Chapter 23
Twenty-Three
I was right that Yamileth complained when she found me and Finn sleeping in the cooking tent, but after seeing how upset Finn was and how much it helped him to sleep near the fire, she relented. She even decided to join us after a while, stating the fire felt good on her aching joints. I agreed with her on that, since my leg hurt unless I was close to the fire. It also made the nights a little easier to bear, having those two to chat with and knowing someone was close by.
The rain had died down to a drizzle when I had an unexpected visitor. Yamileth had gone to check on the new mother and her baby, and Finn went to visit Zoya, leaving me alone in the cooking tent for the first time in days. It wasn’t close to a meal time, so I wasn’t expecting anyone to come in. When someone cleared their throat near the entrance, it surprised me. I jumped and whipped my head around, pressing a hand to my chest.
“Goddess.”
Saneth grimaced, his expression apologetic, which was strange for him. I was wary about being alone with him, and my eyes flicked to the entrance of the tent for a moment. I contemplated calling out for help or leaving, but he could stop me before I got very far, and I wasn’t sure anyone would be able to hear me if I yelled. The rain kept people in their tents for the most part. There weren’t that many people around to hear me.
“I haven’t done anything,” I said quickly, shrinking away from him a little.
He shook his head. “I know you haven’t. Well, I assumed you hadn’t. No one else complained about being sick, and Tavik and I haven’t been eating the food you made. I’m not here about that.”
“Then why are you here?” I asked, a small tremble in my voice. Did he purposely wait until I was alone? Would he hurt me before anyone could show up to help?
Scrubbing the back of his neck, he grimaced again, looking uncomfortable speaking with me. He didn’t look angry or anything, like he had the last time he cornered me alone. But I didn’t trust him one bit. Richard had played the kind act before, and it nearly got me killed. I wasn’t going to give Saneth the benefit of the doubt. He hadn’t earned that right.
“I was wondering if you planned on bonding with Verus.”
My brows snapped together, and I studied him carefully. “Why?”
His lip twitched in a scowl, but he masked it, shaking his head. “It’s not important. I?—”
“I’m not answering unless you tell me why,” I insisted. I didn’t see why my bonding with Verus mattered to him unless he planned on doing something to fight it on Tavik’s behalf. Would he hurt me if I said I wanted to? Or did he plan on interrupting the ceremony that Finn had told me about?
“Forget it,” Saneth snapped, spinning around to leave.
He got as far as the opening of the tent before letting out a frustrated growl and turning back around. His glare wasn’t reassuring in the slightest, but his explanation surprised me.
“Tavik won’t give up on the idea of Verus. Not even after being bested in a brawl and Verus saying it will never happen between them. If you plan on bonding with Verus, maybe he will finally let it go and move on.”
Stunned, I sat silently for a moment. I knew Tavik was interested in Verus. It was hard to miss with the comments he’d made before.
“Do you think it will make a difference?” I queried softly.
Saneth rolled his eyes, but his expression turned uncertain, and he frowned down at his feet like the answer was hidden in the dirt. “I don’t know. Verus saying he intended to leave with you should you wish it should have been enough. It is clear he only has eyes for you. But Tavik still has not let it go. I’m unsure if anything will change his heart on the matter.”
I wanted to be overjoyed about what Verus had apparently said, but my attention was stuck on the pain in Saneth’s voice. I thought maybe he was just worried for his friend, but why would he be in pain just because Tavik wouldn’t let Verus go? Unless…
“You like him, don’t you?”
He made an irritated noise, glaring at me, and crossed his arms defensively over his chest. His lack of answer was answer enough for me, but my silence bothered him, and he growled in frustration.
“No. I don’t like him. I love him. I always have. But he only has eyes for Verus.”
I had to bite back a wince at that statement. I wasn’t sure what was worse: having to live with the idea of never finding love, or being in love with someone you knew you couldn’t have. I doubted it was a recent development; Yamileth had said that Saneth and Tavik were always together. The thought was a painful one.
