Chapter 8
RR EH ERR EH ERRRRR
I’m torn from dreamless slumber, the kind that happens when your exhaustion is bone deep and you pass out the second your head hits the pillow.
I hiss as my feet touch the freezing floorboards, a full-body shiver breaking out as I emerge from under the covers.
Every muscle in my back screams at me in protest at the movement.
But the sooner I get up and get down to Doodle to give him the cuddles he demands, the fewer times I’ll have to hear his ear-splitting crowing.
He perks up from where he’s pecking at the dirt by the porch steps the moment I open the front door. A blast of cold air hits me, and my tits feel like they’re a few seconds from freezing off as I step outside. There’s no way I’m sitting out here with him this morning.
Doodle stares at me, as if to say, what are you waiting for?
He tilts his head like he’s going to crow at me again, so I curse and scurry down the porch steps.
After four mornings in a row of him not pecking my eyes out, I decide the odds of him attacking me are slim as I scoop him under my arm unceremoniously and haul ass with him back into the house.
He doesn’t struggle. When I shut the door behind me, he lets out a few clucks, but doesn’t seem upset about this arrangement at all. Part of me wants to see if he’d snuggle with me in bed so I can get some more sleep, but I need to stay up and get ready for day five of hell.
Because Cal, despite being marginally nicer to me when we’re together, seems determined to show me every inch of the ranch. Aka make me do every menial chore imaginable.
I don’t know how much longer I can take it. I was barely able to move when I got back yesterday. As much as I want to prove otherwise, I’m a sit behind a desk and go for an occasional walk kind of girl, not a wake up before dawn and work until your legs can’t hold you up girl.
I can only be sustained by sheer stubbornness so long, and I’m getting close to my breaking point.
We’ve got to be almost done with the comprehensive tour. Surely Cal has regular work to attend to, and he’ll give me a pat on the shoulder and tell me I did a good job learning the ropes.
I snort, the idea of the stern minotaur complimenting my efforts comical.
“Okay, I’ll give you five minutes, and then I need to get dressed and eat something before Cal comes to torture me.
” I swear the cluck Doodle lets out as I settle us onto the floral couch in the living room is him arguing for longer.
“You don’t want to be here when he comes. You’re already on his shit list.”
Doodle clucks a few times, almost defiantly.
“Hey, if you want to be cooked up for dinner, then fine. Stay longer.”
He rakes his beak through the ends of my hair, and when I lay a hand on his back, he starts to purr.
“You’re a funny little guy, you know that?” I murmur as I pet him. “I’m still not a fan of your wake-up calls, but I could get used to this affection.”
It’s sad, but the morning cuddles I’ve had with Doodle are the most physical contact I’ve had with another creature in ages. I swore off dating after the string of bad hookups and terrible decisions I made when I was spiraling from losing my job.
“You’re certainly more dependable than the men I’ve dated,” I say with a soft chuckle.
I stare down at his pristine white feathers.
“Cleaner too. No wonder all the ladies back at the coop like you.” I smile as I think about the other day when we were helping collect eggs and Doodle had a group of other chickens following him around like his fan club.
Five minutes turn into ten as I let his soothing purrs and comforting weight lull me into a trance-like state. When I realize I’m nodding off, I force myself to get up and bring Doodle back outside. He gives me a frustrated ruffle of his feathers, but listens when I shoo him off.
I barely have time to get dressed and eat half a bowl of cereal before Cal is knocking on my door, summoning me to my fate of another grueling day. He’s here earlier than usual, and when I answer the door with a feigned smile, he almost looks surprised that I’m ready to go.
“Morning!” I say as brightly as possible, even as the blister on my big toe screams at me for putting those damn boots back on.
Cal inclines his head. “Mornin’. Ready to continue learning about the ranch?”
I nod. “Yep. Lead on, cowboy.”
His eyes narrow a touch when I’m unable to fully disguise the wince as I take a step out the door. “If you’re not up to it—”
I shake my head adamantly. “Nope! I’m good. Let’s go.” I refuse to show him any weakness.
Though, as soon as I realize where Cal’s leading me, I regret not taking the out he tried to give me. We’re headed directly to the stables.
“Mucking stalls? I thought you already showed me that,” I say with a tense laugh that doesn’t quite disguise the dismay in my voice.
He shakes his head. “No, I figured it’s time to give you a proper introduction to the horses.”
Ice fills my veins, a chill that has nothing to do with the cold morning air, making me shudder. “Oh.”
I scramble for an excuse that will get me out of interacting with the horses, but my sleep-deprived brain refuses to function.
