24. Irina
24
IRINA
T he last time I slept for more than six hours was when I had the flu a couple of years ago.
My body had been so exhausted that I didn’t get out of bed for three days.
The Sunday after I spent the night at Viktor’s penthouse, I slept. And slept. And slept some more. I wasn’t ill. But I had been exhausted after how he’d kept me up and made sure I didn’t go for long without his filling me and pushing me to come. Over and over. It was a glorious reason to need to catch up on sleep, and I wished against wishes that his idea of a perfect future could come true.
A life with Viktor would be heaven, but it wasn’t meant to be.
He wouldn’t be able to stand up to my father. One sexy professor wouldn’t be a foe for a crime boss hell-bent on being the top leader in the area.
Besides, if I wanted to be selfish and start a life with Viktor, I would have to give up Maxim. I couldn’t protect him if I no longer served Igor.
I woke early on Monday, wondering how Viktor would act with me in his class after having me in his bed. The reason I got up earlier than usual wasn’t because of my alarms going off but because Peter and another guard knocked and entered my apartment.
They never let themselves in like that. My curiosity was piqued, to say the least. I dressed quickly and exited my room. “What’s going on?”
Both of them glared at me like I was the worst excuse for a job in the universe.
“The Boss wants to see you.”
Boss. Never Father. I rolled my eyes. “Now what?”
“Lose the attitude,” Peter growled.
The brightness I woke up with faded. I wondered what His Highness was mad about now, but I didn’t try to make conversation on the ride there.
We arrived, and I got out of the backseat quickly, wondering if this would take long or if I’d make it to Viktor’s class on time.
My father was pacing in the study, furious and impatient. Veins bulged near his temple, and with a streak of darkness, I wondered with glee if he’d stroke right now. He couldn’t have very good blood pressure with his diet and lack of exercise.
“What is it?” I asked, careful not to put any sass or attitude into my “greeting.” Cutting to the chase would be nice, though.
“Don’t fucking talk to me like that,” he roared. “All the shit I do for you, and this is how you repay me?” He lifted his arm to backhand me, but I raised my arms to deflect him. He may be fat and old and taller, but I was by far more fit and quicker.
“What is your problem?” I asked, already sick of him after being in his presence for ten seconds.
“My problem is you think going to college means you can run around and be a fucking slut!” He paced away then came back, more furious. “My problem is you think being out of this house for two minutes gives you the right to act like a goddamn whore!”
I tensed, bracing for a hit. His words were a direct strike. I didn’t know how he could even begin to think that I was acting like a slut or a whore. I wasn’t. But since I’d recently lost my virginity to Viktor and spent the night at his place, it wasn’t far-fetched to assume he knew about it somehow. He was aware of what I’d been up to. To an extent. Somehow, someone must have talked.
Did someone see us at the library?
Was there someone in the family who was spying on me at campus?
Could anyone have seen me going into Vik’s penthouse?
Questions ran in a barrage through my mind, overwhelming me to the degree that I suddenly felt light-headed.
I couldn’t understand how my father could know anything about what I’d been up to. My guards weren’t ever close. And knowing where the cameras were located at my apartment building, I made sure to leave and get inside without his being in the range of the camera’s lens.
“I’m not,” I said at last, shaking my head.
“You fucking lying bitch.” He clenched his jaw, grinding his teeth as he walked away again, as if the sight of me was too terrible to manage. “You think you can just waltz around and fuck your way through the campus?”
I shook my head. My God, that was so far from the truth it was laughable. I had to force myself to socialize at all. My guys annoyed me and I had to practice not letting my resting bitch face show all the time.
“You just had to sleep around.”
“No. I didn’t.”
“I know you did! I know you’ve been fucking some moron you met there.”
I was tempted to fight back, to put him on the spot and ask how he knew or how he thought he knew anything at all about what I’d been up to. Asking him to clarify what he knew or had heard would just come off as a confirmation that he was right, though.
“I couldn’t believe it when I heard. I kept thinking to myself, no, that can’t be true. I didn’t raise a dumbass. I thought, no, you can’t be that fucking stupid.”
He doesn’t know. Tense and waiting for him to mention Viktor, or that I had slept with one of my professors, I tried to accept that he didn’t know. He was mad, but he didn’t seem to care about who, precisely, I’d slept with. Just that I had.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said as calmly but firmly as I could. Feigning innocence and ignorance felt like a tricky attempt at escaping his wrath. It was clear that I had to tone down the heat of this moment. I had to de-escalate this situation. If he merely thought I was fucking up or doing something wrong, he could take out his anger on Maxim.
