Chapter 2 #2
I must bristle at the word shower… I need one so badly, but… What will they expect from me in return? I shake my head. “I don’t want to. I don’t want to go with you.”
“Claire.” His voice is so soft and low. “I’m going to say this as many times as you need to hear it, so listen good.
You’re safe here. You and your baby are safe.
Nobody’s going to hurt you here. We’re going to help you get on your feet.
You don’t have to worry about anything but getting your strength back. ”
I don’t know how he knows I’m weak. I must look as bad as I feel. I don’t even want to think how I look to them. I only know for sure how bad I feel.
“Claire,” he says again, and his voice is so gentle. “No one here is going to hurt you. I’m not going to let anything happen to you for as long as you’re under our roof. Do you understand?”
I lift my head slowly, but I can’t speak. I can’t believe what he says. I can’t dare to trust that maybe, maybe, he’s telling the truth. Luck doesn’t happen to people like me.
I used to believe in luck and happy endings. I used to laugh and feel beautiful, but that was a long time ago.
He holds out a hand to me. “Come with me,” he says. “Get out of the truck. Let’s go inside. You’ll have a room just for you and the baby.”
I look at Poppy. She’s standing beside him, and I notice she’s leaning forward, her beautiful, soft curls framing her face like an angel. She’s resting a hand on his shoulder and nodding. “You look like you’re going to faint, honey,” she says gently. “You need food and some water. Let us help you.”
I swallow a wave of nausea and allow their words to sink in. I can’t stay stuck to this seat forever, and both my daughter and I will need a place to sleep tonight.
I promise myself I will steal what I need and we will run at the first sign of anything we don’t like.
I promise myself I won’t make the same mistakes I made with Anthony.
I make myself a promise that we will be okay.
I’m not strong right now, but there is nothing I wouldn’t do to protect my daughter. Even if that means doing the thing I cannot fathom ever doing again and trusting someone.
Poppy is smiling so big, I have to look away.
When I look at Savage, there is something I can’t read in his eyes.
He’s big and tattooed and mean-looking, for sure.
But there’s something else. The same thing I saw when he gave me his water when I was in Mad Dog’s truck.
The same thing I saw when he watched Mad Dog yank me so hard I almost dropped Aurora.
I don’t know what it is I see in him. And I sure don’t understand why. But I sit up slowly, hug my baby closer to my chest, and take his hand.
“Follow me,” Poppy says, motioning for me to follow her.
I do, but my steps are heavy. This place is a heck of a lot nicer than what the Hellfires call home. But it has the same vibe. Pool table, big TVs, a huge bar. Posters on the walls, recliner chairs and couches that look very comfortable.
There are a lot of people around—guys in jeans and T-shirts, some wearing their leather vests.
Some women too. Just like over at the Hellfires’ compound.
But something about this place feels less desperate and more homey.
A woman is standing behind the bar, popping the cap off a bottle of beer and handing it to a guy whose massive back is covered in leather.
I make quick eye contact with her, take in her big, fake boobs and her heavily made-up face.
I’m braced for her to scowl or curse, but she looks at me and smiles.
I look down at my toes and follow Poppy down a long, narrow hallway.
The guy who bought me follows close behind me.
Maybe to keep an eye on his investment? Maybe to make sure I don’t try to run, pass out, or get sick on their floors?
I don’t know. My nerves are so fried right now, I can’t think straight.
We pass a bunch of closed doors, and my heart sinks.
I wonder where they are taking me. What kind of hellhole they’ll toss me into.
But my throat is dry, and my knees are too weak.
I can’t run. I can’t ask questions. I can’t even fight.
I feel a sting of tears as I whisper an apology against my daughter’s warm head.
How did I fail her so badly?
I follow Poppy wordlessly past door after door until, finally, she pulls a key from a pocket in her dress and unlocks a door.
“So, this room is yours.” Poppy waves a perfectly manicured hand around the space. She walks in, and I follow her. “Phantom got this for me as a surprise, but since I don’t need it, you can use this until we get you one of your own.”
I follow her hand and notice that she’s pointing to a crib.
An actual crib. With sheets and baby blankets and everything.
It’s white wood, and it looks brand-new.
It’s beautiful. Like the crib I would have wanted for my daughter if she’d ever been able to have anything like that.
She never has. I can hardly believe what I’m seeing.
I look from Poppy to the crib and back, not able to process what’s going on. I say nothing.
Poppy motions toward the closet. “I didn’t know your size, but when Phantom called to tell me you were coming, I grabbed a couple things from my closet at home and a few things from the girls here.
There’s a bunch of sizes, and it’s all clean, so wear whatever you feel comfortable in until we can take you shopping. ”
Take me shopping.
Take me shopping?
I look from her to the man who’s lingering just inside the doorway. He hasn’t come all the way in, as if he’s expecting some kind of invitation.
“I don’t understand,” I say quietly. “I don’t…”
Poppy’s grin fades a bit. I can’t tell if she’s angry or confused, but I brace for her to start screaming.
“Honey,” she says gently, “Savage will get you taken care of once you’re settled. But for tonight at least, will you mind using what we have here? I’m going to send one of the prospects to pick up diapers and formula. Whatever you need, just let me know. I’ll write it all down.”
Would I mind? Whatever I need? I have so many questions, I hardly know where to begin. But I ask the one I need to know the answer to the most. “Who is Savage?” I ask cautiously.
Poppy laughs. She jerks a thumb at the man in the doorway. “That’s him right there.”
Of course. The guy who bought me.
I nod. “And is this your room?” I look from the plain gray sheets to the light blankets on the bed.
There are no personal items in this room.
No photos or anything. A small couch, the crib, a double bed, and a dresser.
It looks like there is a small closet, and then there’s another door.
