Chapter 43
Chapter
Forty-Three
Marcus gave me a nod and then held his hand out to me. I stared at it for a moment before taking it and jumping off the edge of the porch onto the ground. It wasn’t far, but it was definitely farther down for me than anyone else in the family.
“She might be hungry when she wakes up.” I warned Lauren.
Lauren just chuckled. “Isn’t she always? I can make a bottle.”
“I have one made in the nursery fridge. It just needs to be warmed.”
“Got it.”
She and I glanced at each other. We were both confused. Marcus hadn’t really initiated anything serious, and not alone. My nerves ticked up a second, but let out a quick breath.
Brushing her arm, I turned and stood next to Marcus. “Where did you want to talk?”
“Just over here.” He pointed to the trees, and I knew there was a smaller clearing over there.
“Lead the way.”
Turning, he took the point, and I followed.
I was careful to stay out of his periphery, behind in his blind spot.
We were quiet as we walked. His hands were constantly doing something, and I knew he did that because he was thinking.
It was a habit if he didn’t have something to focus on, and it’s why he preferred to grade with physical paper and a pen.
It was always so disorienting being in the lair and never knowing what time of year it was.
I lost all track of time because I no longer had classes.
Candice and Tyson were retired; no one else seemed to have set schedules and just dropped by whenever they could.
I had no sense of time outside the fact that I had to mark the dates for the storage of my milk.
If it weren’t for that, I wouldn’t know what month we were in, let alone what day.
The only slight tell was that the wind was warmer than the cooler breeze of winter. It was as if the lair couldn’t quite keep up with the wind as it could with the ground. I enjoyed it in the winter, but now it just made it feel a little hotter than what felt comfortable.
After a walking a couple of minutes, the trees opened up to a small clearing. I preferred the space behind the house as a reading spot. It got better light there, and this one was a little too close to the main road. Marcus stopped a little way into the clearing.
Standing in front of him like this, I took slow, quiet breaths.
We were so far apart that someone would think we were complete strangers.
Just two people passing by who maybe saw each other on the way to class every so often.
The feeling was more painful that I realized, but I did my best not to let it come out.
As he turned, I gasped. His eyes were bright gold, and the way he held himself changed. Storming up to me, I watched as the horns on his head grew and the black scales under his skin came close to the surface.
“Little Omega.”
The words knocked the wind out of me. I almost fell to my knees.
Marcus’ usual tone was almost completely gone.
This was his dragon in full control. Whatever Marcus wanted to talk to be about, it all went out the window.
I stepped back, but he stalked me until I ended up out of the clearing with my back pinned against the tree.
He growled, and the moment he was within range, his lips were on mine.
Claiming. Consuming. Destroying everything in me.
My mind turned to mush as my wolf seized the opportunity.
Throwing me back, my wolf grabbed his shirt and pulled him closer.
Marcus’ dragon braced himself on the tree trunk with one claw, the other grabbed our waist possessively.
I was scrambling. Trying to take control before this got out of hand.
Marcus didn’t have the control over his dragon like he used to, and even that was shaky at best with me.
Between the dragon and the bond doing everything it could to reform, he was at a disadvantage.
Especially if he had been stuffing down feeling the bond on his side.
We couldn’t do it. My wolf growled at me. They couldn’t disagree more. I started fighting more when his lips left ours. Kissing down my neck, my wolf tried to bare our neck for him to mark us again. He was about to.
“No!” I yelled as I pushed my wolf back and slammed my palms into his chest.
He stumbled back, slightly shocked. I was heaving, trying to bring some oxygen back into my brain. A roar left Marcus, but when I looked up at him, he stopped.
“Goddess be damned.” I cursed, shaking my head. “I can’t. I can’t do this.”
“Mate.” His voice was so raspy and deep. “My mate.”
Nodding, I gave him a sad smile. “Yes, and you are mine. I’m sorry. I just…it’s not fair. To either of us, and that kills me.”
Leaning against the tree, I covered my eyes for a moment. Damn it. I wanted to give in. My wolf was clawing at my control like a crazed animal. Opening my eyes, he had stepped back up closer, but his claws were curled up.
“Little wolf.”
I reached up on my toes and brushed my fingers over his horns. He hummed, turning into a soft rumble in his chest. Already with him this close, the surrounding air was warming a few degrees.
“It’s breaking me apart being like this. I understand. You’re not mine though. Not my Alpha.”
His eyes flashed, and he roared. I flinched as his fist slammed into the trunk above it, raining wood shards down on us. Closing my eyes, I curled up a little.
“Why don’t you love us anymore?”
Tears filled my eyes, and I opened them to see the pain and betrayal swimming in them.
“Why…don’t you love us…?”
I grabbed the front of my shirt, as though it would help hold me together. “I love my Alpha. I love him so much it hurts. I love him with every piece of soul. I am falling the fuck apart! I am falling apart and I am breaking and I want to give up! How can I live like this?”
“But…” His voice sounded far less like his dragon.
“Because you’re not my Alpha!” I was nearly screaming at him.
He flinched back, and the gold started to dim, but it was too late. He opened a can of worms. Cracked the dam I had been keeping locked up.
“Every time I see you, I see Keith more than I see my Alpha. Just now, I tasted beer more than I tasted you. You don’t reach out to me when I walk by.
