Chapter 27
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Holly
The last twenty-four hours have felt like an eternity. Viktor and I went to bed without talking much last night. He seemed distracted and I didn’t want to argue anymore. I feel bad for snapping at him but I’m overwhelmed.
With my father and Nathan.
With the life I thought I was going to have.
With the man I’ve fallen in love with.
Basically, instead of making my life easier, this thing with Viktor has made it harder and I’m not sure why.
I didn’t lose my grandmother’s farm or the bird sanctuary, which has been my number one goal since Nathan conned me out of my trust fund. I not only have money in the bank, I have zero expenses and am living a great life if you look at it objectively.
So why am I miserable?
I can’t even put my finger on it.
It’s not about whether or not I want to have a religious wedding ceremony in Russia.
That actually sounds kind of cool, even though I’m not much for organized religion.
But once my father started talking about bringing a camera crew and all that, it took the joy out of it.
I should be used to that but I guess I thought things with Viktor would be different.
I need to talk to him but I don’t know what to say.
Hey, by the way, I’m sorry I fell in love with you—I know that wasn’t part of the plan. So, can you please promise you won’t move back to Russia when you retire?
Is that a dealbreaker for me?
I don’t even know. We haven’t been together long enough to think about that kind of change.
It’s easy to say, well, he left his country to move here, but he didn’t do that for me.
He did it for the career he loves and is making millions of dollars a year for doing it.
It’s not the same as taking me to a country with a tricky political climate, no friends, no career, and no way to have one unless and until I can learn fluent Russian.
There would be so many things to consider and it’s too soon for that.
So, I have to continue under the assumption that he’s still leaving and I’m not going with him.
And I have to figure out how to stay married to him for the next eleven months while falling out of love with him.
That’s going to be impossible.
What I really have to do is prepare myself for the inevitable broken heart.
I’m still overthinking every single one of my life choices when an email pops up from a financial conglomerate in New York. On Wall Street. I’d spoken with them months ago and they told the recruiter I used that they liked me but there wasn’t a position available.
And now there is.
Am I still looking?
Would I be available to fly out next week for an in-person interview?
Holy shit.
Wall Street.
That would be the dream for almost anyone in finance.
Maybe this is the sign I need to get off my ass and start taking my life back.
Viktor has been a lifesaver, but I can’t continue to rely on him.
If I could be set up professionally, making good money, then the money he’s given me—along with the million I’ll get when we divorce—will be for my future.
If I invest wisely, I can bring it back to where it was before Nathan lost it.
And then I’ll be completely independent and won’t have to rely on anyone.
Certainly not a man.
I quickly type out a response, indicating that I’m available and to let me know the details. Then I hurry downstairs to leave with Serena and Jayne. The kids are staying home with a babysitter so we can enjoy ourselves, and we stop on the way to pick up Kelly.
“Hi!” She slides into the SUV beside me with a grin. Serena is driving, Jayne is next to her, so the two of us are in the back.
Great.
Now I have to spend time with yet another person who doesn’t like me. Like Viktor’s mother hasn’t been difficult enough. At least his father likes me. I don’t know about Irina, but I don’t care that much.
I’m just tired.
I know he’s paying me a lot of money but I didn’t expect to have to battle people from every aspect of my life: my family, his family, even some of his friends.
Not to mention Nathan is still buddy-buddy with my dad.
I guess he assumes I’m too embarrassed about losing that money to tell my father he’s a liar and a conman.
“Guys, I was waiting for everyone to be here,” Jayne says as soon as the door closes behind Kelly. “I have news.”
“Do tell!” Kelly looks intrigued.
“I found an investor for the bookstore.”
We’re all quiet for a beat.
“Who?” I ask.
“Noelle Knight.”
For a minute the name doesn’t register.
“Wait—is that Ashton’s sister-in-law? She’s married to his brother, right?” Serena asks.
“Yup. She called the other day and she’s coming to the game tonight.
She and Remy are here to watch Ashton play, and we’re going to have lunch tomorrow.
Basically, she wants to own forty-nine-percent of the business, so I have the majority shares and final word if we ever disagree on anything.
She’s an avid reader and loves the idea of owning a bookstore, especially if it’s with a hockey wife. ”
“Oh, my God,” Serena whispers. “That’s amazing. Remy Knight is a billionaire! And super smart. I don’t think you can go wrong with him helping out.”
“Noelle said she wants something of her own, that she loves being a mom but she needs something else to do too. She lives in Fort Lauderdale, so she won’t be here most of the time, but she’s willing to help book special events, help with inventory planning, whatever I need.”
