Chapter 19 #2
But this conversation with Zack had helped me see it clearly: whatever we’d had was gone. Zack was acting like a best friend or even a brother, wanting to protect me if needed, but not because of any romantic feelings he might have had.
And that was the wake-up call I hoped would jostle my subconscious. See? He doesn’t love me.
But Braden did—and he’d earned every ounce of love I could give him.
And I would.
By mid-January, we were rehearsing in the studio. I had to give Zack credit—he’d created an amazing space for our work, and it only took one day for us to realize how good it felt to be there.
As Zack promised, we were all collaborating on the writing process.
Cy or even Braden might bring a riff and the rest of us would work around it until we came up with a solid tune.
Sometimes Zack or Cy would start with a solo that we’d build off of.
And, even though I didn’t bring anything to the table, I was able to add to what they started.
By the end of the month, Zack finally started writing lyrics to go with the music. One of the songs became an ode to recovery, and he described it like a journey. Another song I knew was going to be a hit with our female fans. The second verse would make them turn into puddles of goo:
Don’t you know I’d do anything for you?
I’d walk over burning coals for you,
Take a hundred arrows to the chest,
Go all the way to hell and never come back.
And I knew they’d love the chorus:
I don’t need anything but your love,
Your kisses, your hugs, your sweet, sweet love.
My life ain’t complete unless it has you.
You are everything I’ve ever dreamed of.
Zack had written several songs about sex, but this was the first one that hinted at love, and I knew it would be a hit. The more we practiced it, the more I believed it could be our first single.
On Valentine’s Day, Braden gave me a lovely thin diamond bracelet. I protested, not knowing how much it had set him back. After all, by his own admission, we weren’t yet “thousand-aires.” But he insisted I keep it because it would encourage him to work harder.
And, by the end of the month as our songs were getting close to being good enough to record…
Zack had his new girlfriend move in with him.
It came as a shock to me, because the only mention I’d heard of her was when Cy was telling Braden about Zack and his “new chick” being so lively they’d kept him up the night before.
I hoped my disappointment didn’t show on my face. But I figured she was just another girl—until Zack introduced us at a practice the last Tuesday in February.
We’d just set up in the studio when she walked in.
I knew her: Gabrielle Thompson—she’d been a sophomore our senior year in high school, a cheerleader, and a friend of Ava.
As if I’d been emotionally transported back in time, I remembered the day I discovered Zack and Ava were dating…
and this felt like just as big a slap in the face.
But, picking up my drumsticks and squeezing them in my hands, I reminded myself that I had no say in who Zack dated—and I shouldn’t care.
Glancing at the diamond bracelet on my right wrist, I knew Braden was mine…
and he was the best boyfriend ever. And, if I were as good a friend to Zack as I claimed to be, I should have been happy that he’d found someone.
“Gabi moved in on Sunday,” Zack said, grabbing her around the waist and pulling her to him so that she sat on his lap.
She giggled. Down, vile monster. That jealous beast inside me felt so goddamned catty, assessing every little thing about the former cheerleader—dark hair with blonde streaks throughout, perfectly coiffed, long dark bejeweled nails, a trim body—and she wore a tight white t-shirt and short jean shorts, even though it was the end of February, ridiculously cold.
Instantly, I felt anger toward myself. After all the ranting and raving I’d done about women needing to be respected and treated right, here I was wanting to tear this girl’s throat out—just because she was cute and had caught Zack’s attention.
I realized as I let those emotions settle in and hunker down that my strong feelings were finally directed where they should be.
I had no right to be angry at Zack. In fact, entering a relationship instead of having a string of one-night stands showed tremendous growth and was, perhaps, another sign of his continuing recovery.
I also had no right to be angry at Gabi. What girl wouldn’t want healthy, sober Zack?
Yep. The anger was focused right where it needed to be. I needed to get my shit together.
Gabi shrugged her shoulders in what even I had to admit was a cute way. “Can I get you guys anything to drink?”
Zack said, “I thought about putting a mini fridge in here and then figured we should be careful with drinks around all our equipment.”
“Oh, baby, I’m sorry,” Gabi said, pouting as she turned in Zack’s lap to see his face, nearly making them both fall off the stool.
Straightening up, Zack laughed. “It’s okay. We’ll take a break later.”
“Should I make some snacks then?”
“Whatever you want.”
She was trying really hard to please Zack, that much was evident. “Okay. I’ll get out of your hair.”
“You can stay.”
“Yeah, I know, but I don’t want to mess with your mojo.
I’ll wait till you guys have it down pat.
” She gave him a fairly chaste kiss before bouncing out of the studio.
And even though the walk from there to the entrance of the house was just a few feet, I imagined the cold would sink in before she got back in the house.
This particular February was the coldest we’d had in a long time and I wouldn’t have stepped foot outside without extra layers, much less dressing for summer.
At least she’d worn sneakers so her feet were half-protected from the cold.
“She seems nice,” Braden said after she left.
“She really is,” Zack said, standing up and pulling a guitar strap over his head. “You guys ready?”
I was grateful that I already knew my parts well so I could spend our practice time reflecting on how to be a better person…because I didn’t like that green-eyed monster inside. Not one bit.