Chapter 12
Twelve
A fter years of working in a bakery, I always woke up early, and Verus was never far behind me. He was back to his normal bouncy self, smiling at me as he carried me to the river to wash my face. I could walk on my own with the crutches, but he always waved off any attempt to suggest it. After several days of this routine, I stopped asking. I liked being held by him enough that I didn’t want to give it up.
Memories of the way his voice trembled as he spoke about his mother a few nights prior, and the tight hold he had on me afterward, flooded my mind as he gently set me down. He was hiding a lot of pain behind that smile. How many people even knew he was suffering? I could easily hear the heartache and tension that had laced his tone. It hurt my heart to hear it, but at the same time, I felt glad that he was so willingly vulnerable with me. He really was Richard’s opposite.
I vowed then to stop comparing the two. Verus was not Richard. They shared absolutely no similarities, and it would do me no good to constantly worry about it. I wanted to soak up all the time I had with Verus while I could, not waste it on thoughts of the cruel man who’d hurt me.
“Will you hunt again today?” I asked Verus as he sat me on a log near the river’s edge. It was a convenient spot for me to sit while I got cleaned up. If I sat sideways with my injured leg on the log, then I felt no pain at all.
Verus hummed and nodded. “Yes. We do most every day. There are many mouths to feed. I will try my best not to be gone from you for too long, though.”
His sweet words made my heart swell, and I felt myself blush because of it. I wished I could thank Verus’s mother for making him. He was a true gift.
Every time he left to hunt, I remembered how dangerous the forest was, and my heart stuttered a little. When he came closer to pick me up again, I put my hands on his cheeks, resting my forehead against his. “Please be careful. It’s dangerous out there. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
He smiled softly at me. “I will be safe, my ravsol. I will ensure I come back to you.”
He dipped his head for a kiss, and I greedily returned it, wrapping my arms around his neck to keep him close. He didn’t seem in any rush to end it, which made me unbearably happy. It’d been a few days since we were first intimate, and he still seemed eager to kiss me every morning. He kneeled beside me, wrapping one arm around me, and brought the other hand to cup my face, his thumb stroking against my cheek. I was so distracted by him, I didn't hear the footsteps approaching until voices spoke behind us.
“I should have guessed Verus would seduce the male as soon as he could get his hands on him. He has always been a scoundrel,” someone teased.
“You’re just jealous that he has yet to give his affections to you,” someone else replied.
I pulled away on instinct, apprehensive of the tones of their voices. I never did trust teasing. There was always cruelty hidden underneath it.
Verus didn’t look happy about the interruption, either. He glared over his shoulder, keeping me close and mostly hidden by his body. I peeked around him at the two barbarians who stood nearby. One was shaped like an upside-down triangle, all brawn. The other was slimmer, more lithe, but his muscles were easily seen along his arms. They had grins that bordered on a sneer, and towels tossed over their shoulders. The upside-down triangle jerked his chin in my direction.
“Getting your fun while you can before he leaves, brother?”
My heart sank at the implication. That wasn’t what this was… was it?
Verus growled, releasing me to stand and face the two newcomers. He said something too quick for me to understand, but it made the upside-down triangle’s smile fall, his disgust evident.
“Him? You would sink so low as to claim a cow?”
I’d heard the insult before. It wasn’t anything new. It still hurt down to my core to hear it. I dropped my gaze to the river bed, wishing I had brought my crutches along so I could leave this place. I needed to join Yamileth. At least there, I could focus on work to hide the pain their words caused.
“Insult my ravsol again, Tavik, and it will be the last thing you do,” Verus hissed.
Tavik lifted his chin, sneer on full display now. “He is not a tribute. I can say as I wish. If you want to fight me on it, I will fight back.”
That made me nervous. Tavik was bigger than Verus, both in height and in width. The barbarian looked like he could crush someone’s head in one hand easily. I didn’t want Verus fighting him. He would get hurt.
Reaching for Verus, I tugged gently on his trousers to get his attention. He glanced away from the other two, looking down at me, but his expression was still dark. He was angry, and it was all because of me.
“I… I have to meet Yamileth. I didn’t bring my crutches with me.”
Verus’s jaw flexed, obviously unhappy about not taking the challenge Tavik offered, but he didn’t argue with me. Carefully, he plucked me off the log and into his arms, hugging me as tightly to his chest as he could without hurting me. His glare was menacing as he stormed past the other two, but he did not speak to them again. They did not offer the same courtesy.
Once he was far enough away, the other barbarian said, “Verus will be as muscled as you are once that one goes on his way.”
Tavik snorted. “Carrying around that amount of weight? He will certainly get a workout.”
