41. Jessina
41
JESSINA
F inally we were far enough to turn our backs and start walking normally. I expected that now that we were out of danger, Turk would start asking me questions. But my Fated Mate was silent. There was a grim look on his face as he held me by the elbow and hurried me towards the spaceport in the dying light. He didn’t say a word as he guided me through the crowded place, filled with aliens and strange smells and sounds.
“Turk?” I said tentatively, as we finally came in view of The Illyrian which was docked in a wide berth near the end of the port.
“Not a word,” he ground out, glaring down at me briefly. “Not one…fucking…word until I get you back to my quarters!”
“But, I—” I began but another glare from him shut me up. I began to realize that he wasn’t just angry—he was furious. I felt my heart wilting inside me. Goddess, what was he going to do with me? Had I ruined everything between us? Would he ever forgive me?
It certainly didn’t seem so. Turk practically pushed me through the ship and up into his bedroom. Then he pointed a finger at me.
“Clean up and get dressed.”
He started to go but I called for him.
“Turk, wait! Where are you going? Can’t we just talk?” I pleaded.
His bronze eyes flashed.
“I don’t have time to fucking talk right now. I have to make sure the rest of the crew is on board so we can get the fuck out of here! Since you offended our trading partners, they’re talking about taking legal action and grounding The Illyrian.”
“Oh, no!” I put a hand to my mouth. “I…I’m so sorry! But how could I know they would smell me out?”
“How could you come on board my ship in the first place?” he growled.
“I just—” I started to explain but he put up a hand to stop me.
“No. Not right now. First we have to get the fuck off this planet.” He poked a finger at me again. “Clean up and stay in here. Don’t come out on the Bridge.”
“All right,” I said humbly, but he was already out the door and slamming it behind him.
It was clear I was in trouble. Deep trouble and I didn’t think there was anything I could do to get out of it.
I took a shower and thoroughly cleaned the wound in my arm where the implant had been. Then I bandaged it and put on my pink-flowered pajamas. They were my only clean clothes since my uniform was cut up and covered in blood and dirt. I didn’t bother with the compression tank—why should I? The jig was up—at least as far as Turk was concerned. So there was no point in binding my breasts and being uncomfortable. Then I sat on his bed and waited.
After a little while, I felt the ship begin to move and breathed a sigh of relief. Good, at least the Salashions hadn’t been able to keep The Illyrian on the planet’s surface! She was a fast ship—I was betting she could outrun anything they sent after us.
It seemed to take forever but finally Turk came back in. But any hopes I’d had that he might have cooled down in the time we were apart were instantly dashed by the expression on his face. He looked like a thundercloud about to burst as he came to stand across from the bed where I was sitting. Legs apart and arms crossed over his broad chest, he stared down at me.
“All right—what the Hell do you think you’re doing here? How dare you stow away aboard my ship pretending to be something you’re not?” he growled.
“I didn’t stow away,” I pointed out. “You hired me!”
“Only because I thought you were male!” he exclaimed. “How could you do this? Sneaking off like this—your brother is worried sick!”
“I know he is, but I couldn’t risk telling him what I was doing!” I said. “I couldn’t tell anyone—not even you. Because I knew if I did, you’d just return me to my father and stepmother and the horrible old man she picked out for me to get Bound to!” I leaned forward, trying to appeal to him. “Please, Turk! They already had the Binding Contract signed, without even asking me. And he’s old enough to be my GrandSire!”
“Goddess of the Four Faces!” He ran a hand over his curling horns distractedly. “They already have a Binding Contract?”
“Yes!” I nodded emphatically. “So you can see why I had to get away!”
“All I see is that you used me and my ship to run away from a legally authorized Binding with a man that your father—the Chieftain of Clan Cruel—set up for you!” he exclaimed. “Do you have any fucking idea what he’s going to do to me when he finds out his daughter was on my ship the whole time they thought you were kidnapped?”
“He doesn’t have to find out! We don’t have to tell him!” I protested.
“Oh, yes we do!” Turk growled. “I can’t keep you here with me. What do you think will happen if the Chieftain of my Clan finds out I basically fucking kidnapped the Princess of another Clan and took her on a Cross-Dimensional flight?”
“Technically I took you since I did most of the navigating,” I pointed out coolly. Which turned out to be the wrong thing to say.
“That’s another thing!” Turk growled, his face going even darker. “What the fuck were you thinking, playing like you’re a Cross-Dimensional Navigator? You could have gotten us all killed!”