Your eyes don’t find me in the room. You don’t yell at me for not eating.
You barely even look at Kayla. Our daughter!
” By the end, I was back to yelling at him.
“It’s so one-sided, my love for you, it’s laughable if it didn’t hurt so fucking much! ”
“Colton…”
A broken laugh left me. “I’m not Colton! That’s not who I am! You don’t even fucking know that!”
“Then let me know!”
I blinked, realizing that I was talking to Marcus now. He was shaking, his scales shifting and horns still out, but his eyes were back to their deep green color.
“Tell me! Tell me how to be your Alpha! Let me be that for you, Colton! Stop pushing me away!”
Pushing off the tree, I stood defiantly in front of him. My chin rose, shoulders back, as my pain poured from me. He was trying to put on the same air as when his dragon was in control, but I could see the cracks.
“When was the first time you told me you loved me?”
His mouth thinned. “I don’t…”
“Remember? You. Don’t. Remember. You don’t remember running into me at school.
You don’t remember weaseling your way into my life.
You don’t remember when you sat across from me at Angelino’s, begging for forgiveness while refusing to forgive yourself.
You don’t remember asking to court me without knowing that Kayla was yours.
You don’t remember…” I closed my eyes, trying to swallow down the sobs.
“You don’t remember saving me from Dylan.
You don’t remember what I said that made you mark me.
You don’t remember…anything…about me…about us… ”
“Then tell me!”
My anger flared. “Why? What would that do? Telling you about someone you don’t even know?”
“I am still bonded to you, Colton! You are my mate! If you don’t want to reject me, then maybe you should tell me how to be your Alpha.”
I flinched, shaking my head. “I shouldn’t have to tell you how to be my Alpha, Marcus. You should already know.”
Turning, I took a step toward the house when he roared at me. “Colton! We are not done.”
His command tried to force me to comply. I took another two steps, and I heard his voice crack.
“Colton, please.”
I stopped for a moment, looking over my shoulder. “I don’t want to talk anymore. I’ve done enough talking today.”
Again, I turned and walked back to the house. Marcus moved faster, reaching out and taking my hand. He stopped me, pulling me slightly to face him.
“The cafe. It was the cafe on campus, right? The smaller one on the other side of campus. You got yogurt and tea. I got…um…a bagel?”
My eyes widened. Tyson said that sometimes Marcus came to him asking about his dreams. Confirming whether they were genuine memories. He hadn’t come to me for any of them, though. Probably to try not to hurt me.
It did hurt. It was like having someone else know some of your most intimate moments without your permission. Slowly, I pulled my wrist from his hand. Wrapping my hand around the wrist, I shook my head.
“You asked me to court you at the cafe. That wasn’t the first time you told me you loved me. That was later.”
“I’m sorry…I’m trying…I…”
My eyes fell, and I tightened my grip. “I’m sorry, too. I just…I can’t. I can’t do much more than what I have been doing. You…your her Alpha. Not mine. Even if you don’t want to be.”
This time I didn’t let him stop me. Lauren was standing on the porch with Kayla, who was now awake and chewing on her hand. She searched my face, but I shook my head. I didn’t want to talk about. Not right now.
Taking Kayla from her, I held her close as I walked up the stairs to the nursery.
I hid out for most of the night, only coming down when I got Kayla to sleep.
With the baby monitor on my hip, I thought I was being sneaky, but Candice was waiting for me, reading her book while drinking tea.
She raised her eyebrow when she saw me come in.
“There is a plate for you in the fridge.”
“Thank you, Candy.”
I pulled the plate of steak, potatoes, and broccoli. Putting it in the microwave, I placed a cup of water next to it and started the timer. A mug came down next to me and smiled at Candice as she filled it with hot water for me.
“Is everything okay?”
My eyes fell as I opened the tea bag and dunked it in the water. “No. Not really.”
“Marcus seemed…upset.”
The timer for the microwave went off, and I checked the steak and potatoes. Closing the door, I put on another minute. My hand grasped the handle for a moment.
“We fought…I guess. His dragon took over for a moment, and then…I snapped at him. So I guess it wasn’t really an argument if it was just me yelling at him.”
It beeped again, and I pulled the plate out of the microwave. Before, it would have been too hot to hold. Before Marcus. Before we had mated. Now, it felt warm, but it didn’t quite burn.
“Well, something really must have rattled him.”
“What makes you say that?”
I sat around the island, cutting into my steak. Candice handed me my tea that I had forgotten. She refilled her own mug before sitting down next to me, flipping her book back over.
“He came down to dinner after he had showered and shaved.”
My fork froze. “He shaved…his beard?
Candice nodded, not looking up from her book. “Completely off.”
“Did he…say anything about it?”
“Well, after Ty said something, he said he could stop trying to be something for someone else. That he never liked the feeling of having a beard.”
I nodded, taking a bite of my steak. It was tasty, but it would have been better earlier.
Eventually, I would need to apologize to him.
I shouldn’t have snapped like that. Though apologizing to Marcus was never my strong suit.
I’d probably avoid him for a week before I forced myself to apologize. Chuckling, I shook my head.
“Colt.”
“Yeah?”
Candice put her hand on my arm, patting it. “Maybe you should yell at him a little more. Something might be getting through that thick skull of his.”
I smiled. “I’ll keep that in mind.”