Chapter 12 What I Really Meant
Ladies and gentlemen, there are no words, no letters. So many have taken the impossible task to describe love, to put it into words, but what no one ever tells you is love warps time.
As a ten-year-old kid, there was only so much I could do.
I had fooled our teacher into thinking this was just a simple school project about different cultures around the world, and the other students into thinking this was a way to get us lemonade, cake, and extra recess time.
They all fell for it. But I was very aware we were still surrounded by enemies. I never dared trust any of them.
Even at my age, I knew that the amount and way I needed her was not normal. I knew I had to hide the intensity of my affections so I wouldn’t end up in a psych ward.
Like in fairy tales, on the best day of my life, I conquered all my fears and did the impossible to seal the promise of forever with my queen.
In our spot in the gardens, under a magnolia tree, I granted her a tiny window of how much I loved her.
“Magdalena, my angel, I promise you will never doubt my love and devotion to you for the rest of my life. I promise to always be your friend, who you can trust, and to love every version of you,” I vowed.
Those were the few words that tumbled out of my mouth while I swam in her dark, mysterious brown eyes.
In the end, it was nothing compared to how I really felt.
What I should have done was give her the notebook I’d filled with paragraph after paragraph about the way she had saved me every single day since I’d met her and the way she made me feel.
What I really meant was:
Magdalena, without you, I would’ve certainly already died. Every time I’m with you, you bring me back to life, you keep me from diving into the darkness, from burning down the world around us.
When time and space were first formed, you and I were created from the very same star, then torn apart, shattered to dust, and scattered through space.
We were meant to be together, and instead, we endured lifetimes apart.
But my love for you defies everything. In this lifetime, physically, we’ve only known each other for three years.
In my heart, it’s been the briefest three seconds.
Existing in your absence, my angel, is so cruel, so unfair. What we’ve spent staring into each other's eyes, the number of your smiles, blushes, the time I’ve spent listening to your voice, your giggles, none of it has been enough. It could continue happening forever and would never be enough.
Marry me, my angel, be with me for at least the rest of this life.