Chapter 5
FIVE
HAVEN
After dodging Tabor’s texts and phone calls for three days, I finally decide it’s time to put my big-girl pants on and meet up to tell him that whatever we were doing is over.
It’s only fair to him, and despite him being a little weird the other night, seeming jealous, I do feel bad that he may have caught feelings.
After all, I know what it’s like to feel something for someone who clearly doesn’t feel the same in return.
A coffee shop seemed like an appropriate place because even though a big part of me feels like Dallas is full of shit and trying to push me away from his teammate for reasons I don’t understand, I also am concerned that there’s some truth to it, and maybe Tabor really is a jealous psychopath.
He can’t kill me in a coffee shop …
Oh, and Gigi and Harley are sitting in the corner booth in the back of the café.
I keep my hands wrapped around my cup, letting the warmth seep through to my fingers. The temperature dropped today with the rain, and it’s straight up dreary out. I glance at the clock, knowing Tabor should be here any minute.
As if on cue, the door opens, making the bell ring, and in walks Tabor wearing sweatpants and an NEU football hoodie. His hair is a little wet coming from outside, making it stick to his forehead. When he sees me, he smiles and walks my way.
I debated ordering him something, but if he’s already clingy, won’t that make it worse? He’ll think I care more than I do. So I decided getting something for myself only was the safest bet.
He doesn’t order or look at the menu. Instead, he comes right to the table, sitting down across from me.
“I’m so glad you called, babe,” he whispers, and my stomach churns when he calls me that. The way he’s looking at me right now, his eyes full of unmistaken adoration, I know I let this thing between us go on for longer than I should have.
When he reaches across the table for my hands, I pull them back. His eyes flash with hurt, and his head rears back the slightest.
“What? You aren’t happy to see me?” he utters, his eyes suddenly darkening. “I thought you missed me too.”
I’m shaken from the realization that this relationship had to have meant a lot more to him than it ever did me, and I feel guilty, knowing his feelings are hurt.
“Tabor,” I say softly, biting down on my lip. “I’m so sorry. I thought—I thought we were just casual. And I think, maybe you misread the situation?”
He takes a deep, angry breath. I’ve seen the look in his eyes once before, but it was when he was defending me.
At least, that’s how he explained it. I was at a party with some friends, and I saw him fighting.
He told me there was a guy talking about me in a really degrading way, and he shut it down.
I thought he was my friend for doing that.
“Misread the situation?” His voice is eerie now, chilling me to my core. “You coming over every night, fucking me and then staying over. You think I misread that?”
I feel sick, not knowing what to say or do.
“We were hooking up. And back this summer, we even talked about how neither of us was looking for anything serious, but that we were both lonely.”
“That was before!” He slams his hand against the table, startling me and the other few people around us, though he doesn’t seem to care. At least, not for a moment until he closes his eyes and inhales. When his eyes open again, he seems relaxed.
“I know we said that, but then we started hanging out a lot more. We even went to dinner a few times. You’d come over, we’d hook up, and sometimes, you’d fall asleep in my bed.
” He’s whispering now, his voice so much softer than before.
“Haven, I’m … I’m falling for you. I know I said I’m not that guy.
But look me in the eyes and tell me you didn’t feel the shift. ”
I know this is cruel and it’s going to hurt him, but I don’t care. I need to draw a line. No, I need it to be a freaking fence.
Leaning forward slightly, I straighten my shoulders and sit tall.
“I am so sorry, Tabor. But no, I didn’t feel the shift.
I thought we were on the same page, and I feel terrible for my part in letting you believe differently.
’’ I sigh. “But it ends now, okay? What we had or didn’t have … it’s over.”
In the short time we’ve been sitting here, Tabor has gone from sweet, to angry, to desperate and now … almost childlike. His eyes grow wide, and his lip trembles.
“You … you feel it, Haven.”
“No,” I say boldly. “I don’t. I promise, whatever you’re feeling, I do not feel the same.”
