Chapter 10
Hall
The next morning I felt like the world’s biggest idiot.
I stood in my small kitchen, staring at the coffee maker like it held the answers to all my problems. It didn’t. Nothing did.
I’d messed everything up. Just like I always did with women.
The memory of last night played on repeat in my head. The way she’d felt underneath me, all soft curves and warmth. The little sounds she’d made when I kissed her.
And what had I done? Come on too strong, just like always.
Cassidy had told me she’d only ever been with one man before. One. And I’d almost turned one tiny kiss into pounding the fuck out of her on my couch like some kind of animal.
She deserved better than that. She deserved someone who could be civilized. Someone who didn’t use their cock like a hammer.
Then the way she’d whispered, take me hard, had thrown me into a tailspin. Those words had reverberated through me all night long.
They’d probably still be bouncing around in my mind fifty years from now.
If she only knew how hard I could go, she wouldn’t have been asking for that. Cassidy was like a soft, delicate flower, entirely too cultured for a man like me.
All I consisted of was hard work and rough edges.
And if I gave in and plundered her sweet pussy, what would happen then? She deserved a man who could take care of her. She deserved to be spoiled. I couldn’t do that on a lumberjack’s wage.
All I could do was provide her with this tiny little cabin shoved on the side of the mountain.
What kind of life would that be for her?
Naw. That sweet princess needed to find an educated man in Fernwood. Someone who wore suits and had a fat bank account. That’s who she deserved. A man who would pay for her fancy manicures and haircuts.
Even as I thought it, I wondered if it was true.
Cassidy didn’t seem that pampered. Her nails were trimmed short with no polish on them, and her house, what I’d seen of it, had been decorated from cast-offs, a hundred different styles blended together. She was actually used to doing without.
But damn it, that didn’t mean she didn’t deserve more.
I heard movement behind me and my whole body went rigid.
The internal fight waging inside me stopped as I turned to stare at her.
Cassidy padded into the kitchen, wearing that nightgown I’d only seen on her first night here.
The one that was cut way too low, showing off the swell of her breasts.
She had a pout on her lips I’d never seen before, and her posture was stiff and straight, pushing those gorgeous tits out at me.
Was she trying to make me lose control?
If so, she was doing a good job.
I hadn’t bothered to put on a shirt. Honestly, I hadn’t even thought about it until right now, when her eyes traced over my bare chest before darting away.
But now I wished I had because I could feel my dick stirring in place. The last thing I needed was to show off some morning wood.
“Morning,” she said softly, as if the word was on her mind.
“Morning,” I grumbled back.
Silence stretched between us, thick and uncomfortable. I poured coffee into two mugs, hyperaware of her presence behind me.
When I turned to hand her one, I caught her watching me. Her cheeks flushed pink, and she looked away quickly.
But not before I saw something in her eyes. Something almost defiant. Like she was daring me to finish what I’d started last night.
My cock twitched in my pajama bottoms.
Down, boy.
I really liked this woman. I didn’t want to scare her off by being the rough, uncivilized bastard I actually was.
When I did have a woman—which was a rather rare occurrence—it was usually after I couldn’t stand it any longer, the need inside of me too strong to go without.
And typically it happened against the back wall outside the Bear Den bar, or bent over the tailgate of my pickup truck on some small forested dirt road that hardly ever got traffic.
But a woman… in my bed? In my house?
That was an alien concept.
I didn’t know how to… make love.
And that’s what she deserved. Someone gentle and soft, who could woo her sweet body into a song. I was like the pounding beats of a heavy metal song. But she deserved a symphony with violins and shit.
We drank our coffee in silence, stealing glances at each other when we thought the other wasn’t looking. The tension was so thick I could barely breathe.
“About last night,” she finally said, “we should talk about what happened.”
Our eyes met, heat and hunger flashing through the kitchen.
That pout was still on her lips and I wanted to kiss it right off. Actually, I wanted to put cock right on it, tease those lips of hers open and—
A knock at the door made us both jump.
I frowned. Nobody came up here. Nobody except…
Groaning, I went to the front door, adjusting my cock in my pajama pants before I opened it.
Amos was standing on my porch, his usual shit-eating grin plastered across his face.
Timing dude. Your timing sucks.
“Hey, man,” he said casually. But then his eyes went wide when he looked past me and spotted Cassidy in her nightgown.
“Well, well, well.” He let out a low whistle. “Now I understand what’s been going on.”
