Chapter 22
Tobias
It had been a long fucking night, and Tobias needed to welcome the Fade like never before. Once Rion had transported the unconscious angels to the Outer Realms, and ferried all the servants to their places of residence, he and Will returned to the penthouse.
Tobias checked in with O’Brien and Althea, and organized feeders for when he rose. At last, he could finally return to his bedchamber.
Kitty lay exactly as he’d left her, lying on one side facing away from the door.
He tried to gauge the chill in the room, regretting that he hadn’t thought to ask an underling to light a fire in the hearth across the room.
It made no difference to him, Undead did not feel the cold.
However, Kitty’s Holy body did. She would take longer to recuperate if her body temperature was not at an acceptable level.
He went to the armoire for a second blanket and draped it over her.
A few minutes of fussing ensued as he did his best to make her comfortable.
Regret pulsed through him as he wished he hadn’t needed to drain so many angels.
The Savior had spared as many as he could and Tobias had needed them all.
There was nobody left to finish Kitty’s healing.
It didn’t matter how much he reminded himself that her own healing during sleep would make a substantial difference. He still harbored guilt over her initial injuries. Self-blame would not dissipate.
She seemed to be settled and sleeping soundly.
As he stroked her hair a couple of times, he came to the conclusion he really had done all that was possible.
Wearily, he crossed the room and sank into one of the wing-backed chairs by the fireplace.
Kicking off his shoes, he lifted both feet onto the ottoman and tried to find a suitable position.
“Are you really going to Fade in that chair?”
Both eyes flew open and his gaze lifted to the tiny angel in the bed, who was staring right at him. “Is that a problem for you?”
“No,”
“I could take a different room I just didn’t want to leave you unprotected. At least if I’m here and something happens to you, it will pull me out of the Fade.”
“You also could have had someone take me to the Outer Realms, where my safety would have been guaranteed.” Bemusement danced in her cerulean gaze.
“I…” For a moment, Tobias thought he’d made a terrible mistake. Then, he pulled himself together. “I needed you close by because most of the angels are unavailable.”
“What?”
“Look, it’s been a fuck of a night. I oathed one of the original kings, and it was touch and go.”
“You did what? Have you gone completely mad?”
“Well, try to reserve your anger for after I’ve oathed another one. It was a test to prove to Marquez I could do it. Marquez is the one I really need to oath.”
Her lips formed an o-shape.
“I wasn’t trying to be a jerk; I really did bring you in here so I would be close enough to help if you needed it. We came close to losing you tonight.”
“I know,” her voice had lost a great deal of vibrancy. “Not my first rodeo, remember?”
Tobias recalled the tale Uriel had told of a much younger Kitty, coming within an inch of death. It really wasn’t her first rodeo. He took his feet off the ottoman and rested an elbow on each knee. Pinching at the bridge of his nose, he silently counted to ten.
“This has really affected you,” she observed with compassion.
“Yes, and if I’m going to be of any use to anyone tomorrow, I really need to enter the Fade.”
“In that chair.”
The fact she’d made it a statement instead of a question suggested a deeper meaning, but his brain refused to connect the dots. “Kitty, I’m tired. I don’t know what you’re trying to say.”
“This is the hugest frigging bed I’ve ever seen in my entire life, and I weigh ninety pounds soaking wet. Get your ass over here and Fade properly.”
He stared at her, wide-eyed with shock. “You want me to share a bed with you? Goddamn it darlin’ I’m trying to respect the boundaries you set.”
Kitty snorted. “Just get over here before you really do Fade in the chair.”
Lips pressed together and brows pinched, he got up and walked over to the edge of the bed.
When she said nothing, He peeled back the fuzzy blankets and climbed in, fully clothed.
As he made himself comfortable, he kept casting side glances in her direction.
The last time they’d been on this bed together, he’d tried to kiss her. Alarm bells were going off in his head.
“Relax Tobias, I’m not about to rip you to shreds. I told you to use the bed.”
Lust stirred, but it brought so much more with it. Long forgotten emotions fought for precedence, but he forced them to retreat.
“Damn it Rion, could you let the rest of us get some sleep. Save the hot and heavy for after we save the world hmm?”
Tobias hadn’t meant to project the thoughts to Rion and didn’t realize that’s what had happened until he got a reply.
“I am not certain what you are doing at the palace, but I was sleeping until you woke me. How dare you imply I would put everyone at risk, not to mention I need my sleep as much as you do. Why are you not in the Fade?”
“I’m fine, it’s fine, everything is fine. Nothing to worry about.” Tobias quickly severed the link.
What is going on? While his desire throbbed against the confines of his pants, it was the least concerning sensation. Heat and pressure filled his chest. He’d been consumed with lust before, based on a physical attraction. This was different.
This was physical attraction magnified a hundred times, chased by a cacophony of emotion trying to burst free. He felt as though he might pass out in a way that had nothing to do with the Fade.
“Tobias,” Kitty said softly. “Holy shit, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”
“You didn’t know what?”
“I should have seen it sooner, but I don’t think you even understood it yourself. Lust, especially this kind, cannot grow where a connection does not already exist.”
His heart felt like it might explode in his chest. Why was he so overwhelmed? What the fuck was wrong with his body? “What are you talking about?”
“I’m an empath, you great doofus. I can sense what you’re feeling even if you haven’t figured it out yet.”
Usually, such a retort would have been laced with sarcasm, but not this time. What was going on? The Fade prickled at the edges of his consciousness. Tobias fought it hard. He had to understand this sensation wreaking havoc in his body, and had to figure out what Kitty was talking about.
His brain had been blanketed in a thick fog, and his body had stopped cooperating. He stared at her, bewildered and unable to make sense of anything.
