Chapter Twelve
Fallout
Erin
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S LEEP CRASHED OVER me after the high, its intensity so great that when I stirred from its grasp, I couldn’t immediately recall how I had succumbed to it. I remembered the weight of the pleasure as it robbed me of breath. It was greater than anything I’d experienced without the use of my vibrator, but then—where there should have been the solace of Eli’s touch, or maybe even pillow talk—there was nothing.
Nothing.
My brow creased. How could there be nothing? Something must have happened in the aftermath.
Had we talked? Murmured words in the aftershocks that my foggy brain couldn’t remember? I didn’t know, and when I tried to recall, all I could recollect was the scent and strength of him.
I still knew nothing about Eli, how the hell we were going to get out of the abandoned cabin, and worse, no idea if Chelle was alive.
Guilt ricocheted in my chest at the thought of my friend. I’d welcomed him into the bed and assented to pleasure while she could have been out there, freezing in the wilderness.
What had I been thinking?
Swallowing down the nausea threatening to rise at my complicity, the answer hit me squarely in the face—I hadn’t been thinking.
I’d recognized how attractive Eli was from the beginning, but I’d never have allowed myself to give in to those feelings. It was only the sheer enormity of my predicament when he’d found the cabin—my exhaustion and the grim knowledge that we didn’t have enough wood to keep warm—that had worn me down and lubricated the wheels of my consent.
My eyes flitted closed.
The dream I’d had about Chelle before I’d woken screaming, where she’d accused me of being a whore, had turned out to be a dark prophecy. When push had come to shove, I’d reveled in the climax he’d offered without so much as a thought to Chelle, or even for the man who’d delivered the crescendo. In the end, despite how much he’d turned me on and my soul-shattering release, I must have fallen straight to sleep. He hadn’t forced himself on me—a quick squeeze of the muscles between my legs confirmed that—and he hadn’t made any other demands. I’d seemingly taken what he had to offer without so much as a thank you.
Gulping down my rising shame, I couldn’t decide what troubled me the most. The fact that hours had passed, and I still didn’t know where or how Chelle was, or the slutty memory of permitting his caresses while selfishly exulting in them.
I shouldn’t have cared what he thought of me—shouldn’t have needed his approval—yet the reality remained that I did. The idea that he might be angry or upset knotted concern deep in my belly. Eli had done nothing but help me. He’d even offered to warm me once the fire had died, and what had I done in return? I took the orgasm he gifted and slipped straight into unconsciousness.
Not that it isn’t what men have done for centuries .
I cringed at the sorry performance, knowing my exhaustion was to blame. I’d never known a day like the one I’d just lived through, and despite the solace I’d found in his arms, I hoped I never would again.
Tuning into the room around me and concentrating on what I could hear, I attempted to focus. His rhythmic breathing sounded from behind me, reminding me of the way I’d behaved and compelling me to edge away onto the cold portion of the bed. I didn’t have a plan as I shuffled from the sheets and allowed my sock-covered feet to hit the cold, hard floor. All I knew was that I’d made a series of mistakes. I should never have let Chelle leave us, should never have permitted Eli to join me in the bed, and absolutely shouldn’t have allowed him access to my body.
Yet, I’d done all three things, and I had to live with the consequences.
Tugging my underwear back into place, I rolled down my clothing. Dawn was breaking on a distant horizon, letting the first beads of light radiate through the cabin’s dark windowpanes. The dim illumination lit a portion of the bed, revealing the top half of his bared, muscular body. My gaze raked over his expanse of pectorals, the sight doing nothing to quell my wretched emotions.
He was gorgeous—a quiet, deep thinker who was good in a crisis and just happened to have an incredible body tucked away under his clothes— but however good he looked, I didn’t know what to do next. Was it better that I dressed and left, that I slipped away and took my chances alone, or should I wait for him to rouse and deal with the fallout? Perhaps I could pretend nothing had happened between us and carry on as we’d been before.
The churning anxiety in my stomach concluded what was obvious. Both plans were equally dreadful. I wouldn’t do well out there on my own, yet the idea of staying and waiting to see how angry he was with me didn’t thrill me, either.
Creeping around the edge of the bed, I lowered, finding my leggings in the shadows. All the garments had been parched by the flames, and though the leggings didn’t feel soft or comfortable, they were at least dry. Perching on the edge of the chair, I held my breath as I slipped them on.
