Chapter 26
When Roxy called me that night, I only let it ring once before I answered. We’d just finished washing the dinner dishes and were waiting for the game Grandpa was watching to be over before we played a board game in the kitchen, so my best friend’s timing was perfect.
After excusing myself, I walked to my bedroom. Before I could even ask her a question, she said, “I’m so bummed I couldn’t make it to the bridal shower. How was it?”
“You didn’t miss much.”
“Did you score any awesome gifts?”
“I got a bunch of gift cards and kitchen stuff—like three sets of measuring cups! I put all that stuff in boxes until Braden gets the apartment. But I got some lingerie too.”
“Ooh. Are you gonna let Braden see it now or are you gonna make him wait till the honeymoon?”
“I haven’t decided yet.” But I didn’t want to talk about the wedding. Instead, I wanted to bring up something else I’d been thinking about for a while. “But did I ever tell you about my childhood friend Ava?”
“Yeah, some.”
I proceeded to fill her in on what had happened at the shower with Ava, focusing on how grateful I was to no longer be captive to her domineering nature—and how thankful I was to have a true friend like Roxy. “So I missed you even more than I normally would.”
“I miss you, girl, and I wish I coulda been there…but—don’t take this wrong—I’m having the time of my life on this tour.”
Now seated on my bed, I traced the pattern of the flowers on the comforter with my index finger. “No offense taken. Aside from my grandparents staying the weekend with us, I would have rather been on tour myself. All those people fawning over me—talk about awkward.”
“Yeah, I hear that. One sec,” Roxy said, her phone going silent for a minute. “I just wanted to get into a quieter place.”
“I don’t hear any noise on this side.”
“I meant…I wanted to get away from being overheard.”
“Oh. I sense a secret.”
“Kind of.” An uncharacteristic giggle tickled my ear, making me laugh. When Roxy spoke again, her voice was low. “How familiar are you with MAIMD?”
“I like their stuff. Their first album was a little generic, but this one is pretty intense.”
“Have you ever met them?”
“No.”
I had to strain to hear Roxy’s voice. “Are you familiar with the band members? Like Dean, the guitarist?”
“Oh, yeah. I haven’t met them personally, but I could pick ‘em all out of a lineup.”
At that, Roxy let out a nervous laugh. “I hope that doesn’t happen. But Dean…he’s fucking hot—and he asked me out on a date!”
“No way!”
“During a tour! Can you believe that? I mean…I knew rock stars liked to brag about having lots of sex on the road, but witnessing it firsthand is eye-opening.”
“Did they make you sign an NDA or anything?”
Roxy’s laugh filled my ear again. “No. I’m here to reveal whatever I want. It’s no holds barred. In fact, in my first meeting with them, they said I can write about anything. They literally want to earn the reputation of being the baddest boys since Motley Crüe hit the scene.”
“So tell me about Dean.”
“Well…you already know he’s hotter than hell. And he’s an amazing kisser. He’s so masculine and muscular.”
“Have you slept with him yet?”
“Nope. Not till we actually go out—and they have a day off next week in Memphis and he’s promised to show me a good time.”
“I’m so happy for you!”
“I gotta tell you, D—between Dean and then walking down the aisle on Zack’s arm for your wedding—my cred with musicians is gonna be at an all-time high. I’ll be able to land any interview I want.”
“I guess I never thought that would be hard.”
“Depends on the subject.”
Thinking about Roxy walking up the aisle with Zack made that unease rumble in my belly again, and I glanced up at the picture of Once Upon a Riot on my bedside table.
It was one of our first publicity stills when we were still living in Denver, after we’d been signed but before we’d begun touring.
It hadn’t been that long ago…and yet it felt like ages.
We looked younger and Zack was tattoo-free at the time.
Cy and Braden’s hair was shorter—but we looked so happy.
The guys draped their arms over shoulders while my arms held Zack and Braden at the waist, and we smiled at the camera.
Even today, in this moment, I felt like I was suspended between those two men.
And Roxy was, perhaps, the only person I could talk to about it. “Hey, can I tell you something?”
“Anything.”
“I…I’m wondering if I should call off the wedding.”
“What? Why?”
My eyes still focused on the picture, I whispered, “I just keep feeling like this is happening too fast.”
“Are you kidding? You and Braden have been dating for, like, two or three years, right?”
“Yeah.”
