7. Jordan
7
JORDAN
M ichelle is stiff, nervous, struggling so much I actually feel bad for her. My God, can she really be putting all of this on? Last night and today, I feel like she really is revealing herself to be a good person trapped in a horrible situation.
“You know, it is going to be fine,” I tell her with a warm, genuine smile. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.”
She nods but doesn’t stop darting her eyes everywhere. She’s actually making herself look far more suspicious than she needs to. This is just one of the habits that I’ll have to help her get out of to help her move forward. That’s something I feel very positive about now, much more than I’ve done up until this point. I want to make this happen for her.
“I promise you, everything is going to be alright.” I reach across and take her hand, which actually feels as natural an action as breathing. “I’m on the lookout, so you just focus on walking. This is my job, don’t you forget about that.”
“Yeah, I know.” She squeezes my fingers and smiles. Her whole face lights up when she looks at me like that, which makes my heart flutter a couple of times. The turquoise in her eyes sparkles and draws me in toward her. “I know you are. I’m sorry, I just haven’t had someone watching my back for me before. It’s a little weird. I’ve always been on my own.”
“Have you felt lonely?” Holy shit, I don’t know where that came from. The question, which I think might be highly inappropriate, just fell out of my mouth. That isn’t the sort of thing I should ever ask anyone, especially not the woman holding my hand.
“I think everyone gets lonely at times, don’t they?” she answers diplomatically. “Yes, it definitely gets lonely.”
I pull her a little closer to me, trying to silently let her know that she doesn’t need to feel that way anymore. “I’ve had long periods of loneliness too. Especially with being in the military. It’s a very lonely career.”
“So, why did you choose it?” She tilts her head to stare at me. I almost feel his gaze burning through me. “Out of curiosity.”
“To help. To protect,” I answer instantly. That’s a question I don’t even need to think about to answer. “To make a difference in the world. I knew it was the best way for me to be able to achieve that. Now, I feel like my life has been worthwhile.”
She’s soaking in every single word like I’m speaking gospel, which is thankfully distracting her from the fear that she was suffering hard from a little while ago. If this helps her, then I can tell her all about me. I don’t usually like opening up for anyone, but if I know it’s going to take Michelle out of her head, then maybe I can make an exception.
“Oh, look, is this the place?” Before I begin to start opening myself up, Michelle spots the store. “This is the store, right?”
“Yeah, you’re right. This is where Max recommended, so let’s head inside, shall we? See what we can find.”
It’s time for us to start acting like a married couple once more, although I don’t know what we need to change because we’re pretty much working that anyway. We’re close and holding on to one another, which kinda happened naturally as we walked, so we can simply head inside and see what’s hanging on the shelves for Michelle to start recreating herself.
“Oh, wow.” Michelle is instantly blown away by all the clothing inside, but I’m not sure it’s in a good way. She seems overwhelmed and practically curls into me. I’m definitely going to be needed to help her out. “This is… a lot.”
“It’s okay, we will take it step by step,” I whisper to her. “I’m here for you. We can figure this out together.”
I take her hand, and we walk with purpose through the aisles. I start off by picking out a few things for her to try on, things that she might like and will suit with the person she wants to be. I don’t really know what her taste will be, but she can spend all day here trying things on if she wants. I’m basically her accessory, along for the ride. I can sit around and watch her forever.
Thankfully, Michelle soon gets into the mood too and grabs all sorts of things off the racks. Confidence surges through her, and she even ends up smiling and laughing, even making jokes as we go. I love to see her like this, calming down, relaxing, and shaking off the weight of the world resting on her shoulders. I seriously want to always see her like this.
“I don’t think I can hold anymore.” She giggles. “I think it might be better for me to go and try some of this on.”
“Okay, sure. Do you want to head into the dressing room? I can wait out here if you want me to.”
“No, I need you to come and see,” she gushes. “I need you to tell me if things look good. I can’t do this alone.”
Uh-oh, something about this feels troublesome, but I nod and agree regardless. I feel like I might be walking to my doom as I follow her, but I remind myself quickly that I’m the accessory. I don’t need to have any other energy than that. I take my seat in the corner of the dressing room and wait for Michelle as she slides behind the curtain. Knowing that she’ll be taking her clothing off very near to me is a lot , but I push all of that away and sing inside my head, add up sums, work things out… anything other than thinking about her. That Russian beauty has already taken up far too much of my head space…
She comes out in outfit after outfit, each and every one of them looking more stunning than the last. I probably should turn some of them down so she doesn’t end up spending a freaking fortune, but I can’t find fault with anything. Michelle has the sort of curvaceous body that works with anything. She could pull absolutely anything off. She’s beautiful.
