Chapter Twenty-Nine
Twenty-Nine
“I THOUGHT WE COULD START OFF BY READING A LISTENER’S email,” Will said in his podcasting voice, which was basically his regular voice with better enunciation.
“That sounds fun,” Emma replied even though she would rather be anywhere else. It was their second studio recording session since their almost-kiss and it took a surprising amount of mental energy to keep things strictly professional. It helped that Anika was watching their every move—even if she had no idea she’d been awarded the role of unofficial chaperone.
Will consulted his show notes and began reading. “Confused in Connecticut writes, ‘Hi, Emma and Will. Big fan of the show. Love your chemistry.’” He cleared his throat, as if the compliment had almost gotten stuck on its way out. “‘I’m writing in because I’m forty-two and recently started dating someone new. Everything is going great, and my boyfriend and I have even started discussing marriage. My only concern is that he still talks to his ex. Not just once in a blue moon but almost every day. Should I be concerned that he hasn’t moved on, or should I believe him when he says they’re just good friends?’” Will looked up. “Emma, you want to take this one?”
“Sure,” Emma said, even though the question hit a little too close to home.
She almost wished Matt still talked to Kelly instead of just talking about her all the time. Her recent visit hadn’t put a stop to Matt’s mentioning her. If anything, she seemed to come up even more now.
“Look, there are plenty of people who can stay friends with an ex in a healthy way. And there are also plenty of people who use friendship as an excuse to hold on to their romantic connection.”
“How is Confused in Connecticut supposed to tell the difference?”
“I was getting to that part.”
“Sorry,” Will said with his hands up. All the lingering sexual tension between them had quickly morphed into frustration and annoyance since their almost-kiss. Now that they couldn’t touch each other’s mouth, it seemed they were at each other’s throats.
“I think the best way to tell is to try to figure out his priorities. As his partner, you should come first—”
Will scoffed, breaking Emma’s momentum.
“What?”
“They just started dating. Why should she take precedence over the rest of his life?”
“Are you being serious, or are you just trying to disagree with me for fun?”
Will held back a smile. Emma was beginning to suspect Will took some sort of sick pleasure in their new, near constant arguing. There was a theory in her profession that couples who fought all the time had a better chance than couples who sat in silence.
Not that we’re a couple , Emma reminded herself.
“I just don’t see why having a new girlfriend means he has to give up a major friendship,” Will retorted, as if he’d checkmated her. “People are more than their romantic relationships.”
“If you had let me finish, you would know that wasn’t where I was heading.”
“My mistake,” Will said with an unbearably frustrating grin. Frustrating in that he clearly wasn’t sorry. And unbearable in how attractive it made him look.
“I was going to say that it might be worth having a conversation with your boyfriend about how this friendship makes you feel and take note of how he responds. If he gets super defensive and says he’s not willing to discuss establishing any boundaries with his ex, that’s a signal that your feelings aren’t his priority. And that’s a red flag.”
“So it’s a test?”
“It’s a knowledge-building exercise.”
Will laughed. “You’d make a good politician.”
“I’d say thank you, but I know you don’t mean that as a compliment.”
“I just think that if you don’t feel secure in your relationship, that’s something you need to work on independently.”
“Even if you have a good reason to feel insecure?”
“Like what?”
“Like your girlfriend talking to her ex every day.”
“I don’t think that would bother me.”
Emma let out a mixture of a scoff and a laugh, which perfectly described how she often felt around Will. “You’re impossible.”
“Or am I exceedingly simple, and that has somehow become confounding in today’s day and age?”
“No, it’s definitely not that,” Emma replied with a grin. “But I’m starting to think you don’t have a realistic understanding of what it means to be in true partnership.”
The sound of two gunshots suddenly reverberated through Emma’s head. Both her and Will instinctively ducked, afraid for their lives.
“Sorry,” Anika’s voice said through their headphones. “I was playing around with sound effects. You know, shots fired .”
“I like the instinct. Hated the result,” Will said, rubbing his ears.
“I think I had it turned up too loud,” Anika replied as they watched her tinker with some knobs through the glass wall. “My bad.”
Emma and Will caught eyes and laughed. For a second it felt like they were on the same team again.
“You were saying…something rude, I believe?” Will had a mischievous twinkle in his eye.
Once again, he surprised Emma with his lack of defensiveness. Most people would have taken their imagined near-death experience as an excuse to change the subject.
“I wasn’t trying to be rude,” Emma explained. “I just noticed a pattern and then I mentioned that pattern in a rude way due to poor social graces.”
“Strange apology accepted. Although you do seem to forget that I was in a four-year-long relationship, so clearly I know something about partnership.”
“Mm-hmm,” Emma said unconvincingly.
“What now?”
“It’s nothing. Just a hunch.”
“Like a good hunch or one that makes me look bad?”
“We can move on.”
Will groaned, his curiosity getting the better of him like always. “Well, now you have to tell me.”
“Okay,” Emma said, sitting up in her chair. “You say that your ex left you out of the blue for a fellowship in England, right? And that she didn’t even ask you to come?”
“Right. Thanks for bringing that up.”
Emma ignored his sarcasm, determined to not be distracted by Will’s wit. “When you first told me that, I thought, Wow, what a bitch. But now I wonder if she was just operating under your relationship rules. Where everyone is out to protect themselves and neither one of you is expected to consult the other about big life decisions, because doing so would mean losing your individuality. And when I think of it that way, it’s like of course she took the fellowship and of course she never asked you to come because she knew you’d say no. You weren’t going to give up your life plan for anyone. Even your long-term, live-in girlfriend.”
