Chapter 11
Ruby
On Saturday morning, I go downstairs as usual to help Dad prepare breakfast, but first I glance cautiously into the living room to see if James is awake.
The sheet, duvet, and pillow have been neatly folded in the middle of the couch, but there’s no sign of him.
I turn and walk into the kitchen, then stop in the doorway in surprise.
James is alone. He’s standing at the counter, squeezing oranges.
His hair is still damp from a shower, and he’s wearing dark jeans with a white T-shirt that emphasizes his broad shoulders.
I watch his arm tense as he presses half an orange onto the squeezer, and gulp hard.
There’s something intimate about him standing here in our kitchen, making breakfast.
I think I could get used to the sight. Just like I could get used to spending evenings on the sofa with him, talking late into the night, like we did yesterday.
I tiptoe across the room as quietly as possible and hug James from behind, wrapping my arms around his belly. He tenses for a moment, probably startled, but then relaxes again.
“Good morning,” I whisper.
James turns to me with a crooked smile. “Good morning,” he replies, equally quietly. Then he leans down and presses his lips gently to mine. The kiss tastes of oranges, and I sigh, leaning into James until his back bumps the counter. He takes hold of my hips and pulls me closer.
His stomach feels hard against mine and I’m about to slip my hand under his shirt when I hear Dad coming into the kitchen.
James jumps away from me just as I reach out to catch myself and stumble into a jug; juice splashes out, making a small orange puddle on the surface.
“Good morning, you two,” Dad says behind me. I glance sideways at James and have to bite my lip so as not to laugh out loud. He’s standing there like a soldier, shoulders pushed back and cheeks flushed.
“I…wanted to make breakfast,” he says, pointing unnecessarily to the pool of juice.
Dad just nods. His eyes are sparkling with amusement. He knows very well how much respect James has for him and exploits it shamelessly—it’s mean, but it’s kind of funny too.
Dad drags the moment out a few seconds longer, then finally takes pity on James. “Would you both like some scrambled eggs?” he asks.
“Yes, please,” I say, and James mumbles an agreement. Then I mop up the juice and start to set the table.
Meanwhile, James gets on with squeezing the rest of the oranges.
“Did you sleep well?” Dad asks him.
“Yeah, it’s a really comfortable sofa. Thanks again.”
Dad just nods.
After Mum got home, we told her what had happened.
She didn’t even hesitate, just instantly invited James to stay here until things with his dad settled down.
I gave her a grateful smile, but that only lasted until she took me aside and informed me seriously that she was trusting us and that I shouldn’t abuse that trust. After that, it took about half an hour before I could look her in the face again.
“James and I are going to see Lydia after breakfast, Dad,” I say.
“Need the car?”
I shake my head. “No, we’ll go in James’s.”
“Even better. Your mum and I have a bit of shopping to do today.” Dad opens a drawer on his right and pulls out a pan, which he sets on the cooktop.
“Dad’s been looking forward to his knife-buying trip all week,” says Mum, coming into the kitchen just then. “Good morning, everyone.”
“Morning,” James and I answer simultaneously.
Mum pulls out a chair and sits down. She looks around the kitchen. “Is that fresh juice?”
James nods and holds a glass out to her. “Here you are.”
“Well,” says Mum, raising her eyebrows at him. “I could get used to this.”
“Me too,” I say quietly, keeping my eyes fixed on James.
James
“What’s your favorite color?”
Seems weird that Ruby would pick that question to start with. But then again, I’m amazed she’s never got around to asking me before—it’s so very Ruby that I have to smile.
“If you have to spend that long thinking about it, it’s not your favorite,” she remarks when I don’t answer right away.
I keep my eyes on the road ahead, through the windshield. We’ve been on the road about an hour and a half, and we’re about halfway there. It’s strange to be driving myself on such a long journey, but with Ruby beside me, I’m about as happy as I’ve ever been.
We started bombarding each other with questions yesterday evening, and I love that we can chat this casually despite everything.
“Green,” I say in the end.
I glance quickly over and see her wrinkle her nose. Apparently, she’s not taking that for an answer. “There are hundreds of shades of green. You have to be more specific.”
I shrug, because there’s no way I can reply “the color of your eyes” without immediately throwing up over the dashboard. But it’s true. Before I met Ruby, I never had a favorite color.
Now I do.
“That beautiful shade of puke green there,” I say, nodding at the bag on Ruby’s lap. There’s no way she can have packed more than me, seeing that I’ve grabbed a load more stuff from Lydia’s room, but the bag seems to be bursting at the seams.
“Hey! This bag has given me years of loyal service. Leave it alone.”
“Ember told me this morning that you’ve had it since primary school.”
“That’s not true,” she says indignantly. “It’s no more than six years.”
“Maybe I misheard then, and she said it’s old enough to go to school itself.”
She sticks her tongue out at me. At that moment, I long to kiss her so badly that I have to grip the steering wheel and force myself to focus.
I’m not doing a great job of keeping my mind on the road.
Ruby is sitting right next to me, and I’m still yearning for her.
Last night almost drove me crazy. I spent it lying awake, trying desperately not to remember that my girlfriend was only a staircase away, wearing nothing more than short polka-dot pajamas.
You could go to hell for thoughts like the ones I had after that.
“You can have the James bag back if you like,” I suggest croakily, staring through the windshield. I focus on the sound of the engine and the green fields and hills rushing past.
Anything to distract me from the fact that my trousers are getting tight in the crotch because my imagination is straying in an indecent direction again.
