Chapter Twenty
Aftermath
Eli
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T HE WORLD AROUND ME was fuzzy and warm, and until Erin’s desperate whimpers roused me from my ecstatic stupor, that was enough. Floating through the haze of satisfaction, the ‘how’ and ‘why’ of it all no longer mattered, and neither did the man I’d become.
My past was a dirty, dark web of violence that the woman bound beneath me knew nothing about, and I’d have liked to have left those days to history. But history had a strange way of repeating itself sometimes, and the deeds I’d committed and would rather forget tended to rise to the surface.
At those moments of despair, ghosts I thought I’d banished breathed guilt and judgment into me when they demanded their five minutes in the sunshine. They came all too often, haunting me with their heads held high and their black, lifeless eyes that seemed to bore into my very soul, and there was nothing I could do to repel them.
There were days when those specters had surrounded me, making it difficult to breathe until I responded to their insistence, but I had no answers for their restless souls; no confessions that could quell their impending doom.
I was a killer.
I’d done what I’d done, and while I took no pride in the brutality, I’d pocketed the cash. That was the monster I’d been before I took tourists around the wilderness.
Shifting my weight from Erin, I rolled beside her on the bed to catch my breath, and for the first time, I realized something. Being around her had hushed those ghosts. Since I’d taken her over my knee, our energy seemed to have vanquished those unwanted spirits completely.
Turning my head, I watched her roll onto her side to face me, her eyes full of questions. I had queries too—about her transformation from resistor of my touch to someone who appeared to revel in it, but I had no will to speak them and burst the precarious bubble we’d created.
The feisty brunette had swung from angry to yielding in a matter of moments, and while I’d loved every moment of the passion, I had no idea how long the change would last. Whatever happened, I wasn’t ready to let her go, wasn’t ready to give up on the blissful distraction she’d brought with her. If that meant keeping her in ropes until I could trust her behavior, then so be it.
“Is that better now, little girl?”
For the first time since I’d darted out of bed to stop her from starting her lunatic trek out into the snow, I actually cared about the response. I didn’t claim to understand the woman, but I knew the best way to keep her around was to offer her at least a little of what she thought she wanted.
I was certainly happy to keep fucking her.
“Much.” She nibbled her lip. “Thank you... sir.”
My lips curled at her breathy reply. Whether she’d realized how much she enjoyed submitting before I’d directed her behind the cabin’s door, I didn’t know, but her body’s primal response to my lead seemed almost too good to be true.
“Good.” I wanted to reach for her, to offer something in the way of solace in the afterglow of our climaxes, but I didn’t.
The atmosphere around us had shifted, as though the energy had built to the ferocious fuck we both craved, and in the aftermath, an uncomfortable calm had returned.
Staring at her, I wished I could be honest about the power she held over me, but that type of sincerity would destroy the fragile connection we’d carved. She could never know who I really was, where I’d been, and what I’d done. I just needed to keep her around to keep my demons at bay.
“My shoulders are hurting, though, sir.” Her brows knitted. “Can you untie me now, please?”
A pang of guilt echoed in my usually empty chest, and pulling myself upright, I leaned closer to assess the ropes.
“How are your hands?” Tugging at the binds, I loosened them a fraction. “Can you still feel them?”
I’d been remiss in my duty of care to her. Forcing her to her knees and shoving my dick down her throat had been one thing, but not taking care of her physical needs was quite another. As it was, we’d barely eaten, and if we stayed at the cabin too much longer, we’d run out of wood for the fire.
“They went a little numb when you were fucking me.” Her lips tugged. “But it’s my shoulders that are bothering me.”
No doubt Erin wasn’t used to being anyone’s captive.
“I’ll release you.” It pained me to have to say it. Even though her request was entirely reasonable, I’d grown used to the titillating display she provided. “But I’m going to need you to be good, little girl.” I ensured my gaze pierced her. “That means no dashing out into the snow until we’re ready.”
Her cheeks flamed. “ We’re ready, sir? Does that mean you’re coming with me?”
I laughed as I unfurled the knots I’d secured. “I’m certainly not letting you venture off on your own!”
“You don’t think I’m capable, do you?” She sighed, glancing down at the bed as though there was any shame in the admission.
“I think if any of you had been capable, you wouldn’t have paid James to hire me.”
“Yeah.” Her jaw tightened. “You’re right.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Yanking away the final bind, I eased the rope away from her delicate wrists and threw it on the other end of the bed. It had done its job for the time being. “That’s my role now.”
She smiled as I eased her arms to her sides and helped her to sit up. “Well... thank you?”
“You’ve got it.”
