth before I turned on the shower, giving the water a chance to warm up. I hopped in and scrubbed the day away. My eyes moved down to my stomach. I was still pretty flat. Not that I had expected to show signs of my pregnancy so soon, but perhaps when it happened, I could finally align the fact that I was pregnant in my mind.
I pushed my head under the water spray and closed my eyes, trying not to think anymore.
By the time I turned off the shower, my head still felt full of useless thoughts, but at least I was clean.
I wrapped a huge fluffy white towel around myself before walking out of the bathroom and into the bedroom and nearly had a heart attack.
I screamed and jumped away, my back hitting the sharp edge of the wooden TV stand nearby. Sharp pain shot up from my lower back, and I let out a small groan, closing my eyes.
A low curse came out as large hands cupped my shoulders, keeping me steady.
I opened my eyes and glared up at the giant standing in front of me.
“Little monster,” he breathed out. I ignored the way the nickname coming out of his lips made my heart feel heavy and light all the same.
“What were you trying to do? Scare me half to death?”
I tried to pull away from him, but his grip tightened marginally on me.
“Fuck, but do you know how fucking good it is to see your eyes again?” Maverick asked. He moved one hand away from my shoulder and cupped my cheek. I looked up at him as he gently swiped his thumb under the skin of my eye, and for a moment, I forgot why I was angry with him—with his brothers—in the first place.
My lower lip trembled, and I looked away from him. What did he want me to say to that? I was still debating on whether I should punch him or… or kiss him.
I tried to pull away once more, and this time, he let me. He stood in the same spot and watched me as I moved around his huge body, seeming to have taken so much space in the small room that I almost felt suffocated by it. It wasn’t like I had forgotten how big he was.
I moved over to the bed on trembling legs and sat down, afraid I might fall flat on my face in front of him.
We didn’t say anything. Maverick watched me in that intense way of his that always made me feel exposed. I shivered, remembering I wasn’t wearing anything but a towel. I might as well be exposed to him now. He shoved his hand in his pocket, drawing my eyes. I didn’t think I had ever seen him so… uncertain.
“What are you doing here?” I asked calmly. Of all the ways I had pictured how I would be once they found me, calm wasn’t one of them. I supposed I thought as soon as they found me, they would drag me back to the Tiernan mansion, kicking and screaming.
“I thought it was obvious.”
“What if I didn’t want to be found?”
He let out a small huff. “How does that lie taste on your tongue, baby?”
“I’m not lying,” I answered sullenly.
“Aren’t you?” He walked closer to me but still not within touching distance. I watched him warily.
“I left.”
He shook his head. “You ran away because you heard something you didn’t like. Saw something you weren’t sure would be okay for you to accept.”
I frowned at him. “You mean in the basement when Silas was…”
He nodded. “When Silas was torturing a man for information.”
“He whipped the man,” I gritted out, fresh tears forming in my eyes.
“We thought it would be an… apt punishment.”
“ Apt ?” What was so apt about it when they knew what my father had done to me in front of his men?
“Yes, apt. Considering the man was from the Heartless Saints MC.”
My heart pounded, and I looked up and met his eyes. “What?”
He nodded and walked a little closer to me. “Yes, baby. There is a small group of the Heartless Saints MC who are trying to revive the club back to its former glory.”
His eyes took me in carefully as I tried to fully digest his words. It wasn’t like I should have been surprised, considering Lenny, my father’s former sergeant-at-arms, had come for me back in New Orleans. He didn’t succeed because Silas had been there that night, and I assumed there were some pissed-off former members of the club looking for a pound of my flesh because of who my father was and the terrible state he’d allowed the club to get in, making it an easy target for the Tiernan brothers. But to say someone was trying to revive the club again…
“Sebastian Cline is leading it,” Maverick said quietly, his gaze heavy with meaning. It could only mean one thing. He knew. Silas probably told him Sebastian Cline was my supposed fiancé. “They have been causing us trouble since New Orleans. They have been looking for you.”
My thoughts ran back to when Maverick had taken me to his company. A man had followed us and managed to get to me. He had said something about there being a price on my head. I assumed it was from the other gangs around, miffed that Dad was gone long before he could settle his debt. That reason sounded silly in my head now.
“Why?” I asked, looking away from him. I thought I might just break if I looked into his dark blue eyes.