Cal stops by the gate to the paddock, turning on his heel to look at me so fast that I almost walk face-first into his chest. Brow furrowing, he crosses his arms over his chest, the fabric of his flannel straining across his massive biceps.
God, he’s muscular. I’ve never really been one to ogle muscles, but there’s something about his strength that’s hard not to notice. I bet he could pick me up and carry me around no problem. That would be so nice. My feet are killing me already.
Whatever he was going to say seems to vanish. His mouth quirks. “Why are you staring at my arms?”
Oh god, way to call a girl out. My cheeks burn as I force a laugh. “Oh, uh, just thinking that maybe I’ll finally have some muscle definition in my arms after all this work.”
Cal lets out a noncommittal hum as his gaze drops to look at my noodle arms. Ugh, now he’s paying attention to how scrawny I am compared to him. Another reason for him to think I’m incapable.
I follow him through the gate, which he carefully latches behind me. With each step we take, my stomach clenches with increased dread. Thankfully, it doesn’t look like any horses are loose in the stable yard yet, so at least there’s no imminent danger of one trampling me.
“Dutch is getting a few of the horses ready for a trail ride, but I figure we can start the introductions with Undertaker.”
I freeze, unable to hide the fear as my entire body floods with anxiety.
Fuck, he’s going to realize how scared I am, and then all of this effort will have been for nothing. This is a goddamn ranch! Half the activities for guests involve horses. How did I think I could get away with not interacting with the horses?
“U-Undertaker?” The sound I release is less like a chuckle and more a nervous yelp. “That’s an ominous name.”
Cal shrugs. “Dawn named him.”
I want to ask if she meant it as a joke, or if this horse is seriously dangerous, but there’s a lurch of guilt inside me that I didn’t know my grandma well enough to know. That guilt tangles up with my fear, sticking my words in my throat.
“Now, when I bring him out, make sure not to stand behind him. If you need to walk behind a horse, have a hand on them so they know you’re there.”
Cool, now I’m going to be terrified the whole time about somehow accidentally getting behind this horse and getting a hoof to the chest.
I swallow hard and nod.
“Alright, I’ll bring him out. Wait here.”
As Cal heads into the stable, I have the overwhelming urge to flee. He must be able to tell, given he had to tell me to stay here. God, I’m so fucked.
My breathing grows more and more shallow as anxiety courses through me, and I close my eyes, trying to calm myself down to no avail.
When I open my eyes, I stifle a cry because Cal has returned, leading a white horse that looks exactly like the one on that damn Death tarot card.
I take a step back as they approach, hands shaking.
Cal pauses, his ears tilting in a way that I’ve come to realize indicates confusion. “Everything alright?”
No. You’re standing there with the literal incarnate of Death’s horse, who you call Undertaker.
“I…I…” Shit, don’t cry. Don’t you dare cry in front of him. “I’m f-fine.”
A deep furrow forms on Cal’s brow, and he murmurs something to the horse, patting it before releasing the lead and moving toward me.
I tense, eyes wide and heart slamming against my ribcage as I wait for the horse to come barreling toward me now that he has free rein to go wherever he wants, but he stays put where Cal left him.
Heavy, large hands rest on my shoulders, and I startle, looking up to meet Cal’s eyes. I expect judgment or his usual glare, but it’s absent. In its place is a softness I’ve never seen.
“Hey now. It’s okay, Belle. Breathe with me.”
Cal drags in a deep, exaggerated breath, and I attempt to do the same, my inhale ragged. He exhales, and I release my breath.
“Good. Let’s do a few more.”
I stare up at him, his deep blue eyes anchoring me as I follow along with his breathing until the adrenaline coursing through me fades.
“Good girl, that’s it. Everything’s okay. You’re safe.” Cal’s words are murmured, filled with a kindness and understanding that makes me flush almost as much as hearing him call me a “good girl” does.
“Sorry. I’m okay.”
Cal shakes his head at me and squeezes my shoulders. “Nothing to apologize for. My fault for not realizing you were scared.”
I want to protest, but given I was shaking like a leaf at the prospect of meeting a horse, there’s no point pretending. “It’s stupid,” I murmur.
Some of the sternness returns to Cal’s gaze. “Nope. None of that. We all have things we’re scared of, and it doesn’t matter if it’s logical or not. Besides, being afraid of horses makes a whole lot more sense than something like spiders.”
I raise a brow at him. “You’re scared of spiders?”
He snorts and shakes his head. “August is.”
