10. Twisting in Torment
Chapter ten
Twisting in Torment
Lei
For the rest of the night, I suffered within the suffocating darkness of my soul trapped in the agonizing tension between my need to stay sharp and my overwhelming yearning for Moni.
Everyone had made it to the Palace safely.
My staff worked tirelessly; preparing rooms, handling needs, and bustling through our marbled blue halls with quiet efficiency.
With so many on the upper levels, there was constant noise—anxious conversations, the clinking of glasses and mugs, the shuffle of footsteps.
But none of it registered with me.
I was a hollow man.
Drifting.
Twisting in torment.
I couldn’t remember who told me to go to my bedroom nor could I recall when I’d arrived.
Yet soon I was, standing in the center of that cold, lifeless space, with the lights off.
Stillness swallowed me whole.
Moonlight filtered through the high-arched windows, spreading out this chilling, phantom-like glow within the space.
The moment didn’t seem real.
None of this did.
What was reality without Moni?
What was my night without her warmth?
Her voice?
Her light?
Every shadow stretched long, curling around the walls thickening the dark silence like a noose tightening around my neck.
She was gone.
And with her absence, my mind unraveled at the seams.
Memories haunted me in brutal flashes—her laugh, the way her smile would lift burdens I hadn’t known I carried, the peace I found in just the simple touch of her hand.
She had been light slipping through the cracks of my darkness when nothing else could.
Now, that light was gone.
Damn you, Father.
I sank to my knees in the middle of the room.
My breaths came out jagged and shallow.
Sorrow pressed down on me until the ache in my chest became unbearable.
I hadn’t prayed since the day my father killed Chanel. That night, my hands had clenched into fists, not in a plea for salvation but in pure unholy rage. I told God I hated him that night, and made a vow never to reach for Him or anything beyond what I could take with my own hands.
But tonight. . .
Tonight was different.
God. . .
My hands trembled as they came together—fingers lacing in desperation, knuckles whitening.
I come to you. . .on my knees. . .
I bowed my head.
God, I know You’re there now… because I never would’ve met Moni if You hadn’t been up there, watching over me.
Tears slipped silently from the corners of my eyes, trailing down my cheeks.
I looked at the floor as the first tear fell to the marbled floor.
Then the second tear fell too.
And then I closed my eyes.
I’m sorry for disrespecting You long ago—for doubting You, and for not coming to You to thank You for Moni.
Prayer felt foreign in my head, yet it soothed me too.
Please, bring her back to me safe. Please don’t let my father hurt her. Please. . .I humble myself to You.
I leaned all the way forward and pressed my forehead to the floor.
Polished marble cooled against my skin, grounding me.
What would my men had said if they’d seen this?
What would the East have thought?
It didn’t matter.
And I knew, too, that a man like me—violent, cruel, too damn powerful for his own good—didn’t deserve the mercy from God that I begged for.
I knew that.
Still, I begged.
Please, God. Let her be safe. Let her feel my love even now, wherever she is. Let no matter what my father does to her. . .break her. Let it make her even stronger.
The darkness in my heart and soul deepened, thick with regret and longing.
But in my mind’s eye, there was only Moni—her smile, her laugh, her touch—and the faintest sliver of hope that somehow, some way, she would be okay.
If this is what it takes. . .if I need to fall on my knees. . .if You need anything else from me. . .I’ll do it. For her, I’ll do anything.
The tears came harder.
Sobs clawed at my throat, but I let them come.
I let them drown me.
There was no pride here, no strength, no power—only love so fierce it gouged me out from the inside.
Moni. . .
I would fight through hell and back to hold her again, but for now, I was just the broken Mountain Master on his knees, face down with prayer hands, clutching at the darkness in my soul.
And if God were listening, maybe—just maybe—He’d answer this one prayer.
A prayer made in love.
A prayer wrapped in desperate devotion.
A prayer that only a man willing to lose everything would utter.
Because without her. . .there was nothing left of me.
I must have talked to God for an hour, asking for forgiveness, begging Him some more over Moni.
Once done, I wiped my face, slowly rose, and paced my bedroom like a caged animal.
She and everyone else wanted me to go to sleep and rest, but thoughts collided in my head—plans, strategies, possibilities.
How could I reach her?
What angle hadn’t I considered?
And would I be able to kill him in this battle tomorrow?
My father was skilled and cunning but he could be stopped.
