Chapter 40
Chapter
Forty
My body jolted awake before I did. Kayla was crying.
I somehow fell asleep in the rocking chair without her.
Reaching into the crib, I picked up my little girl and hushed her.
Quietly, I hummed the song that Sabrina used to hum to me when I wasn’t feeling well.
When I asked, she told me it was something her grandmother used to sing to her.
She didn’t know the words anymore either.
Kayla wasn’t settling down, and I went through my checklist. First, I changed her. The second was trying to see if she had gas. When she started to suck on my shoulder, I realized she might just be hungry.
There was a knock on the door just as I was setting up the pump to go while she fed from one side. I froze, confused why Candice or Tyson would knock. They wouldn’t. Which meant that it wasn’t them. Walking over to the door, I listened for a moment before Kayla started to squirm and squeak again.
“I was wondering if you were okay.”
I sucked in a breath. “I’m…fine. She’s just fussy. I’m sorry if it woke you up. I’m going to feed her now.”
“It’s fine. I just…wanted to make sure everything was okay.”
Swallowing hard, I looked down at my current attire: a large t-shirt and nothing else underneath. I’d taken a quick shower while she was asleep and didn’t put anything on under it. It fell down my thighs, but not very far down them.
“I…I can’t open the door for you. I’m not decent.”
“That’s fine. I just…wanted to check.”
I smiled. Even without his memories, his kindness and desire to help were still there. Kayla screeched, breaking my thoughts, and I huffed.
“Alright, alright! Gods! You’re just a little pterodactyl at this point.”
Marcus chuckled on the other side of the door as I adjusted Kayla to latch on. She bit a little hard, and I winced before she settled in. Putting my back to the door, I slid down it to the floor.
“I’m just going to sit here and feed her before putting her back to bed. You can go back to sleep.”
There was a soft scrape before I felt the bottom of the door move a bit. “I can sit too.”
Smiling, I looked down at our daughter. She was ours. Her black hair and green eyes were all Marcus had. If he ever got his memories back, he was going to beat himself up for this. If anything, he was going to force me into another pregnancy just so that he could make up for it.
“You said her name is Kayla?”
“The little pterodactyl masquerading as a baby. Yes.”
He chuckled. “I love her name.”
My eyes squeezed tight, and I tried not to cry. “I know.” My voice was barely above a whisper.
“Are you…are you real?”
I barked out a laugh, dashing my tears away with my free hand. “Yes? I sure hope so.”
“Sorry. Just…the other night, when I was looking at you, you didn’t seem real. It’s hard to explain the draw I have to you.”
“It’s probably just the bond. Or your dragon. Or both.”
He hummed, and I heard his head hit the door. “I don’t understand how I can forget you, but still have the link to our bond.”
My eyes watched Kayla, her eyes struggling to stay open as she continued to drink. “I don’t know. You were missing for weeks. By the time we were able to find you, you were already with her.”
“Ebony.” The way he said her name was as if he were chewing on sand.
It was wrong, but it made me smile a little. “Yes. She wanted you. She loves you, I think. In her own twisted way. The problem came when you didn’t love her back. She couldn’t accept that. So here we are.”
The other side of the door was quiet for a long time. Enough for Kayla to unlatch, but still squirm around. I swapped sides, seeing if she still wanted more. The moment her lips found their mark, she was back at it.
“I thought I loved her and she was my fated.”
I froze, my chest the only thing moving as I breathed. That wasn’t something I wanted to hear. Not from him. Leaning back, my head rested against the door as tears slipped out.
“Now, I don’t think that was the case.” He moved on the other side, his back hitting the door again.
“I was in love with someone. I was in love with the person she implanted into my head through these memories. It wasn’t her, though.
Thinking back, nothing about her is what I wanted for love.
” Marcus snorted. “I don’t know how I was so blind. ”
“So she pretty much didn’t like you at all.”
Marcus laughed. “You’re right. I don’t think she did either if she had to build our relationship from fake memories.” He paused, his voice sounding quieter. “Is my designation all that there is to me?”
I smiled, knowing this conversation well. “If it helps, I hate Alphas.”
“You do not.”
“I do.”
Marcus seemed to turn closer now, his voice clearer. “Then why are you here?”
I looked up at the ceiling. “Because a little while ago, I found my place in a family that I never thought I would. I hate Alphas still. They are all assholes. All they care about is themselves and keeping their power. They are bullies who don’t realize that the laws apply to them as well.”
“Well, you’ve pinned us all, haven’t you?”
“Just you wait. I have soap box. It’s great. At least an hour’s speech on how society is better off without Alphas. That I’m glad that the population of Omegas is disappearing if it means the end to leadership Alphas. Good riddance.”
Marcus chuckled awkwardly. “You know I’m an Alpha-10, right?”
“Oh, I’m well aware.” I growled low. “You’re the worst of them!
You’re pushy and you don’t give up. Someone telling you they don’t want help means you stalk them for weeks on end to make sure they eventually give in.
Suddenly, everything that I have worked so hard to get means nothing to you who have a silver spoon shoved up your ass your whole life. ”
“My god, you really do hate me.”
My grin was huge as I closed my eyes, imagining him on the other side of the door. “You try to take care of everything. You say that you are meeting halfway, but really, you’re getting what you want because you say something ridiculous just to get what you want.” I snorted.
I looked down at Kayla, still grinning like a fool.
“You’re late for meetings that are important to me.
You couldn’t accept that I was strong enough to be on my own.
You refused to allow me to wallow in self-pity.
You forced me to see that I am worth something, despite being told my entire life I wasn’t.
” Tears fell one by one down my face. “You saved me when I didn’t want to be saved.
You’re such an idiot, Marcus Alford. I hate you. I hate you so much.”