“Really?” I can’t imagine the friendly, mature minotaur freaking out over a spider.
“Yep.” Cal lets out an amused huff. “He always makes me come get them when he sees one in our cabin.”
The mental image makes me smile. “Aww, well that’s sweet of you.”
Cal waves me off. “Not sweet. I just don’t like seeing people I care about upset when I’m able to fix the problem.”
Wait, does that mean he cares about me?
It can’t. He’s being nice. Probably doesn’t want to deal with me fainting and having to haul me back to the house.
He clears his throat. “If you’re willing to try, Undertaker is the perfect horse to face a bit of your fears with. He’s a total sweetheart.”
I scoff before I can stop myself. “Undertaker is sweet?”
“Dawn had a strange sense of humor,” Cal says matter-of-factly. “He’s gentle as can be.”
I search his face, looking for any kind of deception, but all I find is that confusing gentleness that makes my chest constrict. “Alright. If you promise he’s not going to get upset and kick me.”
Cal reaches a hand out to me. “I promise. I’ll keep you safe.”
I hesitantly place my hand in his, and he wraps his large fingers around mine in a loose but engulfing hold. He leads me back toward Undertaker, who looks up from where he’s sniffing at the grass.
“Hey boy, I’ve got a friend to introduce you to,” Cal murmurs, reaching out with his free hand to stroke the horse’s side.
“When you’re interacting with a horse, you want to stand a little to the side so they can see you, rather than directly in front of them.
Keep your voice calm and avoid big, sudden movements.
Chances are, they’re a little nervous about meeting you, too. ”
“O-okay.” I let the anchor of Cal’s hand around mine keep me calm, noting how as he’s speaking to me, he’s doing exactly what he told me to do with the horse.
“Horses like to greet by smelling, so why don’t you hold your hand out for him? He’s not a biter.”
My fingers tremble, but I do as Cal says, and a moment later, Undertaker’s giant nose comes to my hand, snuffling gently. Big, dark eyes observe me, his lashes surprisingly long and pretty.
“You’re very handsome, aren’t you?” I murmur, even as I fight not to move away.
“He is. Though his looks haven’t been enough to charm his crush yet.” Cal pats Undertaker’s side.
“His crush?” I don’t take my eyes off the horse, but I can sense Cal’s rare smile.
“Yep. He’s hopelessly in love with my girl, Astra, but she won’t give him the time of day.”
Undertaker lets out a huff as if in agreement with Cal.
“Aww, poor buddy. So you’re into big, beautiful lady horses?” Undertaker blinks at me and his ears flick. He really isn’t so bad now that I’m up close. Every time he moves, I have to keep myself from panicking a little, but he’s cute.
“Mares,” Cal corrects, and I suppress the urge to roll my eyes at him. “But yeah, he doesn’t seem to think their size difference is a deterrent.”
“The heart wants what it wants. I get it.” I smile at Undertaker in sympathy. I can definitely relate to a horse with questionable romantic taste.
“You’re into giant women, too?” Cal asks, deadpan.
My snort is so loud it startles Undertaker, and I freeze, but nothing happens. A moment later, he’s back to watching me with those soft, soulful eyes and nudging against my hand.
“He thinks you have treats because you smell sweet,” Cal explains.
“I do?” Something about the way he states the fact has me flushing.
Cal doesn’t reply. He releases his hold on my hand to dig in his pocket. “Here,” he places a treat in my palm. “Hold your hand out flat for him.”
“Are you sure he won’t bite me?” I ask, nerves creeping back in.
Cal nods, stepping behind me and placing one hand on my lower back and his other hand underneath mine, guiding it out toward the horse.
My heart races, and it’s not just from the way Undertaker takes the treat from me, his lips doing a weird little grabby thing that has me giggling.
“See? Now you’re his best friend.”
“After one treat?” I turn over my shoulder to look back at Cal and find him with a strange look on his face. It’s gone before I can understand what it means.
He nods. “Yep.”
There’s an awkward, weighted moment where neither of us speaks, but it’s interrupted by Undertaker nosing at my hand.
I laugh and shake my head at the horse. “Sorry, buddy, I don’t have any more. Next time I’ll bring my own treats.”
“Already setting up a second date? Thought you were scared of horses.”
I roll my eyes at Cal but grin. “I guess some of them aren’t too bad.”
The smile Cal gives me has my chest squeezing again. “Just you wait. You’ll be out on the trail with him in no time.”
I want to argue, but something about Cal’s confidence has me biting my tongue. Oddly enough, it feels like if I have him by my side, I might be able to do it.