61. Bailey
61
Bailey
Saturday
A n alarm went off somewhere in the room. I tried to move but quickly realized I was pinned. I didn’t freak out, since I had woken up at some point in the night, saw I was in the guys’ room, surrounded by them, and then fallen back asleep.
They hadn’t moved, well, except for Ethan. He now had one arm under my head and his other across my chest. Chase was right; he really was a snuggler. Chase had his fingers threaded through mine, holding them close to his chest. Nolan was draped over my abdomen. I could feel a wet spot on my shirt where he’d drooled and tried not to laugh. Lachlan’s head was on my hip, which was a bit uncomfortable, but he’d wrapped his arm around my thigh, with his hand resting under my ass cheek, and it was so comfortable I didn’t want him to move.
Ethan stretched and grumbled, moving off me and searching for something. He finally grabbed a pillow and smacked Chase in the head with it. I chuckled as Chase moaned. “Your alarm,” Ethan growled.
Chase didn’t let go of my hand as he felt around for his phone and turned the annoying alarm off. “Breakfast is in twenty,” he mumbled into his pillow.
“Does Beth know I’m here?” I asked. “I don’t remember coming down. I should go see her.”
“She knows.” Lachlan was the first to sit up, but slowly, they all followed, all staring at me.
I sat up and pulled my legs in, pushing my knees up to my chest.
“We think you were having night terrors last night. You were crying and talking.” Nolan’s voice was soft, and instead of getting defensive, I found myself relaxing.
“Tell us what set you off,” Ethan demanded.
“No.” I scrambled to get off the bed, but Lachlan got up on his knees, blocking my exit and holding his hands up.
“Babe, if you tell us what happened, we can help.” His eyes were puffy, red rimmed.
I let out a steady breath. “I’m not ready.” I wasn’t. I had to figure out a plan first. There were so many what-ifs and different scenarios as to what would happen.
“Does it put you in danger?” he asked.
“No, not now.” I moved around him and got to my feet. “I need to shower,” I mumbled, mainly to myself. “What time is it? Breakfast? We have an early game and a long drive back, so we should get moving soon. Did Coach say breakfast was in that conference ballroom place again—”
“Stop.” Chase got up, standing in front of me. Shit. “Cut the bullshit, Bails, and tell us what is happening now.” His eyes were on fire.
Lachlan got up. “Chase, you can’t force her to do shit.”
“Bailey, do what you want. If you need time, we can give you time.” Nolan’s voice was still gentle.
Chase and Lachlan were now going head-to-head. “Back off, O’Riley,” Chase warned.
I left. I ran out of the room and took the stairs right beside it. I was already up a flight when the door downstairs banged open. “You need to face your problems, Bailey!” Chase called.
“I prefer to run from them!” I yelled back. The hallway was clear when I got to my floor. I knocked on the door, and Beth opened it, already dressed in her cheer outfit. I quickly walked inside and to the balcony door just as Nolan pulled himself up over the balcony ledge. I locked the door and yanked the curtains closed.
I spun around, leaning against the glass door. It probably wasn’t the nicest thing to do right now, but I had to focus. I needed to clear my mind so I could play today, then once the game was over, I would tell them. Everything. No more holding back.
Beth, Jules, and Trish all stared at me with wide eyes. I let out a breath. “Phew, those stairs are killer. Are we heading down for breakfast?”
“Bailey!” Grace’s voice traveled to me as I walked through the hotel lobby with Beth and Trish.
“Grace!” Lachlan’s little sister ran at me, embracing me in a hug. Her red hair was pulled into two braids. She wore a black shirt and a black-and-silver skirt, our school colors. The freckles on her cheeks were covered with my jersey number in black and silver. I grinned, looking at my first fan. “Where’s your parents?”
“Over there, talking to Lachlan. I wore his number yesterday, but he said it would be more luck if I wore your number today.”
“Well, then, you need to complete the ensemble, because we need all the luck we can get.” I pulled off my letterman jacket and held it out to her.
“Really?” She took it, pulling it on. “So cool.” She hugged me again.
I laughed. “Are you hungry? Come eat with us.” Gracie was in her glory having breakfast with the cheerleaders. I kept some distance from the guys, not on purpose. It was clear Gracie was more the cheerleader kind of girl and definitely not going to join football, no matter how much her family loved it.
It wasn’t long before we had to clean up and get ready for a warm-up. I promised Grace I’d see her out there, and then we were off, back to the fields.
I was staring at my hands as chaos broke out around me. I couldn’t bring myself to get on the field. I couldn’t bring myself to look up at the players. I couldn’t bring myself to listen to Coach. I was choking, big time.
“I didn’t take you as a benchwarmer,” Chase said.
I looked up at him. “I keep getting in the way,” I admitted. “I know I’m good. I know I can play, but I’ve messed up every play we’ve done so far. What’s the point?”
Chase knelt before me. “The point is, the play isn’t done until the ref blows the whistle. The point is, the game isn’t over until the end of the fourth quarter. The point is, Bailey McCormick, for every play you’ve fucked up, you’ve made two or three that were flawless. You can’t expect to get it every time, but you can’t get it at all if you’re not out there.”
I took a deep breath and nodded. He was right. I couldn’t let the team down. “What if he’s watching me?” I asked.
“Is that what this is? You think he’s watching?” Chase stood up and held out his hand. “So, let him watch. Let him see you fucking conquer the field, Bails. Let him see how untouchable you’ve become. How strong you are. Let him be afraid. On the field, he’s a nobody. On the field, he doesn’t matter. He doesn’t exist.”
I took Chase’s hand and looked around. Nolan was getting his leg iced; he had been playing off and on, still injured but working through the pain. I had to do the same. “Just like the pitts?” I asked Chase.
He squeezed my hand. “Just like the pitts.”
On the field, I was untouchable. Ed couldn’t reach me, no matter how hard he might try. I was more focused than the day before. I ignored the cameras and felt the grass beneath my cleats. I was here to win. For Nolan. For Chase. For Ethan. For Lachlan. For the sport that brought us together when we had fallen apart. For the sport that gave us focus and purpose.
I became fierce, and I prayed he saw. I hoped he was scared.