“That’s what we’re trying to figure out. Sebastian Cline has it in his head that he is going to marry you, and he’s willing to go to great lengths to make it so.”
Why was the bastard so obsessed with me? Fucking hell, wasn’t it enough that I got the Tiernan brothers on me? I shook my head slightly at the thought.
“Why are you telling me all of this?” I asked. If he wanted to scare me enough to want to go back with them… well, it was working. I’d much rather be caged in by the Tiernan brothers than marry Sebastian Cline.
“Because we’re going to be completely honest with each other from now on,” Maverick said, taking a step closer to me.
I frowned, moving my gaze back to him.
“You left,” he stated. I nodded, even if I didn’t need to. I didn’t know how to respond. “And baby, I don’t think you left because we didn’t give you birth control.”
I could feel my lips pulling back in a slight snarl, but he shook his head.
“I admit. It wasn’t the wisest decision, and perhaps you are angry about that.”
“Not perhaps. I am.”
He nodded. “Yes, you are. But not enough to leave. You left because we hid it from you.”
I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t. Had they told me straight up that they wouldn’t give me birth control, would I have left? Or was it because they lied?
“It’s true. So I decided we’re going to be completely honest with each other from now on, you and I,” he said.
“And you think that’ll help?”
“Yes, it will. Because you need me to be honest. You need the same thing from my brothers. You need to know that our words mean something so that once we tell you you’re it for us, you’ll believe us.”
He made it sound so easy. So simple. How could it be though?
I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from reacting, but Maverick knew me well. At this point, I thought he could read me better—understand me better—than even I could.
He quickly closed the gap between us and bent down until we were at eye level. “Since we’re going for honesty, believe this when I tell you, you don’t have to worry. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
I shouldn’t have allowed myself to feel assured over his words, but Lord help me, I did. I really did. Was it really true, then? Sebastian Cline, the man who had haunted my dreams since I was a teenager, since the first time I realized what that dark look in his eyes meant when he looked at me, was still alive.
I had thought, hoped, he’d died during the massacre. But he was alive. And he was…
“Why can’t he just leave me alone?” I asked, a tinge of desperation in my voice. Why couldn’t he? I had thought I had left the club life for good.
He cupped my cheek, waiting until I was looking at him. “I don’t have the answer for you, little monster. Wish I could say I don’t understand it, but I knew I couldn’t leave you alone either.”
But it was different with him—with them, wasn’t it?
How was it different?
Blood rushed to my ears, and I looked down, my gaze focused on his strong chest. I hated my reaction to the question, not because I didn’t know the answer, but because I knew exactly what the answer was, and I didn’t like it.
“This is too much. I want to be alone.”
He shook his head.
“Maverick.”
“You really think I am capable of leaving you alone now that I’ve found you?”
His voice was low, and he was no longer looking at my face. I was still wrapped in nothing but a towel, my hair dripping wet. It wasn’t that I had forgotten about this completely, only that it hadn’t seemed so important when I found him in my room. Not now though.
Now, I felt stupid for having left myself so vulnerable. And as if I needed any more reminder of my vulnerable position, the wound on my back started to ache. I shifted my feet, trying to relieve some of the pain.
His hands moved, cupping the balls of my shoulders.
“Maverick,” I muttered softly. “I’m not…”
Ready. I wasn’t ready for him. Not right now.
He nodded, regret in those bottomless blue eyes of his. “I know, little monster. I just want to hold on to you tonight.”
For some reason, those stupid words made me want to cry. I didn’t know how to answer him, and he probably knew that because he pushed into action then. He helped me up until I was standing against the bed before moving across the room toward the dresser. His movements were purposeful and accurate as he pulled the second drawer open, where I had stored my pajamas.
I narrowed my eyes on him. Only reason for him to know where I put my clothes—he’d been in my room before.
More than that, he had looked around.
“So much for not crossing any boundaries,” I said.
He shot me a strange look. “When did I say I wasn’t going to push your boundaries?”
He walked back to me with one of the larger, old T-shirts I had brought on a whim. It fitted me more like a dress, but it was comfortable.
“I believe I said we were going to be honest with each other. And here’s my truth. There are no boundaries between us, baby.”
I let one eyebrow raise over the arrogant and anger-inducing statement.
“No boundaries. Which means there are no boundaries I can’t cross with you?” I asked.
He smiled. “You think I have any when it comes to you?”
