Chapter 21
Chapter twenty-one
Cullen
Hud is laughing at something Hadley said, and it unsettles the hell out of me. I’ve been tracking every shift in his expression, just waiting for him to… I don’t know? Crack? Breakdown?
Leading up to Ella’s funeral, he was struggling, fighting familiar demons that only he could see. Now, only a day removed from the service, he’s laughing like his childhood best friend didn’t just die.
He has to be masking.
Is that what he is doing? Or am I seeing ghosts where there aren’t any?
Ignoring the signs before is what led me to not stopping Hudson that night. It’s a mistake I won’t make again, so I watch him. It’s the only thing I know how to do.
“Why are you staring at Hudson like a creep?”
I blink back into focus, Hadley staring at me with a semi-disgusted look on her face.
“I wasn’t,” I snap. “I was just… daydreaming.”
“Yeah, that’s bullshit, babe. You’ve been watching me closer than whoever is stalking me.” Hud chuckles and shoves a handful of Skittles in his mouth.
“Don’t compare me to that fucking psychopath.” My voice is measured, trying hard to not lose it on him.
“It was just a joke, babe.” Hudson rubs my back, his smile lopsided. “It’s better to laugh about it than to cry.”
“Yeah. Hilarious,” I grumble.
Hud rolls his eyes and goes back to whatever he was talking to Hadley about.
I can’t help but bore my eyes into the side of his head. Like if I stare hard enough I can see what is going on inside his brain.
Hud sighs and turns back to face me. His jaw is tense, his eyes hard. “What?”
“Nothing.” My attention goes to the TV that no one has been watching, but I can’t help it as my gaze slowly shifts back to Hud.
“You’re being super weird, Cullen,” Hadley accuses. “He’s not going to vanish right in front of you.”
Easy for her to say since he did almost vanish right in front of me. I literally watched as his heart stopped beating.
“Mind your business, Hadley,” I snarl.
I’m being hauled up by my elbow and dragged to the kitchen before I can even blink.
Hud is in front of me, eyes locked on mine. “What the hell is going on? Hadley is right, you’ve been acting weird all day.”
I don’t want Hud to know that I’m freaking out about his lack of freaking out, so I deflect. “Can’t I look at my boyfriend? You’re pretty hot, you know.”
Hudson doesn’t smile at my flirting. “Wanna try that again without lying to my face?”
The fight drains out of me. I pull out a kitchen chair and plop down, my head in my hands.
He sits next to me and pulls my hands away, his eyes concerned.
“What’s going on?”
Hud waits patiently as I gather myself.
“Are you okay?” I finally ask. “I mean, after everything with Ella?”
His smile is gentle, his thumb coming up to caress my cheek. “I’m doing better than I thought I’d be doing.”
“You sure you’re not—I mean…” I sigh, not sure how I want to word my question.
“Just say it plainly, Cull.”
Fuck. He can always see right through me.
“I’m just… worried, I guess.”
Hud cocks his head. “Worried about what?”
“If you’re really facing it. If you’re dealing with Ella’s death?”
His brow scrunches and he slowly pulls away from me. “That seems a little hypocritical, don’t you think?”
“You’re calling me a hypocrite?”
“If anyone isn’t dealing with their issues, it’s you, Cullen,” Hud accuses, his jaw set hard. “I’m putting in the work.”
“I wouldn’t have issues to deal with if you didn’t try to fucking kill yourself!” I yell, chest heaving. I’m now standing, towering over Hudson where he sits, shocked at my outburst.
“Get the fuck out.” I spin around to find Hadley standing in the archway, seething.
“Butt out, Hadley. This is between your brother and me.” I turn back to Hud, already prepared to apologize. I went too far, and I’m kicking myself for being such a fucking asshole.
Before I can even get a word out, I’m being grabbed by the back of my shirt and dragged out of the kitchen.
“Hadley, let him go,” Hud hollers as he follows us to the foyer.
Hadley is a lot stronger than I ever gave her credit for, and it shows in the sheer power she’s using to haul my ass out of here.
Once we make it to the entryway, she lets go of me, planting her hands on my chest and shoving me into the door. She points her pink-tipped finger in my face, her other hand on my chest to keep me in place.
“You preach about people respecting Hudson, but here you are, disrespecting him in the worst possible way.” The last word comes out in a growl, her eyes blazing with anger.
“We all went through something horrific. I’m sorry you had to witness it, Cullen, but you are not going to project your shit onto Hudson by throwing what he did in his face.
He has worked his ass off to make sure something like that never happens again, so it’s about time you trust that he’s getting better. ”
I swallow down the emotion threatening to spill over. My eyes burn, but I will the tears not to fall.
“You are going to leave. You will think about your priorities, and while I know you think it is Hudson, you need to fix yourself first.”
Hadley grabs the front of my shirt, pulling me away from the door and opening it in the same movement. She shoves me out, the door slamming in my face, not even giving me time to tell Hudson I’m sorry or goodbye.
The sound of the deadbolt locking into place is a clear signal that even if I wanted to, I’m not getting back into the house today.
I’m trying not to dwell on the fact that Hudson didn’t try to stop Hadley from kicking me out, but I can’t blame him.
I crossed a line with what I said, and it wasn’t fair of me to throw his past in his face.
