11. Nevin
11
NEVIN
Living with Kace was so wildly different than living with Rex and his pack of mongrels. For one, there was no expectations. Where they were hard and sharp and deadly, Kace was soft and gentle and caring. He gave me no reason to believe he would so much as lay a hand on me, or try to push me into something I didn’t want.
Even if secretly, I kind of wanted it.
Was that terrible of me? I wanted him and it tore me up inside, because it would never happen. He was an Alpha and the heir to his familial pack, and I was… Me. Broken. Barren. A burden.
“You’re not a burden.” Kace’s soft voice echoed in my mind, and the memory of his light was bright enough to blot out the darkness. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, placing a hand over my chest where my heart continued to beat in a steady rhythm. I didn’t know what this Alpha saw in me, but I wanted so desperately to believe him.
Last night, despite the anxiety clawing at my insides, Kace introduced me to the pack, and his mother, officially. I was surprised to find that it wasn’t just wolves who made up Rubydawn, but bears and coyotes and cats as well.
They gathered around us and welcomed me with tail wags and yips and purrs, and then I was invited to run through the night-darkened woods with them. Kace and I galloped side by side, howling our wolfsong together. It was beyond anything I could’ve ever dreamed of.
In that moment, I felt like I was home.
Kace made me feel like I belonged. More than that? He made me feel wanted, and after the life I’d lead, it was special, but it also felt so fragile. Like at any moment, the glass supporting our weight could splinter and crack and we could both fall to our deaths.
I didn’t want to be the reason he fell.
Yet every night, Kace took me by the hand and led me to his bedroom, and every night, I crawled beneath the sheets and let the gentle Alpha pull me close. I craved his touch, his comfort, and he was more than willing to give it to me.
I never slept sounder than I did in Kace Howell’s arms.
I woke from slumber slowly, feeling warm and the best sort of sluggish. As my lashes fluttered open, I found myself gazing up into Kace’s soft hazel eyes as he stared down at me. His thumb played gently over the small of my wrist, smoothing over skin, and my breath caught in my throat.
He smiled almost sheepishly, like he’d just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “Hi,” he whispered, his lips curling at the same time the corners of his eyes crinkled with mirth, and I couldn’t help myself.
Instead of pulling away from him, or putting distance between us so that I could think clearly, I rolled closer to him so that our chests were nearly flush. I lifted my hand and touched his face, the scruff of Kace’s dark beard rough beneath my soft fingertips. I didn’t know what I was even doing, but I knew I definitely shouldn’t be doing it.
And yet…
I swallowed the nerves that had coagulated in my throat like a wad of glue and leaned in. Kace did the same, his gaze searching my face right as our noses brushed together. His skin against mine sent an electrical tingle that shot down my arms, all the way to my fingertips. My eyes widened on a soft gasp, but Kace only smiled wider.
“It feels like I’ve been waiting all my life to meet you,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion, and I realized that he felt it, too, this strange tugging at the very core of me. Unable to find the right words to say, I nodded instead.
Kace pulled back a little, his cheeks flushing pink. “I want to… Can I… May I kiss you?”
My heart nearly stopped right there and then. I stared at him, awestruck, my jaw going slack. Kace wanted to kiss me? Me? I knew it was a foolish idea, but god, I wanted it so badly. Just to know what it felt like to be kissed by someone who actually cared about me. Because Kace cared.
I swallowed my nerves and nodded meekly. Kace’s smile was seven shades of shy as he leaned in. My heart kicked in my chest. Our lips touched, barely a brush of timid flesh, but it was sweet and gentle, not possessive or demanding. Not like anything I’d ever had before, and it was over too soon.
When he went to pull back, I whined and reached for his neck, then closed the distance between our mouths once more. This kiss was firmer, more exploratory, but still so gentle. His big hand cupped my cheek, his thumb fanning over my cheekbone, and before I realized what was happening, my eyes had filled with tears.
Why did the world have to be so damn cruel?
I pulled back with a whimper, pushing him away. “I-I can’t. I’m sorry.”
Kace sat up in bed. “Nevin?” His expression twisted into one of worry, his thick brows drawn together. “Did I do something wrong? Did I push you too far? Please, talk to me.”
“No,” I uttered, shrinking back. “No, it’s not you. It’s me. I can’t…” I shook my head slowly. “I can’t give you anything. I’m worthless to you.”
He froze. “What? Don’t say that!”
His handsome face blurred in front of me, the tears falling hot and fast. I swiped at them with the backs of my hands, but they just kept coming. I hiccuped on a sob. “I-It’s true! I’m barren. I can’t carry children, and I—” I cut myself off, bitterness burning through me like acid. “You need an Omega that can give you heirs. I’m sorry.”
“Oh, honey…” His voice was so damn tender. It felt like a knife to my already-broken heart. “Is that why they chased you off and left you to die? Because you couldn’t reproduce?”
I didn’t expect him to ask that, and somehow, it made everything hurt worse. I curled in on myself, wrapping my arms around my sides. I cried harder. “An Omega’s w-worth is his womb, nothing more. They tried many times, with different Alphas. I won’t ever have a baby. I’m c-cursed.”
“Don’t say that.” Kace’s big, calloused hands cupped my face, drawing my teary gaze to his. “Nevin, that doesn’t matter to me. I don’t need heirs. My sister will take over the pack when Mom steps down, not me, and right now, I don’t even know if I want kids,” he said. “What I do know, is that I want a partner. A best friend. A mate. Besides, when the time comes, we could always adopt. There are plenty of shifter children out there who need a family of their own.”
My chest ached, but Kace drew me close, pulling me into his arms. I sagged against his chest, too spent to fight him. Not that I wanted to. I didn’t know why he was so kind to me, but I was so damn thankful for it. His lips were a gentle caress against my temple.
“I truly don’t care if we have babies or not, but you are not worthless. I never want to hear you say that again, okay? You are beautiful and fragile and I want you in my life.” He said it with such conviction that I began to sob all over again. “Shh…”
I buried my face in his chest and wrapped my arms around him. “I-I’m sorry,” I whispered, but he only hushed my cries and held me closer, rocking us both gently from side to side.
When I was finally wrung out, Kace wiped the salted tear-tracks from my cheeks. He brushed damp curls away from my face with a warm smile before planting a gentle kiss atop my head.
“How about I make you a cup of tea? I might have some ginger snaps in the cupboard.”
“That sounds nice,” I murmured. “But only if we can watch cartoons after.”
“A man after my own heart,” Kace teased, and my heart did a little flip. Maybe… Maybe things would work out after all.