“So why do you think it’s too fast? How long do you think you should wait?” I didn’t have an answer—so she asked, “Or is it maybe something else?”
Long pregnant seconds grew as I tried to find the courage to say what had been niggling the back of my mind for so long.
“Don’t get me wrong, Rox. I love Braden.
I love him so much. You already know what a good guy he is, how attentive, how caring, how fucking sweet he is—and it’s not an act.
That’s really who he is. He’s loyal and…
” But I tapered off, because Roxy already knew all of Braden’s good qualities.
“I just don’t know that I love him enough. ”
“What do you mean?”
This time, I focused on sweet Braden’s kind brown eyes in the picture, his subtle smile and full lips. Why couldn’t I do what I knew I should? “I don’t love him the way he deserves.”
“He seems happy.”
“Well, yeah.” My gaze shifted to Zack. Goddamn that man. I blamed him for ruining me for what should have been the perfect relationship. “Do I like drama?” I asked, voicing my fears out loud.
At that, Roxy belted out a raucous laugh. “Are you kidding? If you liked drama, you passed up a great opportunity at your shower.”
“Then what the hell is wrong with me?”
“You just have the jitters, girl. It happens to lots of people. You’re not even twenty-five and you’re committing your whole life to one guy. I think it’s natural to wonder if you’re making the right move.”
I was nodding my head, even though no one could see it. “Maybe you’re right.”
“I know I’m right.” After a second, she asked, “Are you maybe still hung up on Zack?”
I knew deep down she was right. Even after feeling like I hated the man and even after all the bullshit we’d been through—and even though he had a serious girlfriend living with him—some stupid part of me deep inside entertained the notion that we would try again.
Because some stupid fucking part of me believed we belonged together.
“Yes. I think that’s maybe why.”
“D…Zack would be a shit husband. You know this. He never treated you right. And you can excuse his behavior based on his alcoholism, but he doesn’t deserve a pass.”
“You’re right.”
“Yep. Braden is the perfect guy—Grade A Husband Material. Zack is Grade D, baby. Women would fight over a guy like Braden—and you’d be crazy to let him go.”
He really was the perfect man—and Roxy was right.
Zack was not the guy for me, even though some dumb part of me was still hung up on him.
Thanks to my dear friend, I resolved to be the best possible wife I could be and I would be grateful that a man like Braden had fallen in love with me. I would make this work.
Even though I still wondered if we were right for each other.
Twin Lakes, Colorado, would be any girl’s ideal wedding spot.
The view was breathtaking—pristine blue lakes only outshined by tall peaks, some of the state’s highest. I remembered being there one time when I was a teenager when my grandparents had taken my mom and me on a weekend trip to look at autumn leaves.
When they took us, we usually went to places a little closer by, but that particular year, they took us into both Chaffee and Park counties, up and down and all around—and the site of Twin Lakes at the base of the notorious Independence Pass had always stuck in my memory.
So when my mother had suggested it as a venue a year earlier, I hadn’t hesitated.
In fact, that was probably the one thing I hadn’t wasted time pondering.
Braden had jumped at it too, telling us that the lakes there fed into the Arkansas River not far from the headwaters—the same Arkansas River that flowed through the north side of Dalton that he loved so much.
My mother had also managed to find an officiant who lived in nearby Leadville—and that was good, because, with our entire wedding party spending the night in the tiny town of Twin Lakes, we had taken up every last bed for rent.
Any guests coming to the wedding would have to stay overnight in Leadville, Buena Vista, or drive that morning to arrive at one PM.
If it had been later in the year, they could have camped but it was still too cold.
As it was, we weren’t going to have the outdoor wedding I’d wished for, because the forecasted high for that Saturday was 45 degrees Fahrenheit.
But, before all that, we had the rehearsal.
When I saw the spot, I knew I owed my mother so much for all her time and effort.
It wasn’t enough that we’d paid for it all.
She had gone above and beyond the call of duty.
The venue was a huge barn with a breathtaking view of the lake, and it didn’t take long for me to figure out that this barn had never been used to store animals.
It had been created as an event venue. They had a large grassy meadow where they often held outdoor weddings and that would have been perfect, but it wasn’t warm enough for us.
Instead, they’d set up a huge heated tent in that space so it was the best of both worlds.
It had huge windows made of vinyl, so we could still see the surrounding beauty as we said our wedding vows and, afterward, our reception would be held in the spacious barn.