Chapter Ten
Body Heat
Erin
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S LEEP WAS NO FRIEND .
I’d searched for its solace long after I’d bade Eli goodnight, turning under the blankets over and over but finding no relief. Even with the top half of my body still clothed and the benefit of the blaze nearby, the sheets were frozen beneath me, and whichever way I curled, there was no avoiding the cold’s steely grasp.
Huddling into a ball to conserve heat, harrowing memories from the day returned to torment me. Each new recollection intensified the adrenaline rushing around my system, making my ultimate goal of sleep all the more out of reach.
The same could not be said for my tour guide and newfound protector, though. Peering out past the shadows, I could hear the gentle sound of Eli’s breathing cutting through the fire’s reliable hisses, the rhythmic cadence convincing me that he had definitely found rest.
Blowing out a breath, I realized I was glad. My best chance of staying alive was if he was well-rested, though I’d have preferred for us both to find repose. Pressing my face into the lackluster pillow, I closed my eyes and willed slumber to come. If Eli had managed to sleep on that uncomfortable chair, I could manage an hour or two in the bed.
Wrapping my arms around my chilly legs, I counted my breathing, taking in air for the count of two, and then elongating my exhale for the count of four.
In for two.
Out for four.
The mantra played in my mind like a chorus stuck on repeat.
Staring into the darkness, I was still awake but more relaxed than before.
“Erin?”
My heart rate immediately sped up. “Who’s there?”
Only Eli and I were in the cabin, his gentle snores assuring me he was still asleep, yet I’d heard another voice—a woman.
“Erin, how could you?”
Sitting bolt upright in the bed, I tugged the covers with me. Someone was there, and she seemed to know me, yet however hard I peered into the dark, I couldn’t make her out.
“Who is this?”
The gloom shifted around me as though it were alive, revealing the silhouette of a person—the woman I’d heard. I could scarcely pull in a breath as her shadowy outline edged forward from the blacker hues, but the temperature around me seemed to fall with every second I watched her.
Forcing my gaze away from the mirage, I acknowledged what should have been obvious. The fire had gone out, abandoning the cabin to shadow and ice.
“You left me.” The nameless female was closer still, though I heard no evidence of her footsteps.
Recoiling against the bed, I realized I did recognize her voice.
She wasn’t nameless after all.
“Chelle?” My breath was just about visible between us. “Is that you?”
How could she be there? She’d headed in the opposite direction from the cabin and didn’t know we’d be there. I wanted to believe it was her, though. Longed to think that somehow, despite the snow and her frantic desperation, she’d managed to cling to life and find her way to me.
“How could you have left me?” Her words came again, but they were steelier that time, as though she’d spat them in my direction.
“ You left me!” Tears welled at her recriminating tone. Why was she so angry? I’d begged her not to go. “But I’m so happy you’re here. I’m glad you’re okay!”
“I’m not okay,” she hissed, nudging at the blankets by my feet as her presence neared. I froze, willing my numb toes to move but unable to make them. “I’m fucking dead, you moron!”
“What?” I couldn’t make sense of what I was hearing. “You can’t be dead! You wouldn’t be here talking to me if you were.”
“And yet I am.” Her tone dripped with disdain. “Not an hour dead and I find myself here. Is this the afterlife, Erin?” She snorted. “Or is this hell? Trapped in the darkness with the people who failed to save James.”
“Please.” Thick, ugly tears fell, burning my flesh as they trailed along my face. “Don’t say that. I never meant to hurt you. I didn’t want you to leave!”
“Look at you.” She floated closer still, and even though I couldn’t see her face, I sensed her sneer searing me. Loathing was coming from her energy in waves, forcing me to shrink back against the pathetic pillows. “Parading yourself half-naked with him when you should be out there looking for me and James!”
“Chelle, don’t...” It wasn’t like my friend to be so cruel. She missed James—of course she did—but there was a viciousness to her tone that I didn’t recognize.
Whoever loomed before me was not the woman I’d laughed and clung to for the last ten years. She was someone else.
“Pitiful.” She tutted. “Who knew you were such a whore.”
“No!” Anger flared inside me.
How dare she accuse me of something so disgusting? What was a whore anyway, except a woman judged to enjoy too much of her own sexuality? The Chelle I knew was better than that.
“That’s not true,” I countered. “I’m not with Eli. He’s only trying to help me. I—”
“Whore!” Her voice was louder as she interrupted me. “Nothing but a fucking whore!”
“Stop it!”
Taking a deep breath, I hollered the words so loudly that I burst out of the bubble of hollow sleep I’d fallen into and lurched from the dream.
Awake and trembling, I found myself in a cold sweat in the bed, listening to the wind whipping around the side of the building.
“Erin?” Eli sounded groggy as he stirred from the chair. “What’s wrong?”
Noises reverberated in the darkness, the sounds of him moving, but all I could think about was the dreadful dream. I’d fallen asleep in the end, but all my guilt-ridden mind could drag up was a horrific visit from Chelle’s ghost.
What the hell was wrong with me?
“Erin?” A stark beam of illumination appeared from the flashlight he’d found, forcing me to turn away from its glare.
“Just a bad dream.” Shivering, I tugged the blankets around me. Drenched in a layer of sweat, I was colder than ever.
“You’re freezing.” He scowled, moving closer.
“Can we light another fire?”
Though, even as I asked, I knew the answer. There wasn’t enough wood.
“Not yet.” His tone was soft. “Best we preserve what we have.”
“Yeah.” I knew he was right, but my quivering limbs begged to differ. I needed warmth from somewhere, and I needed it soon. “But I’m so c-cold.”
“Let me help.” His body grazed the edge of the bed, his face only just visible in the periphery of the beam’s intensity, and I noticed he’d undressed from the waist up.
“H-help how?”
“I don’t feel the cold.” He chuckled. “I guess that’s part of the reason I’ve been so good at the job.”
“So?” I wasn’t following his train of thought.
“So, you can have some of my body heat.” Placing the flashlight on the bed, he stared at me.
“Sh-share the bed with you?” I thought we’d had that conversation already.
“You’re making it sound illicit.” His stare hardened. “When that’s not how I mean it. I’m just saying, I’m hot and you’re not.”
He reached for my hand, encasing my pale fingers in the weight of his larger and considerably warmer palm. “See.”
I did see, or rather feel .
Even though there was only a single shaft of light in the space, the temperature of his palm was suddenly everything. If all of Eli was as warm as his hand and he wrapped those long, lithe limbs around mine, I’d be toasty again in no time.
But it will mean sharing the bed with him.
My breath hitched. Contemplating sharing with him while the memory of Chelle’s recriminations rang in my ears stung. Even though I knew she hadn’t really said those words, they’d still injured me. Not least because the absence of Chelle in the cabin could only mean one thing—that I’d invented those insults for myself. Somewhere, deep down, I believed my attraction to Eli was, at least in part, to blame for what had happened to her and the others.
The twisting knot of energy in my tummy reinforced the doubts. If I hadn’t felt that tug to Eli, I might have been kinder to James. If I hadn’t been eyeing the rugged good looks of our guide, then maybe I could have talked him and Miles down from the edge of the clearing.
Maybe, maybe, maybe...
I wasn’t sure any of my mental ramblings constituted the truth, but they were lodged there in my psyche, regardless.
“You are warm.” I clung to his hand.
“So?” Leaning toward me, his face came into view. Twinkling with a mischievous glint I’d never noticed before, his eyes persuaded me that it wasn’t half as cold as I thought. There, in that moment, his gleaming gaze seemed able to warm me without even the need for touch. “Is that a yes?”