I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. He stopped when he was no more than several inches away from me, his body heat emanating from him and caressing my skin. I shivered.
“You’re cold,” he stated. Not really. But I couldn’t tell him the real reason for my response, so I said nothing. I was still trying not to get caught up in the magnetism that was him. He always had this way about him that commanded all the energy in the room.
He took advantage of my momentary daze and pulled the towel away from my body.
I gasped, trying to back away, but he had the shirt pulled up and over me before I could say anything. My hair fell over my face from the move, and Maverick was there, gently pushing it out of the way until I could see him more clearly. I took in his face as he reached through one armhole for my hand, pulling it out, and then the other one. I couldn’t stop looking at him, wondering why he seemed so different yet… not, all of a sudden.
He paused slightly when he felt my eyes on his face before he continued, “Where’s your hairbrush, little monster?”
“What, you didn’t see it while you were snooping around in my room earlier?”
He didn’t say anything to that, but the twinkle in his eyes gave him away. I knew I had guessed right. I also knew he wasn’t going to apologize for it. Not when he probably thought it was his right to be all over my personal space. I let out a small sigh.
“On the bathroom counter.”
He nodded and walked away without another word.
It didn’t take him long to come back to me, but it was long enough for me to take in the reality of my situation and realize I wasn’t freaking out the way I should be.
He threw my brush on the bed when he came back and pulled me into his arms.
I let out a small squeal, my arms automatically going around his back when I felt my feet lifted off the ground. His arm banded around my waist, pulling me in closer to him while the other pushed beneath my ass as he moved us to the bed. He carefully placed me down on the mattress as if I was this fragile, broken thing that he needed to be careful with. I didn’t even have time to adjust my position before he was on the bed as well, sitting up behind me, his legs spread out on either side of me.
I was robbed of my words when he pressed the palm of his hand flat on my stomach and pulled me back into him.
The shirt might have covered me well, but the fact that I wasn’t wearing anything underneath never left my mind. I didn’t know what I thought he would do, but brushing my hair wasn’t it. I didn’t understand why I was surprised. He was the one who brought the brush over.
I kept my back straight while he ran it gently over the tangled strands, unable to relax.
I flinched slightly when he got to a big knot, and he leaned over and pressed a small kiss on the top of my head.
“I’m sorry, little monster.”
My breath hitched. I didn’t know what he was saying sorry to. For hurting me? For kidnapping me and holding me captive in his house with his brothers? For the placebo birth control? Or for hurting me while brushing my hair?
I let out a sigh and relaxed marginally. “It’s okay.”
He pressed another kiss on my head and went back to untangling my hair. He didn’t hurt me again.
I let out a small yawn when he was about done.
“Is my baby tired?” he asked. I shrugged.
I knew he was smiling without looking at him, which was confirmed when he pressed another kiss on my cheek, and I felt his smile on my skin.
He pulled back and helped me lie down on the bed, tucking me in. I frowned when he climbed off the bed. Was he just going to leave me?
He must have read the question on my face because he shook his head slightly. “I’m just going to get ready for bed. I’ll be right back.”
He left the room before I could really say anything. I tried not to let his absence affect me—I was the one who left, after all—but I found my gaze moving to the big clock hanging on the wall above the TV, counting down the minute when he would be back. Ten minutes or so later, the door to my motel room opened back up, and I jumped slightly. Maverick filled the doorway, his inquisitive eyes taking me in, never missing anything. He said nothing when he came in all the way, closing and locking the door behind him. I let out a small exhale and watched silently as he placed a small bag on top of the dresser.
His eyes were on me the whole time he undressed. There was never anything awkward about his movements.
He was sure and confident in everything he did, and I knew that was one of the things that first drew me to him. I didn’t look away from him either.
Once he stripped down to his boxers, he climbed back into the bed, took the side closest to the door, and pulled me in close to his arms.
I didn’t resist.
What was the point anyway? I craved his arms, even when I wished I didn’t. Even when I knew I shouldn’t. And my exhaustion was back. I had no will to fight him. At least, not tonight.
I rested my head on his naked chest and closed my eyes, counting his heartbeats. His skin and hair were slightly damp, and his breath smelled like toothpaste.
“Sleep, sweetheart. I’ll be here to protect you through the night.”
I didn’t say anything to that. I snuggled in closer to him and closed my eyes.
I believed him.