Chapter 12
Chapter Twelve
Viktor
I replay the moment in my mind dozens of times the next day on the flight to New York.
I should have kissed her. She wanted me to.
There’s no doubt in my mind about that. But I chickened out.
Not because I don’t want to touch her but because I’m afraid of what that means. What it might mean going forward.
What will happen if we cross the line from married friends to lovers? That would make her my wife in every way, and that’s dangerous. Not for me so much. I’m still not sure I’m capable of that kind of love, but what if she falls for me? The last thing I want to do is break her heart.
And yet, the pull between us gets stronger every time we’re together.
I hate not being able to touch her when we lay in bed at night.
I look forward to every opportunity to hold her hand, kiss her cheek, show her affection.
We’ve been married a week, and I’m already annoyed that it’s not real.
That I have to be all in when we’re in public but then have to put walls back up in private. If anything, it should be the opposite.
I have headphones on, and there’s a movie playing but I’m not watching.
I’m still thinking about the look in Holly’s eyes when I almost kissed her.
She’s wary too. I can feel it. She wants me but she’s probably thinking all the same things I am.
That we can’t afford to become physically intimate.
Once that happens, well, then what? We could stay married longer but to what end?
She wants—and deserves—a man who truly loves her.
Who will take care of her both physically and emotionally?
That probably will never be me since I’ve never been in love before. Maybe there is something broken inside me when it comes to that.
“Why not?” West’s question makes me yank my headphones off.
“What?!” I demand. Was I talking in my sleep or something? How the hell did he know what I was thinking about?!
He blinks. “I was talking to Ashton.” He motions to Ashton, who’s across the aisle. I’m in the window seat, and West is next to me on the aisle.
Now it makes sense.
But Jesus, I thought I was losing my mind.
“Sorry,” I mutter. “I was falling to sleep.”
He grins. “No worries. You okay? How’s married life agreeing with you?” I see the twinkle in his eyes and know he’s just messing with me. Only a few people know the truth about the marriage so he wouldn’t ask me something like that unless he was joking.
“All good,” I say with a quick grin.
He nods. “So, you guys are definitely moving out, right?”
I frown. “Yes. Why?”
“Well, Simon and Felix came to me. They’re going to move out too. Everyone feels like Serena and I need to start building our life together without a bunch of roommates. He and Simon are going to rent a house, and Ashton is going to move in with them too.”
I nod. “Yes, Holly and I will be leaving as soon as we can close. No more than two more weeks.”
“There’s no rush, I just wanted to make sure. Bodi and Jayne have another month until their closing as well.”
“It will be…different,” I say thoughtfully. “For you also.”
He nods. “Yeah, but I’m kind of looking forward to becoming a little family with Serena and Joey.”
“You will have more kids?” I ask curiously.
“I think so, but Serena’s starting the Dusty Peaks reboot, and she’d like to rebuild her career before she has another baby.” He pauses. “You, uh, ever think about kids?” I know he’s being cautious since we’re not alone, but this particular question doesn’t require discretion.
“I want children,” I say. “But not yet.” I glance around and lower my voice. “Even without situation with Holly, I think maybe a few more years. I am not ready. I want to travel, do some things before the babies come.”
“That’s a good plan.” He takes a pull from his water bottle.
“You start thinking about stuff like that when you’re married, though.
I know your situation is different but now that we’re married, I’m really enjoying being a husband.
And a dad.” Joey isn’t West’s son but he’s quickly become fond of him. Honestly, we all have. He’s a good kid.
“I think I am enjoying marriage also,” I say carefully. “But different than you.”
He cocks his head. “Yeah?”
“Hard to explain.” I look around. “But I enjoy…having her close. Does this make sense?”
He studies me for a second before nodding. “Yeah, I think I get it. Like, coming home to the same person every night? Sharing something important, even if it’s temporary.”
“Yes. This. She is…sweet.”
There’s a faint smile on his lips and I brace myself, waiting for him to ask the inevitable. But he doesn’t. He just puts on his own headphones and stares down at his iPad.