It was strange to be so cordial when we’d been at loggerheads, but the shift in energy and two mind-blowing orgasms had altered my point of view. A centering sense of tranquility had settled over me, helping me to think. “Stay by the fire and keep warm. I’ll get us some food.”
“Mind if I cover myself now, sir?” Her sarcastic tone begged for another spanking, but the veil of easygoingness that had fallen over me offered her an amnesty.
For now.
“Fine.” I didn’t love the idea, but I understood keeping her naked in an environment like the hut was far from ideal. “But you should know, if you act up again, I’ll have you bared and over my knee faster than you can take a breath.”
“I don’t have to put up with your Neanderthal behavior, you know.” Her tone was playful as she tugged her bra back into place and hiked up her leggings. “That wasn’t what I paid for, and I wouldn’t take it from just anyone.”
My brow rose at her verdict. What did that mean?
Was she taking it from me because she was afraid and felt there was no choice, or was there another, more tantalizing motivation for her compliance?
Watching her redress, I considered asking, but turning my attention back to food, I decided against the idea. Whatever her reasoning, I wasn’t ready to give up on the bubble of carnality we’d conjured in the cabin, and probing her for the truth risked destroying it.
“But you do seem to like the results, little girl.” Pausing my search for the sandwiches, I glanced up at her. “You were so fucking wet.”
Perched on the edge of the bed, she squirmed. “No one would like being treated that way.”
“Please don’t lie.” I met her widening gaze. “If you lie to me, that’s one thing, but lying to yourself is something else.”
We both knew how horny both the spanking and manhandling had made her. I wasn’t going to listen to her spinning a new narrative to suit her rising shame.
“I’m...” Her brow creased, and I had the sense she was about to deny the untruth but was pleased she held back. “I’m just saying I didn’t deserve to be treated that way.”
The matter of what she merited was no longer moot as far as I was concerned. It was a convenient distraction to avoid the more pressing matter of what she’d liked.
“But you did enjoy it?” I cocked a brow at her, relishing the way she seemed unable to keep still.
Guilty conscience , I concluded. I should know .
Except after so long, my heinous deeds inspired little in the way of consequences, save for the sinister specters that liked to pursue me through the forest.
Perhaps her fidgeting was related to the spanks she’d taken. I wondered, if I asked, would she lie about that too?
“Some of it, maybe.” She spat out the words as though they were poison. “But I didn’t want to.”
“Right.” My voice was wry as I spotted the foil-covered food next to the place she’d stashed her phone and dragged it from the bag. “Because it would be wrong to want to be treated that way, right?”
“Absolutely.” Her reply was a little too immediate to believe.
Maybe she hadn’t reconciled her desires to herself yet. That, I could understand, but I couldn’t allow her to twist the story into a tale where I was the villain and she was the helpless heroine. I was a lawbreaker, but she didn’t know that. To Erin, I was nothing more than a tour guide turned lover, who liked to tie her up and spank her. Fortunately for my little girl, she’d met a man who had met her challenge head-on.
“Here.” Striding toward the bed, I thrust the foil at her. “You should eat.”
She eyed the food suspiciously, her attention falling to her lap. “I need to pee. Is there a toilet in these places?”
“A toilet?”
I nearly laughed at her request. We’d been in the hut a long time, so I wasn’t surprised she needed to go—I’d had the sense to relieve myself when I was out in the storm the day before—but the idea that there was a hidden bathroom amused me.
“No, there’s nothing like that. We’ll have to find somewhere for you to squat instead.”
“In here?” She recoiled as though I’d suggested she sleep out in the snow.
“Yes,” I answered slowly. “That pot ought to suffice.”
I gestured to the large container by the side of the fireplace, and her gaze followed my signal.
“I can’t...” She shook her head.
Here we go. I blew out a breath. The spoilt princess has returned.
Most of the time, Erin was a reasonable woman. Empathetic to her friend’s needs, sure, but sensible. On occasion, though, she appeared to dramatize, spiraling events into panic. That was what had happened when she’d determined to leave that morning, and it seemed to be where she was headed at that moment.
“We don’t have a better option.” Closing my eyes briefly, I fought for patience. “Come on, it’s not so bad. I’ll turn around while you go.”
“But... you’ll hear me!”
She screwed up her face as if the idea of urinating was the worst she could conceive.
“Here.” Striding past her, I eased the pot out from its place in the shadows and lifted it into my arms. “I’ll put it in the opposite corner for you.”
“Th-thanks.” Her creasing brow conveyed how little she appreciated the gesture as I carried it to my proposed spot and placed it on the ground.
“Go!” I motioned to it with one arm. “I promise I won’t look.”