There was no conscious decision to leave as I moved, no conclusion that required me to abandon Eli, but by the time I’d dressed, put on my boots, and found my raincoat, my mind was made up. He’d done what he could for me, but it was time for me to move on. I vaguely recalled the route we’d taken up the hill to find the cabin, and from there, I could use what remained of the path to find a route down. There would be someone at the tourist information center who could help me, and hopefully they’d have news of what had happened to Chelle and the others.
It wasn’t a perfect plan, but at least I’d decided.
A glance out of the window revealed the snow had finally stopped coming down, the view brightening my spiraling mood. The optimism was dashed, though, when I noticed how deep the drifts were against the base of the nearby trees. One or two piles of snow looked so deep that I might disappear to the waist if I were to step out into them.
I paused at the sight, my resolve to leave solo wavering. I still didn’t have adequate attire for the conditions, and we’d already eaten some of the food I’d brought, but still... the notion of waiting for him to wake and bombard me with questions motivated me to move.
Surely, it was better to just leave and alleviate our embarrassment.
“Disgrace, you mean!”
It was Chelle’s voice that whipped through my head, though when I spun around, she was just the way she’d been in the dream—nowhere to be found.
“Chelle?”
I whispered her name, conscious not to wake Eli, although even as I spoke, I knew she wasn’t really there.
I was no longer sleeping and privy to the whims of lurid dreams. Wide awake, I could tell the difference between what was real and what was only happening in my head, and I knew my friend wasn’t in the cabin.
“I saw you...” Still, her voice came, oozing with disdain. The resonance of her disgust seemed to bounce off the thin, wooden walls, although I accepted it was only truly reverberating in my mind. “Writhing about with him, chasing your fucking orgasm when you should have been worrying about me!”
Chelle.
I forced myself to say the word mentally, refusing to give into the madness of talking aloud to a figment of my own imagination.
That’s not true, Chelle.
But it was.
In all the time I’d snaked in the sheets with Eli, I hadn’t thought about her once, hadn’t considered her frozen fate or whether she was even alive. Culpability stabbed in my chest, reminding me what a self-serving bitch I was.
“Do the right thing for once!” Chelle’s voice taunted. “Get out there and fucking find me!”
But... I glanced around wildly. I don’t know where you are.
“I almost made it.” The anger radiating from Chelle’s voice was replaced with sadness. “ I stopped by an enormous fir tree for rest, closed my eyes, and never woke up again.”
Fuck. The well of nausea twisted inside me until my hand flew to my mouth to prevent the upcoming onslaught. I’m so sorry .
Grateful not to have to vocalize the words, I registered the tears burning in my eyes.
Was she dead?
The hopelessness of her potential plight cemented my decision. Whatever had happened with Eli was irrelevant. I had to do something, had to get out there and discover her, even if that meant bringing her body home to her parents.
Wiping the water from my eyes, I headed for the old bedside unit standing between me and freedom. I hadn’t had to move it the day before, but it wasn’t that big. I was sure if I put my back into it, I’d be able to clear the doorway. Pausing in front of the thing, I contemplated how to push it without disturbing the sleeping giant in the bed behind me. Whichever way I considered the problem, though, there was no easy answer. I had to move the furniture to get out of the door, and there was no quiet way to achieve that.
“Shit.” I muttered the word, glancing back quickly to ensure Eli was still asleep. Sure enough, the still form sprawled out in the bed was peaceful and mercifully unaware of my plan. “Here goes nothing.”
Lowering to center my weight behind the unit, I shoved against the wood and prayed by some miracle that the noise of it scraping against the floor wouldn’t stir Eli. Trepidation clawed at my insides, the scratching sound seemingly even louder than the relentless rhythm of my rampant heartbeat.
Oh, God.
I had to get away for Chelle’s sake, but I couldn’t bear the inevitable argument that would follow if Eli woke up. Things would be difficult enough after last night’s one-sided passion, but if he found me about to leave, there’d likely be hell to pay.
By the time I’d pushed the unit far enough to open the door and slip outside, I hardly dared to peek back in Eli’s direction. I hadn’t heard any obvious movement from the bed, though, and he hadn’t barked any questions at me.
I’ve got away with it!
Hope bloomed as I edged quietly to my bag and lifted it from the ground. I didn’t mean Eli any offense. He’d done more for me than I could have hoped, but things would be better all-around if we just put last night down to experience. We’d been tired and he was trying to comfort me. There was nothing more to talk about.
