Chapter 3 We Need Dragons
MAGDALENA
The very first thing I wanted to do every day after was check his beautiful face for new freckles.
So, in the mornings, after I made sure Dad was gone, I’d walk over to Killian, always sitting on the banister, and count.
It became a little bit of a game between us.
I knew he wouldn’t grow a bunch of freckles overnight, but the consistency itself grew to be comforting.
While everything else around the world and inside our bodies changed, at least the count, like our friendship, was consistent.
I even asked Daddy to drop me off early. The first time, when my steps covered twice the distance at twice the speed than usual, he asked why I was in such a rush, but I didn’t answer.
On the third day, Killian was not at the banister when I arrived. My heart dropped and an exhaustion took over every cell in my body. “You okay, angel?” Dad asked.
I nodded. “Yes. I’m fine.”
“Okay, well, then, bye.”
“Bye, Dad.” We hugged and I held on for a little longer than usual before walking away.
I couldn’t hide my sadness. It was too overwhelming. The difference in my energy should have been a sounding alarm, a warning, but I was too young to even know what was happening.
Slowly, I walked to class, slumped onto my chair, then crossed my arms on the desk and laid my head on them while regretting not going back home. The loneliness consumed me. I should have told Daddy I didn’t feel well.
“Morning, Magdalena.” The whisper and air tickled my ear. The exhilaration traveled through me at the speed of light. When I lifted my head, I looked at him with wide eyes. “Is everything okay?” he asked.
“Where—I mean. You’re late.” I couldn’t believe how easy it’d become to breathe.
“Oh yeah. Had a hard time waking up this morning.” He smiled and thrusted his chin at me. “You, okay?”
“Yeah. I’m okay.” I hoped I’d hidden my relief well at him showing up.
The rest of the class was chatting, but when our eyes met, it was like every other day—as if nothing else existed.
I loved that feeling. For a few seconds, I couldn’t pick whether I should swim in the infinite dark amber with black speckled galaxies of his brown eye or fly in the clear skies of his blue one.
My gaze dropped to his freckles, which drew my smile, and I counted them in my head.
The possibility of him having new ones made me anticipate it even more, like a grand event I was awaiting.
“Hi,” he greeted with a smile, as if we were starting the day all over again. We leaned forward, our faces mere inches apart.
“Hi. You were quiet for a minute there.”
“I didn’t want to disturb your counting.
” It wasn’t even nine in the morning, and Killian had already made me blush, which made him chuckle every time.
A clicking along with a flash broke our spell, so I turned to the left to find that Gabriella had taken a photo of us.
She always had a camera around her neck.
We always sat together for at least half of recess and discussed anything that popped into our minds.
Killian would read to me or tell me about his latest favorite stories.
For some strange reason he was always either reading about religion or fantasy books.
He often brought up darker, stranger subjects. “Are you scared to die, Magdalena?”
“Isn’t everybody?” I shrugged.
“I’m not.”
“What are you scared of?” I asked.
“Pain.”
I paused, studying him, wondering if he was okay. Was someone hurting my dear friend? “Are you scared of being hurt or hurting someone?”
He shook his head. “I would never hurt you. But it will hurt too much to lose you. I’d rather die.”
I shrugged. “Why would you lose me? Leaving you would be like leaving home.”
He smiled. “You’re too beautiful.” After a long pause, he asked, “What do you think happens after we die?”
“We fly to an island with waterfalls made of chocolate, and dogs that talk, and we ride on unicorns with wings or fireflies that light our paths in the night. And we have parties every night where we eat cake and dance.”
The depiction drew a giggle from him. “That would be cool.”
“What would you add?”
“Dragons.”
“There are dragons of all colors, fire and ice-breathing …” I paused, taking in the happiness on his face.
There was no doubt it was real. Pride burst through me at giving it to him.
I’d taken him from contemplating death to colorful dragons.
A freckle stood out on his curved cheek.