Would I be victorious?
Every move in the fight had to be flawless yet with every moment away from Moni I couldn’t even think about possible attacks and strikes.
The real battle wasn’t just out there on the streets or in the shadows where my father lurked—it was within me.
I needed to be clear-headed, focused, and relentless, but my heart kept pulling me in the opposite direction.
How was I supposed to strategize when my soul screamed for her?
How could I think straight when all I wanted was to feel Moni’s warmth against me, to hold her in my arms, to hear her voice whisper my name?
A philosophical contradiction gnawed at my mind—the need for cold logic in a moment ruled by emotion.
As the Mountain Master, I had to be calculated, detached, and ruthless.
But as a man, as Moni’s man , I couldn’t turn off the ache that consumed me.
It was maddening.
My mind demanded precision, while my heart—my traitorous heart—kept conjuring memories of her, flooding me with moments we’d shared.
Moni, I miss you so damn much. Are you safe? Are you okay? Is my father pushing you over the fucking edge?
I remembered the way she would curl against me at night, fitting perfectly into the crook of my arm, as if she’d been made to rest there. I could still hear her soft hums when she was lost in thought, the way her fingers would absentmindedly trace patterns on my skin.
Every detail about her, no matter how small, was etched into my brain.
Never will I ever take her for granted. Always I will have gratitude for the moment she is back with me.
In this short time, she had become my scope, my anchor, the only thing that kept me tethered to something real in this twisted world.
The more time passed away from Moni, the more I missed everything about her—the scent of her hair, the way she bit her lip when she was concentrating, the spark in her eyes when she challenged me.
Come on. I have to concentrate.
Yet, I missed the fire in her spirit, the way she could stand toe-to-toe with me, never backing down, even when the world demanded she should.
It was a cruel irony—how the very thing I needed to win this battle was also the thing that weakened me.
Love made me vulnerable.
Moni made me vulnerable.
And yet… I knew deep down that without her, I would never be whole again.
I didn’t just want her back—I needed her back.
She wasn’t just part of my life; she was the heart of it, the pulse that kept me going.
Did you want me to learn that lesson too, Father? That without my Mountain Mistress. . .I am no Mountain Master. . .I am just a man.
I stopped pacing and closed my eyes, inhaling deeply.
Imagining her beside me.
I knew it was foolish—holding onto memories when I should have been preparing for the battle—but I couldn’t help it.
I was a man used to taking what I wanted and bending the world to my will.
She’s more than love, more than mine. That’s what you wanted me to understand, Father? You cruel sick fuck of a man.
I sneered.
In this moment, I knew now more than ever that Moni wasn’t a prize I’d won or a possession to be kept.
She was my equal.
My partner.
My other half.
I wasn’t complete without her.
How did that happen so fast?
I raked my hands through my hair as frustration bubbled beneath my skin.
I can’t rule without her. I just. . .realized that right now. . .but. . .how did that happen?
In order to be the best Mountain Master for the East, I needed her.
I needed her laughter, her strength, her warmth—everything that made her Moni.
Shit!
I would do anything to get her back.
Burn the world to ashes.
Kill anyone who stood in my way.
Betray my blood.
None of it mattered as long as she was by my side again.
That was the paradox I lived with—the tension between rage and reason, between the duty of a leader and the desperation of a lover.
Alright. Alright. No more tears. No more prayer. You had your moment. Get it together. Get your head back in the fucking game.
I couldn’t afford to be reckless, not with Moni’s life on the line.
I exhaled, forcing myself to stand straight.
She said that I must get rest and then train in the morning so. . .that’s what I’ll do.
Tomorrow, everything would change.
One way or another, I’d her have back to me. And when I did, I wouldn’t let her go.
Not ever again.
Because Moni wasn’t just the love of my life—she was my life.
And without her, there was no version of this world I wanted to live in.
When this nightmare ends, I’ll spoil her every day—her favorite wine, a warm bath, silk sheets. A trip to any place on this planet she wants to go to. Anything she wants, anything that’ll remind her that she’s more than a survivor. She’s my Mountain Mistress. My queen, and I’ll make sure she feels like one. . .all the fucking time.
My phone vibrated in my pocket, dragging me out of my sorrowful haze.
I took it out fast, hoping for Moni, but instead, Dima’s name glared on the screen.
Maybe, he found her.
I answered on the first ring. “Dima?”