I hadn’t been willing to speak during the walk to meet Yamileth. We stopped in Verus’s tent to grab my crutches, and I refused to let Verus carry me again. I could tell it hurt him, but I was too embarrassed to face him. I moved as quickly as I was able to the cooking tent and kept my eyes on the ground as Verus took his leave to hunt. He kissed the top of my head, whispering something to me, but I couldn’t hear him over the pounding of my heart in my ears. Tears burned my eyes when he walked away, but I fought them back, sucking in a shaking breath.
“What happened?” Yamileth demanded.
When I glanced over my shoulder at her, she had her arms crossed over her chest and she was frowning so deeply, it pulled at the wrinkles in her face.
I shook my head. “Nothing. Where would you like me to start today?”
She scoffed. “Nothing. Nothing he says. The happiest member of our clan looks murderous, and the man he has been fawning over looks close to tears, and he says nothing.” She jabbed a gnarled finger towards a table off to one side. “Go prepare the bread.”
I was grateful for the mindless task. I did it most mornings, taking the stool she had set out for me. It was a little harder to do it while sitting, but I made it work, and eventually lost myself in the task, my head clearing enough for me to think. They were words I’d heard before. I did not need to take them to heart.
It’s just… those words had never been said in front of my lover before. It was hard enough already being so soft compared to the rest of them. I knew I was fat. My exercise was kneading dough and moving around my shop. I was probably never going to be trim and muscled like Verus. I had accepted that, but I couldn’t bear Verus thinking of me that way. What if he was only telling me what I wanted to hear when we lay together the other night? I was not beautiful. I never would be.
A warm hand, tanned and wrinkled with age, stilled mine, pulling me away from the now over-kneaded dough. I sucked in a shaky breath, looking up at Yamileth with tears in my eyes.
“I’m sorry. I didn't mean to?—”
She shook her head, stalling me. “I’ve lost count over the years of the number of times I have taken my anger out on the dough. Sometimes it helps. Others, it doesn’t. But holding it all in will only make the hurt fester. So no more saying it’s nothing. What happened, young one?”
My bottom lip quivered, but she was right. I was too worked up to help, and I wouldn’t settle unless I spoke to someone about it. “Someone… Someone made comments about me that hurt me. I know better than to listen, I’ve heard those things all my life, but… Verus was there with me and—” I choked on a sob, dropping my gaze to my lap. “I don’t want him to think of me that way. It’s the truth, but I liked the way he thought of me, and I wanted it not to be a lie. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have overworked the dough. I promised I wouldn’t make more work for you.”
She hummed. “And what was it that they said that hurt you?”
Her voice sounded stern, and when I looked up at her, she looked almost as angry as Verus had been. She gripped my chin to stop me before I could shake my head more than once.
“None of this. What was said, Patrick?”
With a whimper, I murmured, “They called me a cow. They implied that it was beneath Verus to be with me.” I ducked my head when she released my chin, tears escaping and slipping over my cheeks. “I’ve heard it all before. I know I shouldn’t let it get to me. I just…” Wanted to be seen as more. I didn’t say that part out loud. It hurt too much. I’d wanted to be different my whole life, skinnier, better looking. More like someone worth loving. It would never happen. I needed to accept it and move on.
“Who said this?” Yamileth demanded, her tone incensed.
I didn’t want to tell her. Those men already didn’t like me. I didn’t want to cause more trouble for the clan by setting Yamileth against them. But when she threatened to take my job away and send me back to Verus’s tent to rest until I healed, I panicked and blurted out the name I knew. I wanted to be needed here. It was the only chance I had of being able to stay.
“One was called Tavik. I don’t know the other’s name,” I rushed out.
Yamileth made an irritated sound. “Saneth. Those two are inseparable.” Her hands gripped my face again, forcing me to look up at her. “You listen to me, Patrick. You are to pay those two no heed. You are better than them. And they will regret speaking to you in such a way. Put it from your mind and focus on your work. I will handle the rest.”
Eyes wide, I stared up at her. “What do you mean? I don’t want to cause trouble. The clan has done a lot for me and?—”
She silenced me with a dark look, squeezing my cheeks just rough enough to make me grimace without truly hurting me. “You are no trouble to us, Patrick. You are the only one I trust to help me with the cooking. You bring more to this clan than those two brutes ever will.”
The protest must have been clearly written across my face, because she sighed heavily. “I can promise to not bring it to Orthorr unless I absolutely must. Does this settle you?”
Not entirely, but I could see she wouldn’t be deterred. Whatever she had planned, it wouldn’t go farther than her. How much harm could an old woman truly do?