Chapter 2
TWO
Hara
I didn’t mean to stare at Rilee and her mate.
But I couldn’t look away. He nuzzled into her neck, careful to protect her skin from the large spikes on his shoulders.
Her necklace matched the matz on his body—white markings that swirled over his bronze skin.
Every Kaluma warrior had their own distinctive markings, and their mates were given necklaces to match.
I fingered the small pendant necklace on my chest. The one I’d made with a pattern I’d seen in my visul and decided to claim as my own.
I had worn a different necklace once. One I hadn’t asked for.
One I hated. One that I could still feel choking me.
Rilee had never had to wear a necklace she didn’t want.
She’d been too young when our former pardux had been in power.
She was one of the lucky ones. Many of us had worn the same necklace, but unlike me, many Kaluma females had been able to move on under the new pardux’s control. They’d found new mates. Happiness.
As for me? I wasn’t over it. I feared I would never be.
“Hara?” Rilee’s voice filtered through my thoughts. I jerked toward her to see that her mate was walking away, and I’d been staring at the spot where they’d been cuddling. I stood among our crops, hand half-raised to pluck a playa fruit.
Rilee blinked her big eyes at me and laid a hand on my shoulder with a gentle touch. “Are you all right?”
Rilee was always concerned about me. A lot of Kaluma were. I smiled at her, but the action felt fake. “I’m fine.”
My friend pouted. “You are not.”
I didn’t know how to explain to her how I couldn’t seem to move on despite the recent positive developments.
I had a purpose in the Kaluma settlement.
I was a valued healer who often traveled with the warriors on their missions.
I was the most knowledgeable about herbs and medicines.
The settlement respected me. But inside, I was crumbling.
While female Kaluma weren’t pressured to mate, there was still an expectation to do so, to bear offspring so that we could once again build up the population after we had nearly died off.
I felt the pressure, whether it was outside forces or self-induced.
I cared about my people, but the thought of mating…
“Vray has been asking about you,” Rilee said as she plopped a fruit in her basket.
Vray. My stomach churned, and I felt lightheaded. He was a nice warrior. Kind. A perfect mate, really. But not for me.
“Rilee,” I sighed. “I’m not ready.”
It’d been close to ten cycles since our last pardux was killed in a duel with a Drixonian.
Sherif, the new pardux, was fair. Several of our warriors had rescued human females and made them their mates—including Sherif.
I was grateful for that. A lot of the Kaluma females had needed time to recover from our former oppression, and almost all of them had moved on.
Except me. And I feared deep down that I could never be intimate again.
The thought terrified me. I was jealous of Rilee’s bond with her mate, but at the same time, I couldn’t picture myself having it.
Rilee only looked at me with sympathy that I resented.
My position was to heal other people, and all the while I remained completely broken inside.
I cleared my throat and made an excuse that was only partly a lie.
“I’m focused on improving my healer skills.
I’m not ready to put effort into a mating.
” I smiled again, and this one felt more genuine.
Rilee’s shoulders slumped, but she didn’t have that sympathetic look anymore. “If you say so. Vray will wait for you.” Her gaze shifted past me, and a smile lit her face. “Well, look who’s here.”
I turned to see Vray approaching us. He held a water skin in one hand, and his ever-present hatchet strapped to his back.
He was a powerful figure—bronze scales that shimmered in the sun, swirling matz that looked like rippling water.
His white hair hung down past his spiked shoulders, and his intense blue eyes were focused on me.
He was a gorgeous male. Other Kaluma females sought his attention, but he remained set on me.
Kaluma males couldn’t force a mating—that had been a new rule of law set by Sherif immediately after his father, the previous pardux, had died.
So Vray sought my attention by deeds like this—bringing me water and helping me gather herbs.
Except I remembered all the times that I’d been forced into the former pardux’s tent while all the current warriors—Vray included—stood by.
Resentment coated my tongue and clouded my vision.
With a quick flick of her wrist, Rilee said her goodbye with a flashing grin at me and trotted off toward our settlement. I was left alone with Vray. His steps slowed as he drew near, and he studied me carefully to see if I appreciated his presence or not.
