Chapter 10
The four of us split up—well, Braden and I split from Cy and Zack. We ate burritos and drank far too much soda. At one point, Braden went back for fries, but I wasn’t hungry. In fact, I was feeling tired. But it was fun catching some up-and-coming bands as well as many of our old favorites.
Yeah. The answer should have been hell, yeah, because even though I hadn’t initially known what to think of Roxy, I liked her vibe and felt like she could be an ally in my male-dominated world. She asked me to meet her at the tent.
I told Braden, “I’m gonna go hang with Roxy for a while.”
“Okay.” He gave me a quick kiss on the lips and then said, “Good luck.”
“Thanks.” It wasn’t until I turned to head to the tent that I noticed a young woman holding up her phone toward us. Had she been taking a picture?
She looked to be about my age, so when we made eye contact, I simply said, “Hey.”
“Hey. Dani Mankin, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Can we get your autograph?”
I grinned. “Sure.” This didn’t happen that often for me, so I was thrilled. I signed a couple of posters for her and one of the other women she was hanging with, and then she asked for a picture.
When we posed together for a selfie, I realized she’d just wanted to connect, so as I walked to the tent, I was beaming. After years of being looked down upon as “just the drummer” and “a girl” at that, it was nice to be appreciated as a real member of the band to be worthy of adoration.
Roxy was standing by her booth and, when she saw me, walked my way. “I’ve got an Uber waiting for us just outside.”
“We can eat here if you want. I know you don’t have a lot of time.”
“No. We’re getting out of here for a little bit. After the festival tonight, I have to cover a couple of parties, so I just want to get away for a few minutes—and I’m hoping to interview you. If you’re still okay with that.”
We reached a nondescript shiny black car with its engine running, parked in the middle of the lot. Roxy waved at the driver and we got in the back. “Yeah, sure,” I told her, again feeling grateful that I was the center of attention for once.
In less than five minutes, we arrived at a sandwich shop and not long after that, we were sitting in a booth, each of us with a sandwich, pickle, and a drink. Roxy took out her phone and asked, “Do you mind if I record our conversation—just so I can eat?”
“Yeah, that’s fine.”
She tapped an app on her phone and then pushed a button that began recording.
“I’m speaking with Dani Mankin on June twentieth.
Dani’s the drummer for Once Upon a Riot.
So, Dani, anything you say from here on out will be considered on the record—meaning that, if there’s something you don’t want me to write about, you’ll want to explicitly say so. ”
“Could it be as simple as asking you to turn off the recording?”
“I guess,” she said, unwrapping her veggie sub, “but it would be better if I kept recording and you explicitly told me what you were saying was off the record. That way I know exactly what’s off limits and I can remind myself.”
At first, I thought it might be a trap, because she would have me recorded as saying something, and she could use it against me.
But, despite my initial dislike of Roxy, the more time I spent with her, the more I trusted her.
When she’d interviewed us before and Zack had told her Braden’s confession to the two of us dating was off the record, she’d respected that.
Besides, there was something about her that made me feel like I could rely on her to keep confidential what I asked of her.
Of course, I was not a good judge of character. My first best friend had been the worst—manipulative and always eager to share my secrets when it worked in her favor. My second best friend’s betrayal had hurt just as much but in a different way.
Roxy could potentially be the third strike—and if it turned out that way, I’d know I just wasn’t meant to have a close friend in this life and that my judgment of people was flawed.
We spent the first five or ten minutes covering my history with the band, a story I’d told many a time to interviewers—Roxy included—that of Zack recruiting his reluctant friend but then how I grew to love it and the career we’d chosen.
Then she asked about our early days, and I had the opportunity to tell her how many times I’d been dismissed because I was a woman or, worse, weaponized because, as the men would say, sex sells.
“Jesus,” Roxy broke in. “It’s the same old story. Why can’t men just keep their junk in their pants?”
“Well, in all fairness, they weren’t always hitting on me—”
“Yeah, but I’m talking in the figurative sense. If they’re not trying to fuck you, they’re trying to tell you what to do or how to act. Their dick is their figurative scepter that they wave around, brandishing their authority.”
“I think you’re right,” I said, taking a bite of my BLT.
“This is great stuff. Are you okay if I talk about it? Without mentioning names, of course.”
“Yeah. I don’t think people realize just how much misogyny occurs in music.”