Pulling my phone out, I send Hud a quick text telling him I’m sorry and that I’ll talk to him later. He replies that he loves me and that he’s not upset.
Honestly, that makes me feel worse.
Hud forgives too easily, even when people don’t deserve it.
And I don’t deserve it.
I definitely don’t deserve him.
Hudson
“Did you really have to kick him out?” I ask Hadley, more amused than I should be.
“The dickhead needs to sit in the corner and think about a few things.” She saunters back to the living room and drops down on the couch.
I sit next to her and grab the remote, flipping through the channels. “He’s struggling, Hads. I know what I did has had consequences for all of you, and I’m trying to be patient while everyone works through it. Cull isn’t any different.”
“Don’t make excuses for him.”
I relax back into the couch, my head resting against the cushion. “I’m not. I’m just trying to be understanding.”
“Well, you should learn to be less understanding.” She flips her hair over her shoulder, then snatches the remote from my hand.
“Should I start with you taking the remote? I absolutely won’t be understanding if you make me watch some housewives of somewhere.”
“I don’t count. I just kicked your boyfriend out for being a little shit, so I get brownie points.”
I give her a raised eyebrow, but she just blows me a kiss.
“Okay, well, in that case, I’m going over to Cull’s house. He and I need to talk.”
Hadley sighs. “I wish I had put money on how fast you caved.”
“Did you really think I wasn’t going to talk to him the rest of the day?”
“You two idiots can’t go more than three seconds without talking to each other, so no.”
I roll my eyes and lean over to give my sister a hug. She returns it fiercely, holding on a beat longer than normal.
“I know Cullen is struggling, but don’t give him a free pass. You deserve to heal without feeling any guilt. So does he.”
“Thanks, Hads.”
She kisses my cheek, then she shoves me. “Alright, I have a date with some housewives. Be gone.” She shoos me away with a flick of her hand, hunkering down under a blanket.
Leaving Hadley to her show, I head to the foyer and grab my keys. The moment I step onto the porch, I stop.
Cull is sitting on the steps, his head buried in his hands.
“You’re still here?” I can’t help my smile as I sit next to him, my arm curling around his waist.
“I’m sorry,” he gasps, pulling me into a bone-crushing hug. “I’m so fucking sorry, Hud.”
“I know you are, babe. It’s been hard on everyone. That’s on me.”
“No, nothing is your fault.”
“Still lying to me, huh?” I nudge him in his ribs, trying to force a small smile.
It doesn’t work.
He takes a deep breath and holds my hand, then deflects my accusation. “Let’s go grab dinner, maybe pizza?”
I know Cull doesn’t want to keep talking about his pent-up issues, so I drop it—again. Lately, getting him to open up feels like knocking on a locked door, silence the only thing greeting me.
No wonder he stayed so frustrated with me when I shut him out.
“Yeah, pizza sounds good.” I stand, pulling Cull up and leading him over to my Bronco.
“Isn’t your mom getting tired of lending you her car?” I ask as I climb into the driver’s seat, Mrs. Eliza’s sleek black car in my peripherals.
Cull shuts his door and fastens his seatbelt. “She would be if she weren’t getting a new car out of this deal,” he grumbles.
I can’t help but laugh. “Your loss is her gain then?”
“Something like that. She’s going this weekend to pick a new one, then I’ll take over driving hers.”
His frown is cute, but I know how much he misses his truck. It was a gift for his sixteenth birthday and his dream car. Now he’s saddled with—the horror—a Lexus.
“I think you’ll live. Can’t be a worse fate than your broken pinky.”
That finally gets a laugh out of him. “Yeah, yeah. Life is hard,” he jokes.
The conversation fades, leaving only the hum of the tires against the pavement. My gaze follows the road stretching out ahead of us, but my mind keeps drifting elsewhere.
“I miss the river,” I admit. The urge to turn my car around and drive there is strong.
“Fuck that place.” It’s all Cull says, but his tone is vehement.
“We’ve fucked in that place,” I joke, hoping it’ll steer us out of dangerous territory.
Cull just stares out of the passenger window, not biting my bait.
A phone ringing cuts through the tension. Detective Whitfield’s name flashes on my touchscreen, and my heart begins to race.
“What does that fucker want, I wonder?” Cull spits.
We’ve both shared our frustrations about the detective, neither of us holding him in high regard.
“I don’t know,” I say, pressing answer on the touchscreen. “Hey there, Detective.” I try to keep the derision out of my voice, but I’m not sure I succeeded. Either way, Detective Whitfield doesn’t seem to notice.
“Hudson, my boy!” His booming condescension makes my lip curl. “Good news. We arrested the Keller boy. We think he was connected to the Hackford girl’s murder.”
I slam on the brakes, my car skidding to a stop in the middle of the road. Cull’s hands fly out, one bracing against the dash, the other catching my chest on instinct.
Thank fuck there wasn’t any traffic behind us, or we’d have another accident on our hands.
I pull off on the side of the road, palms sweaty and ears ringing.
There is no way I heard him correctly.
“What the hell did you just say?” Cull snaps.
“If you come down to the station, we can discuss it. I’ll need you to sign some paperwork anyway. Congratulations, boys, your case will finally close.” The detective hangs up the phone before either of us can respond.
Cull and I stare at each other, but one word keeps circling in my head before I gasp it out loud.
“Murdered.”