“Are you sure about this one?” She runs her hands over her hips and ass, drawing my eyes toward that area. A thick lump of desire forms in my throat, and it takes every bit of self-control I have not to take her in my arms. “You think it looks okay?”
“It looks amazing,” I half-whisper back. “It looks really nice on you. I definitely think you should get it. It’ll look awesome no matter what sort of job you end up wanting to do. Speaking of which, have you had any thoughts on that yet?”
“On what I want to do?” She giggles girlishly. “Not really. Is that bad? Should I have some idea? I just want to work…”
Maybe that should shock me, but I guess it doesn’t. If she’s been coerced into the spy career path, maybe she hasn’t got any other focus. That’s okay, it’s something we can work on together.
“Actually, it’s better because we aren’t narrowed down. It means we can take a look at everything on offer to see what you’ll like. It gives you more options.”
“Yeah, I think I’m going to like that. It means I can reinvent myself in every single way. I can be whoever.”
She heads back behind that curtain, leaving me wondering what I would do if I were going to reinvent myself. Who would I become? I don’t know if I need to, really, because I’ve never really worked on who I am right now. Not enough to need to change myself at all. I guess I would just like more fulfillment, more people surrounding me. A love, a family, so much more.
Hmm, I never expected Michelle to make me think so much about my own life. I didn’t think that working for Max, working with Michelle, would make me look so inward. That’s probably a good thing, though, because it’s got to be done. I find myself smiling in anticipation as I wait for her to come back out. I can’t wait to lay my eyes on her once more.
“Oh, wow…” Michelle appears in a dress which clings so tightly to her curves, I can’t breathe. “That’s nice…”
Oh, my God, she looks like she’s up for going out on a date, and I ache to be the person taking her out. Even after everything I’ve told myself about not falling for her, I’m doing so, anyway. I’m sucked in by her beauty, helpless, yearning to hold her. I don’t even realize that I’m on my feet until I’m practically walking toward her as if I’m going to take her in my arms.
“You like it?” She wiggles her hips playfully, her eyes twinkling naughtily as she does. “I don’t know what I would wear it for, but I kinda like it. It fits nice and covers me up a hell of a lot more than anything that I have at the moment. I love it.”
“I think you’ll find an excuse to wear it,” I declare while trying to keep myself away. “It looks gorgeous on you.”
“Yeah, you never know, I might get invited out to some fancy dinner or something. It’s possible, who knows?”
Our eyes lock, and I feel a tightness in my chest. It’s almost like I don’t know what I’m going to do next. I’ve lost all control over myself and I can’t claw it back, however hard I try. I almost lean in toward her, but a loud noise stops me. Thank God. A magic surrounded the pair of us for a moment, and I nearly allowed myself to get dragged in, which could have been a real issue.
“Oh, that was my phone.” I let out a weird little chuckle. “I'd better get it. It’ll probably be Max. He’s going to check in.”
Michelle’s eyes pop wide and she steps backward. It seems like she was caught up in the moment there too. It’s not a phone call, though, it’s a message, so I need to refocus my eyes on the screen to see what Max wants from me.
“Michelle, Max has sent me a list of some hairdressers too,” I call out to where she’s hidden herself once more. “He wants us to sort this out today. I’ll show you all of them when you come out, and you can pick a preference.”
She whips the curtain open and gasps loudly. “I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t think I can go to the hairdresser. I would rather do it at home. Do you think we could do that instead? Would you help me with that?”
“Erm… I’ll admit hair dye isn’t exactly my strongest suit…” Her face falls, which makes me wish I could shove my words back into my mouth. “But I’ll give it a go. I’m sure I can do it. Together, we can figure it out, right? It’ll be fine, I’m sure.”
“Yeah, I’m sure we can make it happen.” She purses her lips thoughtfully. “I just need to decide which color I want to go.”
Oh, God, I have no idea what I’m letting myself in for here. I don’t know anything about this. Working with Michelle is really opening my mind to all kinds of new experiences. Hopefully, I don’t totally mess it up. I get the feeling that Michelle’s hair is really important to her, and I don’t want to upset this woman now. Less so now, after seeing her in that dress. Wow!