Chapter Twenty
Twenty
EMMA PULLED HER CAR INTO THE CONDO BUILDING’S circular driveway and was startled to find a valet attendant already standing at her door. So much for having a moment to collect herself.
“May I help you?” The young man in a handsome maroon outfit asked with perfect enunciation.
“Yes, I’m here to see Matthew Monroy in unit 14C.” Emma gathered up her purse and tried to locate her keys. She always felt flustered when giving her car to a valet, as if there was a secret countdown happening and her clumsiness was going to cause a major setback in everyone’s day.
“Very good,” the man replied. He couldn’t have been more than twenty-five and it felt a bit like he was cosplaying an old-timey butler. “How long will you be staying?”
Emma had no idea how to answer. Matt had invited her over for dinner and a movie, but Emma wasn’t sure if he intended for her to spend the night. She didn’t think she was ready for that level of intimacy although maybe after a few glasses of wine she’d feel differently. There was also the possibility that while she wouldn’t sleep over, she might stay until rather late. Or maybe she’d leave right after the movie, in which case it wouldn’t even be nine o’clock–
“Miss?” The valet was now looking at her with concern.
“I… I’m not sure how long. Is that okay?”
“Absolutely. We are available 24/7,” he replied as he climbed into her car and moved the seat back. “Just let the front desk know when you need to leave.”
“Thank you,” Emma said, wondering why he had bothered to ask the question in the first place if it didn’t matter. Maybe he was as invested in Matt’s dating life as she was.
As Emma entered the sleek lobby complete with a chandelier and two security guards, she tried to imagine what it would be like to live here as a married woman. Not having to find parking was definitely a plus, even if it meant having awkward encounters with the staff multiple times a day. Emma wasn’t good at a casual hello; she always felt compelled to stop for a full conversation despite rarely having anything substantive to say.
“The second elevator will take you to Mr. Monroy’s floor,” the older security guard told her with the same level of formality as the valet. Emma offered her best smile to let him know she was a cool guest before walking over to hit the up button. The elevator smelled like it had been recently sprayed with a fruity home fragrance and was only slightly nauseating.
Unit 14C was at the end of the hallway, giving Emma just enough time to give in to her nerves. Before now, her dates with Matt had felt akin to playing pretend. Like they were two participants in a laboratory experiment being observed through a two-way mirror in order to test a love hypothesis. If it worked, great; if not, everyone went home. No harm, no foul. But now that Emma was about to enter Matt’s apartment, the emotional stakes felt real for the first time. She wanted things to work out with Matt so badly she wasn’t sure if she could trust her opinion of him. Could he really be as wonderful (and ripped) as he seemed?
“Hi,” Matt’s voice rang out from a few feet away. He’d opened his door and was waiting for her. She was glad to see that he wasn’t wearing any sort of novelty apron.
“Hi,” Emma replied with a smile as she came to a stop in front of him. He reached down and lightly brushed his lips against hers in greeting.
“You look great,” he announced, and it hurt to realize she didn’t believe him.
As much as Emma had worked on her self-esteem the last few years, she still found herself lacking in his presence. Part of her was having a hard time believing that he would have approached her in any scenario other than Operation: Save My Date.
“I’m officially brace free.” Emma stuck out her right leg as proof. She’d been cleared by her physical therapist that morning to resume normal outfits—or normal for Emma, which exclusively meant pants with an elastic waistband.
“Congratulations,” Matt said with genuine delight. “Come on in.”
Emma entered his large, two-floor condo and was shocked to find it mostly empty. It was an open floor layout, with a giant stainless-steel kitchen and barely any furniture. Aside from one of the biggest TVs Emma had ever seen, there was nothing on the white walls.
“This…feels like a serial killer’s apartment,” Emma joked.
“I know,” Matt replied in a sad voice. “I let Kelly keep the house and I guess decorating isn’t one of my strong suits.”
Emma’s heart sank. She’d just arrived and already put her foot in her mouth. Hurting Matt, intentional or otherwise, was like stealing candy from a generous baby who would have given it to you if you’d just asked. She tried to salvage the moment.
“No, no. I was just kidding. It’s a great space. Really. I love it. You just need a couple more things to fill it out.”
“Maybe we could go shopping for stuff together. I bet you have great taste.”
Emma smiled, relieved that he wasn’t still upset even though he had her pegged all wrong; Emma did not have great taste. In fact, Jackie had gotten all of the design sense in the family and Emma often found herself gravitating toward things her sister would consider tacky. After moving in together, Ryan had put a limit on how many new animal statues Emma was allowed to get in a given year—only three, which seemed criminal. She had tried to get around this by buying functional pieces, like lamps or plates, that were also animal shaped. A great loophole, in her opinion, until the night Ryan broke up with her and she was left wondering if her fox-shaped coffee table had been the final straw.
“I can certainly come, but I don’t know if I’ll be much help.”
“Just making me actually go would be a win.”
“That I can do,” Emma replied, her confidence slowly returning to her body as she noticed Matt sneaking a peek at her chest.
After deciding to order Greek food, Matt turned on his massive flat-screen and asked Emma what she wanted to watch. She racked her brain for a good reply, trying not to get distracted by how close they were on the couch. His thigh muscles were practically bulging out of his designer jeans.
“Have you seen the new Coen brothers’ movie?” she asked. Will had watched it earlier that week and told her she needed to see it soon since he planned to quote it a lot moving forward. Emma had agreed because she hated missing a good reference.
