Oliver
“Bat cave?” I ask.
Emily knocks on the security door, and Holloway answers.
“You’re back, Mr. Whitehall?” Holloway says, more a question than a statement. I’m guessing the grump would be more than happy if I never showed my face again. I caused more than enough issues for him back when he was working for James and not Thayer.
“Indeed. I couldn’t miss the big day.” I place my hands on Emily’s shoulders. And fuck, I’m not going to not touch her. I touch everyone. That’s part of who I am. It would be weirder if I didn’t touch her.
“Right.” Holloway looks from Emily to me. “How can I help?”
“We’re going perambulating.” I nod at him as I hear my father’s voice come out of my mouth.
Holloway’s brow furrows.
“A walk,” Emily states.
“To the pub?” Holloway asks.
“Is there any other kind of walk?” I ask.
“Apparently not.” He pivots back to the room. “She’s going out. I’ll cover it. Keep working on the issue.” He nods to two of his team with their noses in computer screens and pulls the door tightly shut before Emily can get a look inside.
She frowns at him, takes my hand, and hustles down the corridor. There’s a light mist in the air, like the ground is tearing up.
“You sure you want to walk, Em?”
“Definitely.” She pulls up her rain hood.
“Emily,” the bartender calls out like she’s royalty. “Didn’t think you’d be coming out today in this weather. You need to keep warm, love.”
“Thanks!” Emily waves at the dark-haired server and slides into a booth.
I’m quicker than the other two and slide in next to her. I drop my hand on her knee but lift it quickly. Damn. Anders and Ryder have texted me about how the security team is keeping a close watch on her, so doing anything isn’t possible. “Where’s Thayer?”
“He said he was coming back the day before yesterday, but he didn’t show up. I almost sent him a text. But I’m enjoying my me time.” She wiggles her eyebrows, and now I want to know what she’s doing for “me time.” I’m bursting inside because I’m going to be joining her for her me time tonight.
“Did you text him?” I ask Anders and Ryder, then nod thanks to the server, who’s placed a pint in front of me without me asking. The same goes for Ryder. Emily has tea, and Anders a glass of water.
“No,” they say together.
I pull out my phone.
Are you coming back to Havenwood soon?
Thayer
I’ll be back Saturday morning.
You know it’s her birthday tomorrow.
Thayer
I’m aware.
You don’t think you should—
His message comes in before I hit send.
Thayer
She doesn’t want me there for her birthday. I have things I need to do. The less time we’re together, the better.
This is about the kiss?
I wait for his response. Ryder’s been messaging me.
He keeps me up to date while I handle the PR mess.
We’re in agreement that Emily developing feelings for him will be detrimental to the plan and her future wellbeing.
So really, I shouldn’t be upset that he’s not coming back for her birthday.
I should be fucking thrilled that he’s keeping his emotionally repressed self away from her.
But he’s my friend, and there’s a damn sense of loyalty that stirs my gut.
You should come back for her birthday. It’s bad optics for a fiancé to leave his girl alone on her birthday.
Thayer
She’s not exactly alone, now, is she?
A sharp laugh bursts out of me. One that used to drive both my etiquette instructor and nanny crazy. “Excuse me.”
“Are you texting Thayer? What did he say?” Emily asks.
“Yes.” I tip the phone so she can read. She rolls her eyes.
You’re not wrong.
“No, he’s not.” Emily smiles and picks up her own phone.
Thayer
I’m sure she’ll have a happy birthday. Just make sure to keep it a quiet one.
We’ll save you some cake.
Thayer
You know me so well, old friend.
Which is his way of saying fuck you. He hates cake.
Sweets altogether. Sugar’s another addiction that he can’t let take over his life.
Or some fucking shit like that. A while after we graduated from Hemmings College, when we went our separate ways, I was back in town trying to figure out what to do with my life.
He’d been my best friend, and one afternoon in an upscale douchebag bar with artisanal ice cubes and gold leaf cocktails, he leaned over his green drink and told me we weren’t compatible.
I told him, “I don’t want to marry you.”
He blinked at me. “I’m serious, Oliver. This is it. I’m heading in a different direction.”
