25. Jordan
25
JORDAN
“ I can’t go home yet,” I suddenly declare to Landon, shocking him nearly as much as I do myself. “I need to go back to the apartment first. Michelle’s apartment, because I left some stuff there and it’s really important. I have to go.”
“What?” Landon stares at me in shock. “What are you talking about? We have to go to your house. That’s what Max said.”
“I know, but I need to go there. You don’t understand, Landon. We have to go right now. I have stuff I need to get.”
I need Landon on my side, even if he doesn’t know what I’m doing, because the compulsion to get to that apartment is overwhelming. I don’t know what it is, but I have to get there. I don’t think I left anything there. I feel like I took everything away already, but I need to get there, to be there. There might be a clue as to what happened to Michelle there, and I need answers. Even if she isn’t the person I thought she was, I want to know what happened to her. I need to know. I can’t help it.
“But Max said that we weren’t to go there,” Landon informs me. “He said to keep away because you got shot.”
“No one is there now. No one will be there again. They won’t make the same mistake twice. Plus, I’ll have you with me.”
I stare at Landon, keeping my eyes on him even if he’s pointedly looking at the road and refusing to see me at all. He doesn’t want to look at me because he knows that I’ll win. I’ll pull him along to my way of thinking, and he’ll end up taking me. But that’s exactly why I want him to see me because I goddamn well need him to do what I want.
“Landon, I’m going to that apartment at some point whether you come with me or not. I need to get there. I know that Max is worried about me, but I know exactly what I’m doing. I got shot before because I didn’t know that anyone was after me, but now I’ll be much more aware. You used to be a Navy SEAL too, right? So, you know our training. You know that I can do this.”
“I just don’t know what’s the best thing to do,” he admits. “Because I can see that you want this, that you need it, but Max has given me specific instructions… but then, he also praised your intuition, didn’t he? So maybe we should do this.”
“Please, let’s just do this already,” I beg. “You don’t know how important this is to me. I’m not going to give you any reason to panic. I wouldn’t do anything to put us in unnecessary danger. I’m not about that. I just need to get some stuff, that’s all. Believe me, I don’t want anything to happen with the Russians either. I just want to have all of this over.”
Thank goodness Landon finally gets the hint and asks me for directions to Michelle’s apartment. Relief floods me as we take a new road and head the way that I want us to go. I can lean back and relax once more, knowing that everything will be sorted soon. I can be back at that house and finally see everything that I need to… whatever that might be.
“So, is this it?” Landon asks as we pull up outside the building. “This is the place? Michelle’s apartment?”
“Yep, this is it.” My stomach churns as I see it. I’m immediately put on edge. “I won’t be long. Are you coming with me?”
Landon nods and follows me up the stairs without saying anything. I’m sure he’s pretty put out by this, but he can’t be thinking anything like me. I fear that I might find Michelle inside, with a gun at my head or dead. I don’t want to see any of that, but this is my only chance to get to see what’s inside. I’m going to have to witness whatever it is.
Finally, I’m at the door and I have to use my key to unlock it. I hear Landon behind me cocking his gun, but I don’t turn to see him. I don’t want to face him while we’re taking on potential danger. If he needs to shoot… well, what can I do?
“Michelle?” I make an idiot of myself by calling out her name as soon as we get inside. I shine a spotlight on me so if she, or any other Russians who might be inside this building, want to kill me off, then they can do it now. “It’s me, Jordan.”
Nothing. I fucking get nothing back, but that doesn’t stop me from continuing to walk in. I step carefully as I go room to room, trying not to disturb anything, not that there is much to disturb. It’s been cleaned up since I was shot, by the look of it, and most things were taken out. If I didn’t have the intense memories of me and Michelle in every single inch of this place making the best memories ever, then I would be hard pressed to imagine our ever being here. It’s too weird for words.
“Wait.” Oh, my God, all of a sudden, at a certain spot in the middle of the kitchen, I stop dead as a memory creeps through me. The one that I’ve been desperately trying to get my hands on ever since this first happened. The shooting. “Oh, my God.”
“What? What is it?” Landon demands. “What the fuck is happening, Jordan? Where is all of your shit?”
“It wasn’t Michelle.” I sink to the floor in relief. “Oh, my God, Landon, it wasn’t Michelle who shot me. It was Kate. The woman who pretended to be an American spy. She tricked me and then she shot me. She wanted me dead.”