Will squinted his eyes as if that would help clarify things. “So you’re saying it’s my fault that she left? Because I created an environment where she felt like she couldn’t even ask me to come?”
“It’s just a hunch. But basically…yeah.”
“Fuck,” Will replied, the fire fizzling out of him. “You might be right.”
***
Emma stared at her phone, debating whether to check in with Will. Even though he had agreed with her rather harsh assessment of his love life, she still felt bad for being so blunt. They weren’t allowed to text or call anymore, but a kind email from a concerned colleague wouldn’t break—
“He’s here,” Matt said, startling Emma out of her internal debate. She looked up from her seat at Le Pain Quotidien and saw their wedding photographer making his way toward their corner table. Phoenix Cody, with his man bun and hulking figure, had come highly recommended by the only one of Jackie’s friends who was over thirty when she got married. Matt had liked his documentary style, which was good because Emma had already paid Phoenix’s initial deposit before they had even met.
“Matt and Emma, I presume?” Phoenix asked in deep register with a touch of Southern twang. According to his website, Phoenix had come to LA by way of Louisiana to fulfill his lifetime goal of “capturing people’s souls on the most meaningful day of their lives.” He also modeled on the side and had some sort of brand affiliation with a juice company.
“So great to meet you, man. I love your work,” Matt gushed, standing up and extending his arm for a firm handshake. Emma followed suit, trying not to wince as her fingers were engulfed in Phoenix’s enormous palm.
They all settled into their chairs and the requisite small talk about parking difficulties before Phoenix dived into business. “As we discussed on the phone, I want to make sure we’re all on the same page and I capture the right moments on your big day.”
Emma forced herself to nod along with Matt even though it seemed pretty obvious what Phoenix was supposed to capture; the wedding ceremony and the various guests came to mind.
“Emma, let’s start with you.” Phoenix rested his elbows on the table and cradled his head in hands like she was the most interesting specimen in the world.
His intense eye contact made Emma squirm. It was one thing to talk about romantic relationships as a trained professional, or even with a trained professional like her therapist. It was another to earnestly and openly talk about her own mushy feelings in a public café with a perfect stranger. This was what she meant when she’d told Imani she wasn’t a romantic.
“What can you see in Matt that makes him different from every other beefcake out there?”
Emma turned to Matt as his cheeks grew red from the compliment. It was a good question and Emma felt guilty that a rush of answers didn’t immediately spring to mind. Maybe it was the pressure to deliver that was getting in her normally loquacious way. She let out an awkward laugh that only showcased her growing embarrassment.
“Take your time,” Phoenix responded. “It’s a lot of feeling to put into words. That’s why we have cameras.”
This man takes his job very seriously , Emma thought before forcing herself to address the question. “Matt is probably one of the nicest people I have ever met. He treats everyone like he already knows them, putting everyone at ease. And he’s also very good at making eggs.” Emma threw the last part in even though he’d technically only made her eggs once. It might have been a fluke.
Phoenix stared at her for a moment with what Emma could only describe as a look of deep disappointment. The silence lingered like a toxic gas until he asked, “Anything else?”
Emma looked at Matt, who offered her an encouraging smile. “He has very strong legs. But I guess that will be hard to showcase under his suit.”
Phoenix ignored her attempt at a joke and turned his focus to the groom-to-be. “What about you, Matthew? Why did this young woman take your breath away?”
Emma stifled another laugh. Phoenix seemed incapable of talking like a normal person and was instead trapped in the stereo--type of an overly sensitive artist—which wasn’t that unusual in Los Angeles, but was still hard to stomach.
“Oh, well,” Matt said as he squeezed her hand. “Emma’s a great listener. She has a lot of empathy. And she’s an amazing caregiver.”
Emma felt her body tighten up. It wasn’t that what Matt was saying was wrong—everything he mentioned was something she took pride in. It’s just that they weren’t the first things that came to mind when she thought about herself. Traits like hilarious or ambitious seemed more accurate coming out of the gate.
“Amazing caregiver. I love that,” Phoenix replied as Emma tried not to focus on the less glamorous associations with that word. She hoped Matt wasn’t mainly excited to marry her because he knew she’d be willing to wipe his butt when they got old. Obviously, she’d do it, but it wasn’t like she was excited about it.
“If you could only keep one image from the wedding, what would you want it to be?” Phoenix asked with his standard gravitas.
“I thought contractually we were allowed to keep them all,” Emma joked.
“I think he’s just trying to figure out what we care about,” Matt explained gently.
“I know. I was just…being silly.” Emma smiled at Phoenix, who gave her a condescending grin in return. So much for bridal privilege , she thought.
“I think I have one,” Matt said with a bit of excitement. “I would really want a photo of our entire family. My side, her side, all together with the kids and grandparents. Like one of those photos everyone can hang in their living room.”
Phoenix nodded encouragingly. “Multigenerational. The past sowing the way for the future.”
“Sure,” Matt agreed good-naturedly. “What about you?”
“I guess your answer makes sense,” Emma replied. “Weddings are about community and not just the couple.”
Matt grinned, glad to be in agreement. He put his arm around her, hugging her close despite their separate chairs. Emma tried not to feel slighted that his answer hadn’t been their first kiss or their first dance. Or even one of those cheesily staged first-look photos.
But then again, Matt already had all those pictures with someone else.