“Nope. I don’t watch a lot of movies,” Matt admitted.
“Are you more of a TV guy?”
“I’d say I’m a sports guy who occasionally gets wrapped up in The Bachelor when it’s on in my living room. Kelly loves that show.”
“It is pretty captivating,” Emma agreed. “I’ve always found it fascinating that middle America is totally fine with polyamory so long as it ends in a monogamous engagement.”
“Huh, I never thought of it that way.”
“Sometimes the presentation of something has more impact on people than the thing itself. That’s why I’ve thought a lot about how to explain Operation: Save My Date in a way that’s appealing and not off-putting.”
“How do you explain it? I mean I’ve seen your videos but it’s different to talk to you in person about it.”
“Totally,” Emma agreed as she collected her complicated thoughts on the subject. “I guess one of the best ways to explain what I am trying to do is to start by explaining what I’m not trying to do. To me, this isn’t about swapping in one guy for another guy so I can still have a big wedding.” She felt the need to clarify that point, because Will’s accusation still stung. “And it’s not about avoiding my grief by immediately jumping into something new. If I had discovered a way to successfully avoid grief, I’d be a millionaire.”
“More like a billionaire,” Matt added.
“Exactly. I haven’t solved how to get over a broken heart—and I don’t think that’s something we need to solve. But I do think I’m in a unique situation with the opportunity to try something new. Our society has basically fallen into a soulmate trap, where if you aren’t sure someone is The One, you have to keep looking. Except if my job has taught me anything it’s that love and attraction only get you so far.”
“That part I know,” Matt replied with a sad laugh.
“It’s a weird thing to learn though, right? I feel like growing up is realizing that most people don’t stay married because of passion, they stay married because of mutual respect and commitment. So if you change your mindset from looking for your one true soulmate to looking for a lovely life partner who wants the same things as you, you suddenly have a lot more options. And you don’t have as much doubt that you picked the wrong person because you aren’t on a quest for someone perfect. You’re just looking for someone you enjoy who will care enough to try.”
Emma had gotten herself so worked up she hadn’t realized how intensely Matt was listening to her. But now that she was done with her impassioned speech, she looked over and saw him vigorously nodding.
“That’s what killed me the most about Kelly cheating. It felt like she was throwing in the towel when I wanted to keep fighting.”
“I thought she tried to get back together?”
Matt rolled his eyes and Emma got the sense she wasn’t the first one to point this out. “Cheating was my one deal-breaker. From the very beginning. She knew what she was doing when she crossed that line.”
“Maybe. Or maybe there was a lot going on with the stress of you guys trying so hard to get pregnant and she’s just a human who made a mistake.” Emma didn’t know why she was defending her new love interest’s ex-wife so vehemently. Her professional ability to see both sides wasn’t always a blessing for her personal life. “Or maybe you’re right and it was her way of blowing everything up so there was no going back. Subconsciously or consciously.”
Matt reached out and tucked some hair behind her ear. “I don’t want to talk about Kelly anymore. Not when we should be focusing on us.” Emma knew they were about to transition into the physical part of the evening, but she couldn’t ignore a question that had been gnawing at her.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Of course.” Matt’s hand had now moved down to her significantly less muscular thigh.
“Why are you doing this with me? I know you liked being married, but I can’t imagine it would be that hard for you to find another wife in a more traditional way. I’m sure half of Bumble would want to marry you if they could.”
Matt laughed as if Emma was joking or exaggerating. “I think you’re overestimating my success rate with women.”
“When was the last time you were single? Eight years ago? You don’t have any current data. I guarantee you would crush the twenty-eight-to-thirty-five-year-old demographic.”
“But why would I want to when I’ve already met you?” Matt asked sincerely. “I believe all the same things you just said. My parents aren’t a perfect love story—they’re just two people who have worked hard to raise a family and support each other. If my divorce taught me anything, it’s that I need someone who won’t disappear when things get tough. And from everything I’ve learned about you these past couple of weeks, you seem like that kind of person. I feel like I can trust you with my heart. Before we met, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to do that again.”
“So you really want to do this? You want to go all the way?”
Matt raised his eyes suggestively and Emma blushed.
“I mean with the wedding.”
“Emma Moskowitz, I want to go all the different ways with you.”
And with that declaration of something bordering on love, he kissed her.
***
Emma waited for the valet under the building’s awning, hoping the dim light wouldn’t reveal the full extent of her splotchy, red face. She had just spent the past forty minutes making out and it showed. Even though they were now pretty much engaged, she and Matt had mutually decided to take the physical aspect of their relationship slow. Part of Emma worried that Matt must not be that attracted to her if he wasn’t trying to get her naked, but a more mature part understood where he was coming from. Just because they had a wedding date didn’t mean they had to rush their courtship. They had plenty of time to sleep together—hopefully a whole lifetime.
There was something special about this phase of their relationship, before they knew what it was like to be with each other physically. It made everything more charged, more exciting. Emma had felt like a teenager again as she straddled Matt on the couch with all her clothes on. Just because they knew where the relationship was going, it didn’t mean they had to rush through the journey.
Feeling more at peace than she’d felt in months, Emma smiled eagerly at the valet when he handed over her keys. She then smiled the whole way home. Her smile even managed to stay in place as she drifted off to sleep because she was stubbornly ignoring the one nagging question in the back of her mind: Am I really willing to get hurt again?