“What are you talking about?” Landon sounds nervous now, like I might be losing my mind. “Who the hell is Kate?”
“She’s the one who told me all about Michelle’s family.” Oh, no, was that a lie too? Wait, no, didn’t Max find out that some of that was the truth? Holy hell, now I’m really confused. “But it might not have been the truth. I don’t know anymore. She might not have even been American, to be honest. Michelle was great at putting on the accent, and she might have been too.”
“Right… I see. So, we should get out of here now. If there is nothing else for you to do here…”
“No, Landon, we need to find Michelle,” I insist. “If she isn’t the one who shot me, then she’s in trouble somewhere. I have to find her. I need to find out where the Russians took her and what they have done to her. You need to help me.”
“No way.” Landon shakes his head hard. “I’m not going along with that. Max doesn’t trust her, so we can’t do that.”
“It doesn’t matter. Max doesn’t understand what’s going on here. What about my instincts? He trusted me before and would now do the same thing again. He would if he knew about this. I was trusted to take care of her. That was my job, and I can’t just let her die. Has anyone that you have ever been tasked to take care of died? No, and you would hate it.”
“But if I let you go, then you might die. Don’t forget I’m supposed to be in charge of you right now. You can’t do this.”
I won’t listen to Landon. I really don’t care right now. I know that I came here for a reason, and the reason was to realize that Michelle isn’t the bad guy here, but instead, the person who needs saving. I might have been the one who was shot, but she’s the one who needs me now. I have to run to her, even if I don’t know where I’m going. I have to save her.
I’m in charge of her. Her life is in my hands, but it’s also because I’m pretty sure that I’m in love with her. This has all heightened everything and made me realize that I might just love her more than I would normally admit. I love her and want her alive. I want her to survive even if I don’t. She is so fucking important to me that I can’t not help her.
“I’m not letting you go.” Landon grabs onto me hard. “I can’t allow you to do this. This is dangerous.”
“I know, but sometimes, things are more complicated than that. I need to help Michelle.”
“Oh, my God, you love her.” Landon’s grip loosens just a little bit. “I can see it in your eyes. You love her.”
I can’t deny this to Landon, not when it’s clearly written all over me. He might go back to Max with this information and cause me to lose everything, but I’m over the edge now. I’ve lost my mind and there’s no going back.
“Landon, I need to save Michelle. You don’t understand. I have to save her wherever she is. I don’t expect you to come with me if you don’t want to. I know this is wild and dangerous, and I know Max will kill me, but I have to. I have to.”
It takes a couple of moments, but Landon finally relents. Thankfully, he gets what I mean and that there’s no turning back from this. He nods and lets me run off from him. I don’t know whether he’s coming with me or not, but it doesn’t matter.
“Jordan?”
Oh, my God. I really must be losing my fucking mind right now. There is no way that this is happening. I don’t know what has caused this crazy vision, but I’m loving it. It’s Michelle and she is running toward me.
“Jordan, oh, my God.”
I open my arms wide and wait for her to come racing into them. She slams against me, and I wrap my arms around her to hold her tight. I don’t know what’s real and what’s invented in my head, but holding on to her feels good. So good. This isn’t the version of Michelle that I remember so well. She’s in the crazy, sexy things the Russians gave her, and she’s messy and shaking, crying. This is a weird version of the happy reunion that I would like, but it feels nice.
“Holy shit, what the hell is happening here?” Landon snaps, breaking the magic of the moment. “Is that her?”
I pull back to stare at my brand-new friend, wondering what this means. If he can see Michelle too, then maybe this is really happening. That’s insane. Somehow, fate has dragged us both away from danger and back together once more.
“This is Michelle.” I show her to Landon. “She’s here. We don’t need to go anywhere. She’s here and safe.”
“Is anyone following you?” Landon glances behind her. “Should we be worried about this?”
“I don’t know. I ran away. I don’t think anyone is chasing me, though. But I don’t think we should stay here long because this is the first place they might come looking for me, if that’s what they want.”
“Then why the hell did you come here?” Landon snaps. “Why didn’t you go anywhere else?”
“Because I needed to find Jordan. I needed to be back with him. I can’t be without him.”
We lock eyes, and I feel the love surging between us, the feelings that we share but haven’t yet found a way to vocalize. But hopefully, at some point, we will. If we get out of this alive, that is…