“I thought you’d like something to drink.” His gaze held mine as he handed me the water skin.
“Thank you.” I took a drink as a breeze blew through the herb garden. I could smell Vray—a mixture of dirt and metal. He’d likely been training in the arena.
He cleared his throat. “Zuri is planning the Spring Gala,” he said.
Zuri was Sherif’s mate, a human female who helped him lead with both strength and kindness.
Together, they had three offspring. Since their mating, she held an annual Spring Gala that celebrated the rebirth of our settlement.
Those words were foreign to us Kaluma, but her and the other human female mates said spring was a season on Earth that was often synonymous with new life.
So it was fitting. I looked forward to the Gala every year.
Except I knew what Vray planned to say next. He proved me right when he said quietly, “I’d like to attend with you.”
I thought about what that meant. We’d wear matching clothes—likely my dress would match his matz pattern. We’d eat together, smoke together. Spring Gala was a festival to celebrate mating as well, so Vray asking me to attend with him was as good as him asking me to be his mate.
The thought of wearing another male’s pattern, no matter how kind he was, made me nauseous.
When I didn’t answer right away, Vray took one step closer. “I’m willing to wait for you, Hara, until you are ready. But I would also like everyone to formally know my intent toward you. And I would like you to know, too.”
I gazed up at him. His kind eyes, his open face.
Vray was trying. And I trusted him. But I didn’t trust myself.
I thought of what Rilee had with her mate.
I thought of the current females walking around proudly with round bellies.
They were doing their duty for the settlement.
I’d grow to be attracted to Vray, to care for him.
Wouldn’t I? And I should at least make an effort to try.
I swallowed and said the words that felt like bitter pills. “Yes, I’d like to attend with you.”
His grin was heart-breaking, stretching across his whole face. His matz shimmered with excitement. He nearly bobbed on his toes as he reached for me. “Let’s go make plans—”
I squeezed his hand and then let it fall to his side. His words ended abruptly as he studied my face. Then his chin dropped. “Sorry, I got a little too excited. We can move at your pace.”
I hated seeing him apologize for being excited. “Are you sure you don’t want to attend with anyone else?” Surely he could find someone who would share his excitement. How was this fair to him?
He shook his head. “Only you, Hara. It’s only been you.”
I bit my lip. The other females had found their mates.
Maybe I just had to swallow the bitter pills until they turned sweet.
Vray and the other male warriors had been threatened with death under the old pardux if they defied him.
All the other females seemed to have come around to forgiveness. Why couldn’t I?
“We can plan soon,” I said. “I wanted to gather some wild herbs today.”
He frowned as he glanced around us. “With no security.”
“I’ll be fine.” I pointed to my back that rested on the ground at my feet. “I have my weapons. And I could use some time alone to think.”
He smiled at that. “You do enjoy time to yourself.”
I liked that he knew that about me. But it wasn’t fair that I didn’t know as much about him. I hadn’t cared to find out. You could do something about that, Hara. “I’ll be back before the sun sets.”
He nodded. “I’ll watch for you.” Turning on his heel, he glanced at me over his shoulder spikes before heading back down the path to our settlement.
I inhaled deeply and tilted my face toward the sun.
I had a lot of time to myself before the sun set.
I didn’t need herbs, but I needed to clear my head.
I wanted to be away from the settlement for a bit.
I hauled the pack onto my back and set out of the settlement’s herb garden toward the surrounding forest. With every step, I felt like I could breathe easier.
My feet were wide with thick soles, so I could easily maneuver over the brush and rocky ground.
I set out toward a known lake and cave system nearby, which was one of my favorite places to go when I needed to think.
Along the way, I gathered some herbs and some blossoms that I knew Rilee would like.
I was also particularly fond of Cravus’s mate, a small human female named Bloom.
She was quiet, like me, and we’d bonded over gardening.
As I drew deeper into the forest, I sensed a change in the air.
The varins who lurked in this area were often trekking about, either flying overhead or stomping and ruffling their feathers.
But they were nowhere to be seen, and no large shadows took flight overhead.
And that was when I heard a loud crack, like a fired gun, followed by a varins hunting call, followed by a few more.
I could have sworn I heard a voice shout something too.