Chapter 41
41
“ I 'm sorry.” Simon stood on her front step, hands awkward in his pockets, the dark falling like a curtain behind him. He’d waited too long.
He shouldn't be at her front door. He should be walking around the back to the little patio that held the table with two chairs. He should have opened the door and let himself into the house with all the pretty colors.
But he couldn’t. They hadn’t spoken in two days. At least she’d opened the door.
“I come bearing gifts. Well, a gift .” He held the large, flat bag out to her. Obviously, it was a painting.
She took it, peeled the unworthy plastic back and stared for a moment. “It’s beautiful.”
He nodded. “I had my mom send it. It matched your colors.”
“Wow. Thank you.” She held onto it gently, almost reverently, but it didn’t break the ice that covered her demeanor toward him. Carlisle stayed where she was, unspeaking, as if still waiting. He understood enough to know that it wasn't enough to say you were sorry .
“I shouldn't have snapped at you. We were both really stressed, and I appreciate that you were trying to help.”
She still looked at him oddly. Maybe she was mad. Maybe she was still stressed. “How are the kit sales going?”
“They're still rolling in.”
“That's fantastic.”
She still didn’t smile but, with a sigh, she pulled the door open a little wider and let him step inside. It amazed him, how different the two houses felt. Her house felt like home because she had worked on making it a home. His house felt like home because of Darcy’s art and when Kitten hid behind the door and jumped out and tapped at his feet as if ambushing him.
Darcy’s art was his own. But the furniture he finally had and even Kitten were his because of her. Maybe being mad at her wasn’t the solution, no matter what she’d said. “I missed you.”
That part he meant.
“I missed you, too.” Carlisle was still on her feet and Simon was standing as well. They'd moved around each other as if they each had some small forcefield keeping them from fully interacting. She carefully covered the painting again with the bag and set it propped against one wall. If she was going to forgive him, it hadn’t happened yet.
“I was not trying to pry.” She finally talked. He was grateful she wasn’t going to make him grovel, though he missed her enough that he would.
“I couldn’t hear the whole conversation but I could hear your mother's tone sometimes. She doesn't sound happy about having to call you and ask you for more money.”
Of course she didn't . “Having bills sucks. Having the kind of bills that we have with Darcy sucks worse. She's got three different doctors for three different things and getting them to coordinate with each other and not assign her medication that turns out to interfere with the next medication is virtually impossible!” He waved his hand in anger at the whole situation .
Carlisle nodded along. “I can't say I fully understand because I've never lived it. But I do understand that it happens. I've seen the results of it.”
She had seen it. She had a better understanding than most other women he’d dated or other people he’d spoken with. Maybe she had just suggested something she'd seen work in other families.
“I shouldn't have snapped at you.”
Her brows pulled together a little more. Why couldn’t that be the end of it?
Simon still stood without moving, his breath shallowed out as if he were a rabbit caught in headlights.
“It wasn't that you snapped at me.” Her tone was set and she crossed her arms again. “I can handle that. People have shitty days. I wasn't at my best either.”
At least she could admit that.
“It was that you kicked me out .”
He had, hadn’t he? He hadn’t been able to deal with it. Her suggestion had been stupid, and she didn’t know what she was talking about. But maybe he should give it a second chance. Maybe she did know something.
“I shouldn't have done that.”
She looked at him as if he were a dumbass. As if the obvious answer were yeah, of course, you shouldn't have.
“I appreciate that you were trying to help. I just don't think it will work with my family.”
She was still looking at him as if he were thick. “I don't think you can know if it will work or not until you try it.”
“Why should I try something that I know is going to fail?” He was getting mad again. Why was she pushing? Why was he so mad about it?
Carlisle held her hand up as if to stop him. She took her own deep breath and he found himself doing the same. Simon didn’t know why, but it worked. Damn nursing skills .
“When did you start paying the bills for your family?”
“When I graduated college.”
She shook her head slightly, apparently having asked the question the wrong way. “I mean, how many years ago was that?”
“Twelve.” It was an easy answer, but he didn't know what she was getting at.
“And you’ve been doing it this way ever since?”
He nodded. Mostly. There had been Darcy’s college, his move. But what was she getting at? He still hadn’t touched her, and he didn’t know about the rest of this, but he missed her .
“So you understand you are operating on a decade-old system? Don’t you think it's time to update the system?”
He was opening his mouth to answer but she held up her hand and pushed again. “How old was Darcy when you put the system into place?”
“Fifteen.”
“Fifteen is very different from twenty-eight.”
It impressed him she knew that Darcy just had a birthday. Carlisle was paying attention. Maybe he should give her a little more credit. He was opening his mouth again but Carlisle waved her hand at him one more time, telling him he needed to shut up and listen. He tried.