“This is amazing,” I tell her. “And with a partner who has the last name Knight, you’re one step ahead from the get-go.”
Remington Knight owns the Lauderdale Knights, another NHL team, and all three Knight brothers are incredibly successful.
The middle brother, Kingston, is the lead singer of a platinum-selling rock band called Onyx Knight, and of course, Ashton plays in the NHL.
Being linked to them is quite a feat, so I’m excited for her.
“I can’t stop bouncing,” Jayne says. “I don’t think I slept more than an hour last night but I’m not even tired!”
We all laugh.
“You’ll crash hard tonight,” Kelly says gently.
I want to talk about my news but not in front of Kelly.
Not because I don’t plan to tell Viktor but because I want to tell him myself without her getting in the middle.
She’s been perfectly polite and cordial but I know she doesn’t approve of what we’ve done.
She’ll probably be even less enthused if she knew we were sleeping together.
Because despite everything I’m feeling, when he reached for me last night, I didn’t say no. We made love twice and then showered together before falling asleep. In fact, it was like I couldn’t get enough.
Probably because I don’t know how much longer I’ll have it—or him.
If I get this job, I’ll have to move to New York City, which means we’ll be living apart.
That will actually be helpful in the long run because we can frame it as the professional opportunity of a lifetime, and then, when the year is up, we can say the distance was too much.
We grew apart. Whatever good excuses we think of.
I don’t know if he’s going to be on board with this, though, which is why I need to be the one to tell him. After I’ve had time to think about how to frame it.
“How’s it going with Viktor’s parents?” Kelly asks me as we walk into the arena.
“It’s been okay. His dad has fallen in love with the birds at the sanctuary so we have that in common. I can’t really tell what his mom is thinking, but at least she’s not hostile.”
“And what about you? How are you doing with the…situation?”
I shrug casually. “It’s been fine. Viktor is a really nice guy, as you know. He makes everything easy.”
She studies my face for a few seconds. “I feel like that’s not the most honest answer.”
“I’m not sure what you want me to say?” I glance at her. “He’s great. We get along. But this isn’t a love match. Eleven months from now, we’ll be divorced.”
I can tell she has something to say, but I don’t want to hear it.
“Don’t worry,” I add quickly. “I’m doing my best to support Viktor through the championship, and then we may do our own thing this summer. He wants to go home to Russia for a while and I have some job opportunities I’m looking into. We’re making it work.”
She looks startled but I turn away as a couple of the other wives join us and start talking animatedly about the game.
Everyone is excited and I feel a twinge of sadness, knowing that these may be my last games as a player’s wife.
If I get the job in New York, I won’t be around next season, regardless of what Viktor and I decide privately.
“What’s up with you tonight?” Serena asks me as we go in search of wine.
“I have a job interview in New York,” I blurt.
Her eyes widen. “But…how can you take a job in New York?”
“It’s not like we’re actually a couple,” I say softly. “And this will make divorce really easy. You know, the distance was too much…all that kind of thing.” It sounds a little lame when I say it out loud.
“I thought things were going well?” she says softly. “Haven’t you guys been…sleeping together?”
I swallow. “We have. That’s why I have to get away, Serena.
I’m falling for him and I can’t. He likes me, but we don’t have a future.
He’s always planned to go back to Russia when he retires, and I don’t know that I want to.
Or that he even wants me to. His mom started talking about having a wedding in their church over there, something about making it easier to move there when the time comes.
” I look at her. “That’s really scary, moving somewhere without a support system. ”
“You’d have Viktor.”
“In what capacity? I know he likes me. I know the sex is good. But he’s not in love with me. And unless that happens…”
“It’s been a little over a month—give it time.
Build a relationship and the future will present itself.
Look at me and West. I’m going to be traveling to promote the new series, working crazy hours doing the show, and everything that goes with it.
All while West is playing hockey. Our schedules are going to be crazy but we’re committed to making it work. ”
“I know.” I look away. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t ask him if he loves me. He has to come to that realization himself. If I ask, he might say yes just to keep me around and that’s not good enough.”
“Then show him how you feel.”
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.”
“Maybe you need to think about that before you make a decision that could impact both of your lives.”
I know she’s right.
But I’m scared.
Scared that asking me to be his doesn’t mean to him what it means to me.
Scared that he’ll tell me he doesn’t feel the same.
Just…scared.
Because he’s important.
More important than anyone else I’ve ever loved.
And having him be the one to walk away might break me.