Chapter 12
Chapter twelve
Hudson
Cull and I are sprawled across my bed, phones in hand, the room quiet except for the soft tapping of our thumbs. For once, it feels calm, like we can finally breathe. I never thought I’d get here, but now that I have, I want to stay.
My anxiety still creeps up from time to time, but I’m getting better at cutting it off before it has the chance to fully bloom.
Even with everything still in the air—my charges, school, Mason—I can finally see there is more to life, and he’s lying right next to me.
Cull tosses his phone aside and sighs. I don’t know what happened to make him rush over earlier, but the moment I saw his face, I knew he needed to let go. So I helped him forget.
Guess it worked.
I smirk to myself.
“It’s getting late, you hungry?” he asks, turning on his side and propping his head on his hand. I check the time on my phone and see it’s after five. We’ve been holed up in my room all afternoon, just hanging out.
“Yeah, I didn’t realize what time it was. I’m surprised my mom hasn’t come up to check on me.”
We heard her get home not too long ago, and usually her first order of business is to make sure I’m still breathing.
Like I summoned her, there’s a knock on my door. “Hudson? Love, can you come down?”
Cull chuckles and gets up from the bed, grabs his t-shirt, and pulls it over his head. “You’re magic, baby.”
I snort and roll off the bed. When I open my door, Mom isn’t there, so we head downstairs. We find her sitting in the living room laughing with Dad and my Uncle Eli.
Uncle Eli.
I stop dead in my tracks, Cull walking right into me. He grunts when he slams into my back, his hands dropping to my hips to steady himself. “Crap, sorry. Wasn’t expecting you to stop like that.”
It barely registers what Cullen said, my focus solely on my uncle. I know he’s been working relentlessly on my case, keeping my parents in the loop the entire time I was in the hospital. If he’s here now…
“Hudson,” he says, his smile so wide it looks painful. He comes over and hauls me into a hug, squeezing the air from my lungs. “I love you, kid. You can’t do that to us again.”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, hugging him back.
He pulls out of the hug, his eyes shiny, a smile firmly in place. “No apologies. I’m just glad you’re here so I can tell you that your charges have been dropped. You’re free and clear.”
I stop breathing.
There is a beat of silence before Cullen is yelling out his excitement and pulling me into him. I’m so stunned that I let him move me around like a ragdoll, rocking me side to side in a hug.
“What? H-how?” I can’t formulate an entire sentence, shock overriding all my senses.
Uncle Eli leans against the back of the couch, arms crossed with a self-satisfied smirk.
“Heather’s deposition. When we couldn’t get them to drop the charges after giving video proof, I knew I had to approach her questioning thoughtfully.
” His smirk widens into a smile. “A few well-phrased questions and she started contradicting herself. I’d show her the video clips that correlated with the question and she could no longer defend herself.
She claimed someone told her it was you, but when she wouldn’t provide proof of who, she gave up.
I hate to say this, but it sounds like she was drunk and just doesn’t remember her night.
I know that is awful, especially with how many women that do end up being the victim of predators, but with the video showing her with a group of people at all times, there really is no contesting it.
She dropped the charges right there—against her parents' wishes.”
Cull is still holding on to me tight at the waist, and I’m glad he is. I feel like I may float away from the sheer weight this took off my shoulders.
My parents have come over to where we are all standing, my mom crying but smiling. I look around at everyone who has fought for me, not just these last few weeks, but my entire life. Gratitude swells within me, and suddenly it’s overflowing.
The tears well, my heart growing three sizes like I’m the Grinch. I take my time, making sure to make eye contact with each person standing around me. “Thank you for never giving up on me.” The words come out choked, the emotion of the moment clogging my throat.
I’m enveloped inside a circle of loving arms. This feeling of love and acceptance is unmatched, and it’s just another thing I can’t believe I almost gave up.
“What’s going on? Is Hudson okay?” Hadley’s worried voice cuts through the moment, everyone parting to look at her.
“Hey, pumpkin,” Dad says, his voice bright. “We got some great news. Hud’s charges were dropped.”
Hadley’s eyes snap to me, a slow smile curving her lips. She lets out a screeching “yes!” then runs at me full force, bowling into me and knocking us both to the ground. I grunt when she smashes into my still sore arm, but laugh when her eyes go wide as saucers, realizing what she’s done.
“I’m so sorry, Hud. I just got excited.”