The other side of the door was quiet, and I figured I had gone too far.
Still, I couldn’t lose him again. If I lost him after this, my soul wouldn’t be able to fight against the pain from my PCDHS.
It just wasn’t happening. Maybe with me gone, he could finally move on.
He could take Kayla, and at least they would have each other.
On the far side of the room, the door that led into my room opened. Marcus stepped through and I squeaked. I couldn’t move because Kayla was still latched on. My shirt had ridden up completely, and I couldn’t pull it down, not that it would cover anything anyway.
“No, Marcus!”
“I have my eyes shut.”
I watched him, fear filling me as he stepped carefully through the room. He had his eyes shut as he took each step closer to me. His toes touched mine, and he stopped. Going down on his knees, he kneeled in front of me.
After Peter shaved his face, he looked so much more like our Marcus. His hair was longer, tossed over to one side, and a mess from sleeping on it. He had a serious look on his face, but he kept his eyes shut.
“Colton.”
My heart pounded in my chest, hearing him say my name.
My wolf whined, barely coming to the surface, the glimmer of hope that our mate was there, wanting us to reach out to him, but I couldn’t.
Mostly because I didn’t know if it would be worse for him.
I also couldn’t reach out because I held Kayla to my body in an awkward position to let her be comfortable.
“Yes?” My voice was breathy as I tried not to let it sound like I was crying.
“I’m so sorry.”
A sob broke out of me, and I leaned my head back, trying not to jostle Kayla. “Marcus…don’t...I can’t…”
My voice betrayed me, cracking slightly. Marcus reached up and cupped my cheek. Closing my eyes, I struggled to control my face. Instead, the tears fell down over his hand. His touch was so warm.
“Don’t cry. Please.”
Sniffling, I shook my head slightly. “I can’t. You’re an asshole and I hate you.”
He smiled, but I could see the tears forming in the corners of his closed eyes. “I’m sorry I’m such an asshole.”
My laugh did little to cover up the sobs. “Don’t apologize if you don’t mean it, asshole.”
“I do. I promise I do.” His voice was breathless, tears streaming down his face. “I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t even remember. How could you possibly be sorry?”
His thumb brushed my cheek, and I sniffled. He was trying not to smile, but he brought his other hand up. Holding my head, he leaned forward. My heart pounded like crazy in my chest, and the moment I felt his lips touch mine, I felt myself melt. More tears poured out as he kissed my lips softly.
“I don’t know how to be your mate. I am so fucking sorry. I don’t know…how to help. I don’t know what to do.” Marcus whispered the words, and I felt my heart crack open. “You shouldn’t be alone like this. You don’t deserve that.”
My chest hurt, and I sucked in a breath.
I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to throw myself into his arms. I wanted to pry the memories we made together out of his head.
Instead, life handed us the shittiest fucking hand.
Nothing about our relationship had been easy or smooth.
This was just…on par for my life at this point.
Kayla had fallen asleep with my nipple in her mouth. Her head fell a little as I clutched her tighter to me. Her mouth popped open, and I sucked in a breath before letting it out slowly.
“You okay?” Marcus looked up at me, but his eyes still weren’t open.
“I’m fine. It hurts sometimes when she has full suction for a long time.”
His hand came up and brushed my hair. It stopped as soon as he touched my ears. The moment my wolf came forward, hoping and begging, my ears and tail shifted involuntarily. Marcus rubbed my ear, and I relaxed, my eyes shutting as he stroked my fur.
“You’re so soft.”
“I am told I’m softer than most Omegas. I don’t really look like one though, so that might be making up for it.”
He hummed, and I don’t know if that was because he didn’t believe me. His fingers slipped down my ears, through my hair, down to my neck and shoulders. As his fingers brushed my chest, I shivered. They didn’t continue down, mostly because I held Kayla with my arm crossed over.
“I wish I could explain. It feels so familiar, but I can’t remember.”
My head dropped again as I squeezed my eyes shut. This almost hurt as much as talking to him normally. This kindness, his touch, all of it stung. The bond was so broken between us he couldn’t even recognize me.
“Colton.”
I hummed, looking up at him.
“You don’t need to hide away in here. I haven’t seen you since you gave me the book. You don’t need to avoid me for my sake. It’s okay. I don’t mind. This is your house too. Really, it’s more your house than mine. I’m just the prodigal son.”
After a sniffle, I tried to smile. “Okay. I’ll try. It’s…difficult for me. I know I need to be better, but…”
“At your own pace, Colton. I’m not pushing you; I just don’t want you to feel like you need to go out of your way to avoid me.”
“And maybe not meeting like this at two in the morning?”
Marcus smiled. “I don’t know. You seem like you could use the company while feeding the little pterodactyl.”
“Hush. Go to bed. You need your sleep. You’re still recovering.”
He nodded, getting up. Pausing for a moment, he held his hand out to me.
“Do you need help up? She’s asleep, right? So you could get some sleep as well.”
Adjusting her in my arms, I placed my hand in his. It closed over mine, and he lifted me off the floor. His hand gripped mine for a moment. The warmth spreading to my heart.
“You’re too thin, Colton.”
I snorted. “Did I say how much I hated you trying to make me eat all the time? How much you zeroed in on my weight, and it was never enough for you?”
“No, I think I missed that one.” His shoulders were shaking with laughter.
“Add it to the list and go to bed, Marcus. Goodnight.”
He nodded to me, as if to bow, before he turned and walked out of the room.
I followed him after a couple of seconds, putting Kayla down in the bassinet before I collapsed on the bed.
It hurt so much, but it also felt like a sliver of hope.
That maybe we could take it one step at a time.
Every step would hurt, but as long as we didn’t get tugged back, it might be okay.