“Would you let someone run a business system that was twelve years old without at least attempting to see if it could work better?”
“I would!” he countered. And he would.
“Would you do it if people disliked it as much as you dislike the system you guys have?”
“I don't dislike it.” Or did he?
“You certainly don't like it.” She was confident in that. She was right. The surprise bills. The low numbers in his account. Juggling payments to be sure he didn’t miss his own mortgage. He was well into his thirties and sometimes still couldn’t afford a pizza. Fuck .
“From the sound of it, your mother doesn't like it either.”
“So what am I supposed to do then?” If Carlisle proposed to have all the answers, maybe she should actually supply all the answers.
Her shoulders were more relaxed, her hands loose at her sides. At least her arms weren't crossed anymore, the anger seemed gone. “I don't know how you need to frame it. But I think you need to sit down with your mother and with Darcy this time , who is actually an adult now, and discuss how to do this. I would suggest a monthly payment or a biweekly portion of your paycheck.”
A pause fell between them, but Carlisle, almost excited now added, “Hell, maybe Darcy can manage some of her own bills.”
“She's not always in the right space to keep track of things like that.”
“I totally understand, I’m not either all the time. But maybe she can manage it when she can, and when she can’t, then your mom can take over. It doesn't put the full burden on anyone. Maybe you guys can divide the bills.”
“I pay for the bills,” he said it with authority, only just then realizing how much that was a part of him, that he paid the bills.
“I understand that.” Her tone had grown soft as if she, too, heard the conviction. “But if they had their own money, they could parse it out. If Darcy's competent with money, there’s no reason she shouldn't be able to do this.”
“She shouldn't have to.” Hadn't he said that before?
“No one should have to!” The way Carlisle said it made him realize they'd circled right back around. “All I'm saying is maybe just ask your mother how she feels about calling you and asking for money. See if I'm right. See if you're right. Maybe she loves it.”
He stood there, staring at her for a moment, hating the space between them. Maybe even a little more, he hated the idea that she was probably right. He would not leave a twelve-year-old system in place if no one was happy with it.
New things came along. Things had been learned. Darcy was technically an adult now. Her meds were better adjusted. New meds had come on the market in the meantime.
He couldn’t even answer Carlisle’s question whether Darcy was competent with money because they’d never let her handle it.
“I’m not telling you how to run your life.”
Carlisle started to walk away, leaving him there in her living room with the front door closed behind them. At least he was inside, not stranded on her front step. But the windows were uncovered. If someone was walking by outside on the street in the dark, the two of them would look like a sitcom.
But Carlisle turned around in the doorway, leaning on it. “I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life. And I'm not saying I'm right, that this is the way it will work. Maybe the way you have it is the best way. But I'm saying if you don't ask, you don't know that you're doing it right. And I'm also saying that you should maybe listen to people on the outside.”
She was on the outside. He hated that.
He wanted her on the inside, even though he knew he didn’t have that space in his life. His situation was full, there wasn’t room for more. And asking him not to support his mother and sister wasn’t an option for him. He could never be the real thing that Carlisle would eventually want.
But he wanted her right now.
He needed her enough to not tell her there was no real future in it.
If she saw the turmoil in him, she didn’t acknowledge it. “People on the outside should listen to you, too. You and your family know this better than anyone. But there will absolutely be things that you don't see, because it's just the way you've always done them.”
Carlisle said it all with a level of authority he couldn't match.
“Okay,” he told her, stepping forward. “I'll ask them, but no promises.”
She laughed. Finally. His heart cracked at the sound. And then again at her voice. “Simon, I don't need promises. It's not for me. It's for you!”
“Well, if I don't have to send as much money, there will be more to spend on you.”
“I'm not after your fucking money,” she snapped, her tone just north of chiding. Then she toned down, but still cut. “If I was after money, I wouldn't be after you.”
“Ooof!” He lifted a hand and rubbed at his chest as though she'd shot a mortal wound.
Her smile bloomed again, and he felt it where he was rubbing at his sternum.
Reaching out, she grabbed his hand. “Hey, you know that I like you for you.”
He liked her, too. He more than liked her.
She was relaxed now that he'd agreed. He didn't like the idea of changing the system. It made all his bones want to curl at the very thought of having this conversation with his mother and Darcy.
Maybe that meant Carlisle was right, but he didn't want to admit it. Instead, he reached out and grabbed her other hand and pulled her close. “I missed you.”
She softened at his touch. All the hard edges and know-it-all tones disappeared.
Stepping forward, she melted into his touch, and he felt his whole body change as she lifted onto her toes.