Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Bray
I wake up early. The sun is barely starting to emerge.
It takes a moment, but suddenly last night comes swimming into my consciousness. Did I just fuck things up?
I feel the panic start to set in, and I grab my pants and a t-shirt and head out to the patio. No one else is up yet, so I have the place to myself.
For reasons I don’t understand, the only thing I think of doing is calling Lanie.
I check the time. It’s late back home, but she might be up.
I video chat her.
She answers immediately. “Bray-bay?” she says. She’s clearly in her pajamas, and she’s curled up on her sofa with what looks like a book.
“Hey, were you sleeping?” I ask.
She yawns. “No, not yet. What time is it there?” she asks. I’d posted on social media about going to Italy, and she liked the post, so I guess she remembered.
“It’s like five in the morning,” I say as I sit down in a chair.
“Damn. Ever try sleeping in?” she mutters.
I laugh. “No. My jet lag has me all messed up.”
She smiles. “You look perplexed. What’s up?”
I swallow. “I kissed Carly.”
Her eyes widen, and she leans closer to the camera. “Wait. What? Seriously? When?”
“Last night. I…I don’t know what to do. I…
have serious feelings for her, but…” I trail off and stare at my oldest friend.
The little girl who made the class bully stop teasing me because I had crooked baby teeth.
We don’t talk as much as we used to, but every month we chat for an hour or so.
She catches me up on all the hometown gossip.
Lanie levels a stare at me. “You have got to get over me being sick thirty years ago. For real, Bray. I’m fine.
I know it was scary for you. It was scary for me and everyone who knew me.
But I lived. I’m fine. I went on to have a great life.
Not everyone is going to get sick, and most people aren’t going to up and die on you. ”
“Lanie, I see people die every week,” I say, deadpanned.
She rolls her eyes. “You literally work in an emergency room. Your entire job is trying to save the sickest and most injured people. So, of course, you’re going to see people die. But your pool of people might be a little skewed.”
I hate that she’s not wrong. “Yeah, but what if I’m too overprotective? What if something does happen to Ava or Carly?”
“Jesus, pull it together. What if nothing happens to them? What if you marry Carly and grow old with her and die when you’re both one hundred years old?
You can’t control everything, Bray.” She pauses.
“Would you rather never have the chance to be with her? Would you rather watch another man come in and swoop her up and marry her?”
“No,” I grumble.
“Then, she’s worth a risk. She’s worth all the risks. Don’t lose her because you’re afraid. Will you at least try?” Lanie says.
I swallow hard. “I…I’ll think about it. I mean, I want to,” I state.
She sighs. “You’re a stubborn ass, you know that?”
“Yeah,” I mumble.
“Maybe you should call your mom. She’s great at this stuff,” Lanie says.
I shake my head. “No way. She’ll just tell me to marry her and make her grandbabies.”
Lanie giggles. “I mean, you aren’t wrong. But seriously, call your mom soon. She was bitching to my mom that you never call.”
Sighing, I nod. “Fine. But I’ll do it when I get back.” I haven’t spoken to my brother or parents in a hot minute. Our schedules are all so busy. Lanie’s statement makes me feel like a shit son. Apparently, there are a lot of things I need to do better in life.
She laughs. “OK, enough pep talking. I need to sleep. Seriously, though, don’t lose her because you won’t take a risk.
That’s the dumbest reason ever not to be with her.
I’ve heard you talk about her for literal years.
You love that woman and her daughter. So, stop telling yourself you don’t want to be with her. ”
“I do love them, but…maybe I shouldn’t be with her like that,” I say.
“Well, I strongly disagree. You have every reason to be with her and no good reasons not to,” she states like the lawyer she is.
“I hate when you lawyer me,” I say with narrowed eyes.
She grins. “You love it, and you know it. Goodnight, or should I say good morning, Bray,” she adds with a wave.
“Go to bed, Lanie-painie,” I say.
She ends the call, and I lean back on the chair and stare up at the early morning sky. The sun isn’t quite over the horizon yet.
“What in God’s name are you doing up so early?” Margie asks, and I jump. Turning, I find Cornelia and Margie walking toward me with cups of coffee in their hands.
“I could ask the same of you,” I say.
“Oh, well, Lorenzo and Enzo had to leave early. They have work today. Such a bummer, we had hoped they would be our plus-ones, but alas, it wasn’t in the cards,” Cornelia says with a huff. “I could have used another night of good Italian dicking.”
I choke on my saliva. “Seriously, Cornelia?”
She shrugs. “I’m old, Brayden. Not dead.”
“Clearly,” I mutter as I watch the sun begin to brighten the sky, turning it into pinks from the light blues that have started covering the horizon.
“What’s got you up at the butt crack of dawn?” Cornelia asks.
“Just…thinking,” I say, because admitting that I kissed Carly to these two would make it too real.
And right now, I don’t know if I’m ready to face reality.
“You fucked Carly, didn’t you?” Margie states.
I groan. “No.”
“You kissed her, then,” Cornelia says.
I put my head in my hands. “Yes,” I admit, because clearly, I can’t lie to these two.
“I knew it. You owe me a hundred,” Cornelia says.
I turn my head, aghast at what she said. “You bet on whether I’d kiss her?” I state.
“Maybe. Doesn’t matter. What matters is that you finally pulled off the bandage. You took a leap. You did it,” she says as if she’s a proud mom.
“But should I have? I acted impulsively,” I mutter.
“Boy, you don’t act impulsively enough. You need to take life by the horns and ride it. Stop overthinking everything. You never know what’s going to happen next. It could be good; it could be bad,” Margie says.
“What if it’s bad?” I voice my biggest worry.
“Then, it’s bad. But bad is better than living a life of what-ifs, isn’t it?” Cornelia points out.
“I suppose. It’s just…scary. I don’t want to lose her. I want her in my life, even if it’s only as my friend,” I say.
“Then, try this out, and if it doesn’t work, you’ll need to figure out how to be friends again. It’s not the end of the world. I fucked Jerry for two years, and we still talk,” Margie states.
“Jerry’s an ass,” Cornelia says.
“Shut up, Cornelia. He’s not that bad. He’s way better as a friend. He actually gives great dating advice,” Margie says.
“Whatever. Back to Brayden. I think you should be honest with yourself. You love her. You won’t survive her marrying another man. You need to be that man. You need to be with her. You two are thick as thieves. You belong together. I might be old, but I’m not blind,” Margie adds.
I look back at the sunrise. It feels like more than a new day; it feels like today could be the beginning of an entirely new life. It’s scary, but also exciting.
“You really think that?” I ask.
“Yes,” they say in unison.
“Please go fuck your best friend,” Margie encourages.
“Yes, do it for us. And for you. You two need to consummate your relationship. I think it will finally wake you up out of this crazy state you’ve put yourself in,” Cornelia says.
“Cornelia,” I groan.
“What? It’s the truth. Now, go and get your woman. I want to see you making out on that dance floor later. I want to hear her coming all the way across the property,” Cornelia says.
I glare at her. “You have issues, you know that?”
She shrugs. “Nah. I’m just old with zero fucks to give. I speak the truth, and if you can’t handle that, then too damn bad.”
I laugh and stand. “Fine. I’ll go…talk to her. But I swear to God, if things get fucked up between us, you will never hear the end of it.”
“That’s a wager I’m willing to make,” Cornelia says as she waves me off toward my villa.
I’m either about to make the biggest mistake of my life, or the best decision ever. God, I hope it’s the latter.