Chapter 12 #2
“I’ll cuddle you for the rest of the time I have here,” I said softly as I rubbed the side of her neck with my thumb. It occurred to me that she was touch-starved without knowing. She’d only known touch that hurt and used and discarded. She hadn’t known affectionate touch without a finish line.
“How much longer?” she said, and this time her smile faded.
As much as I wanted to stay here for as long as possible, I wasn’t sure how that would make parting easier on either of us. “How long before we make it back to where my pod is?”
She turned her head and looked off into the distance as she chewed her bottom lip. “Another cycle. Probably mid-cycle tomorrow.”
So another night. One more sleep under the stars with my Goldie. “Let’s cuddle a bit longer before we start moving again.”
She tucked her face back into my neck and melted against me. “Yes, Ee-than. More cuddling.”
I pressed a kiss to her temple, and I wished for a different future.
Hara
Ethan had to be the best at cuddling on his Earth. There was no way anyone was better. He held my hand. Rubbed my back. Played with my hair. Touched my face. Gripped my hips. Pressed our foreheads together.
We made terrible progress. We walked for barely a little while before he would push me against a tree and kiss me. We’d make it another while until he would scoop me in his arms and flutter his lips against my neck with a loud sound. He called it a raspberry, and I loved how silly it was.
He asked me a lot of questions about myself between cudd-ling. He wanted to know what my life was like, so I told him how I was the village healer, and sometimes I traveled between planets, since some of our males took jobs off-Corin.
“You have friends?”
“I do. I’m especially close with Wensla, who is the leader of the Kaluma females.
My best friend is Rilee, who has a mate.
And the human females are so kind. They’ve brought a lot of life to our settlement when we desperately needed something positive.
I don’t like to pick favorites, but I think I like Cravus’s mate, Bloom, the most. She’s soft and sweet. ”
He asked how the females came to meet their Kaluma mates. I started with Bosa, who had been hired to kill Karina as he believed she was trafficking her own kind. Turned out, she had been trying to save other capture females. He then helped her before bringing her home.
“It was a surprise to us all that the males could form linyx bonds with human females,” I said.
“Linyx bonds?” Ethan picked at a leaf in his hand. “What’s that?”
“A linyx is your fated mate. Predetermined.”
“How do you know someone is your linyx?”
It starts with visuls. You appear in mine, and I in yours.
But I couldn’t tell him that, because speaking the words out loud, facing the real possibility that my linyx was about to leave this planet to never return, was too painful.
He didn’t need to know. “I-I’m not sure. It’s never happened to me.”
His eyes narrowed, like he didn’t believe me. But he didn’t press, or question me further, and I was grateful for that.
“Anyway,” I changed the subject. “We had a lot of rebuilding to do after our former pardux died.”
We were on a path in an open plain, and the grasses on either side came up to my shoulders. I ran my fingers along the grass blades as they bowed in the soft breeze. He swung our hands forward and back as we walked.
“Who took over?” he asked.
“His son.”
Ethan immediately wrinkled his nose. “How’s he any better?”
“He’s not like his father. He has a human mate too, and offspring.”
“Huh,” he muttered as he kicked at a stone with the toe of his boot.
“Things are good now, Ee-than,” I needed him to know. “I’m happy.”
He squinted ahead. “But you wouldn’t let them touch you. The males.”
The words stung. “I was trying.”
“How so?” His question wasn’t accusatory, merely curious.
“Before I met you, I was considering attempting a mating with Vray, a male who has been pursuing me.”
Ethan’s hand squeezed mine, almost to the point of pain, as a muscle in his jaw jumped. “I see.”
“Vray has been kind and patient.”
Through clenched teeth, he said, “That’s good. You should… you should give him a shot.”
“Give him a shot?”
“A chance, Goldie. Give him a chance.” He swiped an angry hand at the grasses. “You sure he’ll treat you well? And if he doesn’t, will the other males step up this time?”
“I think… the females will take care of him before the males ever have to get involved. But yes, I trust Sherif.”
“Is that the new leader guy?”
“Yes.”
He exhaled roughly. “Yeah, okay. I want to leave knowing you’ll be okay. That I didn’t hurt you, and that you will be happy.”
He didn’t hurt me. But the thought of his hand no longer in mine made me feel ill. “I’ll be happy,” I said. My voice didn’t sound right.
If Ethan noticed, he didn’t say anything. “Tell me more about this Spring Gala.”
