Chapter 34
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
I get Princess a hamburger–sans onions–and at the last minute, I get myself an M&M shake. Because fuck it. What else am I gonna do?
We eat in the parking lot, Princess smacking, little bits of bun on his whiskers, and me picking out the M&M’s before the candy coating dissolves into the ice cream.
It’s past midnight, but I don’t care. There’s this numb sort of buzzing that keeps getting interrupted by huge waves of guilt, and then fear.
I can’t take Princess away from his dad. I just can’t. I’ve never once seen Micah do something to Princess that harmed him, and Princess doesn’t deserve to be taken away from everything familiar, kidnapped out of his own home.
And I’m fucking pissed about it. Because for once, just this once, I want to be selfish.
The thought of running and leaving Princess makes the ice cream in my stomach churn. I think about how I yelled at Micah and how he winced. Even if it was a show, I know I looked and sounded just like my dad. Just like Arthur.
And that makes me fucking sick.
I put my drink down, suddenly angry. Why are they making me do this? Pushing me to be just like them? Can’t everyone just leave me alone?
Princess finishes his burger and starts sniffing around for my shake.
“No, sir.” I hold it away. “Chocolate.”
Princess must think the word no is a suggestion because my arm becomes a climbing rope to get to the shake.
I try to pry him off, then give up, carrying Princess under my arm like a sloth to the trash can, where I dispose of the trash. When we get back to the car, Princess yawns.
Fuck. I need to return him. And…then what?
I stare at the Toyota emblem on my steering wheel blankly. I must zone out, ‘cause when I come to, Princess is snoring on the passenger seat.
Shaking my head, I straighten. I have to get rid of Arthur somehow. Changing my name isn’t going to do shit. If he wants to, he’ll find me. I have to get rid of him, and not just by fucking killing him. Because I refuse to stoop to that level. I am not an abuser. I am not a killer.
I could ask Micah to borrow some money. The thought makes me sick, but I can pay it back.
Eventually. I’d be in debt to Micah, but at this point, Micah does unfortunately seem to be the lesser of two evils.
He’s only threatened harm, and that was directed at Arthur. He has yet to put his hands on me.
Okay. So finally I have a plan. Get money from Micah, get rid of Arthur, then somehow get rid of Micah.
My chest hurts, and I glance at Princess.
Right. But to do that, I actually have to see Micah.
This is so messed up. I don’t know if I can do this tonight. Maybe I can go back to Micah’s place, sneak in, sleep, and figure everything out in the morning?
As soon as I think of the idea, I like it. If Micah wants to pick a fight when I get in, even better. I can figure out his fighting style now, make him show his hand. Then I’ll know how to leave him better when I’ve made enough money to dump Arthur.
With that thought, I head back to Micah’s. I can do this. I don’t need anyone. I can save myself.
Right?