And in a split second, his energy shifts to angry again.
“Yes, you do!” he slaps his hand down. “You let me fuck you, Haven. You looked into my eyes while we both fucking came. I know you fucking love me too.”
And just like that, I’m speechless. Because the love word isn’t something I thought I’d hear. And he’s bringing up our sex life in a public place as some sort of weapon to use against me to help him prove a point.
Scootching my chair backward, I slowly stand.
“I am so sorry if I hurt you, Tabor. That was never my intention. But I am telling you right now, I didn’t feel the same way you did, and the sex didn’t mean anything more than that to me.
” I attempt to steady my heart. “Please, leave me alone. This is over, and I would appreciate it if you kept away from me.”
Before he can say anything or get out of his seat, I dart from the table.
The sound of his chair scraping the old wood floor scares me, but when Gigi and Harley quickly rush to follow, working as a shield, I peek over my shoulder as we exit, taking in the sight of him just standing there, frozen as he watches me leave.
Once we’re outside, I try to stop the nausea from coming, but truth be told, this whole encounter has me more scared than I want to lead on.
“I’m so glad you guys agreed to come,” I say with a sigh as we walk along the sidewalk. “I can’t believe I didn’t realize how insane he is until now.”
“Sometimes people are just good at hiding their ugly sides,” Harley utters, sliding her arm around me, and Gigi does the same on the other side. “You can’t beat yourself up over that.”
“She’s right,” Gigi says softly. “And before you get down on yourself, just remember that you were more than honest with him from the beginning in terms of what the relationship was and wasn’t. It isn’t your fault that he chose to see it as something else.”
“I guess,” I say on a sigh. And even though I know I’m being crazy, I can’t help but feel someone’s eyes on my back. The sensation makes me cringe, and my heart flutters, but not in the good way.
I’m sure I’m just being paranoid. Tabor will get over it. Hell, that was probably for show. Maybe he already is. I hope, anyway. Because to be honest, today made me more uncomfortable than I would have ever expected it to. And I saw a side of him I hope I never come face to face with again.
DALLAS
I sit across from Coach as he studies whatever’s in front of him. He texted me an hour ago, telling me to come see him. I already knew what it was about before getting here. I guess I just hoped for a little more time before it became a problem.
Grades. Apparently here at NEU, no matter how good of a player you are, you can’t be failing your classes.
Dropping the paper onto his desk, he pinches the bridge of his nose.
“Dallas, why didn’t you tell me you were struggling? I could have assigned you a tutor before it got this bad.”
“Sorry, Coach,” I mutter, averting my eyes downward and fidgeting with my fingers.
Ever since they adopted me, my mom and dad have done everything they can to help me keep up with my classes.
When they knew I wanted to play for a Division 1 university, they put in so much of their own time to help me in school.
But I’ll never be smart enough to maintain the grade point average I need to all alone. And I fucking hate that.
“This isn’t good,” he whispers. “This isn’t good at all.”
“Yeah, I know.” I swallow, dragging a hand over my hair. “I … I just don’t think I’m smart enough to be in college.”
“You were in college last year!” he practically roars. “And your grades were fine!”
The back of my neck grows warm, and now, it’s even harder to look up at him. I can’t tell him the truth. I can’t admit that last year, I had friends who basically did my work for me. They made it so I passed. One of them was best friends with a TA, and that made it even easier to cheat.
If I told him that—it would jeopardize everything.
“I … had a lot of friends who were willing to help me do better,” I say, figuring that’s enough truth to not be considered a lie.
“Here, it’s different. I have Noah, but he’s busy with his own life.
” Noah has to work really hard in school to keep up, but Coach already knows that.
Either way, he doesn’t have time to also help me just because I’m a moron who, up until fifth grade, was absent more times than not.
“You have your parents. You have me,” he barks.
