Chapter 15 Don’t Touch Her #3
“No. Killian…” She cupped my cheek, and a warmth spread, giving me immense comfort.
“It’s okay. I know you’re not feeling well.
Come, let’s at least go relax on the grass under some sunlight.
Okay? And if you’re not feeling better after, we’ll talk about what to do.
” This time she offered me her open palm for me to take, willingly.
I scratched at my arm so ashamed for having yelled at her.
I’d failed her. Despite the long time I was taking to respond, she kept waiting for me to take her hand.
I met her eyes and nodded, then we walked hand in hand, very slowly.
From the corner of my eye I noticed she kept looking at me but I continued staring at the tips of my sneakers.
There was no question I’d slowed our pace.
I was glad she wasn’t saying much, because I wasn’t sure I could even keep up.
Sleep pulled me under immediately after I placed my head on her legs, her hand still holding mine.
With her hand in mine, my head on her, I knew she was next to me, safe, if even for just a few minutes.
I could rest. I was so deep in slumber when I heard her voice from far away.
She was singing, “Make You Feel My Love.” I continued pretending I was still sleeping so that she wouldn’t stop.
“You sing so beautifully to me.”
She kissed my forehead. “Do you feel better?”
“Of course,” I lied, with the smile of an idiot on my face. For what seemed like a long time, we just looked into each other's eyes. Then I noticed she was counting my freckles. It generated another smile from me, a more genuine one. Every time she did that, I felt worshipped.
“Would you run away with me?” The words had slipped from my mouth. Feck.
“That depends. What are we running from?”
“Everyone and everything.”
“Where will we go?”
“Well… we can go to the first country on our list, Bhutan.” I smiled up at her eyes while picturing reaching the peak of a mountain way past the clouds in the sky with her by my side.
“As soon as we’re old enough, we will go, Killian. I promise. They say Bhutan is in the clouds.”
“Have I ever told you how much I love you?” I asked.
“Absolutely not. It kills me every day that you don’t tell me.” She joked and through minutes of studying each other, with only birds and bugs to break the calm silence, somehow, my eyes filled with tears.
“I would never hurt you. You know that, right? I’m so sorry about earlier.”
“Shhh…” She placed two fingers over my lips.
“Stop talking, right now.” Her bossy tone drew my grin.
Although Magdalena was always very confident, I didn’t often get to see this side of her directed at me.
In that moment I discovered I loved it and a part of me wanted to annoy her more often to see her like this.
Yes, mam.
“You didn’t hurt me. I take offense to being thought so frail, you know?” She paused while I admired her. “I really wish you’d tell me who’s hurting you, Killian. If you don’t trust me with what’s really troubling you, then do you truly trust me at all?”
“I don’t think you are frail, my aingeal.” I really didn’t. “You’re the best part of my life. You’re my rock. The only thing in the world that keeps my mind from drifting ashore. You are beyond precious and sacred to me and that’s why I would never want to hurt you.”
“Yeah.” Her gaze dropped to the grass as if she were contemplating something deep. I was about to open my mouth when she said, “You’re always so good with words. Always so romantic... and... I appreciate it but... Monsieur Oster—”
Oh crap! She’s not falling for my shite today.
“I hope you don’t believe me a fool because I know you’re avoiding answering my question.” Her eyes were tensed almost glaring at me.
The school bells saved me. I bolted upright, raised our bags, then offered my hand to her.
“Where do you think you’re going?” she asked with her hands on her waist and a disapproving scowl on her face.
“To class.” I shrugged.
“It’s that uncle of yours isn’t it? I didn’t like him at all. Does he always talk to you like that? Don’t think I didn’t notice how scared your mom is of him.”
Fuck! She’d figured it all out within just one night of dinner. I started walking.
“Don’t you dare walk away from me. You told me you’d confide in me one day and now that we’re married... you’re still hiding stuff from me.”
I didn’t dare peek behind me, but I knew she was following me.
“Killian,” she called. With both our bags in my hands, I hurried. The world swept around me, blending. My heart drummed loud in my ears, begging for me to slow down. She can’t know about Uncle Ricard.
Protect her.
I can’t let her near him.
I can’t tell her.
At the entrance to the school, I stopped and leaned against the concrete wall, barely holding my body steady.
My gasps for air were too loud. Students paused to look at me as they walked in pass me.
I was drained beyond belief just from making her chase me.
My forehead was too wet with sweat and my insides stabbed.
She took her bag from my limp hand while studying my state.
I knew I must have looked like death to her because that’s how I felt, as if I was dying.
I was glad she didn’t mention going to the nurse’s station although this time, if she did, I would agree that’s what I needed but then I felt something had changed.
“You said you’d never hurt me,” she whined in almost a whisper.
Agency took over me, widening my eyes at the pained expression on her face.
She was pouting and giving me those deadly puppy eyes which were filling up with tears.
Magdalena never cried about anything. What have I done?
This cursed day. “And I wouldn’t.” I shook my head, blinking fast with my mouth agape at our state.
“This hurts Killian. You not trusting me hurts. I thought I was your best friend. You told me once that’s what friends do, trust each other...” She paused. “And I’m left to imagine the worst is happening to you.”
Whereas before I’d thought her spicy attitude delicious, something for me to enjoy, and not take too seriously, in that minute I felt guilty and hopeless. I embraced her.
“I’ll tell you one day. I promise on my life, I will. Just not today.” By the time I released her, I found a tear sliding down her cheek. It stabbed me that I’d done that to her.
“I’m so sorry,” I apologized as I dried her cheek with my thumb. I’ve never been this sorry about anything else in my life.
The tardy bell rung.