“Does he know?” I asked uncertainly.
It felt weird to be discussing this with him after the way he had treated me, but it looked like he needed someone to talk to.
He shook his head, his expression clouded. “No. We have been friends since we were children. He only sees me this way.”
Feeling awkward having him standing there while I sat, I gestured to the empty stool nearby. While he sat, I considered his words. I’d never had a relationship before Verus, so I wasn’t sure how to handle it.
Finn arrived before I could come up with an idea, and he pulled up short when he noticed Saneth beside me. Saneth looked ready to bolt, but I felt bad for him. Finn had been in a relationship longer than I had. Maybe he could help.
“He’s just here to talk,” I reassured Finn, gesturing him closer. Looking at Saneth, I asked, “Do you mind if I share with him? He might have an idea of what to do.”
Saneth didn’t look happy about the idea, but his shoulders slumped in defeat, and he waved me on with a sigh. “Go on.”
Finn looked confused, his gaze flicking between us and his head tipped slightly. “Share what?”
“Saneth has feelings for Tavik, but he says Tavik only sees him as a friend. I’ve never had a relationship before. Do you have any ideas about what he can do? Aside from me bonding with Verus. We haven’t discussed that yet, so I don’t want that to be the only plan. I’m not sure it will help.”
“Um… It might,” Finn agreed with a bob of his head. “Bondings are sacred. Tavik might not like it, but he’ll have to respect it. He could be kicked out of the clan if he tries to get between the two of you.”
I liked that my bonding with Verus was a foregone conclusion to both of them. It made me feel like I wasn’t being silly having hope.
“So you do plan to bond?” Saneth demanded. “He will have to move on if you do.”
I shrugged. “Maybe. I’d like to. But we haven’t talked about it yet. And while Tavik might be forced to let go of Verus, that doesn’t mean he will turn to you instead. Not unless you do something about it.”
Saneth cringed at the thought, ducking his head. “I am afraid. He is my closest friend. I do not wish to lose him.”
Most of my wariness of him melted away at that comment. Yes, he’d been a jerk before, but seeing him hurting and being honest with me went a long way to helping me forgive him. It was possible he only said those things to make Tavik happy. Lots of Richard’s friends were like that. They didn’t look at me twice when he wasn’t around and only bullied me when he was present to hear it.
“So you haven’t told him?” Finn asked.
I shook my head, answering for Saneth, who looked too dejected to answer. “He says Tavik only sees him as a friend.”
Frowning thoughtfully, Finn gave his full focus to Saneth. “He might not have even considered it if you haven’t said anything.”
Saneth looked up at him, confused. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, if you’ve been friends a long time and you’ve never given him any clues that you are interested, then he might not have given it any thought. I read a romance book once with a similar situation. The main character and her love interest had been friends since they were toddlers. He never thought of her that way until it was time for her to enter society and she asked him to dance with her. He was secretly thinking of her that way all along, but because she never showed any interest, he pushed those thoughts aside to protect their friendship. Only when he realized they both were interested did he make a move.”
I wasn’t much of a reader, having spent most of my time when I was younger in the kitchen with the cook, but Finn definitely was. And if it worked out for the characters in the book, it was worth considering. People wouldn’t enjoy books like that if it didn’t make them want the same thing.
“But… What if he doesn’t want me? He only has eyes for Verus, he’s never even looked at me in such a way,” Saneth argued.
He looked terrified at the thought of coming clean to Tavik, which I totally understood. I was nervous about asking Verus if he wanted to bond with me, and I knew he liked me. Saneth didn't have that kind of reassurance.
Finn didn’t look comfortable answering that, but I could see what he was thinking written on his face.
“You have to decide if it’s worth the risk. Would you rather stay friends and risk watching him fall in love with someone else, or would you rather try so you know for sure, and maybe get what you want?”