“How many freckles do you have today? Let me count one … two … three …” He looked up while he pushed his face closer for me to examine. I gasped. “You got two new freckles.”
It was the first time I saw his cheeks turn rosy. I giggled about it because for once, it was not me blushing. “Your laughter always calms me.” He paused. “You’re so beautiful, Magdalena.”
“You’re beautiful too, Killian.”
He shook his head, the smile leaving his face. “Don’t lie to me. Can’t you see that you’re the only person in this school who speaks to me?”
I always wondered why Killian was so tied to the dark.
It upset me to hear him talk like this. Why would he think less of himself?
I had an uneasy feeling something bad was happening in his life, but deep inside I knew he wouldn’t tell me, at least not yet.
All I could do was brighten it in the little free time we had together.
Instead of showing my concerns and how much pain it caused me to hear him talk like this, I did what I always did, I turned the conversation.
“That’s because you like to scare them away.” My accusation worked, and his mischievous mirth confirmed I was right.
“Why aren’t you scared?”
I shrugged. “The night is full of darkness and mystery, but it’s beautiful. Besides … you just said it. You’d never hurt me.”
“You’re right. I won’t. Sometimes at night, when I lay to sleep, I picture myself saving you. Like in Disney’s Sleeping Beauty when the prince cuts through all the vines to get to his princess.”
“There’s nothing to save me from, Killian. We are both safe.” I made sure to look into his eyes when I said the second sentence to see if it was true for him. He nodded. “Which gives us more time to have fun and eat these delicious sandwiches. Now, do you want the peanut butter or cheese and ham?”
“Ooh, peanut butter.” I knew he’d answer like that.
Ever since I’d introduced him to peanut butter, Killian couldn’t resist. The way his eyes opened, and he licked his lips made me smile.
It was funny to watch my goth scary dragon looking so silly.
In the past, Mom would make my lunches, but since I realized Killian wasn’t eating, I’d taken over the task.
“Killian and Maggie sitting under a tree … K-I-S-S-I-N-G.” I heard the other kids singing from the other meadow. My gaze swept toward them, and they laughed.
It hadn’t taken long before they started teasing me, which had me contemplating putting space between Killian and me to shut them up.
I was so embarrassed at the implication that we had ever kissed.
The thought drew a grimace from me. Killian and I were just very special friends. “Is it true, Killian?”
“What?”
“Is it true you want to kiss me?” He turned to see who had been chanting, but they’d already stopped and dispersed. I could see that the teasing annoyed him too.
His palm touched my cheek. “I’m not even worthy of you noticing me. Why would I ever dare to dream of such a thing?” The relief made me smile. “Why does it bother you; what they are saying?”
“Because I want more than that. Kissing … It’s something that will be over in a second. And it’s disgusting, really, with all that saliva.” I scrunched up my face. “I want our friendship to be real.”
“It’s more than real. It’s everything to me.
I miss you when we’re not together. The only thing that makes me feel better is thinking of you, knowing we will talk again the next day, eat these delicious sandwiches together.
Remembering how you look, how you talk, the things you say, the things you like and don’t like. ”
“So, you would never do something that I don’t like?”
Killian pulled his caressing hand away and furrowed his brow while studying my eyes.
For some reason, my heartbeat quickened as if I had something to hide.
I didn’t want to talk about all the things that had been done to Daddy at my age.
The thought of things Grandma had allowed to be done to Daddy disgusted and infuriated me.
“Is someone hurting you?” The two last words were delivered louder and rougher than the previous.
Anger looked beautiful on him; it intensified his eyes.
I could see it; how it had always been under his skin, waiting to explode, to be used, and at that moment, it was gathering, his whole body and face tensing.
I liked how it forced me to feel something new.
The little life I’d lived, I’d spent fearing being unmasked, but somehow, with Killian, I was free of that, instead, there was always a sensation of belonging.
For the first time, there was something else to fear, him hurting someone else to protect me.