I shake the memory off. “Can I ask you something personal?” I drop my hand to Emily’s knee.
“Of course, anything.”
“It’s about high school. Your time at Pine Green with Thayer.”
“That was a long time ago. I was fifteen. Half a lifetime ago.” Her bright blue eyes twinkle at me. “More than half of a lifetime ago, tomorrow. Thirty-one. There’s a lot of times I didn’t think I’d make it.” Her eyes skim around the table.
“Same.” Ryder nods. I catch him looking away from us. Not for the first time, I realize he’s got a suitcase full of secrets as well.
“Our time on the raft is the key one for me,” Anders says.
“What did you want to know?” Emily rests her hand on top of mine.
“How did he do it? Break up with you?”
She laughs, and her eyes graze the tops of Anders and Ryder’s heads.
“Oliver?” Her eyebrows shoot up. “You really want to know?” She closes her eyes when I nod.
“I knew something was up for a while. He wasn’t acting like himself.
At first, I thought it was just that his parents were coming to graduation.
Or graduation itself, being nervous about the next steps of life.
It’s a big change. My na?ve self didn’t understand, but even I knew something was up.
He was pulling away, but I pretended. Graduation came, and he cleaned out his room.
He took me . . . he took me to a spot where couples would hang out. ”
I grip her leg. Ryder’s assertion that she’s still not over Thayer even after all this . . . it’s true.
She squeezes my hand back. “He told me I had too much goodness to be with him.”
“That’s it?”
“Yup. He dropped me off at my dorm. I cried nonstop. He didn’t answer his phone.
He had a flight out the next morning, so I waited the night.
He was supposed to get on the bus that took international students to Boston.
I went to his room the next morning to give him the list of reasons he was wrong.
But he’d gotten a private ride to the airport and left.
His room was spotless. I fell on the floor and cried.
I cried a lot. His car was gone too. I found out a valet service had picked it up and driven it to New York City.
But you know, I was fifteen, and it hit me hard.
Though everything hit me hard back then.
I cried when I stepped on a butterfly and killed it by mistake that year. ”
“That’s sad,” Anders says. “I would have cried too. The part about the butterfly, not Thayer. Fuck him. He didn’t know when he had a good thing.”
Emily smiles. “I cried a month over that butterfly. I’m sure Lilith still has it somewhere.”
“Puberty, man, it’s rough.” Ryder reaches across the table and brushes her other hand.
Holloway drops his pint glass on the table across from ours with vigor, and Ryder yanks his hand back.
“I bet you were cute with your cracking voice in middle school.” Emily bats her eyelashes at Ryder.
“Middle school,” he repeats. “Fourteen is middle school.”
“Yeah.” Anders elbows Ryder lightly in the ribs.
“Wasn’t there something else?” I ask Emily.
Anders kicks me in the shin. Our first officer is showing his violent side. But I get it; I’m opening her up to her old wounds. I have my reasons. I’ll let him in on them later.
Emily rolls her eyes. “You know what happened.”
“I do. I’m just wondering if I know it all.”
“Oliver, why is this important?”
“Everything about you is important. Every fraction of your history has brought you to this point, and I want to understand it all. Every last bit.”
“Fine.” She lifts her hand from mine. “For two months, I cried. I cried.”
“Two months?” Anders mouths.
“My dad couldn’t take it anymore. He put me on his jet with Susan, and we flew to where I thought Thayer was staying.
Only Zambrano Senior was home. And that’s how we ended up where we are today.
I was still a brokenhearted fifteen-year-old who set a mousetrap for my future self.
One we are still paying for. Trust me, during the time I was trying to find the other raft, I wondered about my life choices.
But then it was just agreeing to marry a cheating asshole.
Looks like I have a type. Though I don’t think—”
“Thayer’s many things, but I can’t imagine him ever cheating on someone. That’s not his mortal sin.” His father cheated on his mother. I saw how that broke him. No, he’d never cheat on anyone.
I shouldn’t defend him. He’s not the sort of man who needs defending.
“And what would his be?” Anders cocks an eyebrow at me.
“His sins run colder. Pride. Wrath. Maybe control, if you’re keeping score.” I stare at Anders. Emily must already know the truth. She has to, right?