I laugh harder, getting to my feet and holding out my hand to help Hadley up. “I’m okay. It didn’t hurt as much as it surprised me.”
She gets to her feet and gives me a proper hug. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Thanks, Hads.”
“What does this mean for Hudson’s place at Ashbridge?” I turn to look at Cullen, the question planting a small seed of hope.
“That’s something that is out of my hands,” Uncle Eli says. “But, I explained to the judge your situation, and he was willing to write an official letter stating what happened, giving the evidence that proved your innocence. It’s about all I can do on my end. The rest is up to the university.”
I shake out some of the anxiety that began to build. A letter from the judge is more than I was expecting, and I’m grateful that he was willing to do that for me.
“We should celebrate!” Hadley says, her hands clapping together in excitement.
“Yes! Let’s go to Rosa’s for chicken tacos,” Cull pipes up, disarming me with that lopsided dimple I love. “Only if you’re ready, though,” he tacks on when he sees the look on my face.
Public places still feel overwhelming most days. Aside from therapy and my doctor’s appointments, the only place I’ve gone since getting out of the hospital is Cullen’s house.
Almost everyone in town knows who I am now. If not because of my rape charges, then because I jumped off a bridge. Last week, two older women in Maria’s waiting room kept whispering behind their hands and cutting glances at me when they thought I wasn’t looking.
It sparked the first panic attack I’ve had in months, but thankfully, Maria was there to talk me through it.
Taking a deep breath, I hold it for a few seconds before releasing it slowly, letting the feeling calm me. I want to get better, and hiding in my house isn’t going to get me there. Old fears and new ones are going to keep coming for me, but it’s up to me to overcome them.
No more running away.
“Yeah, let’s go to Rosa’s.” I wait for the panic to hit, but I let the look of pride and love on Cullen’s face anchor me.
“Yes!” Cullen grabs me around the waist and slams his lips to mine. He pulls back just as quickly, his cheeks pink with embarrassment. “Uh, sorry.” He apologizes to the room, but he’s looking at Hadley. She’s smiling, genuine happiness radiating from her.
“You’re fine, Cull,” she says, giving his arm a small squeeze. “Why don’t I go on and get a table? I’ll call Ella and see if she wants to come with me.” Hadley kisses my cheek, then heads for the door, phone already pressed to her ear.
“Count my parents in!” Cull yells to Hadley’s retreating back. She tosses a hand in the air to acknowledge what he said, then shuts the front door behind her.
The adults drift into their own conversation, the sound of it light and easy in a way it hasn’t been for months. Some of the tightness in my chest finally loosens.
Cullen’s arms are still wrapped around my waist, so I melt into him, breathing in his familiar scent.
“I never thought I’d feel happy again,” I murmur into his neck.
“When I was in the thick of my depression, everything felt cold and hopeless. Even the short bursts of warmth you gave me weren’t enough to pull me out of it.
” Cullen tenses, but lets me keep talking.
“I regret what I did. For how it has affected all of you, but I can’t regret the place it has brought me to. ”
He draws back slightly, his eyes searching mine.
“Thank you for pulling me from the river so I could be here for this moment." I say it with hushed reverence, to give it the respect it deserves. “There is still more ahead I have to deal with, but I know I can face it now. It’s because of you that I’m here breathing, smiling… loving. So, thank you.”
A tear drops onto Cullen’s cheek, his lips wavering like he’s trying to hold back the floodgates. He cups my face, brushing his lips across mine. “We have a future,” he whispers, reminding me of something he said to me during my darkest days.
“We have a future,” I repeat back, deepening the kiss he’s been teasing me with.
“Alright, lovebirds, that’s enough for now. Let’s go celebrate.” Dad’s teasing tone cuts through the moment, but it doesn’t dampen my mood.
“We need our shoes.” Cull tugs me back upstairs so we can grab what we need for dinner.
Once inside my room, we busy ourselves putting on our shoes and collecting our wallets and phones. I run a hand through my hair, then reach for my bottle of cologne on my dresser.
“Cull, have you seen my cologne?” I ask when I don’t spot it in its usual spot. It’s not something I’ve used since I’ve been home, so it should be here.
“No,” he says, coming over to look over my dresser with me. “Did your mom take it to the hospital when she took you that bag of clothes?”
I think back to my last morning at the hospital. Mom had brought me a change of clothes and some toiletries from home. I don’t recall my cologne being in there, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t.