“You don’t know.” He growled, laughing maniacally like I’d spouted utter nonsense. “You hear that?” He flung his hand at Peter and the other guard who’d come into the room. “She claims that she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. What a fucking joke.”
“I don’t,” I insisted. “You heard wrong.” That was a lie. I had slept with someone, only one, and I felt so stupid to want him to be the only man I would ever have in my life. But I would take that secret to my grave.
“I ask you to do one thing. I expected you to be there, not to party and sleep around, but to find out who is trying to take over that area and claim it.” He ranted on, repeating the same thing, too stuck in his head and not even open to listening to anything but the sound of his own voice. “I thought I had one child to count on. One fucking kid to rely on. Is it so hard to expect to have one worthwhile offspring? Huh?” He flung his arms out. “You’re goddamn useless to me now! Do you realize that? You’re damaged goods.”
I crossed my arms, refusing to let him see me cowering in fear or shame. Sleeping with Viktor didn’t make me worthless.
“You’re supposed to remain a virgin, you stupid bitch!”
I narrowed my eyes. “What does it fucking matter?” He was getting hung up on a non-issue. I knew I wouldn’t be married off. Because I would kill him before that happened. “You never intended for me to marry into the Ilyin family, anyway. You were just humoring them and letting them think I would. So what does it even matter now?”
He seethed, scowling at me. “The option of that illusion is gone now,” he growled. “No one else would even be interested in you as a bride because you’re damaged goods now. You threw away your virginity for some moron at college.”
I shook my head, debating how quickly a guard would shoot me if I attacked him now. Letting my rage fuel me, I imagined wrapping my hands around his neck for ever thinking I wasn’t a human or a person or a daughter, but a thing to use as a token of business. I could feel the imaginary squeeze of my fingers digging into his pudgy neck, choking the life out of him. Watching the panic fill his eyes would be a victory I would cherish forever.
I could do it.
I would do it. I’d kill him someday soon. As soon as I could secure some money to escape and plot the timeline of running as far as I could with Maxim, I would make it happen.
But I had such limited cash socked away, with him always watching and controlling every penny I spent. I didn’t have a route of escape yet, no means to physically get away and not for long. I had to continuously sweep my apartment for bugs and trackers that the guards placed, disabling them every time I found them.
Today wouldn’t be the day. Today couldn’t be the day. I wasn’t prepared yet, and I cursed myself for paying so much time and attention on Viktor and the grand feelings of security and affection that wouldn’t save me for the long-term. I had to be focusing on getting out of here, on making sure Maxim could escape with me and not suffer.
I stormed out of there, turning my back on him and not slowing until I reached the car. The driver was out there, but my guards weren’t.
“I want to leave,” I bit out. That was the honest truth, the whole truth. I wanted to get out of here for good. The racing tempo of my heart wouldn’t calm down, and I tried to ignore the prickling sensation of being so anxious. So trapped.
It wasn’t anything like when Viktor preyed on me at the library. Or in his bedroom. And I wanted that. I needed him, for no other reason than to stop this panicky feeling of being ungrounded and lost.
Peter and the other guard rushed out, glaring at me for not waiting until I was dismissed.
The driver glanced at them, then sighed and flicked his cigarette to the ground. It seemed waiting for me to come out for a ride was when he always took his smoke breaks. Lately, my patience and willingness to be near my father were getting trimmed shorter and shorter.
“Yeah. Let’s go.” Peter shot me a dirty look as I got in the backseat.
With my pissy, hulking guards in the front and next to me, I was taken back to school. But that wasn’t good enough. The distance from my father helped. He could be mad and rant and pace all he wanted. I didn’t have to stand there and take his verbal abuse. The sight of my apartment building didn’t comfort me, though. It felt like another trap, another cage.
“I’m going to the library,” I said, not caring what the guards thought of that. They didn’t follow me, leaving me to my own devices.
On the walk there, fuming and a little scared of what would happen to me now, I tried to understand how anyone could have told my father that I had slept with someone.
The only person who came to mind was that jealous redhead from the admin office. The dean’s niece, Jessica Nolan.
How could she get word to my father, though?
It hardly mattered, anyway. The damage was done. Someone had talked somewhere, and the word spread.
My fleeting hopes for a future with Viktor felt further from reality now. As I took a seat on the top floor, where he and I had done the deed, I fought back angry tears and tried to think up a new way out of this dilemma.