Why am I almost disappointed that he doesn’t ask whatever he was going to ask. If we’re sleeping together. If we’ve started to bond in a way beyond the terms we agreed to. I know she’s only in this for the money but it doesn’t feel like it.
I just wish I knew why.
And dumbass that I am, I already miss her.
This isn’t a bad thing, though. The fact that we’re apart means I can text her using my translation app, and it’ll be much easier to communicate.
I open the texting app and send her a message.
VIKTOR: Hi. I’m on the plane and wanted to check in.
She responds almost immediately.
HOLLY: Hi! I’m getting ready to leave for the airport. Serena and I are on the same flight so I can share her ride into the city.
VIKTOR: Excellent. There’s a mandatory team dinner tonight but I was able to get the tickets for Moulin Rouge for you and my family. I feel bad that I did not get one for Serena.
HOLLY: She has plans with one of her friends from Dusty Peaks, so she’s fine.
VIKTOR: If we miss each other, I’ll leave your name at the desk so you can drop your luggage. I think Coach wants to do a team building exercise. I don’t know yet.
HOLLY: Don’t worry about me. I’ll get to the hotel, drop off my things and maybe do a little shopping. I haven’t been to New York in over a year so I’m excited just to be in the city again.
VIKTOR: Do you need money?
HOLLY: No, I’m okay.
VIKTOR: Don’t lie. I know you’re struggling. This was the deal, remember? Two million dollars to replace what your ex stole, but all your expenses paid while we’re together.
HOLLY: I don’t expect you to buy me clothes or whatever.
VIKTOR: Why not? I will get cash when we land and leave it in the room for you. It will be under my pillow. I’m sure no maids will come in between when I check in and when you do.
HOLLY: You don’t have to do that.
VIKTOR: I want to. I told you—for as long as we’re married, I want to be the best husband I can be. I mean that. I can’t always articulate properly in English when we’re talking, but I need you to know that I’m serious.
She doesn’t respond right away, like she’s thinking.
Three little dots appear and then they’re gone.
They appear again and then nothing.
Finally, she must decide what she wants to say because a message pops up.
HOLLY: So far, you’ve been a wonderful husband. I hope I’m holding up my end of the bargain.
VIKTOR: You are. Don’t worry about that.
HOLLY: Has your mother said anything to you privately?
VIKTOR: No. And this scares me more than her yelling. I know she’s planning something.
HOLLY: Like what? I mean, is Olga going to show up in the locker room naked or something?
I chuckle even though she can’t see me.
VIKTOR: I hope not. Coach would not be happy. Although I’m sure some of the guys would be entertained.
HOLLY: Don’t worry, I’ll let you know if she’s mean to me tonight.
VIKTOR: She better not be, but let me know if she is.
HOLLY: And like I told you—I can take care of myself. I’ll be fine. You think being a politician’s daughter hasn’t given me a pretty thick skin?
VIKTOR: It’s different when it comes from family, though. When strangers on the internet tell you your dress is ugly, it’s not the same as when your mother says it. I know that’s a dumb example, but you know what I mean.
HOLLY: My dad spent most of my teenage years telling me essentially everything I wore was ugly.
My jeans, my dresses, my hair, my makeup.
He hated it all. Even though my mother usually helped me pick out things.
So that stuff goes in one ear and out the other.
I don’t know what your mom has up her sleeve, but I’ll kill her with kindness!
VIKTOR: I have a feeling you’re going to be a force to be reckoned with.
HOLLY: I can be. I forgot that part of myself for a while, when I was with my ex, but she’s slowly coming back to life. Thanks to you.
VIKTOR: And I think I’m going to enjoy watching her grow.
HOLLY: Okay, the car is here so I have to go. I’ll ping you when I land!
VIKTOR: Fly safe, Holly.
HOLLY: You too.
I put the phone away and close my eyes.
I like the idea that being with me is helping her find a part of herself that she lost. Hopefully, she likes it too.