“Hurry up, boys. The girls already got us a table!” Mom calls up the stairs.
“It must still be in the bag from the hospital. I’ll find it later,” I tell Cull, walking out of my bedroom and down the stairs.
Cull offers to drive, so we hop in his truck and follow my parents and uncle to the restaurant. He texted his parents when we were upstairs, and they’ll meet us there.
The drive is quiet, but not uncomfortable. Houses move past in warm blurs of light from the afternoon sun, a calm settling over me.
“I could be dead right now,” I murmur, more to myself than Cull.
It really hits me for the first time how close I came to actually killing myself. It feels surreal, like I’m outside looking in.
I swallow hard and take a deep breath.
Leather squeaks beside me.
Cull is white-knuckling the steering wheel, jaw tight, a frown tugging on his full lips.
“You okay?” I ask. His nostrils flare, eyes narrowing slightly. When he doesn’t answer, I shift so I can face him as he drives. “No more secrets, Cull.”
He still doesn’t answer, his focus entirely on the road ahead. I wish my range of motion was back to normal in my left arm, because his dick would already be in my hand and I’d be teasing him like he did that day behind the field house.
He really did have me spilling all my secrets in seconds.
Deciding on a different approach, I hit him with a truth I know he already knows. “Shutting you out is part of what sent me to the bridge.”
“Fuck, Hud.” Cull’s sigh is heavy, his hands still grasping the steering wheel. His jaw flexes, and I can see the indecision warring on his face.
Cull pulls into the restaurant parking lot and eases into a spot.
He sighs again, this time sounding resigned.
“I got a new text today. From—well, I guess Mason, since there isn’t anyone else to point the finger at.
You saying you could be dead right now reminded me of it.
” His voice is rough, tinged with anger.
I can see how that would put a damper on his mood, but it’s not anything new. We’ve been receiving messages from him for weeks, though they’ve been much less frequent since I jumped.
“What did it say? Does he want your or my heart on a platter?” I joke, making light of the situation even though I know it’s anything but.
“That would have been preferable…” he mumbles, staring out the window. He reaches over and clasps his hand over my thigh, holding on tightly. “It was a video,” he whispers, his Adam’s apple bobbing.
His fingers dig into my quad, his eyes far off watching something I can’t see.
“A video of what?”
His cheeks redden, jaw tense. “Of you… jumping,” he tells me, voice hoarse.
“That’s it?” I chuckle and lean in to kiss his cheek. He jerks away from me, looking offended that I’m not freaking out.
“That’s it?”
All I can do is shrug. “Am I surprised that he was there and saw it? Not exactly. Do I hate that he was there? Of course. But I can either spiral or go inside Rosa’s and enjoy dinner with my family.
So I’m going to go eat my weight in chicken tacos and hopefully laugh, because God knows that’s been missing from my life lately. ”
I hop out of the truck, but he catches up to me before I reach the front door of the restaurant. He tugs me out of the way of other patrons coming and going, a mix of awe and frustration playing across his face.
“You’re not just shoving this down, right? Playing it off as a way for you to deal?”
I bring my hand up to rest against the side of his neck, my eyes locking with his.
I can see the fear in them, that maybe I’m falling back into old habits.
“I’m a work in progress, babe. This is me trying to move forward and grow.
I won’t ask you not to worry about me, but I am asking you to trust that I’m doing the work to get better. Okay?”
He rests his forehead against mine, our breaths clashing between us. “I’ll never not worry about you, but I’d be an idiot if I didn’t acknowledge the changes you’ve made. I’m proud of you.”
My lips meet his in a tender kiss, thanking him without words for his love and support.
Cullen’s stomach growls, effectively slicing through the mood. It makes me laugh. “Come on, let me feed you,” I say, linking our fingers and following the smell of sizzling fajitas and fresh salsa.
Cull walks ahead to the large table where everyone is seated, but I stop just shy to take in the scene.
My parents are laughing, both more carefree than I’ve seen in months.
Hadley jokingly smacks Cullen in the shoulder, rolling her eyes but chuckling at something he said.
Ella is talking to Mrs. Eliza, and Dr. Anderson is looking over his menu.
My heart beats rapidly—not from fear or anxiety—but from energy and life. I know there are probably more dark days ahead, but remembering that I am loved, that I’m needed, is all it takes for me to keep going.
This, right here, is all that really matters.