Chapter 24
You’d think that by the time I’d finished baking the cake and putting together activity packets for the guests, I’d stop blushing. My cheeks are still hot as I put the cakes in the freezer to cool them off before frosting, and I linger in front of the frigid air hoping it’ll help cool my senses.
I kissed Cal.
Cal kissed me. Twice.
How am I supposed to think about anything else when I know what it feels like to be held by him? How it feels when his wide tongue slicked against mine, so careful yet eager?
We promised each other we’d forget about it, but I don’t think anything will ever be able to remove the memory of our kisses from my brain.
I need to head to the main building to drop off these packets and introduce myself to guests, but the prospect of seeing Cal again so soon makes my skin feel too sensitive and tight.
I can’t go up there like this. I need to calm down.
It’s the middle of the afternoon, which means it’s early evening where Gretchen is, and I pray that I’m catching her between activities as I dial her number.
The phone rings a few times, and I flop down on the worn floral sofa in the sitting room, gripping a pillow with a cross-stitched horse on it against my chest with a heavy sigh.
“Belle! Oh my gosh, you’re alive!”
Gretchen’s bright voice sends a wave of calm and no small amount of longing through me. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” I ask with a huffed laugh.
We text each other almost every day, though most of the time we’re out of sync, so I send her a text before bed and get her reply the following morning.
“Well, the last message you sent said that you’d split yourself open and might need to seek medical help for a torn vadge. And then I heard nothing.”
Has it really been that long? “If you thought I’d died from that, why didn’t you call?” I joke back.
Gretchen chuckles, and I close my eyes, envisioning the way her laugh always makes her face even more radiant.
Damn, I really miss her. “I figured either A, you were deceased so there’d be no point in calling, or B, you were too busy to text because a certain minotaur had helped nurse your poor sore pussy. ”
“W-what? Why would you think that?” My voice comes out way too high-pitched.
“Whoa, hold on. Did that happen?” Gretchen lets out a little squeal of delight. “Tell me everything!”
“No, that absolutely didn’t happen!”
“But something did. I can hear it in your voice. And you’re calling me in the middle of the day, even though I thought you had a bunch of guests coming in this afternoon.”
I sigh, even though talking about this was the whole point of calling Gretchen. She didn’t judge me for my string of very ill-advised hookups and terrible boyfriends, so she won’t judge me for kissing Cal.
But I don’t know…this feels different. Harder to talk about. I realize after a second it’s harder because, unlike those guys, I actually care about Cal.
Fuck, I care about Cal and I kissed him.
“Earth to Belle, hello? Are you still there?”
“Sorry. I’m having a bit of a crisis over here. I… I kissed Cal.”
“You did? Oh my god! Oh my god. How was it?”
I let out a weak laugh, appreciating that I can count on Gretchen to always be invested in and excited about what’s happening in my life. “It was really good,” I say with a groan.
“Ahhh, Belle!” There’s a loud thud on the other end, and Gretchen curses distantly. “Sorry, got too excited and dropped the phone.”
“Be careful, you just bought a new one,” I tease. For all the dexterity that my best friend has with a needle and thread, she’s incredibly clumsy in most other regards.
“Who cares about my phone when you kissed the hot, grumpy minotaur cowboy and it was really good. How did it happen? I thought you were avoiding him after your dildo debacle?”
I snort at her phrasing. “I was, but it was hard—”
“I bet it was.”
“Do you want me to tell you or not?” I huff.
Gretchen laughs. “Sorry, go on.”
“Anyway, I couldn’t avoid him with all the prep we’re doing to spruce the ranch up for the influx of guests. Which is why I didn’t text. I’m sorry about that. I’ve been so focused on the task at hand that I didn’t remember.”
“It’s fine. We both have ADHD, so it’s a miracle either of us remembers the other person exists. I know it doesn’t mean you don’t still love and pine for me.”
“I do, you know. Miss you. Ugh, would it be too much to ask that you quit your very impressive and lucrative costuming gigs and come join me out on a ranch in the middle of nowhere?”
“If you could get me a date with that hot minotaur daddy you posted the other day, then I’d consider it.”
“Oh my god, if you ever come visit, promise me you won’t call August that.”
Gretchen hums noncommittally. “We’ll see. Now focus up, what happened with your sexy minotaur?”
“Okay, so we were working together this morning, and he looked really rough. We had an unexpected heart to heart, and afterwards he put his cowboy hat on my head.”
“He did?? Oh my god, that’s such a classic cowboy move. I told you, he’s obsessed with you!!”
“How is it that everyone knows about this damn hat thing except me?” I grumble.
“It’s called reading a book,” Gretchen quips back. “I knew I shouldn’t have sent you off without a few of my favorite cowboy romances. You really are clueless.”