That was a fun topic, as I loved the human females’ party planning. So I told him all about how the introduced the idea of a spring rebirth to our village in the form of a party where we danced and sang and smoked yuwanna. Ethan smiled faintly at that and caressed my hair.
“You didn’t miss the gala, did you?” he asked.
“No, we still have a dozen cycles.”
“And I’ll be gone in one.”
We reached the edge of the plain where the terrain once again grew dense with forest. He stopped and turned to me. His lips brushed mine. “I bet you’re radiant at this gala. You dress up for it?”
I nodded.
“Tell me,” he said softly. “Tell me what you wear so I have something to think about on the way home.”
“We all let our hair down, long and flowing, with flower crowns on our heads. I’ll wear my best skirt, a long one that’s a cream color with high slits on either side, and a long train in the back with an ornate belt.”
The back of his hand brushed the outer swell of my breast. “And here?”
“I’ll wear a halter that goes around the back of my neck, over my breasts, and then tucked into my skirt waist.”
His breathing stuttered. “I’ll bet you’re stunning.”
“The mated females wear necklaces that match the matz of their mates.”
“Matz?”
I touched his right shoulder, where dark marks decorated his skin. “This, but the Kaluma are white.”
“Tattoos?”
“The humans said they are similar to tattoos, but the Kaluma are born with them, and they are all different and distinct.” I fingered my necklace. “Varnex made us all wear his, and after he died, I made my own pattern.”
He ran a finger over the carved stone. “You reclaimed yourself.”
“If I mate with Vray, I’ll…” I swallowed. “I’ll be expected to wear his pattern.”
“Fuck what you’re expected.” Ethan said. “He should wear yours.”
I almost laughed. That would be unheard of. I brushed my fingers over his dark markings. “If you were there, I’d wear a necklace with your marks.”
“Goldie,” Ethan’s hand shook where he rested it on my hip. “Don’t say things like that.” He shook his head. “Even if I stayed, I couldn’t…” he blew out a breath. “I’m not good. I’ve done bad things on Earth. I’m not a human who should ever have any claim on you.”
He had mentioned before that he wasn’t good, but his words meant nothing to me when his actions proved otherwise. “I don’t care about what you did on Earth.”
He pressed a quick kiss to my lips. “I know. And that’s why I have to leave.”
Once the sun disappeared, and Torin descended into darkness, we found a place to sleep for the night.
Ethan built a fire while I rationed out the food the drubles had given us.
There was plenty. Ethan could have stayed for a few more cycles.
There were things I wanted to show him, things I wanted to do with him…
He stared into the fire, his wrists braced on his bent knees. His expression was troubled, and when I settled down beside him, it took him a moment to realize I was there. He startled and then gave me a pained grin. “Hey, Goldie.”
He’d removed his boots, and long ago ditched his shirt, so he only wore a pair of pants. I ran my fingers over the knobs of his spine as he turned his head to rest the side of his face on his arm.
“Why do you look sad?” I asked. “Do you miss home?”
He snorted and shook his head. “No.”
“Not at all? What about friends and family?”
“I have no family. Or none that speaks to me. And I have one friend who has his own life far from me. As he should.” A muscle in his jaw jumped.
“You must at least miss your bed. The human females miss that sometimes. And pets. And something called Starbucks.”
He barked out a laugh. “I don’t miss my bed. I don’t have pets, and I can’t afford $8 for a coffee. Not after…” he shook his head. “Not anymore.”
I wasn’t sure what a few of those words meant. “Okay.”
He leaned forward to kiss my shoulder. “But I’ll miss you.
For the rest of my life, I’ll miss you, Goldie.
I need you to know that. Not to make you sad, but so you know how amazing you are.
How much you impacted my life.” His eyes were wet.
“I’ll live a better life now. I’ll live on Earth like a man who deserves to breathe your air. ”
His words. They made my scales flicker. My uvula folds fluttered.
Just from his words. I surged forward to kiss him and slipped my tongue between his lips.
He moaned and fell onto his back. I came over him, straddling his hips and urging his tongue to tangle with mine.
He kissed me back and tickled the tip of his tongue along my slick folds in my mouth.
But his hands remained palm up on either side of his head on the ground.
I reluctantly pulled out of the kiss. “Touch me.”
He stared up at me, and he swallowed before he spoke. “I think it’s better if I don’t. I don’t want to lose my head and do something you don’t want.”
“But I want you,” I said.
“Goldie—”
“I liked what we did. When you touched me. When you talked to me. Please give me this before you leave me, kotche.”