Chapter Eighteen
Shell Shocked
Erin
––––––––
S TARING UP AT THE DARK god who’d taken me to the brink, I was numb. When I’d said I wanted his cock to skim the back of my throat, I’d meant once or twice in a build to his climax, not more than a dozen times in a frenzy of what seemed like ruthless ownership.
The muscles between my legs clenched. That was precisely what had just transpired. He’d used me as though he owned me—as if I was there only to grant him pleasure—and by some fucked-up logic, I’d allowed it.
What choice did I have?
I tugged at the rope around my wrists to reinforce the point. Under the weight of his giant palms and without my hands, there was little I could have done to stop him, but my powerlessness did nothing to quiet the nagging sense of my complicity. I’d told him I wanted his cock. I’d given him free license to live out his indecent fantasies.
He’d taken me to the cabin under the pretense of protection, but the things he’d done since had been far from honorable. But by treating me roughly, he’d managed to take me to highs I’d rarely reached alone, let alone with another lover.
How was that possible?
The loitering headache in my temple offered no answers, and as his cum slipped from my chin, the knot of energy at my pussy tightened. Even after everything he’d put me through, I still wanted to reward him for the onslaught, still longed for him to fill the empty space that called for completion.
I wanted Eli to remind me that I was a woman.
“You look great.” Fastening his pants, his lips spread into an arrogant sneer, the expression eroding the last preserves of my sanity.
Whatever had happened, I’d managed to hold onto some semblance of reason, but being objectified so thoroughly appeared to have been the final straw.
“Jesus, Eli.”
My gaze fell to my knees as the suffering of the last half an hour threatened to spill from my lips. I wanted to tell him what it was like to be used, and that, however much I might have liked the idea, I hadn’t been ready for the reality. In the end, there were no words to explain how overwrought I was feeling.
“Hey.” One of his hands shifted to my chin and compelled my attention back to his face. “I never said you could look away.”
“My throat hurts,” I croaked.
His furrowing brow suggested concern. “Ask for a drink and I’ll get you one.”
That’s it?
I glared at him. That was all he was going to give me? No apologies? I wasn’t sure why, but I’d expected better.
“I’d like a drink, please, sir.” Closing my eyes, I did my best to block him out.
He might have control of my body, but I still decided what I thought.
“Hmmm.” His thumb caressed the side of my face. “I’d prefer to see your beautiful eyes when you ask.”
Tough shit. My jaw tightened beneath his finger.
“Please, sir.” Pulling in air, I compelled my eyes open, though I didn’t meet his gaze. It riled me that I had to mollify the moron to make him move. “I’d appreciate it.”
“Okay,” he barked. “Wait here.”
His harder tone would have evoked tension in my weary body at any other time—an indication that I was somehow in trouble again—but kneeling there, something seemed to have shifted inside me.
Whether it was the viciousness of the blow job, the fact he hadn’t moved to untie me, or some other mental and emotional adjustment to my predicament I hadn’t yet registered, I didn’t know. I only acknowledged the difference in my demeanor as he stalked from my side. There was no longer the latent sense of dread snaking inside; the fear was replaced by a need to fight for something braver.
James and Miles might not have been my choice of companions, but so far as I knew, they’d both plummeted to their deaths on the hike, while my closest friend could still be out there somewhere, lost—or worse, dead—in the snow. What I’d endured on my knees was nothing by comparison. It didn’t matter how much he turned me on. I had to find the necessary steel to stand up to Eli’s bullying tactics. I had to get away.
Which will be easier once he unbinds me.
Following his progress to my bag, I watched as he searched for my water bottle, producing it a moment later. Straightening, he turned and locked gazes with me as he walked back to my side.
“Open up.” Unscrewing the lid, a hint of the same smirk that had greeted me in the aftermath of his orgasm painted his face.
“Why can’t I use my hands, sir?”
“Because I’m not removing the rope yet.” He didn’t even try to disguise his glee. “So, if you’re thirsty, I’ll help you.”
“But...” The pounding in my temple increased, fraternizing with my growing fury to aggravate my headache.
“Do you want the water or not?” He lifted the bottle to his lips, taking a large slug in a gesture that was no doubt intended to goad me further.
Fuck you .
Gritting my teeth, I fought against the urge to articulate the view, but I was sure he read it in my expression, his chuckle proof that he’d recognized my disgust.
“I’d watch how you look at me if I were you, little girl.” Lowering to his haunches, he hovered the bottle in front of me. “You do not want another spanking right now.”
“I’d like the water, please, sir.”
The combination of anger and despondency swilling in the pit of my chest was a pungent mixture. I detested him at that moment—despised everything he represented, hardly recalling the gentler man who’d brought me enormous pleasure only hours prior. Until he agreed to release my wrists, I was obliged to accept his so-called generosity, and if I wanted anything, including the water my throat so badly needed, there was no choice but to swallow whatever remained of my shattered pride and play his warped game.