“Amos.” My voice came out harder than I intended. “What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing here? What are you doing here?” He pushed past me into the cabin, completely ignoring my attempt to block him.
“You haven’t been at work in days, brother.
Haven’t answered a single text. The boys were starting to think a bear got you.
” His grin widened as he looked at Cassidy again. “But I see you’ve been… busy.”
Something hot and possessive flared in my chest.
Amos was my best friend, but he was also a little whore who’d slept with half the women in Fernwood. The thought of him anywhere near Cassidy made me want to put my fist through a wall.
I stepped between them, blocking his view of her. “My phone’s probably out of power.” I hadn’t looked at it in days. “There was a fire at the farmhouse down in the valley below. Cassidy’s staying here until it gets sorted out.”
“Cassidy,” Amos peered around me, that charming smile of his on full display. “Pretty name for a pretty lady. I’m Amos. Hall’s better-looking friend.”
“Nice to meet you,” Cassidy said politely, but I could feel her eyes on me. Watching how I was acting.
“The fire was bad,” I said flatly. “I’ve been helping her deal with the insurance company.”
“Uh-huh.” Amos’s knowing look made me want to punch him. “Is that what the kids are calling it these days?”
“Amos.” I grabbed his arm and steered him toward the door. “I’ll be back at work next week. Tell the guys I’m fine.”
“Alright, alright.” He held up his hands in surrender, but his grin never wavered. “I can take a hint.” He glanced back at Cassidy one more time. “Nice meeting you, sweetheart. Don’t let this grumpy bastard scare you off. He’s actually a teddy bear once you get to know him.”
I shoved him out the door, but he stuck a foot in it before I could shut it and mouthed, “Are you tapping that?”
“No,” I responded sternly. “She’s just a friend.”
Amos laughed and quietly added, “Those are the best kinds. But… does that mean she’s on the market? Because if you don’t want to take a bite of that, I’d like to get me a taste.”
“Nothing’s going on between us,” I growled. “Get out of here.” I knocked his foot out of the threshold and shut the front door firmly behind him.
When I turned around, Cassidy was staring at me with an expression I couldn’t read. She’d seen the way I’d acted just now.
Territorial. Possessive. Like she was mine to protect.
Embarrassment burned through me. She must see now how much I cared about her. How attached I’d already become. And that scared the hell out of me.
“Hall.” She set down her coffee mug and crossed her arms. “Do you want to talk about last night?”
My jaw tightened. “I want to forget it happened.”
Something flashed in her eyes. Hurt, maybe. Or anger. Probably both.
She marched toward me, and before I could react, her hand shot out and cupped my cock through my pajama bottoms.
I sucked in a sharp breath. I was already hard just from being near her, and her touch sent more blood rushing south so fast it made me dizzy.
“Stop lying to me,” she hissed, her fingers squeezing just enough to make my vision blur. “You want this. You want me. So why are you pushing me away?”
I grabbed her wrist and pulled her hand off me, even though every cell in my body screamed at me to press her palm harder against my aching cock so she could feel exactly what she was doing to me.
“You deserve someone more civilized than me,” I growled out. “I’m no good. I’m not the right man for you, Cassidy.”
Then I stalked past her, out onto the back deck, desperate to put distance between us before I did something I couldn’t take back.
The morning air was cool and crisp, still damp from last night’s storm. I gripped the railing and stared down at her farmhouse in the valley below. From up here it looked so small and far away.
I was messing everything up. Just like I always did.
It had been simpler when I was just watching her from a distance. When she was just a light in the darkness, a fantasy I could never touch.
Now she was real and warm and here, and I had no idea what to do with that.
I didn’t know how to talk to a woman, how to open up. How to let her see the complicated, broken parts of me hiding deep inside.
If only I’d had someone in my life to teach me about this shit. But my family had all been quiet. My father spoke in grunts and nods, and my mother showed love through food and clean laundry, never words.
We’d never talked about feelings or about much at all.
I’d only known they loved each other through the loud, out-of-control sounds that had come through my bedroom wall every night after they went to bed.
Everything I’d learned about women, I’d learned from my dad.
And now here I was, forty-one years old, completely unable to tell a woman that I was falling for her and that I was terrified of wanting her this much.
That I was scared she’d see the real me and decide to run.
The real me who wanted to fuck her until she screamed my name. Who wanted to claim her, keep her, and never let her go.
The real me who was too much. Always too much.