“I wasn’t playing, I am a Cross-Dimensional Navigator!” I snapped, as pride overtook the fear I felt. “I took lessons when Slade did and then Grr. Horstauf asked me to come back and take more. He told me I’m the best pupil he’s ever had—and the only one with no blind spots.”
Turk shook his head.
“Come on—you know Goddess-damned well that a woman can’t be a navigator!”
“Why not?” I demanded, getting really angry now. “Because you have this ridiculous idea that women belong in the home or out shopping instead of navigating a ship? Well I have news for you, Turk—a brain and a vagina aren’t mutually exclusive body parts!”
He looked taken aback by my vehemence for a moment, but he still wasn’t backing down.
“Stop acting like I said you were stupid—I know you’re not. Hell, you had me completely fooled— I’m the stupid one. But you can’t be a navigator, Jessina—you’re a Clan Princess. Your father would never allow it.”
“Why does he get to say how I spend my life?” I shot back. “Why does he get to say who I get Bound to? I don’t care if I’m a Princess—I’m a person too! I have the brains and ability to navigate a ship all around the known universe and that’s what I want to do.” I leaned forward again. “And Turk… you’re who I want to do it with,” I added, in a lower voice.
His eyes widened and he shook his head.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying that I’m your Fated Mate—and you’re mine,” I said earnestly. “Can’t you feel it? The way we’ve been drawn together these last few weeks?”
“Goddess of the Four Faces!” He scrubbed his hand over his face, making a sandpapery sound when his palm ran over his whiskers.
“It’s true—you can’t deny it!” I exclaimed. “Ever since we started sleeping in the same bed together and you let me, you know, start sucking you?—”
“Stop!” Turk looked really upset now. “Don’t remind me! Do you know what Slade would do to me if he knew that I’ve been letting his little sister suck me off multiple times every night? Goddess, he’d want to kill me and I wouldn’t fucking blame him!”
“What does it matter what he thinks?” I demanded. First my father and now my big brother—why should the men in my family have more say about how I lived my life than I did?
“Because you’re his little sister!” Turk snarled. “You know that makes you off limits to me! It always has!”
“But that time at the club—” I began.
“I saved you because you were Slade’s little sister and I didn’t want to see you get hurt or raped,” he growled. “Not because I had some crazy idea that you were my ‘Fated Mate.’ Which is bullshit, by the way.”
“It is not!” I protested. “Slade found his mate—he and Aurora are so happy together. You know it’s true—you know it happens! And you know that you and I are Fated Mates.”
“I don’t know any such fucking thing.” Turk gave me a hard stare. “All I know is that you tricked your way aboard my ship and you’ve been pretending to be something and someone you’re not for weeks.” He pointed at me. “You had me questioning everything about myself, you know that? I thought I was in love with another male— and I was all right with that!”
There it was—he’d been in love with me—he’d admitted it! So why couldn’t he admit that he still loved me?
“Turk,” I began, trying to reason with him. “If you’ll just try to remember those feelings, those emotions and realize that I haven’t changed, not really. And neither have you.”
“Oh yes, I fucking have,” he growled. “I’ve just gotten a lot smarter and I don’t want to hear anything else you have to say.” He stabbed a finger at me again. “We’re going to one more planet to make the trades we came for—though She of the Four Faces knows I won’t be able to get the deal I would have from the Salashions before you fucked it up—and then we’re going straight home to Rigelis Nine. And you are going back to your father!”
I felt tears stinging my eyes but I tried not to show it.
“How can you do this to me?” I whispered, shaking my head. “I’m your little bird—don’t you remember? How can you give me back to be Bound to an ugly old male I don’t love? How can you give me to another man at all when I’m fated to be yours and you’re fated to be mine?”
His lips formed a thin white line and he shook his head.
“I’m not listening to any more of this. You’re going home and that’s all there is to it.”
Then he turned on his heel and left his bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him.
I started to go after him…and then I heard the snick sound of the door locking. So now I was a prisoner in his quarters and there was nothing more to be said—I was going home.
My heart, which had been aching from the start of the conversation, felt like it had burst. Turk wouldn’t believe he was my Fated Mate and even worse, he hated me now. He was angry that I’d made him question his sexuality and furious that I’d lied my way aboard his ship.
Everything was going wrong and there was no way to make it right again! I was headed home to a miserable life of being Bound to an old man who would paw my body whenever he wanted to and probably lock me in a bedroom when he wasn’t using me.
Tears stung my eyes as I realized my life was essentially over and there was nothing I could do about it.