14. Leila
Leila
“ K nock, knock.”
The soft padding of feet approaches my bed. I continue to face the wall, my navy weighted blanket pulled to my chin. It feels like there’s a cinder block pressing against my chest and a post-panic-attack headache pulses against my temples.
My bed dips before Drew’s fingers gently massage my scalp. “Hey, sunshine. How ya feeling?”
I keep quiet, knowing he doesn’t want the answer I’d give. He’s witnessed enough of my post-panic episodes to know how closed-off I get.
In Drew fashion, he doesn’t let my silence faze him, just keeps talking like I’m not ignoring his presence. “Your brother said he’d take Kaia for a stroll while we get you into a warm shower and decompress.”
I sink deeper into the mattress, not wanting to face him. What he must think of me as a mother, passing our kid off to her uncle because I can’t handle my own mental health.
Drew’s hand tightens in my hair as he pulls lightly. It isn’t painful, just enough to regain my focus.
“Come on, sunshine. Up you go,” he says as he peels my blanket from my grip. He gingerly rolls me to face him, and the worry in his blue eyes hits deep. He shouldn’t need to worry about me like this.
His hands grasp mine and tug until I’m on my feet.
With an arm around my waist, he leads me to the bathroom where steam already billows from the shower, a lavender shower scent spreading the relaxing aroma though the room.
Drew lets go of me long enough to test the water, and I immediately lean against the sink.
When he turns back to me, I do my best to force a smile. “It’s a great idea, but I’m not steady enough to stand in the shower right now. Maybe later.” I turn to start making my way to bed when Drew’s corded muscles wrap around my waist.
“Standing under running water always helps you recharge. This one clearly hit harder than you let on to your brother, and I should take you over my knee for lying to him about it. As it is”—he turns me to face him before brushing back the section of hair that slipped free during my burrowing session—“you need this. So, you can either get in on your own, or I can step in with you.”
My cheeks heat at the image of past showers. Of his hands gliding over every inch of my skin. The press of his body to mine.
Drew’s hand squeezes my neck, the pressure grounding me, keeping me from slipping too deep into the past. I try to brush off the emotions that surge with the memories, but the joke falls flat. “Are you sure you don’t just want to see me naked?”
Instead of shying away, Drew raises an eyebrow as his lips quirk up in a smirk. “I’m always up for admiring your beauty, sunshine, but you’re deflecting.”
I snort. “Hilarious. You can’t honestly tell me you want to see this two-month postpartum body in all it’s stretched, fatty, unsexy glory.”
“We really gonna do this right now?”
“Do what right now?”
He sighs. “You know what.”
“I don’t have the energy for this right now,” I say as I try to step out of his arms.
“Too bad.” He turns me to face the mirror, one arm still holding me steady while the other glides over my oversize Steele Valley Voltage hockey shirt, both of us ignoring the fact that it belonged to Drew at some point. When he grazes my stomach, I can’t help but flinch at the mental flood.
“I’m not the same girl from that night in your hotel room,” I whisper, the words barely audible.
He slides both arms around me. One rests between my aching breasts, his hand settling on my throat.
Not squeezing, but comforting, just how I need.
It isn’t fair that this man knows all the right buttons.
The other arm settles around my waist, calloused hand splayed across my stomach in such a possessive move that my head goes fuzzy.
Drew presses a kiss to the top of my head. “Damn straight, you aren’t.” He lifts the edge of my shirt, and my breath catches but I don’t stop him. “Arms up,” he whispers.
He slips the shirt over my head as I follow his gentle demand, baring all of me since I’d stripped my panties and bra before crawling into bed.
His hands never stop stroking my skin—stomach, arms, shoulders—as he continues in that soft, rumbly voice that belongs in a sexy audiobook.
“Maybe it won’t happen today, tomorrow, or next week.
But at some point, you’ll look in the mirror and see how badass you are.
How amazing this body is for creating and carrying life. ”
I suck a breath at the sincerity reflected back to me in the steamed mirror. I bite my lower lip as I gather the courage to turn and face the man of my dreams.
I thought these feelings only existed in fairytales.
Instead of admitting to the thoughts in my head, I peek up through my lashes to find Drew watching me closely.
“I made a promise to myself before coming back. That I was done hiding and wanted to live my life brighter and braver than I have over the last decade. My innocence may have been stripped away, but they aren’t here anymore. I am.”
Drew drops a kiss to my forehead and whispers, “I’m proud of you, Leila Grace.”
That does it. Right there. I knew coming back would open me up to old wounds, but I didn’t consider how my heart might crack open again.
Or maybe I did. I don’t know. But the fact that the man I love, the only man I’ve ever loved, is proud of me?
The tears start, and I don’t even try to hide them.
I know who I am. I know what I’ve survived.
But having my struggles be validated by someone as special as Drew Flynn hits differently.
Before I can question myself, I turn in his arms and ghost my fingers over his injured collarbone, the thin scar peeking through the black ink that lines that shoulder and bicep.
“Stay,” I whisper.
He does his best to remain unaffected by such a small plea, but I still notice the way he tenses for a split second.
“Stay, please.” My voice is stronger, more determined when I ask again.
“Anything for you, sunshine.”