Steeling myself, my attention turned to what was to come. More snow, more bone-biting cold, and an uncertain future, but at least I wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences from the unexpected chemistry I’d found with the rugged tour guide.
Inching forward, I was resolved. I wasn’t choosing the easy option to stay and be looked after, but it was the right choice for me, and there was an odd satisfaction to that outcome. One day, I’d look back at that moment—hopefully with Chelle in tow when my dark prediction about her fate had been proven false—and we’d laugh about the encounter. Of course, she’d still be sad about James and Miles, but we’d be able to chuckle about my one night with the enigmatic Eli and how I nearly didn’t get away.
I’d got as far as the door handle before that same knowing tone that seemed to be burned into my memory for all time rang out from behind me.
“Erin.”
I froze, my heart hammering at the same moment my feet grew roots to the spot.
“Where are you going?”
Shit.
Every expectation I’d harbored about slipping away into the snow crashed down around me in a thousand shards of glass. Eli was awake, and he’d want answers.
“Eli.” I turned, aware of my face reddening as I struggled to think of a decent comeback.
Why hadn’t I thought about that before I’d got ready to leave? I should have prepared a dozen smart one-liners to armor me, but instead, I’d been hellbent on my so-called plan, and I was clueless.
“Well?” He was out of bed and on his feet in a heartbeat, his lithe movement and lean, strapping body taking me by surprise. A man as large as him shouldn’t have been able to demonstrate such agility, yet somehow, he moved like a feline, closing the space between us in a few casual strides. “I’m waiting for your answer.”
“Are you?” Something about his conceited tone riled me more than it should have. I didn’t intend to snap at him, yet the words falling from my lips were catty and curt. “I don’t owe you anything, including an answer.”
“And that is the wrong answer.” He stalked closer, his expression hard.
In all the potential outcomes I’d played out in my head, I hadn’t imagined one where he was so damn foreboding. I’d anticipated his anger and a few stinging words, but not his sheer physicality.
Stupid.
It all seemed so fucking obvious in the cold light of day. Eli had been physical from the outset. He was a tour guide, for God’s sake—paid to be outdoors in the wild all day. I’d rarely met a man as physical as him. His reaction should have been as inevitable as the dawn.
“I’m leaving!” Apprehensive at his sudden proximity, I blurted out my explanation.
“I see that.” Folding his strapping arms across his broad chest, he looked almost amused. “And where, might I ask, are you going?”
“Chelle.” I didn’t sound half as confident that time, my bag skimming the door as I retreated from him. Backed against the wood, I stared into his magnificent eyes, wondering where the conversation would end. I already sensed I’d be on whatever pertained to be the losing side.
“What about Chelle?”
He cocked one dark eyebrow at me, as though he was daring me to offer another paltry response. Not that anything about Chelle was insignificant to me.
“She’s out there!” An abrupt surge of emotion rushed from me, stealing the final remnants of my defiance. With it came a rush of heated emotion, the latent guilt that had pressed heavily on me since I’d stirred. “I think she’s dead.”
“Erin.” His brows knitted at my outburst. “We’ve been through this. She’ll have been found by the emergency responders hours ago.”
“She wasn’t!” Why couldn’t I pull myself together around the guy? I was either falling to pieces or practically begging him to fuck me. “She came to me, Eli. She told me she was dead.”
His chin rose, concern flickering in his otherwise annoyingly captivating gray gaze. “Erin, are you okay?”
Well, was I?
My reply was a jumbled mess of neurotic ramblings. No wonder he clearly thought I was mad.
“I know I sound crazy.” Sighing, I sensed my entire plan crumbling around me. “But please, I have to help her.”
“The best way you can help her is to calm down.” He pulled in a breath, and I sensed it was taking every ounce of his patience not to lose his temper. “Stay here and I’ll get another fire going.”
“But Chelle.” I glanced behind me at the door standing between me and the hundreds of feet of snow keeping Chelle and me apart.
“...is okay, Erin.” He edged closer until only inches separated us. “Put the bag down and let’s talk.”
Talk.
My eyes fluttered closed for a moment. The last thing I wanted to do was talk. That was why I’d wanted to go before he woke up.
“No.” I denied the tremble in my voice.
The fact he was there, as large as life, was immaterial. I couldn’t let his handsome looks or domineering character change things. Chelle had told me to find her, and I had to go.
Spinning on my heel, I reached for the door handle. “I’m leaving.”