“There.” The smile that had once seemed so handsome sliced at my self-worth like a blade. “Show me you can be a good girl and open that lovely mouth again.”
My lips parted, not from a misshapen desire to please the tyrant, but from thirst alone. I waited as he tipped small quantities of water past them, allowing me to swallow before he offered more. The fluid was a welcome relief, that one tiny gesture seeming normal in a rush of otherwise giddy angst and perversity.
“Good.” He screwed the lid back onto the bottle and placed the plastic down by my side. “That’s more like it.”
Flitting from his face around the room, my focus looked for anything that meant not having to look him in the eyes while he delivered yet another lecture about my alleged behavior. I couldn’t handle that. Not when he was the one who’d behaved so badly and I was still tethered on my knees.
As my attention swept the inside of the hut, his rambling words faded into the background. Instead, I took in the dark corners the light had invaded, scanning the wooden rafters and the breadth of the floor. I dared not dwell on the state of the place or what I might be kneeling on, preferring to fix my concentration on things I hadn’t previously noticed, like the redundant cobwebs hanging on the beam over his head and the long, dark object slid against the side of the wall that was barely visible from the withdrawing shadows.
Wait, what?
My heart sped up as my gaze traveled back to the floorboards in question. The space would normally have been covered by the bed, but we’d moved it in an attempt to keep me warm. Eli had seemed so accommodating then, willing to do almost anything to please and protect me. He was nothing like the idiot ranting over me.
“...and that means looking at me, little girl!”
I glanced at his face, noticing his eyes burning with emotions he had no right to feel.
I was the one who was angry. I was upset. I was vulnerable, whereas he was struggling to even stay self-righteous.
Asshole.
The echoing word in my head was oddly comforting, the notion permitting my concentration to travel back to the strange item that had caught my attention.
“What is so fucking fascinating over there?” He peered over his shoulder in the same direction I’d been searching in.
“I thought I saw something, sir,” I mumbled. “I hadn’t noticed it until now.”
Probably because I’ve had your cock shoved down my throat.
My pussy clenched at the recollection. I was still hideously turned on despite how much I abhorred the treatment.
“Yeah...” His voice trailed into silence as he rose to his feet and walked toward the space. “I see it.”
“What is it?”
The shifting shadows revealed what looked like a black butt of a gun.
Another gun?
Whatever trepidation I thought I’d known before that point was dwarfed by the ballooning horror swelling at the sight.
“It looks like a rifle.” He peered back at me as though he, too, was surprised. “The last ranger must have left it.”
A thousand alarms sounded in my head.
Why was there a freaking rifle in the cabin? It was awful enough that he was carrying a handgun for ostensible protection in the forest, but the weapon he collected from the floor looked far worse—blacker, longer, and more foreboding.
“Get it out of here, please.”
I forced myself to my feet on shaky legs, no longer waiting for his purported permission to rise. There were two guns in the cabin, and I couldn’t just kneel there like a hapless target, although how I expected to defend myself without my hands was anyone’s guess.
“Little girl.” A line appeared in his brow as he turned to discover me no longer in the place he’d left me. “Who said you could move?”
“Please!” I was practically hyperventilating as I edged backward. “I hate guns.”
“It’s okay.” Cocking the weapon, he checked the barrel for ammunition. “There are no bullets.”
“Thank God.” Relief radiated from me.
Eli had already proved himself both unpredictable and comfortable with a gun. The last thing I needed was a second, unknown weapon in the vicinity.
“You didn’t answer my question, little girl.” He’d traveled the length of the cabin to tower over me. “I never told you to move, so who did?”
“No one.” Nausea stirred in my stomach. “I’m sorry, Eli. This has been fun and all, but I can’t do it anymore.”
“You can’t do what ?” His hand rose to my chin, directing my focus to his face. “And don’t think I haven’t noticed how you’re not referring to me properly.”
I pulled in a breath, turning away from his insistent fingers.
“I can’t do this.” My gaze gestured around the room. “Whatever this is. I can’t be here with you anymore, like this...”
My attention fell past his hand to my exposed breasts. It had been some time since his climax, and he still hadn’t even offered to cover me. Presumably, he was more than content with the status quo.
“I need to get dressed and get out of here.” Scanning his face, I searched his eyes for any sign of the man who’d wanted to look out for my welfare. He had to be in there somewhere. “Chelle could still be out there, and—"
“Oh, Erin.” He pressed his fingertips to my mouth, and the way his lips curled sent shivers racing rapidly along my back. “Don’t be silly, little girl. You’re not going anywhere.”