October 31, 2001 What Did You Take?
OCTOBER 31, 2001
What Did You Take?
JOEY
Molloy was a distraction for me on a normal day. Throw in a sexy angel costume and a belly full of booze, and the girl was a recipe for disaster.
I knew it wasn’t my place to intervene—I had no business sticking my nose into her relationship with Ricey—but I physically couldn’t stop myself from doing exactly that.
I did what I always did, dived in headfirst and to hell with the consequences.
And just like always, it backfired on me.
Because I had come this close to fucking everything up.
In all honesty, if it hadn’t been for Shane and the lads pulling up, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. I would have done a lot more than kiss those pouty red lips of hers. I would have taken from her something I had no right to have.
In the end, it was just as well that we had been interrupted because when I came back to the pavilion after settling up with Shane, she was with him .
After that, my mood had darkened to the point of no return.
Only Jesus Christ himself knew how irrationally jealous and hopeless I’d been feeling when I crushed and snorted the oxy that I’d scored from Shane, but it had given me exactly what I’d wanted.
An escape.
Higher than Everest, I swayed from side to side as my mind drifted in and out of reality. The fantastic fucking feeling of nothing claimed my consciousness, taking me to a place I never wanted to leave.
Was I breathing?
I couldn’t tell.
I couldn’t care if I wanted to. And I didn’t.
I just wanted to stop feeling.
To stop caring.
To stop, period.
“You’re so gorgeous.”
Eyes closed, I leaned heavily against the cool concrete at my back, with my hands hanging limply at my sides as a stranger’s hands pulled at my flesh.
“Your six-pack is insane.”
Tonight, I wanted to float away, to just disappear and have nobody depend on me for a few short hours, but then the voice kept talking in my ear and dragging me away from oblivion.
“Joey…are you with me?”
No, I wasn’t with her.
“I thought you were into this?”
I was floating the fuck away.
“Joey.”
Nothing.
“Joey.”
Numb.
“Joey.”
Let me go.
“Joey, isn’t that your mother?”
“Oh my god, what’s his mam doing here?”
“Hey, snap out of it, fucker.”
A hard smacking noise vibrated through my thoughts, bringing with it a burning sensation to the side of my face.
“What’s wrong with him?”
“Nothing, he’s grand.”
“Grand? Look at him. He’s out of his mind. Get away from my son.”
“Get it together, Joe.”
“Joe, lad, your mam’s here.”
“Joey, wake up, I need you.”
Mashing my lips together, I forced my eyes to blink open and watched as a familiar face drifted in and out of focus.
“What did you take?” I heard my mother demand as she held my face between her small hands. “What did you take, Joey!” Releasing a pained grunt, she breathed hard and fast for a moment or two before turning her attention back to me. “What did you do to yourself?”
Fuck if I could remember.
“I’m grand,” I slurred, reveling in the fucking fantastic feeling of warmth rushing through my body. “Where are ya… Mam, you’re here.”
“Yes, I’m here,” she snapped, catching ahold of my hand like I was a small child. I hadn’t been one of those in a very long time. “I came to get you because I need to go to the hospital,” she choked out as she pulled me along after her. “I wanted you to look after your brothers so Shannon could be with me, but it’s clear that you can’t even look after yourself.”
Freewheeling, I allowed her to lead me wherever she had decided I needed to be.
It didn’t matter to me where that was.
Nothing mattered now.
“Are ya having the baby, Mam?” I asked, as I tried and failed to brush the hair out of my eyes. “Another one?”
“Yes, Joey, I am.” The sound of a car door opening filled my ears, and then I was being pushed inside, landing on my face in the back seat. “You’re a disgrace.”
“I know,” I agreed drowsily, feeling her slide into the seat alongside me. “I’m sorry, Mam…”
“Don’t speak,” she snapped before she instructed who I presumed was a taxi driver to take us to the hospital.
“Stop crying, Mam.” Dragging myself into a sitting position, I attempted to pull at my seat belt before giving up entirely and letting her do it for me instead. “I’ll, ah, it’s all grand…”
“You’re breaking my heart.” Her voice cracked. “You’re killing yourself.”
The feelings I knew I should have weren’t present inside the gaping hole in my chest. I was fucked. There was no point in denying it. No point in fighting it, either. Not when my own mother didn’t have faith in me.
“You’re just like him. In every way.”
What was the point in fighting my DNA?
This was who I was, and I had a horrible feeling that I couldn’t be fixed or put back together again. I couldn’t reset my life. I was paralyzed and trapped in a body that resembled the person I despised most of all.
Well, almost.
I was starting to despise myself just that little bit more these days. It killed me to know that I was hurting my mother, though. To think that I was making her feel the way he did.
“Yeah.” Closing my eyes, I dropped my head on her shoulder and sighed. “Okay, Mam.”