His voice came through cold and direct. “We picked up lots of movement on Mount Utopia.”
Every muscle in my body tightened. “What kind of movement?”
“Gunfire. Sporadic shots. It’s not a full-on firefight, but it’s enough to draw attention.” He paused briefly, as if gauging my reaction. “But there’s no confirmation that Moni was there. As sure as satellite feeds can be. There’s no visual of her. No sign of Leo either. Just some people moving around but we couldn’t get close enough to identify them.”
I began pacing the room. “She’s there.”
“How do you know?”
“Guns aren’t allowed on Mount Utopia unless my father or me bring them. No others could do it.”
“You’re sure?”
“I’m sure. He has her there but I don’t understand the gunfire.”
“I sent men.”
I gripped the phone tighter. “And?”
“I dispatched a team immediately. They drove that way and got within two miles of the mountain before they ran into trouble.”
My chest tightened. “What kind of trouble?”
“Men in blue. Armed monks.”
“They stopped your men?”
“At first, they just started following—tailed them on the highway, staying just close enough to let them know they were there. My guys kept going but then more cars showed up and boxed them in.”
“Boxed them in where?”
“Near the old interstate exit that leads into the valley. It was coordinated. Like they were waiting for us and had already planned moves to make.”
“He knew I would guess that they would be on Mount Utopia.” I pressed my hand to my forehead, the headache from earlier threatening to return. “You had your men turn around? Right?”
“Yes.”
“Good. My father’s men would have never let them get too close to Mount Utopia. We don’t need any more dead tonight.” I let out an exasperated breath. “They’re going to block us from getting closer to Mount Utopia until the battle tomorrow.”
“What about helicopters?”
“We have anti-air weapons on Utopia and the surrounding mountains with men guarding them. No one can land unless we want them too.” I clenched my jaw. “And if I push my father too much there’s always the small chance that. . .”
“He would kill Moni?”
“Yes.”
“Then, we can’t take any chances, Lei.”
I gritted my teeth. “Do me a favor, Dima.”
“Yes?”
“Keep eyes on the mountain. Let me know if there ends up being more gunfire.”
“I will.”
“Thank you, Dima.” A knot twisted in my gut. “If. . .”
“Yes?”
“If he has allowed guns up there then. . .perhaps he gave some to Moni. Who else would need them on Mount Utopia?”
“So. . .he gives her guns to kill?”
“I can’t think of any other reason there would be guns up there.”
“This would be part of her initiation?”
“I think so,” I rubbed the back of my neck. Tension crept up my spine. “I wonder if I can get more of my Four Aces up there.”
“It might be tricky. Leo has most likely thought of everything.”
“I can’t have her in some fucked up position out there.”
“You made her your Mountain Mistress for a reason. She’s smart and strong—”
“I made her my Mountain Mistress because my heart couldn’t live without her.”
Dima fell silent, perhaps unsure of what to say in the face of my vulnerability.
Eventually, he spoke again, and his voice was gentler this time. “Lei, I know. . .but we have to trust her. She’s proven herself already.”
“I know, Dima. It’s not her I don’t trust—it’s him. My father is sick.”
“He picked her also.”
“That doesn’t calm my nerves.”
“It should. It means he knows just how much she can take to pass whatever initiation he has for her.”
Frustration gnawed at me but I knew Dima was right.
“When are you going to sleep, Lei?”
“Soon.”
“You must. This battle isn’t just physical—it’s symbolic. Your victory will mark the end of your father’s era and the beginning of your reign.”
“I just want her back.”
Dima’s voice lowered. “I know. . .I know.”
I leaned my head to the side. “Do you have Rose with you?”
“I do. We’re on the second level of the Palace, getting ready for bed.”
“Good.” Tension gathered in my shoulders. “I’ll see you in the morning, Dima.”
“You will. I plan to help out with your training.”
A sad grin hit my face. “So you’re going to let me hit you?”
“Aww. If only you were so lucky.”
The call ended.
Then, someone knocked on the door.
I called out, “Yes?”
The door opened and Duck peeked his head in. “You told me to grab you once Moni’s sisters had settled in.”
I swallowed. “Fine, I’m coming.”
Moni wanted her sisters to have a safe and comfortable first night in the East. I would make sure that happened before heading to bed.
I just hoped that they would be okay this evening, and I could eventually go to sleep.
Will everything be okay?