Kitty’s fingertips met with his cheek, followed by her palm. Little electric tingles rocketed through his soft tissue. They’d made contact before; it had never felt like this.
“I was wrong,” she said, gazing at him through half-lidded eyes, her expression nothing but kind. “You didn’t ruin it at all.”
Oh Savior have mercy. I have feelings for her, and I think she just validated them.
His eyes closed and the Fade began to take him. Fuck…
He didn’t realize something had gone wrong until Kitty started mumbling.
Usually, when the Fade claimed him, Tobias felt nothing at all.
He gradually lost the connection to his physical form, until his mind slowed down enough that it stopped processing thought.
It was very similar to sleeping, except that he didn’t dream, and it was near impossible to be woken.
Only the strongest vampires could rise before dawn, and it took something as significant as one of his subjects or servants being injured.
Tonight, the full disconnect from the In-Between didn’t happen.
Kitty was mumbling, and while he couldn’t open his eyes, or move a muscle in his body, Tobias could hear it perfectly. The odd situation should have bothered him, but all he could think about was trying to understand the words she was saying.
“How could he have feelings for me after all this time?” She muttered.
“I’m not prepared for this. My heart belonged to him while he was still alive, but he was married.
He had two beautiful little girls. It was inappropriate and I buried it.
Then he became Undead and turned into a complete jerk.
Ugh… all the death he caused, the torture he inflicted…
It was easy to convince myself I didn’t love him anymore. ”
Clearly she didn’t know he could hear any of her rambling, or she would never have said any of this. Tobias fought with every ounce of his being but he could not make his body move or his eyes open. Worst of all, he couldn’t speak.
She huffed out a great sigh and continued.
“Now he has to go and grow a fucking conscience and start trying to save the freaking world and do the right thing. Even that I could get over. But, feelings for me? Damn it. This changes everything. He didn’t ruin it, but I might.
” Her voice grew soft at that last sentence.
Damn it! He needed to talk to her. What kind of torture was this?
A half Fade? Being subjected to her private anguish was intrusive and felt like eavesdropping.
She would be mortified to know he had heard any of it.
He almost wanted her to stop talking, as it would have been so much better if they were having a real conversation face to face.
However, it was like a radio station that refused to stop broadcasting, and he found himself unable to stop listening.
“Ugh. Why can’t I sleep? I need to recharge. I need to be at my best, or I’ll be no good to anyone.” She sighed again, and the rustling of blankets could be heard. “I shouldn’t do this, it’s wrong. He’ll never know, right? I’m not going to do anything, just lie here. Holy shit he’s so cold.”
Is she… snuggling? If he’d been able to, he would have smirked at the situation. He would also have given anything to ‘feel’ that moment.
“This legitimately feels like I’m getting cozy with a dead body.” She giggled a little and fell silent for several seconds, before mumbling a barely audible I-love-you.
His first thought upon rising at dusk should have been about the status of those under his protection, Marquez, and the angels. Instead, it was the knowledge Kitty had gone. She could have been anywhere; the palace, the penthouse, the Outer Realms…
All that mattered was that she wasn’t in the bed. The last moments before the Fade flashed into his head, followed by Kitty talking to herself, and it all got stuck on repeat.
What is wrong with me? There is too much at stake to be indulging in this fucked up frivolity.
He grabbed a change of clothes and headed for the shower. For the first time, the scalding spray did not indulge him in a temporary facade of mortality. He couldn’t lose himself in the moment at all, his mind remained fixated on Kitty.
The more he digested the night before, and words said, the more it became clear. This was not a simple attraction, and had nothing to do with pleasures of the flesh. His heart wanted her, and it was mutual. Damn it. This is bad, this is really bad.
Dressed and out of excuses, Tobias strode back into the bedroom, fighting to get his head back in the game. Is that even possible at this point? How am I supposed to concentrate on what needs to be done? I should have Faded in the damned chair.
In the hallway, he found six feeders waiting. They tittered nervously, but fell into a military-style line as soon as they saw him.
“Follow me to the throne room, I’m going to feed while we get our meeting underway,” he said gruffly.
A short distance away, Will was walking towards him. “Oh hey,” Will said. “I was just coming to find you. Rion’s gone to get Westergaard, but everyone else has assembled in the throne room.”
“Awesome. You lot go ahead, I’ll be there in a minute,” Tobias told the feeders. He waited until they’d hurried off before turning back to the angel.
Will arched a brow. “Is everything okay?”
Tobias winced. “I’m not sure.”
“What the fuck, Martelli? What did you do?”
“Technically, nothing. I think.”
Will’s unimpressed look cut deep. “Who did you sleep with?”
“I didn’t sleep with anyone! I’m trying to find Kitty.”
The angel stared at him for a long time. “Damn it, I’m not an idiot. Rion is going to lose his shit. You know that, right?”
“I didn’t sleep with her. For fuck’s sake, she was recovering from a near death experience, and I entered the Fade soon after going to bed.”
“...With her.”
Tobias growled. “I’m not talking about this with you anymore.”
Why did Will have to be so damned perceptive? He started marching toward the throne room. Will didn’t even try to keep up.
“She’s already in there, just saying.”
Tobias whirled around. “You couldn’t have mentioned that sooner?”
“Nah that would have been far less entertaining. You really do go from zero to a hundred faster than most people take a breath.”
“Jones, I’m about to smack you upside the head.”
“Excellent, now you’re ready to address the masses.”
“What?”
Will grinned from ear to ear. “You were a complete dog’s breakfast when you first left your bedchamber. Now you’re all riled up, which is exactly what we need.”
“You’re an asshole.” Tobias stormed off.
“You’re welcome!” Will called, then dematerialized.