Chapter 48
48
C arlisle watched Simon sliding deeper into his worry. Two days had gone by, and no one had been able to locate Darcy, despite the police looking for her, despite everything they knew about where she might have been or have gone.
“Can you take a deep breath?” Carlisle asked him. She sat on the bed, one leg tucked up under her, watching in the morning light. His movements were almost normal, but she could see the anxiety beneath them.
He shook his head.
She knew that kind of panic. Hers had come from memories though. She was able to tell herself that she was safe—that the world was not upside down and she was not actually underwater. Simon however, was.
“She's always come home before,” she told him as if that could help.
He looked at the clock as if it would say anything different than the last ten times he’d looked. It was still before eight. He paused halfway through buttoning his shirt. “I can’t.”
What he couldn’t do, Carlisle couldn’t tell. He wasn’t okay.
“Do you need to take the day off?” He'd gone into the office yesterday, but what good had he been? She’d met him at home, fed him, talked on the phone with his mother who'd updated them there was no word.
Simon had educated her on “the way these things usually ran.” That told her this wasn’t the first time, not by a long shot, but his fear was still real. Carlisle understood it wasn’t unfounded. Anyone in the cycle of mental illness, especially women, were not safe out on their own. Accidents and predators were both real concerns.
“The police were always reluctant to search during the first twenty-four hours.” He sighed. “Several times she came home within a day.”
But not this time.
Carlisle had also learned that this time, they’d let the missing persons report get filed and they’d gone to work tracking everything they could. Simon had even put his mother on speaker for once, telling her that Carlisle was there and maybe she would have some ideas.
Carlisle had felt guilty for the pleasure that bloomed at being included. It was quickly washed away by guilt that it came from such a shitty situation.
His mother had told them, “They traced her phone. She took the car into Iowa. Then her phone stopped. It’s off, probably out of battery. The car is still parked in Des Moines.”
His mother had been reluctant to get the car back, even though she had a spare set of keys. What if Darcy came back—maybe she didn't realize how much time had passed—and the car wasn't there?
“You need a car mom,” Simon had insisted. Carlisle had silently agreed. His mother needed to be able to join the search and not be dependent on somebody for a ride.
“I shouldn't have let her take the car. I should have seen the signs!”
“Mom.” He was trying to calm her, and Carlisle’s heart broke for both of them. “We never quite recognize the signs in the early phases. They look exactly like some normal days.”
Carlisle had jumped in. “I've worked in an ER and, just so you two know, you didn't miss anything. That's exactly what we hear from the families of people who have the same illness as Darcy.”
Simon had looked up, his gratitude showing in his gaze. She could only hope it would make his mother feel better.
But this morning all of that was gone. He'd barely slept, tossing and turning beside her. He'd forgotten to feed Kitten last night so Carlisle simply took care of it. She saw now what he had to do. “You need to go.”
Taking the day off work wouldn't really do anything. It would take him away from his clients and remove the only distraction he had. It was Friday, if he went home he wouldn’t have to be back before Sunday night. If then . . .
Simon stopped buttoning the shirt, looked at the tie he had laid out on the dresser, and thought for a moment. “Can you keep Kitten? I mean, take her to your house.”
He was pleading as if this were the thing that he needed to worry most about. “I don't want her alone during the day.”
“Of course I will,” Carlisle reassured him the best she could. “Where's your suitcase? Let's get you packed. If you want to give me your information, I can get you a plane ticket.”
She felt bad because she would have liked to buy the ticket for him. While the orders were coming in, her money didn't feel like her own. She and Jane had managed to pay themselves a very minimal salary, just enough to stave off missing her house payment. She couldn’t offer what she didn’t have.
She'd watched as he called into work. She found flights, showed him what to book and then drove him to the airport. He had several hours to wait but he wanted to be able to bump to an earlier flight if possible .
Back home before she fully absorbed what they’d done, she pulled into her own driveway on autopilot. She needed to get Kitten, and it would be easiest to put everything in the car. She backed down the long drive, headed up toward his garage and let herself in. It took longer to pack up Kitten’s things than she expected.
She wound up cleaning out the litter box and bringing the box and a new bag of litter. She packed a handful of Kitten’s toys but hadn’t been able to find several. Carlisle grabbed the food bowl from the little dish towel that Simon had set out.
At last, she had it all in the car, managing to keep Kitten from ducking outside. Until the last minute when, of course, Kitten completely disappeared.
“Kitten! ” she called out, not liking the way her voice echoed even though she'd been in this house without Simon before. Even when she just stared at the walls, it hadn't felt this empty. Knowing that he wasn't coming back tonight was more than she could really process.
“Kitten! ” Her voice was getting desperate even though she didn't have to be home for any reason.
Eventually, she headed into Simon's bedroom. She turned to look around the other side of the bed, only to be jumped out at from behind the door. She laughed for the first time that day. “Good job, Kitten. You surprised me.”
Reaching down, she scooped up the still tiny creature and snuggled her close, then promptly carried her out to the car before she could get lost again. In her own house, Kitten explored, checking out all the new smells and things to play on. Carlisle did her best to carry the tiny cat around, making sure she knew where the litter box and the food was.
“We'll probably be here a couple days, even though I hope they find her before he even lands.” Talking to Kitten was comforting .
It was too soon for him to be checking in. It wasn't a short flight. He’d come from practically the other side of the country. He’d told her once they lived in a smaller town than Breathless. There weren’t as many job opportunities for his mother but more people who knew Darcy, fewer ways for her to get lost. Yet, apparently, it still happened.
Letting Kitten roam, she headed out to the garage and spent most of the afternoon packing orders. They'd used her video during interviews. Though it still wasn't easy to hear herself retell the story, it was definitely better than telling it again and again. Each time, she dressed in her best, put on all her layers of makeup, and shown up as happy and proud as she could.
They had more orders because of the interviews, too. Could they keep going on like this though? Was this the job? Do an interview - sell kits - do another interview - sell more kits?
Would they have to keep going further and further from home? Would they eventually start to cycle back around? They'd made it up to Nashville. Chattanooga would be next—they could do that in a day. Even Montgomery. But if they went farther, they would start having to stay overnight or even fly. Carlisle wondered how that would work and if this was sustainable.
Simon landed. He sent updates. Mostly that they still hadn't found Darcy. He was home and with his mother. They were going out searching, but Des Moines was several hours away and they had no idea if Darcy had headed back home some other way.
She had just crawled into bed when her phone rang. She could feel her face light up. He was calling . Hopefully that meant good news. “Simon. Did they find her?”
“No.” His voice was tense, short, and she felt it like a vice, tightening every muscle in her body.
“I'm so sorry.” She waited and when he didn’t respond, she asked, “Is everything okay with you ? ”
The silence lingered between them. Obviously, he couldn't say yes, but she wasn't prepared for his next words. How it stole every bit of breath from her body and froze her to her core.
Simon was never going to speak to her again.