Maybe that one connects to his room? Because this room sure doesn’t look lived-in.
Savage grunts and shakes his head. “My room’s down the hall. When I stay here at the compound, at least. This is a spare room for you and the baby. You’ll have total privacy at all times.”
Poppy holds up a key. “This locks the door from the outside. Phantom has a copy, but only in case of emergencies. It’s in a lockbox in his office.
When you and your daughter are inside, you can lock the dead bolt.
And when you leave, you can lock the door, but you really don’t have to.
” She laughs. “I can’t imagine these guys breaking in for diapers. ”
“If they’ve had enough to drink, I wouldn’t put anything past ’em.” Savage chuckles, but then, looking at me, he shakes his head. “You don’t need to worry,” he tells me. “They’ll keep it chill while you’re here.”
Poppy laughs again. “Before we moved in together, Phantom’s daughters would stay here all the time. A lot of the guys have girlfriends or kids. They know how to behave when there are kids around.”
She walks across the room and opens a small door.
“Your room has a private bathroom, and I grabbed a couple of toiletries and some soap, but of course you’re going to need a lot more.
” She pulls a cell phone out of her pocket and opens an app.
“I’ll make a list. What size diapers does your daughter need?
Any food allergies? What brand of food does she like? ”
Poppy rattles off so many questions, and I can’t answer any of them. I mumble answers, embarrassed to admit the truth.
Aurora eats whatever is cheapest. Whatever Anthony felt like picking up at the dollar store or the discount grocery mart.
What are they going to want from me in exchange for all of this? I can’t think about that now.
All I can do is take it one minute at a time.
Aurora starts fussing, and my whole brain shuts off to what’s around me. All that matters is my little girl.
“Hey, baby,” I coo, bouncing her lightly, her very wet diaper sloshing under my arms.
“Oh my God.” Poppy’s voice is soft and so reverent. She ducks her head, and her brows come together like she wants to cry. “Those are the most beautiful blue eyes I’ve ever seen. Look at you, angel.” She doesn’t move toward us, but a sheen of tears comes into her eyes. “What’s her name?”
“Aurora,” a deep voice says.
I don’t say it. The man in the doorway remembered.
“Aurora.” Poppy echoes it, looking back at him, and then turns to me and nods.
“My God, she’s gorgeous. My daughters are going to flip when they meet her.
” She looks to me quickly. “I’m not saying you have to let them babysit.
They are going to beg, though. They’re teenagers—fourteen and seventeen—and they are dying for this baby.
” She pats her belly. “So, no pressure to let them practice on Aurora.”
“Knock-knock.” There is another voice at the door.
I turn and see the woman from behind the bar resting her chin on Savage’s shoulder.
She’s peeking over him and grinning at us.
“Hey, Poppy babe. There’s no way I’m letting some prospect make a run for baby shit.
I’m going to do it myself. Do Mama and Baby want to come along? ”
Poppy looks at me and lifts her brow. “I think Stella’s right. You want to come? We’ll make a trip out together?”
I swallow hard and look down at myself. I shake my head. I don’t want to go, but I also don’t really want Poppy to leave me alone. Suddenly, having her nearby feels safe.
As if she can read my thoughts, Poppy shakes her head. “You know what, Stel, why don’t you take Savage? There’s no bathtub in Claire’s bathroom, so maybe she’ll want me to help with Aurora while they clean up and get changed.”
“Cool. Should we buy a tub, then? Is that a thing? Like a baby pool for inside? I don’t know shit about kids.” Stella is cracking up, and Poppy laughs with her.
“Get whatever you think she needs.” Savage’s voice is low. “Get it all.”
“I got your list, Poppy. I’m on it.” Stella holds up her cell phone, then spins and heads back down the hallway, leaving me alone with Savage and Poppy.
He turns to leave but then stops and looks at Poppy.
“Can I have a minute with Claire?”
Poppy starts to leave, but I shake my head.
I don’t even mean to. It’s like my body is reacting before my brain can process.
I don’t want to be alone with him. Not yet.
I’m not ready. And even if he makes me pay for saying no to him, I’ll deal with it later when I’ve got some fight back in me.
Right now, I’m feeling too fragile. I don’t trust myself to fight back, and I sure as hell don’t trust him.
Do I trust Poppy? Maybe.
She shoots a look at Savage, and he nods. They had a whole conversation about me, I’m sure, without saying a word.
“It’s all good,” Savage says. “We’ll talk right here.”
He comes into the room but stands a healthy distance away from me. He keeps his eyes on Poppy, as if making sure she’s close enough to ensure I don’t feel threatened by him.
“Hey, listen,” he says gently. “You going to be okay? Poppy will stay with you until you settle in.”
I nod, avoiding his eyes.
“I meant what I said out here.” He walks backward toward the door. “You’re completely safe here. Lock up when I leave, and I’ll knock when I’m back. You don’t want to open this door, you don’t, you hear me?”
I can’t look at him. But his voice… The way he doesn’t sound angry. Doesn’t sound mad. He sounds sincere.
If I didn’t know better, if I didn’t believe it was impossible, I’d think he wants to help me.
I can’t process that. I never had a moment’s privacy at the Hellfires’ compound.
“All right, then.” He looks me over, and I look up at him for the first time since I got out of the truck.
My skin tingles, and I’m shaking inside, my belly weak and knees feeling like jelly because for the first time in as long as I can remember, a man is looking at me with something I am sure I recognize.
Kindness. There is nothing else there that I can see.
Despite the circumstances, he is nothing short of kind.
Then just like that, he gives me a tight smile. He looks at Aurora and says, “Be back soon, kid.” And then, he’s gone.
My shoulders sag in relief the minute he’s gone. But I won’t get too comfortable. Because like he said, he’ll be back, and then I’ll find out what he has planned for me.