Chapter 33
Tobias
Someone came and removed the body from the throne room.
Those who remained, departed and went about their evening.
A shit ton of details needed to be actioned and decisions made.
For now, in this moment, Tobias needed to clear his damned head.
He sat on the throne, slumped to one side, chin propped up by a hand.
Things had started spiraling, and grasping all the threads tying it all together, had become a battle he couldn’t win. If he couldn’t hold all the fragments of burdens which were never meant to be his to carry, what chance did they have?
A plan was one thing, pulling it off was an entire universe away. Everything circulated in his brain like a badly constructed movie he couldn’t look away from.
What if we fail? What if we don’t? I have to keep moving forward. Too many depend on me; I don’t have a choice anymore. How the fuck did I end up in this mess?
“I can practically see the smoke coming out of your ears.”
Startled, he jerked into an upright position, and faced Kitty, standing just a few feet from the dais. “What?”
“I heard about what just went down. I can only imagine the pandemonium going on in that head of yours.” She charged up the steps and sat on an adjacent throne.
“Hmmph,” he muttered absently.
“I ought to kick your ass for impersonating me. I don’t know whether to be impressed at how much your skill has grown, or pissed that you think it’s okay to take what isn’t yours.”
“Take? I didn’t take anything.”
She made a noise of discontent, but the usual fire that accompanied her displeasure simply was not present. “You did too. My identity, Lyla’s, Christo’s. Didn’t your mama tell you it’s rude if you don’t ask first?”
“Yeah, because my mother had any idea that I would be casting glamours four hundred and fifty years after her death.”
Kitty sighed. “Tobias, look at me.”
Slowly, he turned his head. Her cerulean sapphire eyes were clear, and filled with compassion. Her brows were not arched, and her lips did not form their signature smirk. Tendrils of affection snaked their way toward him as she unmasked her empathic abilities.
“I don’t need that shit,” he told her in a pained tone. The truth was, he did need it. He just didn’t think he deserved it. That damned twenty-point-whatever percent of his soul held more regret than most people experienced in their entire lives.
“You’ve put so much effort into discovering what you were capable of, and trying to solve all the problems of the world, you didn’t stop to consider whether you should.”
His brows pinched. “Are you suggesting I should give up?”
She reached for his hand. “Of course not. I’m just saying that the power your body can command and the humanity your heart and soul still possess aren’t necessarily compatible.”
“Fuck.” He groaned and massaged both eyelids.
“I need to know that you can survive this, Tobias,” she whispered.
“How the hell do you expect me to respond to that? None of us know how this will turn out.”
She crawled onto his lap and slipped an arm around his neck. Gently, she cupped his face with the other hand. “You’re looking at this as if it’s black and white. Life and death. But, it’s not, and you need to be prepared for that.”
“What are you saying?”
“There are an infinite number of ways this could end with you victorious, but almost all of them involve death and a lot of it. You need to figure out whether you can live with the aftermath.”
Her eyes, infinite pools of hope and despair in equal measure, were certain to be his undoing. How had she become everything that mattered? He hadn’t prepared himself for this at all. And, if he hadn’t prepared himself for this, she was right about everything else.
What would he do if he lost her? It would break him. Will or Rion? Much the same outcome. On some level, they all knew what they were risking, it was war after all. But my servants don’t. They think they do, but they have no idea of the horrors that could befall them.
“You’re talking about Charisma and the risk I’m taking with Will’s crazy-assed scheme.”
“It is one of many concerns I have, yes.” She kissed his temple softly. “If you succeed and survive at the expense of Charisma or someone else you’ve sworn to protect, can you live with that?”
“I don’t fucking know.”
“You’re also going to need contingencies in place. If you lose anyone under this umbrella you’ve created, it will be like a physical blow to you. How do you plan to replenish yourself before your servants start dropping like flies?”
He massaged a brow. “I’ll figure something out.”
“What will you do to protect the servants? If you place all of your warriors at your side to win the battle, who will protect those who cannot fight?”
Growling in frustration, he turned his face away.
“I’m sorry, but we have to think of these things. If we have any chance, we have to think of everything.”
“Seems like you already have.”
She turned his face back to hers. “I can’t stop thinking about it.
I won’t survive your death, Tobias, and not because you’re my charge.
It will also destroy me if I have to watch you drown in guilt over decisions you were forced to make in an impossible situation.
I’ve seen that happen to you once. I don’t think I can go through it again.
Especially not when the stakes are so much higher this time. ”
“And what of all these innocent souls I’m in danger of sacrificing?”
“You know that will devastate me too. There is no outcome where everything is going to be sunshine and rainbows. This is going to be a fucking bloodbath, and we are doing ourselves a disservice if we pretend otherwise.”
“I can’t even tell if it’s worth it anymore,” he said quietly. “At what point does the cost become too great?”
“I don’t know.”
He reached out to stroke her sleek black bob and paused for a moment. A barrage of memories ran through his mind; of the life he’d had before becoming undead. His wife wouldn’t have wanted him to be alone and miserable for the rest of his life. But what would she think of what he’d become?
“Something I’ve noticed,” she mused as his fingertips made contact and he stroked her hair. “You are always the most contemplative when you’re on the right path.”
A dark brow lifted in surprise. “You tell me that after this morbid conversation?”
“I had to be sure.”
“Oh, you had to be sure.”
She dipped her face for a second, and when she met his gaze again, the smirk he’d grown to love was back. “Someone has to keep you on your toes. Arrogance does not beget success.”
His lips quirked up at the corners. “Arrogance. Mmm hmm. That’s what we were talking about.”
“Promise me you’ll survive.” A fragility crept back into her tone.
“Kitty,”
“Lie to me, damn it.”
As if the stakes weren’t high enough already.
“I will never leave you,” he said, his voice strong and purposeful.
Her eyes shimmered, but she smiled just a little. “Good.”
With both hands, he tilted her face upward and leaned in to kiss her. Softly at first, until her lips parted for him, and lust enveloped them both. Time was of the essence, but if he was going to save their forever, he was damned well going to remind himself what he was fighting for.