“Just because I prefer fairy smut over cowboys doesn’t mean I’m clueless! I’ve learned all the important things there are to know about being on a ranch. Excuse me for not realizing there was some kind of cowboy hat code.”
Gretchen cackles at my rant, and I can’t help smiling at the sound.
“So everyone was looking at me weird while I was wearing the hat, and I thought it was because I looked silly in it, but then August told me to look it up. So I did. Then Cal showed up, and I yelled at him that I wouldn’t sleep with him because he put a damn hat on my head.
And he was standing there looking so fucking hot and confused, and I couldn’t control myself, so I kissed him. ”
The recent memory comes back in a rush, and I bury my face into the pillow, muffling the weird squeal-shout I release.
“And he kissed you back?” Gretchen prompts.
“Yes. At first, I thought he wasn’t going to, but then he did. And then he kissed me again, even after we both said nothing could happen between us.”
“Damn, that’s so hot and romantic,” Gretchen sighs dreamily.
“It is, but it’s also a mess! I can’t be kissing my new business partner. It’ll fuck everything up, and I need this. I’m finally feeling like I made the right choice, so of course I had to go and blow things up. Like always.”
“Stop it,” Gretchen says, voice stern. “You’re not blowing things up. You kissed a guy that you’re attracted to and who is clearly attracted to you. That’s not a bad thing.”
“It is when everyone you fall for ends up ditching you!” I snap.
“Belle…”
The pity in Gretchen’s voice makes my chest ache. I don’t want her to feel bad for me. I’m fine. Those guys were assholes.
“Ignore me. I’m overwhelmed and feeling sorry for myself. I’ll figure it out.” I force a laugh, trying to lighten things back up again.
“Don’t do that.”
I frown. “Do what?”
“Pretend your feelings are silly. They’re not.
Those jerks hurt you, and I honestly want to punch them in the face every time I see them because you’re the most delightful, lovely person I’ve ever met.
Of course you’re freaking out about kissing Cal.
And I get why you’d want to avoid anything romantic with him, because it complicates things. ”
I sigh. “It really does. He said we can’t do more, and I agree with him. So I need to find a way to put the kissing behind me.”
“Or—hear me out for a second—what if you don’t?”
“If I don’t what?”
Gretchen releases a heavy exhale. “You moved halfway across the country to start fresh. Maybe, just maybe, that can include your love life?”
“My love life is the last thing I need to be thinking about.” I came here to prioritize myself, not get minotaur dick and then have to leave when Cal decides he’s done with me and the awkwardness is too much to bear.
Gretchen isn’t deterred. “It already sounds like he’s a million times better than the guys you’ve dated before.
He’s got a job, for one. He’s a lot better looking and apparently has a huge dick.
And yeah, he was a jerk at first, but he’s been funny and nice now that he’s warmed up to you.
That’s a hell of a lot better in my book than acting suave and hiding all the ugly bits of his personality under a glossy veneer. ”
I let out a weak laugh at her assessment of Cal. She’s not wrong. I know in my gut that he’s light years beyond the men I’ve dated in the past, grumpiness and all.
That’s part of the problem. It’ll hurt a hell of a lot more if he rejects me after I let him into my heart.
“And sure, put things on hold until the ranch is more stable, but after…” Gretchen continues.
“That’s the thing. There is no ‘after’. Unless the ranch goes under and I have to leave, this is it for me.
This is my life now.” My defensiveness ratchets up, all the accusations Cal previously made and all the times other people acted like I was unserious and flighty echoing in my head. “This isn’t a joke to me.”
“That’s not what I’m saying, and you know it,” Gretchen says sharply, piercing through my inflating agitation.
“I’m sorry. I know. But I can’t let myself consider anything with Cal, even in the future.”
“Why not?” she asks gently.
“I…” A lump forms in my throat. Great, now I’m going to cry. “I just can’t, okay?”
Gretchen sighs. “Okay. You deserve to be happy and loved, but okay.”
The heaviness of my fears is unpleasant to face, but at least it serves the purpose of weighing down any excitement from the kiss. It’s a reminder of how I need to protect myself and focus on what’s important. Kissing Cal certainly isn’t on that list.
“Yes, yes, and I’m happy and loved because I have you.”
Gretchen laughs, and we move on from my questionable life choices to the far more fun topic of what she’s working on lately and the latest drama happening with the traveling burlesque troupe she costumes.
By the time I hang up, the cake has cooled, and so has my agitation.
Sure, kissing Cal was a misstep, but I’m here on the ranch and I’m making something of it. We have a bunch of guests, and if I have any say in it, we’ll be booked all summer.
This is going to work, and soon the silly crush I’ve developed will be so far off my radar I won’t even remember that Cal tastes like sweet coffee and his arms around me feel like safety.