“Oh, Dani, I wish I could tell you it was just music. It really depends on who you’re dealing with and where you are. I’ve seen it some in publishing but, strangely enough, I haven’t had a whole lot of it working at Ferocity. Once I got the tattoos and started driving a motorcycle, they—”
“A motorcycle?”
“Yeah. Cheaper on gas, too. But I think a lot of the guys leave me alone because they think I’m a lesbian.”
“Are you?”
“No. I mean…I’ve experimented, but haven’t we all?”
I hadn’t—and suddenly, I felt like the rural Colorado bumpkin with no experience.
Sure, I’d had a bit of a wild phase, but Zack—and maybe Braden—was the only man I’d ever loved, ever given myself over to, and my experimentation had only revolved around guys and drugs, and that phase had been short-lived.
So I shrugged, letting her take my response and no words however she wanted.
“I love men—but I also love not getting hit on at work.”
“What about rock stars? Like the guys you interview? Do they make any passes at you?”
“Once in a while. I almost took a guy up on it one time—but I knew if I did, then the rumor would get around that I was easy, and I’d only be able to get a good interview if I gave a guy a blowjob first. I might be young, but I worked hard to get here and earn the respect I deserve and I’m not gonna blow it just because some good-looking rock star makes me feel a little tingly between the legs. ”
“That’s so smart,” I said.
Roxy cocked an eyebrow and slowly grabbed for her drink. “Are you being sarcastic?”
“No, I’m serious. I let my heart get in the way all the time and I think that’s part of my problem.”
Relaxing, she gave me a soft smile. “I know. That’s hard—especially when the guy’s hot as hell and his lyrics make you feel like he’s bared his soul to you. You’re vulnerable right off the bat.”
I let her words slowly sink in. “Oh, my God. You’re so right.”
“Has that happened to you?”
“Yeah. Only worse.”
“Really?” Roxy took a bite of her pickle and wiped her hands on a napkin.
“Yeah. Can, um, this part be off the record?”
“Yeah, sure. Begin off the record section,” she said toward her phone.
“With Zack.”
“Zack…as in your frontman?”
“Yeah.”
“So the rumors I’d heard were true.”
Nodding, I told her the rest of my history, the part I hadn’t told her earlier, about falling in love with Zack back in high school.
I didn’t tell her all the horrible parts, but I told her I thought I’d always taken our relationship more seriously than Zack.
I even mentioned how he’d stifled me as a musician, even though now he appeared to be more open to the contributions the rest of us could make to our second album.
“We’re broken up now, but I’m telling you—he was a lethal combination.
Sure, I’d loved him before, but then watching him onstage and hearing him bleed through his lyrics every single night did a number on me.
” Until he ruined it by becoming a different person.
“Hey, I know that was probably hard for you to share. So thank you. Are you ready to be back on the record again? We have a few more minutes before we have to leave.”
“Yeah, I think so.”
Roxy said, “Actually, I have one more question if you’re okay with answering it. Again, off the record.”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Do you think you and Zack will ever get back together?”
Just hearing those words made my heart beat harder. It had been something I’d wanted for so long, but I’d lived it enough to know it would be the stupidest move I could ever make. “No. I’m dating Braden now.”
Roxy raised an eyebrow while keeping a professional air. “Oh, yeah. Is he why you and Zack broke up?”
I shook my head. “No. Zack is the reason why we broke up…but I’d rather not talk about that.”
“That’s cool. I didn’t ask at our earlier interview because Zack pretty much shut it down, but how long have you and Braden been dating?”
I wasn’t about to tell her about our first night together. In my mind, we hadn’t become official until we’d come back to Colorado and I’d told him we could try. “Not long. A few months.”
“You are one lucky woman,” she said, crumpling up the paper her sandwich had been in. “Braden is hotter than hell.”
I’d never really thought about him that way, but I knew he was. Lots of women had claimed him as their favorite band member, just as they had the other two men. “He is really sweet.”
“Aw. Hot and sweet? My favorite kind of coffee.”
At that, we both laughed.
Then Roxy said, “If you guys weren’t dating, I gotta tell you…I would actually consider hitting on him.”
I raised an eyebrow, not out of jealousy or anger, but marveling at Roxy, the epitome of a strong woman…the kind of woman I wanted to be. But I didn’t know how to say any of that, even though at that moment I knew I’d found a woman who could be a real friend.