“That would be lovely,” she says, but she suddenly sounds so down that my filthy thoughts fizzle away. “But I don’t need a school bag anymore.”
“The James is an all-rounder. You can use it for anything. Anyway, you’ll be back at Maxton Hall by the week after next, tops,” I say firmly.
That makes her smile, at least, and from the corner of my eye I can see her shoulders relax slightly.
“You’re right. Maybe the bag thing isn’t such a bad idea.”
“I never have bad ideas, Ruby Bell.”
She snorts quietly, and it sounds suspiciously like a laugh. My stomach floods with triumph.
I’m so glad we finally get to have a Saturday together, to be close like this, without anyone—Cyril, Dad, Ruby’s parents, or anyone else in the entire world—getting in the way. It’s a dream come true for Ruby to have let me back in her life despite everything that’s happened.
“Know what I was just thinking?” she asks suddenly.
“Hmm?”
“It’s so weird seeing you actually driving in person,” she says with a smile. “I’ve only ever seen you lounging on the back seat of the Rolls, eating or drinking.”
Now it’s my turn to snort.
“I didn’t even know you had your own car.”
“It was a present when I passed my test,” I say. “But I’m not gonna lie, it spent most of the time sitting in the garage.”
“Don’t you like it?” Ruby asks, looking around inside the black coupe.
“No, it’s not that,” I reply somewhat belatedly. “Percy’s driven Lydia and me since we were kids. I hardly remember a day when he wasn’t around. And now…”
“And now?”
I shrug. “Now he isn’t driving me.”
“Have you heard from him?” Ruby asks cautiously, and I shake my head.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Chauffeuring me around was his job. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s glad to see the back of me.”
“Do you think so?” Ruby asks skeptically. I just shrug my shoulders again, so she adds: “He’s known you and Lydia all your lives. He must be upset by everything that happened. Especially after…”
“You think so?”
She spends a moment searching for the right words. “A couple of weeks ago, when he drove me to Pemwick, we talked about your mum for a bit. I got the impression he was really upset by her death.”
I don’t want to think about that. No—I can’t think about that. I can’t deal with another person to worry about.
Ruby watches me sidelong for a while. I’m not expecting her to drop the subject this quickly, but she just rests her hand on mine on the gear stick for a moment.
“You look tired,” she says. “Are you really OK sleeping on the sofa?”
“Honestly, it’s fine,” I say truthfully. It’s not the sofa’s fault I couldn’t sleep.
“If it gives you a backache, I can move in with Ember and you can have my bed.”
I gulp. Spending the night in Ruby’s bed, surrounded by her smell and the things that are closest to her heart, knowing that there’s only a wall between us? I think not.
“I like your sofa,” I say, a bit more emphatically than necessary. “Don’t worry about it. Anyway, isn’t it my turn to ask you a question?”
“Oh. Very true.”
From the corner of my eye, I see Ruby straighten up a little. I have to fight down a smile.
“OK…What’s your favorite animal?”
“Penguins,” says Ruby instantly.
“Penguins?”
She nods. “Totally. They look like they’re wearing tiny suits. And they’re true romantics, who stay with their partners forever once they’ve found them.”
“Really?”
“Yeah—they’re so interesting. Although, to be fair, they do look for a new partner if they don’t find their old one again after the winter. But otherwise, they mate for life. And they give each other presents. It’s so cute.”
“Presents? Like what?”
“Little pebbles. They’re buried under the ice, and it’s really hard work to dig one up. So if a penguin gives you a pebble, it means they really love you.”
I glance over at Ruby. “I think I’m starting to see what you see in them.”
“Ember and I watched a documentary about a penguin couple once. We cried our eyes out.”
I laugh and shake my head.
“My turn,” says Ruby. “Tell me somewhere you’d like to be kissed.”
My laugh has turned into a soft smile. “That’s not a question.”
She sighs. “Where would you like to be kissed?”
“By you? Anywhere.”
“James,” she says warningly, but when I sneak a look at her, I can see that she’s smiling.
“Let me think about it.”
There are so many places I’d like to go with Ruby, so much that we haven’t shared with each other, and so much that I’d like to experience with her in the future.
And thinking about a future together makes my heart beat faster. I can see it so clearly: Ruby and I living in a little flat together, a kiss that’s everyday yet still romantic. Full of deep emotions and familiarity that’s grown over the years. The picture sends a pleasant thrill through my body.
I’d like a kiss like that.
But I know this isn’t the time to share anything that significant with her.
“When I said ‘anywhere,’ I meant it,” I say after a while. “But I’d have no objections to kissing in a library. Surrounded by books, in secret, but in public at the same time…Yeah, I think that’s an idea.”
“Hmm.”
“Doesn’t sound like that was the right answer.”
“I was just kind of expecting you to say something like ‘on a yacht, in a meteor shower,’ or something.”
“On a yacht, in a meteor shower? Are you kidding?”
She gives me a gentle punch on the upper arm. “How do I know what goes on inside your head?”
“So, what would you answer?” I ask.
She thinks for a moment, and I can tell the very second when she decides on her answer. The atmosphere in the car is suddenly highly charged.
“I’d like another kiss in Oxford,” she says quietly.
At once, my mind goes back to our night together there. The way Ruby screamed at me, then grabbed me. Us stumbling through the door and falling onto the bed. The way she dug her hands into my hair.
I clear my throat. “A kiss in Oxford,” I croak. “Duly noted.”
And there and then, I resolve to make that wish come true for her.