29. Turk
29
TURK
W hen I came out—after a lengthy shower—Cass was curled up on the floor at the foot of the bed. I frowned down at him—was he shivering? Yes, he definitely was. He had his knees drawn up almost to his chin and his arms wrapped around himself but I could see he was shaking.
He had his eyes shut tightly—clearly he was trying to pretend he was asleep. But I wasn’t buying it—and I wasn’t going to let him freeze to death on the floor.
“Get up, boy,” I said, nudging him with my foot. “Come on—time to get in bed.”
His eyes popped open and he looked up at me.
“I don’t…don’t know if it’s a g-good id-dea for us t-to sleep t-t-together,” he said.
“Gods, listen to you—your teeth are chattering!” I frowned down at him. “Come on—get in bed. I promise I won’t touch you.”
I felt much calmer now—mainly because I’d jerked off in the shower several times before coming to bed. On one hand, it made me feel like a horny teenager to have to take care of myself like that. But on the other, the release of my seed and need had brought clarity with it.
I was in control of myself now—I wasn’t going to do anything we might both regret. Cass was a Crewmember—it would be unethical to have a relationship with him. I was going to keep my distance, even if I had to disappear into the bathroom to jerk off seven times a day.
But Cass didn’t know any of that. He was still looking at me with distrust in his big, amber eyes.
“Come on—I can’t let you freeze.”
Leaning down, I slid my arms under his slight frame and lifted him easily.
“Oh!” His eyes went wide as I put him on the bed and then climbed in beside him. “Captain, I don’t think?—”
“Look, I’m just attracted to you because you have Catamite blood—you must have,” I said, as I drew the coverlet over both of us. “I’m normally not a lover of men, as I said. And now that I know what’s causing the attraction, I can ignore it. And you can too. I’m sorry that I kissed you earlier,” I added, trying to make him feel more at ease. “It was…an unfortunate mistake.”
“An unfortunate mistake,” he echoed and I noticed that his teeth were no longer chattering. Good.
“Exactly—one that won’t be repeated,” I said firmly. “For now, let’s just try to get some sleep. Good night, Cass.” And I turned my back to him.
“Er…good night, Captain.” His voice sounded high and uncertain but I felt him settle cautiously beside me with his back to mine. Good—things were getting back to normal.
This is not a big deal, I told myself firmly. We can get over this—get past it. I’ll never touch him again.
But even as I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, I was tormented by fantasies of turning to take Cass in my arms and kissing him again.
And then doing much…much more.