“Fuck, kid, you know Anna would help in a heartbeat too.” He pauses, and when my eyes dare to find his, I feel even more like a coward.
“And Haven? You know, your childhood friend and my daughter who’s abnormally good in school!
” He leans back in his chair, pulling the brim of his hat downward before shoving it back up chaotically.
“Why in the fuck wouldn’t you at least ask her? ”
I think I grimace without being able to stop myself even at the thought alone of having to go to Haven and tell her that I’m really fucking dumb. Even picturing the sympathetic expression she’d flash my way is enough to make me want to burrow under a rock.
“I know,” I whisper. “I just … didn’t want to ask her for help.”
For as long as I’ve been with my parents, Haven and her family have known that I’m trash.
I came from it, which makes me the same.
Sure, my new mom and dad may have polished me up and ridded me of the dirty nails, long, greasy hair, and clothes two sizes too small.
That is true. But at the end of the day, I’m only polished because they saved me.
Underneath it all, I’m just a dirty, poor, broken kid.
I can’t bear the thought of her also knowing that I don’t have a working brain.
His teeth tap together over and over again, and his eyes narrow to slits as he stares me down. I know I’m not going to like what he has to say. I’ve been around Coach enough years to understand how he works. He’s one of the funniest dudes I know, but when he’s pissed … yeah, look the hell out.
“Well guess what?” he grumbles. “It’s too late for that now.” He grabs his phone from his desk. “She may not be tutoring anymore, but she’ll do it—because it’s you. And if anyone is going to help you out of this hole you’ve dug yourself into, it’s her.”
He looks down at his phone for a moment before dropping back to his desk.
“You know what?” he says sharply. “You’re going to be the one to call and ask her.
Because this is your mess. You better just consider yourself lucky that I’ve gone to bat for you and that the athletic director has agreed to give you a few weeks to get your shit together and raise your grades.
” He shrugs somberly. “After that? You’re off the team.
” He jerks his chin up. “Now, take out your phone and call your friend Haven. And you ask her fucking nicely to help you. You hear?”
Inside, I’m dying. The fear of her thinking even less of me has me frozen—unable to take my phone out and do a damn thing. But I know the team needs me. Last year, they lost their starting quarterback and are counting on me to fill his shoes.
I can’t let them down.
My hands are sweating, my mind racing. But finally, with his eyes unmoving from me, I take my phone out. And I call Haven.
It rings twice, but then it goes to voicemail. I swallow harshly, knowing that she silenced me.
“She didn’t answer, Coach,” I murmur, holding my phone out.
“Try again,” he demands. “This time, put it on speakerphone. I want to make sure you aren’t fucking with me.”
Sighing, I hit her contact again, calling her before I hit the speaker button. Once again, it rings a few times before the call is forwarded to voicemail. I’m sure as hell not asking her for help in a voice message; she’d use it to haunt me for the rest of my life. So instead, I end the call.
She hasn’t talked to me since I gave her a ride home, and she wasn’t exactly thrilled with me that night, even though I don’t know what she expected me to do—sit back and watch her get more involved with that weirdo?
Fuck that. I hope like hell she broke it off with him, but knowing her, she probably did the opposite just to spite me.
“All right, well, obviously she’s busy or just doesn’t want to talk to you,” he says, looking at the clock. “I have to go to a meeting.”
I stand up quickly, taking that as a cue to get the fuck out of here. But before I have a chance to bolt, his deep, intimidating voice stops me.
“You better have tutoring arrangements set up with her when you get to practice tomorrow afternoon, Rivers.” His words are followed by a threat. “If not, consider yourself off the team until further notice.”
Looking down, unable to face the disappointment in his eyes, I nod subtly. “Yes, Coach. I will.”
Turning, I walk out of his office. My phone feels like a heavy brick in my hand because I know that I need to call her again, even though she clearly doesn’t want to talk to me.
I’ve always felt so insignificant in her presence. Now … I might as well just be fucking invisible.